Clear and Present Danger : Summer Inman

"Summer Inman filed for a divorce from the her husband in June 2010. According to the divorce filing, he threatened to kill her if she were to leave with the children. Summer also said in the complaint her husband would hide her car keys and cell phone and hold her captive inside their home."

Unfortunately this is a classic case of a young mother moving forward with her life, away from the violence, only to be stopped in cold blood! This is intimate partner violence escalating to the ultimate power and control, murder.

The estranged husband now in jail planned with his parents to abduct and silence the mother of his children. Notice the words at the top "leave" car keys" cell phone" hold her captive" and threatened to kill her." He carried out his plan to kill her.

As I am writing this Summer Inman's body has been found. Police are currently processing the crime scene "just off of U.S. 33 about 6/10 of a mile into Athens County, just outside of Hocking County," in Ohio. The Logan Police Department did an excellent job in alerting the community and keeping the search going on this case.

May she rest in peace. Prayers to her three children and family.

If Summer's determination to leave is not a wake up call to anyone ending their abusive and or stalking relationship without preparing the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and video before they announce it is over, think again!

Once you are threatened, hit, stalked, questioned in a controlling way, a second chance to save your life, is no longer an option.

“If you are reading this and find yourself in a similar situation, know that there are measures you must take before announcing the end of your relationship. These safety precautions can be found in the book, "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship" by Susan Murphy Milano. Don't take things into your own hands without expert guidance.” (Mothers Are Vanishing)

I cannot stress enough, if you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!

One of the major reasons women stay in abusive relationships is fear. They are afraid of what will happen to them and their children if they leave. Sadly, their fears are often justified; statistics show that a woman is at the greatest risk for injury when she announces her plans or leaves an abusive relationship.

The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription, if you will, that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available on Amazon.com, or you can purchase via e-book or on a cd. If you have questions, the email address is: timesupforjustice@gmail.com


Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network onVimeo.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs. http://pamelachapmanl.biz

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

http://www2.nbc4i.com/news/2011/mar/28/7/logan-mother-could-be-seriously-hurt-or-dead-polic-ar-435860/
http://www.abc6onyourside.com/shared/newsroom/top_stories/videos/wsyx_vid_10037.shtml
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-20047905-504083.html
http://www.10tv.com/live/content/local/stories/2011/03/29/story-logan-summer-inman-vigil.html?sid=102

The Lethal Relationship Indicator

The Lethal Relationship Indicator

--Any person who hits their partner is capable of serious bodily harm. Plain and simple, especially a person who is legally required to carry a badge and a gun.

--Choking can be lethal and you can have hidden injuries that can cause death from choking that may not show up for several days.

--A huge indicator...does he/she abuse animals and family pets? Any person who can harm and animal will harm people. Do they hunt with their co-workers or by themselves?
Are they extremely rough with household pets?

--While not all people who drink or use drugs are violent...officers who are violent AND use drugs and/or alcohol can be lethal.

More indicators:
Lethal Indicators For Abusers of the Badge

The Checklist for "Is He/She Lethal?"
The Assessment of how much danger you are in?

You should be advised that the presence of these indicators may mean your abuser is planning to kill you. Do not ever say, "It cannot happen to me." Or, “It’s not so bad”. And violence is not gender specific. Meaning it happens just as frequently as in same sex relationships, it is just not talked about as much. Too many women, like you, are risking your life when you stay, especially if the abuser is in law enforcement.

This means you must take immediate action
to protect yourself!

You must carefully develop a good safety plan that includes the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and video (example below) and found in the book Time's Up so you will be able to describe and document in your own words at the hands of an abusive person.  This could be someone you ended the relationship with and are no longer dating, or in the process of leaving, or have already divorced.

Do not tell the peron you are ending the relationship, seeing a lawyer or filing for a divorce. That may trigger the abuser into harming you and or your children. In most of the deaths that involved officers wives or girlfriends, they were in the process of ending the relationship. And those women were either killed or have never been found.

The abuser knows what to do. You have to know what to do in order to safely leave the relationship when your “GUT” tells you something is very, very wrong. You know the looks, the phrases and the non-verbal body language when something is about to explode within them.

Some Law Enforcement Officers are more likely to kill because they feel they know exactly how to get away with harming you. Consider these factors:

The greater the number of checks below the greater the risk, the greater of intensity of each item the greater the likelihood of a life threatening attack.

Remember, past acts of violence are not always an accurate as predictor of what the abuser will do, the next time. And he has probably warned you enough times to watch it, or else. And you know better than anyone what the "or else" means.

1. He has threatened to kill himself, or you or the children, your relatives. This is considered to be an extremely dangerous situation.

2. If he has ever said something to you in the order of, "you will die before we divorce," or
"You are mine and I will not let anyone else have you.

3. Has he ever cleaned his weapons in your presence, pointed it at you jokingly ?
And then said Ah, it is not loaded.

4. There has been frequent physical assault against you. Especially when they have returned home from their shift? Maybe they are just drunk and angry, maybe, not, but you know when something is wrong.

