What About the Children? The Susan Murphy Milano Show Wednesday August 25, 2010 at 4:00 PM EST

Join Lavinia Masters founder of The S.A.V.E. (Sexual Abuse Victim Empowering) an organization empowering victims of sexual abuse/assault, rape, incest, molestation and relationship violence through the Word of God, prayer, mentoring, counseling referrals, organized support groups, meetings, conferences, retreats and campaigns. We also partner with the community non-profit or charitable organizations that also raise awareness and education against sexual and relationship violence and further promote a society free from sexual/relationship violence.

And Gaetane Borders, School Psychologist with the GA Dept. Of Education
President of “Peas in their Pods” Non Profit organiation dedicated to spreading awareness about the issue of child abduction in the African American community. Gaetane also hosts a weekly radio show to highlight issues related to this epidemic.

Show Time: 3:00 PM Central 4:00 PM Eastern

Date:August 25, 2010,

Yo listen tp the show and participate in the chat room, the direct link for the show is HERE

We will take your calls live. The number to call in with questions or comments is:

The number is 347-326-9337

It's Okay To Ask Your Kids Questions

It is likely over the next few days you will be with family and friends during the Thanksgiving holiday. If you have a teenager take the opportunity to have some quality discussions about school, whom they are hanging around with and if they are sort of dating someone find out what is going on in their lives. And if you have a moment please head on over and read the the post titled "Thanksgiving Tradition" by Anglican Priest Charles Moncrief over on the Time's Up Blog.

We never really pay attention or think much about our kids being in an abusive relationship. We tell them to stay away from strangers or never to put their drink down at a party, but, as parents do we ever ask and check in with our kids and their relationships? As a parent, why not consider printing a copy of this off and either sitting down with your teenager and discussing the questions listed below or lightly mention that you saw this on the Internet and thought it might be of interest and leave it at that. Maybe ask about their friends, if they suspect they are in an unhealthy situation at the moment. It's a way to open the door to discussing the topic.

Questions to really look and go over with your teenager:
Print this sheet off and write your ideas in the spaces. You can print this sheet from your browser (by pressing the 'print' button on the toolbar or selecting 'print' in the File menu.)
Write a list of the ways in which you think your boyfriend/girlfriend has been or is being abusive towards you.
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Did you ever stop and think about your boyfriend/girlfriend and what they gain through their behavior? Does it make them a better person for controlling or hurting you? Maybe this is being done in their home and they think this is normal behavior? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
How has the way you are treated made you feel? Helpless, stupid, afraid to tell someone? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
How does or has the abuse affected you - how has it affected your confidence, your relationships, and your school studies or just your life right now.
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
How have the negative messages that your boyfriend/girlfriend has given you made you feel about yourself?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Do you think the abuse has consumed you completely?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
If you break up:
Good points / what could I gain
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
Bad points / what could I lose?
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
If you stay in the relationship:
Good points / what could I gain
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
Bad points / what could I lose?
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
What's your worst fear if you end the relationship right now?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What's your worst fear if you continue seeing this person?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Who can you talk to who could help, a parent, family memeber, school mate, teacher?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What personal strengths do you have to help you keep going?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Have you thought about steps you could take to try to change this situation?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What can you do to feel better and in a safe place (either in the relationship or after breaking up) ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What things can you do for yourself, to feel stronger? (spend more time with my friends, find a job, keep a journal,pay attention to your school work, etc.
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________

Safety and Personal Protection

It is rare when we see a hostage situation conclude without the loss of lives. Last week Nancy Tyler was taken at gunpoint from her place of employment. Her estranged husband ordered her to drive to the couple's former home with a gun pointed at her from the back seat.

Nancy Tyler had filed for divorce and her violent, controlling husband was not going to allow her to end the divorce with her life. There is a lot to be learned from what Nancy Tyler did that day for 12 hours.

First, she remained calm. She followed his orders. She didn't raise her voice or try and argue with him. What she did do was continue talking about anything and everything. Police and the swat team were outside and he was also speaking with a news reporter by telephone demanding police stay away from the home.