5. There has been frequent and severe sexual abuse. It may be rape in your situation. He makes up, then tells you he is sorry. But in reality this has now become "the norm" in your relationship.

6. There abuser has seriously injured you. Now what, he is banking on the fact that you will not contact a superior at the job. Maybe he feels he has you right where he wants you, good and scared, in fear for your very life, or the life of your kids.

7. He threatens to takes you hostage. WARNING!
This is a dangerous situation, there is a great chance of homicide in the immediate future.

8. He makes threats against the children.

9. He has had a history of violence with others, either ex-wives or girlfriends .

10. Uses drugs or alcohol abuse, extreme intoxication.

11. He is severely depressed or acute depression with seeing little hope.

12. You have separated from your abuser, he cannot envision life with out you or the separation causes him great despair or rage. Never meet him in an isolated area. If you have children make arrangements for them to be dropped off at the police station after visitation. Never believe them when they ask you to meet with them, alone, without anyone else present.

13. Suicidal threats, attempts, or plans.

14. He has acted out part of the homicide or suicide fantasy, he may be totally invested in killing as a viable solution to his problems.

15. If he idolizes you, or depends heavily upon you to organize, and keep his life together, and has no friends, but you.

16. Access to you, if he knows where he can find you then he can kill you, if he cannot find you then he does not have access.

17. If you have made prior calls to his unit or department supervisor, you have probably angered him. The more calls you make the greater the risk. This includes the calls you should have made but did not for fear of being killed or hurt further.

18. When he does not care if he gets arrested, not scared of going to jail, or not care if he loses his job.

19. He has an explosive temper and is violent inside the home. He isolates you each time there is an explosive episode between the two of you.

20. Obsessive about appearances to those outside the home or relationship.

If you have questions please do not post them on the blog instead email them to murphymilano@ gmail.com

The holidays can be traumatic  The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction is now offering private consulting on violent relationship strategies and other services available especially over the holidays. These sessions are designed for those involved in divorce proceedings, child custody or office related domestic abuse and stalking situations. To schedule your appointment CLICK HERE

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

[Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/  She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold.  

Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth  http://www.therothshow.com/ ]

Who Murdered Irma Rodriquez?

“I am a family member and am extremely disappointed that the case has gone on deaf ears. I took Irma in the first time when husband tried to kill her and advised her to be strong and continue her life without him, but sometimes fear wins. Unfortunately, my dear niece is not here. Her keen spirit, those special memories, contagious smile and strength in God will live on in our hearts. I hope other women are reading this article and take seriously their current situation if there is any violence. Get out while there is time!”


In June of 2009, Irma Rodriguez, age 45,mother of three, was discovered in the trunk of her car. She had been shot dead. Just 3 days away from finalizing her divorce in Cook County, IL.

Norberto Rodriguez, is the "poster boy" of an dangerous and violent offender. During the couple's fifteen year marriage, orders of protection were filed, police were called to the home and Irma lived in fear for her life. In 1997, Norberto Rodriguez was charged with attempted first-degree murder after an argument in which he was accused of shooting Irma in the hand. Norberto was acquitted of the charges, but lost his job as a Chicago Police officer as a result. And in 2002, Norberto was arrested in connection with transprting heroin. He plead guilty and was sentenced to 52 months in federal prison and was released sometime in 2007.

As a victim of abuse Irma Rodriguez knew that if did not do as she was told by
Norberto, she would end up dead. Some people who knew her might question why she did not divorce him while in federal prison when she had the chance. It is not that easy. First she needed a plan and she was raising their children. Just because her husband was in jail did not necessarily equate to freedom. Even behind bars he controlled Irma with others on the outside. Norberto had strong ties to the street gangs and he made certain Irma knew her activities were always being monitored.

Since her murder, no one has been arrested. And according to sources authorities have no wtinesses to the crime. Perhaps if police released a photo of Norberto Rodriguez maybe someone would recognize him. Or if police decided, as they should, that Norberto Rodriquez is the only person with motive and he needs to be brought in for questioning. But to date the case is as dead as Irma Rodriguez was when her body was pulled out from the trunk of her car.

Maybe someone from the family can contact me to move this case from a cold metal file cabinet and into the light where it belongs, Irma's case could be solved. I can be reached at murphymilano@gmail.com

Waving Goodbye to Denise Pauly

It is a small town where people wave and say hello because they know you by sight and name. On Saturday in Burlington Kentucky, Denise Pauly, 40 would no longer be around to wave at her neighbors. She was not going to pick up her children at her mother’s home after work.

Early on Saturday morning when Denise did not arrive at her place of employment her employer and co-workers panicked. Something was wrong.

The store where she worked contacted the sheriff’s office because Denise’s estranged husband was violent and had been stalking and threatening her life. The call immediately set off a search in this small community. And like so many small town communities across the country they are not trained to properly handle dangerous violent crimes. Many of the small town police departments receive no more than 5 hours of training during their entire career as police offices in the area of preventing intimate partner homicide.

Denise was taken hostage by her husband early that morning where he held her against her will for several hours in the woods. According to a call I received within 24 hours of the incident, police failed to get out of their police cruisers and help Denise Pauly. The witness said they saw officers who just sat in their cars and did nothing to save her. Early Saturday afternoon a shot rang out and Denise was killed instantly. Seconds later another shot went off inside the woods. Dean Pauly was found with a gunshot wound to the head he died the following day.

 
The children ages 5, 9 and 14 now orphans will not be celebrating the fourth of July holiday with their mother eating hot dogs and potato salad. They will not walk in the town parade carrying flags and dancing to the beat of the marching bands. Instead the children will be attending their mothers wake and funeral.

For the remainder of these children’s lives the 4th of July holiday will arrive like an unwelcomed guest. And maybe when they are old enough to undstand what happened that afternoon someone can explain to the children why the police sat on their respective behinds and did nothing to save their mother.

Former White House Staff Dismisses Dangers of Domestic Violence & Attempted Murder

Fred Fielding, Farren's former boss in the White House counsel office, said, "This report is sad and stunning, and completely out of character to anyone who knows or has worked with Mike."]

The remarks by Fred Fielding regarding the character of Former White House Counsel is a common theme among co-workers and buddies of an abuser. Fielding's Public Relations staff have totally disregarded the safety and welfare of Mary Farren [pictured to the left]and her children. Notice that there is not one word mentioned as to the safety of Mary Farren. That shows true ignorance. It clearly indicates the unwillingness to see that Mike Farren committed a felony, a serious criminal act. Just because a person "thinks" they know someone only deepens the wounds for victim's of abuse across the country. Maybe Fred Fielding can't read or thought that beating one's wife "severely" is acceptable because "it's a private matter."

This was also kept fairly quiet until the cowardly abuser appeared before a judge on Thursday. And if Michael Farren was not the "one time power boy on the hill" serving under two administrations this would never have reached sites like poltico.com and the huffington post.

Mary Farren did not have a safety plan prior to serving her husband with divorce papers. In my expert opinion, that was her first mistake. She likely thought in showing the abuser she was taking control of her life and leaving the "explosive environment" he wouldn't dare harm a hair on her head. But, Mike Farren became enraged like all abusers do when they have lost control and within 48 hours Farren tried to kill his wife by beating her with a flashlight and choking her. Mary Farren, was beaten so severely in her home that she was knocked unconscious and lost vision, according to authorities. Mary was luckier than most women in her situation she managed to sound an alarm and flee the house with her two children.

Another insensitive comment :"We are saddened to hear the news," said David Sherzer, spokesman for George W. Bush. "This is a personal matter and we will not be commenting on it."


How about taking a firm stance that domestic violence and attempted murder on ones' wife or girlfriend is a crime? Or he deserves to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law? I have an idea perhaps they would like to introduce my books and materials and provide them in every county across the country when a victim of violence has a court order of protection and or divorce papers served. That could have prohibited the police being callled and a "buddies wife" being choked and beaten within an inch of their life.


Sadly, all the money on the planet will not keep a victim of violence safe without a comprehensive plan prior to leaving. Alerting an abuser you are leaving while still living in the home is like handing an explosive violent offender a loaded gun!

"Killing me in the Courtroom" on The Susan Murphy Milano Show

When a woman makes the painful decision to exit a violent marriage and does not have the opportunity to plan a course of action the outcome can be devastating. The strength required to end the nightmare of abuse can break not only bones but, mind and spirit. And for many in violent relationships like Stacy Peterson, Susan Powell, Renee Pernice, Rachel Conger, Lisa Stebic and others once they announced the decision to leave they were never heard or seen from, again.

On The Susan Murphy Milano Show today is Claudine Dombrowski a noted expert on Mothers Without Custody and Katie Parks a mother from Ohio currently in divorce court and in my opinion, with a manipulative and abusive estranged husband.

DATE: January 13, 2010

TIME: 3:00 PM Central Standard Time

Live call in Number: 347-326-9337

Show Link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

If you are unable to listen live, return to this site and the show will automatically play. Just remember to turn on and up the volume on your computer.
To email us with comments or questions, to be considered as a guest on a future show we can be reached at [email address] murphymilano@gmail.com

"Suddenly"

This holiday season while we are enjoying our precious time with friends and family, and counting our blessings, there is one home where Mom won't be fixing Christmas dinner or tucking her children in as she reads to them the story "twas night before christmas" to her precious angels.



That woman was Lisa Stebic.

Lisa as many women who have "suddenly gone missing" was getting a divorce when she vanished. Craig Stebic,has yet to be charged in her disappearance, he was the last person to report seeing his wife April 30, 2007.

The missing woman worked her normal shift in a nearby elementary school cafeteria and was home when her children arrived from school. Craig Stebic has said he saw his wife leave the house carrying only her cell phone and purse. He reported her missing the next morning. Doesn't this have a familar tone? She left with her cell phone and purse?

Lisa Stebic would never have left without taking her children.

A mother, sister, aunt, neighbor, friend who belonged to a family that loves her. I am asking everyone to keep her in your prayers this holiday in hopes that she is found.

The family put together a remarkable video.

"It's very difficult knowing that she's out there somewhere but that we cannot put her to rest as we need to do." http://www.findlisastebic.com/

Silence!