During those 12 terrifying hours, he handcuffed Nancy Tyler to an eyebolt in a basement wall; told her the house was rigged to explode, and repeatedly held a gun to her head while he recited countdowns to what was to be her death. Nancy took the split second when he was distracted and ran out a small door down in the basement to safety.

Nancy Tyler's quick thinking during the entire ordeal and many prayers to God is what saved her from being killed. In many cases where were read news stories of tragedies it is difficult for victims to remain calm. A technique not often taught or used in one's self defense of their lives.

Thinking like the offender, abuser, and criminal is often an important technique that either buys time or as in Nancy Tyler case saves lives.

Recently, I had the opportunity to listen to several 911 tapes of abuse victims who ultimately lost their lives. In those calls while the phone was on as the woman was running for her life you could hear the chaos and fear just before shots were fired. In a few of the calls perhaps if they had been calmer or been able to divert the shooter the outcome might have been different. I am not suggesting one method or another would have changed the tragedies. I am asking that we look at applying self defense training and strategies using words as an additional way to remain alive.
In cases where you are going through a divorce and the children is in the home what safety techniques have you considered practicing? Maybe the person has threatened to kill you and believe he won't hurt me with his kids in the house. Think Again!

A person who has threatened your life for ending the relationship or marriage has no problem taking everyone out with them.

Hostage negotiators are often successful at getting people to surrender because they have been trained. And in my 20 years as a trainer I implement various techniques that have kept a woman and her children alive. If you are in an abusive relationship it is time that you begin to implement and practice strategies to keep you safe. Listen weekly to the Susan Murphy Milano Show or send in suggestions on what you would like to know and we will feature you and or the information on the show. Email address is contact@movingoutmovingon.com

And as my colleague Anny Jacoby teaches: PERSONAL SAFETY/SELF-DEFENSE IS NOT USED TO FIGHT........IT'S USED TO DEFENDNo excuses, Time's UP!

Georgia's New Sex Offender Law

ATLANTA (AP Newswires) -"Privacy advocates are questioning an aggressive Georgia law that went into effect on 1/1/2009, that would require sex offenders to hand over Internet passwords, screen names and e-mail addresses.

Georgia joins a small band of states complying with guidelines in a 2006 federal law requiring authorities to track Internet addresses of sex offenders, but it is among the first to take the extra step of forcing its 16,000 offenders to turn in their passwords as well."

Will the higher courts rule this new law unconstitutional? Lets hope not. Laws only go so far. It's also up to the parents who children go on a computer without proper monitoring.

Attempting to keep the Internet safe or children is like trying to create a safe play zone on the LosAngeles freeway. It is impossible.

The internet is too large, ever growing, ever changing with more and more regulations this will merely force the sexual predators to be more clever.

The only way to keep children safe while on the Internet is for parents to oversee what their child is doing. A careful, ever vigilant parent is the best form of protection any child can have.

And perhaps pre-ordering a copy of LA Prosecutor Robin Sax's new book.

Police Officer Kenneth Longerbean Disgraces The Badge

Look at this tin badge officer, he enjoys having sex with children. As an officer of the "puke patrol" he continue's to draw a pay check. Longerbeam acknowledged during a plea hearing on yesterday in court that he exchanged text messages with a cooperating witness about having sex with a boy and what sort of acts would be involved. The bozo must resign from his position and will have to register as a sex offender under the terms of the plea agreement, prosecutors said.

A District of Columbia police officer has pleaded guilty to charges that he arranged to have sex with a 14-year-old. Thirty-nine-year-old Kenneth Longerbeam, of Gwynn Oak, Maryland, pleaded guilty to one count of traveling to D.C. to have sex with a minor. He faces up to 30 years in prison when he is sentenced in May 22, 2008.
In the mean time, police Chief Cathy Lanier is seeking to suspend Longerbeam without pay. He has been on paid leave since he was arrested in December. He had been on the force for 11 years. Lanier says Longerbeam's actions are "contrary to everything the department stands for."