The entire month of October has been designated "Domestic Violence Awareness Month." I am not certain tagging 31 days out of 365 days is enough.

Think about for a moment. Women are killed 365 days a year, 24 hours a day. A month seems insignificant for such an epidemic. At a time when funds are being erased from city, county and state budgets a greater task is at hand to teach those caught in the crossfires within their own homes to find a way out of the toxic environment with their lives in tact. This is becomming virtually impossible when the legal system is not equipped to handle the revolving pleas for services at courthouses across America. From seeking a court order of protection by a judge, police response and enforcement of current laws to divorce and custody matters. This dyfunctional legal system is, in the end as abusive as those allowed to get away with crimes in homes across the county.

I could give example's where death could have been prevented for Amy Lictenberg's boys Jack and Duncan, Renee Pernice, Kathy Savio, Theresa Parker, Lisa Stebic, Renee Pagel, Annette Suzan Sowders-Fuller, Linda Yancey, Mary Jane Zich, Kelly Currin Morris, KellySue Ackernecht, Sonia Garcia, Tara Chavez, Stacy Peterson and the thousands of others in this war as they paid the price of silence with their lives. Nothing any of us do will bring these people back. And ignoring that we have a major crisis in the war against violence is like spitting on the graves of those murdered. But, that is what we have done as a County. With a broom and dust pan society has neatly swept these crimes down to the darkside of the basement.

The issue of domestic violence has no national platform. We have no one in Washington to lead the charge for change. I am at the place where I began more than 20 years ago, still holding out my hand asking for help in this epidemic of silence.

Moving Out, Moving On: The Book that Saves!

In Honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Author and Expert Domestic Violence Strategist, Susan Murphy Milano, is offering her innovative book, Moving Out, Moving On at a discount to anyone who is in a violent relationship, or knows someone who needs to safely move away from abuse.

This book is available in quantity for agencies, shelters, coalitions and any other organizations who deal with victims of abuse.

For the month of October you can order a hard copy of the book which includes a CD of all of the important forms you will need to use. The hard copy (for $15 including postage) can be ordered at the following email:

contact@imaginepublicity.com

Include your name, address and quantity and you will receive a quick response with further instruction.

If you would like an instant EBook copy it can be ordered by going to this link:

CLICK HERE

The Ebook also includes samples of forms to use, as well.

Moving Out, Moving On will not only save you thousands in dollars, it could very well save a life!

Through clear examination, simple forms and worksheets, Moving out, Moving on , logically takes the reader through all the necessary preparation and information gathering to effectively seek legal redress, protect one’s assets and credit, address considerations regarding children, define alternate living arrangements, and deal with the myriad of financial problems and concerns surrounding a divorce or break-up. Moving out, Moving on, also addresses in detail abusive relationships, domestic violence and stalking and how to safely confront these situations.

Moving out, Moving on , is more than a simple workbook, but a true plan to take control of one’s life and face the future head on. This is not just another “divorce book” written by a so called “expert.” Moving out, Moving on, is authored by a person who truly knows…Susan Murphy-Milano

"Moving Beyond Murder" Exclusive Interview with Amy Leichtenberg

The last time Amy Leichtenberg saw her two boys alive, something was not right. The father of the children was acting strange when they met at the police station. Amy refused to hand over her boys on March 7th, 2009 an officer threatened her if she didn't give them to their father, she would be arrested according to her lawyer.

That moment will be forever etched in the mind of Amy Leichtenberg, her children found dead at the hands of their father 3 weeks later.

Although the wounds will never heal, the loss can never be replaced, Amy Leichtenberg is on a mission to change a civil and criminal legal system whom allows dangerous parents to have access to their children. Where poorly trained "persons" are making decisons in family court across the country without taking into account the dangers associated with mental heath evaluators, appointed lawyers for the children (G.A.L.) judges and law enforcement turning their heads to this rising epidemic.

There are no adequate words to convey the courage and strength Amy Leichtenberg has shown in just a few short months. She will be our guest for the entire hour in an exclusive interview this week on the Susan Murphy Milano Show where we will also take live calls.

If you have a question for Amy and are unable to call in please email me at contact@movingoutmovingon.com and it will be read on air Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Show Time: 4:00 PM EST 3:00 PM CST 1:00 PM PST

Call-in Number: (347) 326-9337

Show Link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

If you miss the show it will replay automatically right here on this site all you have to do is make sure the volume on your computer is turned on and up.

"Anatomy of a Divorce" next on The Susan Murphy Milano Show, Wednesday August 19, 2009 at 3:00 PM Central Time

Today on the Susan Muphy Milano show we will discuss the serious issues that arise in custody, abuse, financial matters, legal pitfalls and court orders, before, during and after a divorce .

Attorney Jennifer C. Weiss of Weiss and Associates can be reached through her email address at: jcweiss@weissandassocs.com

We will take your questions live during the show. The first 10 callers with questions pertaining to divorce will receive a complimentary copy in PDF format of the book "Moving out Moving On, when a relationship goes wrong" a divorce workbook.

Date: Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Time: 4:00 PM EST/ 3:00 PM CST/ 1:00 PM PST

Number to call into the show: 347-326-9337

Radio Show Link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

If you are unable to listen to the show, it will automatically repeat and play here on this site until next week. All you have to do is turn up the volume on your computer and listen.

Plan "B"

Suzan Annette Sowders-Fuller stood on her ranch in Bakersfield, California, crossed her arms and shook her head in disbelief, on Monday August, 3, 2009 when her estranged husband bonded (for the second time) out of jail paying a measly $750 to be back out on the street only to continue terrorizing his wife and kids. As of Monday last week there were 8 police reports for breaking a court order of protection; slicing tires, breaking and entering; verbal threats of death over the phone; taking a container of diesel fuel and dousing the house. The kicker, on Wednesday August 5, 2009, Robert Fuller was visiting as scheduled by the courts with the couple's 2 daughter's ages 8 and 5.

Robert Dale Fuller was allowed to continue supervised visitation with his children. Why wasn't he behind bars? Where was the district attorney? Why wasn't he charged with several felonies?

Could it be that no one took Suzan's cries for help seriously because she was going through a divorce? We will never know.

On Saturday August 8, 2009 at 2:25 a.m. a frantic call was placed to the police by the 8 year-old child, "please she screamed, help us, help us, my mommy, my grandma have been shot, hurry, hurry someone please hurry."

In front of both children Robert Fuller shot to death Suzan and her mother Sharon Cannon.

A spokesperson from the Sheriff's Department told the local news reporter they responded to a "domestic dispute." What no one knew at the time and I learned this morning, was the system refused to do its' job on many levels in this case.

At the conclusion of the article it reads "Sheriff urged anyone experiencing domestic violence or abuse to seek professional help."

The system appears to serve as nothore more then a light post for your street address as they approach the crime scene, respondong only after someone has been murdered by their violent husband or boyfriend. It is obvious for anyone experiencing violence in a relationship, or going through a nasty divorce, plan "B" is a survival requirement or they may not survive to see a new sunrise.

Part 2 of this post is tomorrow.

Don't forget to mark your calendars for the Susan Murphy Milano show on Wednesday, August 12, 2009 at 3:00PM central time as we talk about this case with a family member and Claudia Dombrokski from Mothers Without Custody, including what women must arm themselves with to survive the abuse. The question of the day is: Are you interested in planning for a funeral or a new life?

Self-Defense on Privacy: The Susan Murphy Milano Show-Wednesday 3:00PM CST

On the Susan Murphy Milano show we will have Detective Mike from Opt Out Detectives discuss Identity theft as it pertains to your children, in a divorce or custody situation and if you are in fear for your safety, how do you protect yourself? How do you keep your personal information safe?

We will also take your questions live on the show. I suggest you have your questions ready as you spend the hour learning how to be safe.

PROTECT YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION FROM THOSE WHO WOULD DO YOU HARM!

Date : 7/29/2009

Time: 4:00 PM EST 3:00 PM CST 1:00 PM PST

Call-in Number: (347) 326-9337

Show Link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

_______________________________________________

Join us Tonight on Juror 13's show Hosted By Denny Griffin join Anny Jacoby and Susan Murphy Milano as we discuss verbal self defense strategies and how to be safe in any environment.

Time: 9:00 PM Eastern 8:00 PM Central 7:00 PM PST

Denny Griffin- and Jurorthirteen.com on Blog talk Radio
Show Link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dennisngriffin

Call in with your questions or comments at 646 478-0982
Check out his BLOGS! http://dennisngriffin.wordpress.com/
To check on upcoming shows or comment on Denny's show... Click Here!

Safety and Personal Protection

It is rare when we see a hostage situation conclude without the loss of lives. Last week Nancy Tyler was taken at gunpoint from her place of employment. Her estranged husband ordered her to drive to the couple's former home with a gun pointed at her from the back seat.

Nancy Tyler had filed for divorce and her violent, controlling husband was not going to allow her to end the divorce with her life. There is a lot to be learned from what Nancy Tyler did that day for 12 hours.

First, she remained calm. She followed his orders. She didn't raise her voice or try and argue with him. What she did do was continue talking about anything and everything. Police and the swat team were outside and he was also speaking with a news reporter by telephone demanding police stay away from the home.

During those 12 terrifying hours, he handcuffed Nancy Tyler to an eyebolt in a basement wall; told her the house was rigged to explode, and repeatedly held a gun to her head while he recited countdowns to what was to be her death. Nancy took the split second when he was distracted and ran out a small door down in the basement to safety.

Nancy Tyler's quick thinking during the entire ordeal and many prayers to God is what saved her from being killed. In many cases where were read news stories of tragedies it is difficult for victims to remain calm. A technique not often taught or used in one's self defense of their lives.

Thinking like the offender, abuser, and criminal is often an important technique that either buys time or as in Nancy Tyler case saves lives.

Recently, I had the opportunity to listen to several 911 tapes of abuse victims who ultimately lost their lives. In those calls while the phone was on as the woman was running for her life you could hear the chaos and fear just before shots were fired. In a few of the calls perhaps if they had been calmer or been able to divert the shooter the outcome might have been different. I am not suggesting one method or another would have changed the tragedies. I am asking that we look at applying self defense training and strategies using words as an additional way to remain alive.
In cases where you are going through a divorce and the children is in the home what safety techniques have you considered practicing? Maybe the person has threatened to kill you and believe he won't hurt me with his kids in the house. Think Again!

A person who has threatened your life for ending the relationship or marriage has no problem taking everyone out with them.

Hostage negotiators are often successful at getting people to surrender because they have been trained. And in my 20 years as a trainer I implement various techniques that have kept a woman and her children alive. If you are in an abusive relationship it is time that you begin to implement and practice strategies to keep you safe. Listen weekly to the Susan Murphy Milano Show or send in suggestions on what you would like to know and we will feature you and or the information on the show. Email address is contact@movingoutmovingon.com

And as my colleague Anny Jacoby teaches: PERSONAL SAFETY/SELF-DEFENSE IS NOT USED TO FIGHT........IT'S USED TO DEFENDNo excuses, Time's UP!

The Dangerous Custody Game of Show and Tell

Janet filed for divorce about year ago, from her abusive and controlling husband. He would always attack Janet usually with his fists while the kids were asleep.

In her case because he was in law enforcement, Janet felt strongly that obtaining an order of protection was not an option. She had a false hope and sense of joy and relief once she moved out with her kids. Similar to many women leaving their abusers, feeling as though once the legal tie is cut and they leave with their lives like an empty suitcase, magically everything will be wonderful.

Janet did not consider the children and the potential battle ahead with visitation, safety and custody. Her former husband did not have much interaction with the children, until now, when the game of show and tell is important for the court appointed mental health evaluator and the children’s guardian ad litem to see the loving yet, dangerous father.

Now her husband views himself as an excellent father per the number of support letters sent in to the mental health evaluator by his employer, friends and relatives. Janet scratches her head in disbelief asking why strangers, most of whom she or the children has never met. are sending letters on behalf of her husband’s parenting skills. Letters from people who have only seen a photo of the boys on a desk in a squad room or as it accidently fell out of his wallet at a bar while reaching for cash. “Suddenly this dangerous man whom I am trying to break away from desires and is fighting,” says Janet, for 50/50 custody including being involved in every decision from after school activities to driving the kids to sleepovers. Janet, like so many other women, is discovering this is not a good thing for she or the kids.

Silently, when only she can hear, he leans into her neck and whispers "remember, tell death do us part baby, wise up or the only visits you will receive is the flowers on your tombstone."

Instead of the freedom she anticipated, Janet finds herself still shackled to her abuser permanently. Her abuser is now monitoring and controlling her life through her children with the assistance of professional paid strangers. (This is an example of the 1,500 emails we received from our show on June 24, 2009 to listen just turn up the volume on your computer and it will automatically play on this site)

On Wednesday, July 8, 2009, at 3:00PM Central Standard Time, join us as we discuss the dynamics of Mother’s Abused by Abusers with a helping hand from the legal community with Janice Levinson from Mothers Protective Alliance and Taylor's mother who has been fighting the system as thousands of other mothers for her children.

Email address: Contact@movingoutmovingon.com

Private Matter is A Pubic Epidemic

This past week 2 more families were torn apart by bloodshed. One family in Virginia a father and husband fatally shot his wife Bonnie Carter, their 29-year old son William Ronald carter Jr. and another son 22-year old Timothy Carter shot twice but he is expected to survive. Then William Senior set the house on fire before committing suicide. I should also mention the father had called his son home who was attending college. Police say they are investigating a motive as if they need to write something other than intentional homicide in their jacket file before the case is closed. For the son who remains behind, the haunting moments will play in his mind like a needle stuck on a record player, as he walked down the basement steps lured by his father just before he was shot. This nightmare will be more than he can bare as he embarks into a world of his own without family or a place to call home.

On Sunday evening in Connecticut a father and husband James Morrin shot and killed 43-year old Alice Morrin who just happened to be an assignment editor at local FOX affiliate FOX 61 and had recently been promoted to executive assistant to Hartford Courant publisher and FOX 61 general manager. The two children in the home during the shooting were found safe and unharmed.

The children whom grow up in violent households do not know what it means to live their lives free of fear. To dream about their future or the family they will themselves have someday. For these children raised in a war zone it is not part of their reality.

Both Bonnie Carter and Alice Morrin kept the secrets of their war a private family matter. Women, mothers and girlfriends are not trained in life saving strategies nor are the given tools that could very well save their lives. Family violence is not perceived as a crime, until we actually have a crime scene. And then of course police as in each case have to investigate the motives behind killings. Reports and law enforcement speak to neighbors who always make the same statements about “what a quiet couple” or this has never happened in our neighborhood before.”

Now Vice-President Biden has appointed a domestic violence Czar. Perhaps the new Czar will keep an accurate body count. Who knows, we might actually see real dollars going towards those who need it most, the victims!

Susan Murphy Milano: Breaking My Own Chains of Fear

Suddenly, the divorce was being contested. The son’s father had a new expensive attorney representing him. She wondered how he could afford a four hundred dollar an hour attorney from the largest law firm in town.The woman was summoned to court on an emergency order filed by her husband’s lawyer. She could not figure out for the life of her what was happening. In court, both of their lawyers filed their appearances on behalf of their clients.

Immediately, the judge ordered the case sealed. The court determined she was a public figure, and it would not be in her child’s best interest if people had access to their personal information. The judge without a hearing granted the removal and temporary custody of her son to his father. The mother was devastated as any parent male or female when their own flesh and blood is ripped from their hearts.

They left out the courtroom, the woman asked to speak with her son’s father for a moment.“Why are you doing this? We had an agreement.” He smiled. “Had, meaning past tense.

We no longer have an agreement. All I am going to tell you is watch your back. You have pissed off a lot of people in this town who want to see you go down.” He excused himself and left.
Later that day, the woman met privately with someone from city government, hoping they would be able to provide answers to her questions.

“You have not only embarrassed the city, you cost them a tremendous amount of money in assisting families by filing wrongful deathlawsuits on their behalf.” “What are you talking about, she asked?” “You heard me,” said the city official.“Who is behind this?” she demanded to know.“I am not at liberty to disclose details. I will tell you that you better re-think how you are assisting your clients. Make sure you have release forms indicating you are an advocate, not a lawyer and signed by every single client. "Cause lady they ain’t finished with you yet." Lay low for awhile. I would not do any media interviews if I were you. Tighten your seat belt, you are in for a bumpy ride” The woman thanked him for his time and left. The woman’s divorce had turned into another war.

She had no strength left to fight this battle. Her son, like so many man and women who lose custody of their children as another way to manipulate and control their victims was now a casualty of the cruel and common tactics often used in divorce as one parent attempts to send the other out for slaughter. This experience was similar to what the woman witnessed while helping others to whom she had provided assistance, watching while abusers continued to victimize women and their children, as they were ending the relationship with the person. As with all battered women her emotional mental stability became a major issue before the judge in court, due to accusations from the son’s father, citing that she had grown up in a violent household and how her father had killed her mother in 1989. Yes, the woman I speak of is me.

“She’s crazy!” the lawyer said during the next status hearing in court, using newspaper articles about me advocating for other victims and my parents’ death certificates to make his irrelevant point. He waived them like a flag in front of the judge. Proving his ignorance of victimology he exclaimed “your Honor, we ask the court to consider the public life lived and led by the plaintiff.
She speaks, lives and breathes her parents’ tragedy. At this time we feel it is in the best interest of the minor child and his safety to ask that continued temporary custody be awarded to my client, the child’s father, until such time as Ms. Murphy-Milano can be seen by a psychiatrist to determine her fitness as a parent. Additionally, we have filed a motion with the court ordering a mental health evaluation.”

In disbelief my lawyer said “Your honor, I object. The only harm being done to the minor child is this child's father denying access to his mother. If council is so insistent on a mental health assessment, then I respectfully ask the court for an evaluation on Mr. Milano,” responded my lawyer. I sat at the table with my attorney, stunned by the lies from my son’s father. My attorney objected to the motion, saying there was no basis for the allegations the other side was presenting. “Conveniently taking what my client does to help others is not a valid reason to deny visitation or remove custody. Your Honor, the respondent has manufactured lies, there is no proof to back up these outrageous allegations,”said my attorney.“It’s best for the child that we err on the side of caution,” responded the judge. The judge ruled that both my son’s father and I schedule mental health evaluations with a person chosen by the courts. In the meantime, no decision would be made as to when I would be allowed to have visitation with my son. The judge wanted to wait until after the mandated evaluations.

I knew this process could take months. It was clear my son’s father was angry with me for ending the marriage, and he was going to use my son to teach me a painful lesson. Denying access to my son was devastating. Now I was in the same boat without oars to row, like many other women to whom I had provided assistance. More importantly, my son was a helpless pawn in his father’s sick game. With the tables reversed, I was alone. I had similar feelings when my mother died. My son had been ripped away from me. I knew where all of this was headed and I wanted no part of it. I was unable to fight both the legal system and now my son’s father.

Whoever was behind this master plan wanted me out of the way. The words my son’s father used in court were like daggers thrown at perfect aim, straight at my heart. Because the court records to my divorce had been sealed, any hope of regaining visitation or custody of my son was sealed as well. The powers that be knew the media would have no access to the divorce case file. And would likely not investigate what was happening in the divorce proceeding because the proceedings and records were closed off to the public.The legal system and the political machine were punishing me for refusing to play ball. The divorce was final with custody issues in reserve to be revisited at a later date.
Suddenly, I did not feel worthy as a mother. I questioned my faith in the legal system and in God.

People use fear to silence other people. For nearly 20 years that tactic has worked on me, until now. Pandora's box has been opened and without my knowledge. The 1993, seal on my divorce lifted and the contents now open to the public for which I have provided a link HERE for anyone interested. (Case Information Cook County, Illinois, Summary for Case Number 1993D012470)

I only learned the file was unsealed after receiving a phone call from a person from another State where I resided from 2000-2006. My son's father was well aware that I moved back to Illinois. And I have documentation of our correspondence from my son's father at my Cook County, Illinois, mailing address. Once again he has used a back handed method to have a legal case proceed without my knowledge. I was not legally or properly served. It also shows on the court docket computer screen that I "participated" in a few hearings which makes me wonder if my former husband had a woman in court pretending to be me?

Fear should have died with my father. Instead the power of the secrets that have held my heart in chains die as I press this send button, now.

Stay tuned to part two of this series "Disabling Secrets Empowers Our Truth" Monday, June 15, 2009.

All But My Soul

(The Connolly Children)

I was asked to consult on a horrific case of a small child whose severe bruises and cries for help through our lovely and thoughtful court system fell on deaf ears.

If you are a parent or a family member of someone going through a nasty divorce or custody battle, I am asking that you pay close attention to this post.

I sat in a conference room watching a video tape of a small child. Happily playing about the house, that is until the doorbell rang. When the adult answered the door and the child sees who is there, piecing gut wrenching screams come out of this child in a way I have never heard before.

"Please Mommy. Mommy. Don't let him take me, please, please help, help it goes on and on for what felt like forever, it was hard for me to be composed as I watched a father take the child up over their shoulder and out to the car. This was not a child over reacting who didn't want to go with daddy. This is a child who feared for their safety, without exception. The tapes included two solid months of video visitation. On this last visit the child returned with severe bruises. You would think the first immediate contact would be the Illinois Department of Children & Family Services, no it would not. The agency is overburdened, no excuse, but it is and in this case the child is too young to specifically give details upon this return visit or any other according to the child welfare worker when the mother tried to make out a report with the agency.

Next step was a forensic child abuse specialist. There are few experts available in the area of child forensics and the waiting list for an appointment takes months.

Throughout this ordeal the mother had been contacting the child's attorney referred to by the courts as a "guardian ad litem" a fee based attorney who is appointed by the courts to represent the best interest of the child or children in divorce cases. And the child's attorney never returned a single phone call to the mother during these two months.

If a mother does not turn over a child where there is court ordered visitation, parent (any parent) will be in violation of that court order and subject to a court fine and arrested.

It took a lot of phone calls and visits to the court house, the old, who you know, not what you know to have visitation temporally suspended. And in this case the child's lawyer had heard the phone messages and decided to sneak a motion in the back door to have another person pick up the child for visitation, this motion has now been overturned. And for the time being the father's visitation has been suspended, pending further investigation.

I do not know how much investigation, if any, is required when you have such strong evidence, but at least he is prohibited from seeing the child, for now anyway.

The child's attorney was just trying to save his sorry butt, instead of protecting the minor child. This is just one single case out of hundred's of thousands that take place in divorce courts across the country.

Yes, I realize there are disciplinary systems in place to deal with incompetent lawyers, but, a system such as this is poor at policing and monitoring themselves throughout the country.

In a divorce where their are children, the first priority should be the welfare of the wee ones. Case after case, clearly that is not happening and it is getting worse as we have seen in the murders of Duncan Connolly age 7 and Jack Connolly age 9, murdered by their father during visatation.

Some things you can do: No matter what your attorney says, make sure you are at each court appearance, even when they tell you it's just a status hearing. You are paying for a lawyer to represent you, You not paying for foot shuffle and lip service that does not represent your best interests.

Create a phone log with a time and date of everyone your leaving message as it pertains to your divorce or custody case and what you said oin a message or to an actual voice.

A simple idea would be to create a log on your computer email it to yourself and then print it off. This is important, it will show the dates and times of each contact and activity regarding your case.

If you suspect child abuse, call the child protective agency in your state and make a report over the phone, Be sure to get the name and extention of the person with whom you spoke.

Next contact your lawyer, explain what you believe is happening. If you feel your not getting anyplace, take the child to your family doctor, or call around to hospitals and ask for a doctor who specializes in abuse cases, if possible. If there are marks on the child take pictures and or use a video camera. Your cell phone may also take pictures consider using that and emailing to your computer.

It's also very important to remain as calm as possible, be patient during this process.

Do not take matters into your own hands and stop visitation let the professionals handle the alleged allegations.If your lawyer is not addressing your needs, not responding or representing you properly, begin looking for a new attorney.

Do not be afraid of the legal system. Do not let your attorney bargain out your life, it may not be in your best interest, only in theirs, as is with many cases.

An excellent book on the subject is "All But My Soul, Abuse Beyond Control" buy Jeannne I. King, PhD. She will also respond to emails and is often hired as a consultant in these cases where child custody and abuse are suspected. Her Website is: http://www.allbutmysoul.net/

I have committed a legal taboo. I do so only for the sake and safety of the children. Disclaimer: I, AM A LAWYER. The Information I have provided is based on my opinion and experience only. It is not to be taken or used as legal advice. It is purely for information to assist you in making informed decision. Please seek proper legal advice from a lawyer.

Author of "Defending Our Lives" (Doubleday), and "Moving Out Moving On" when a relationship goes wrong