Triggers are Signs from Heaven

by: Debra Roberts, Your Full Potential.org

I have made some connections through Facebook lately that have stirred some emotions within me and wanted to write about them. The subject matter is abuse, domestic violence to be specific and getting help. While listening to a radio program by Susan Murphy Milano I became very emotional and began crying. She was discussing domestic violence situations where wives and mothers were being murdered, their children taken away from them and how the ex husband controlled and dominated the women. It triggered something deep within me that I must have buried to survive. Our minds bury or block things because too much trauma at once is debilit ating. It is a coping mechanism for survival. That is what I did and as I heard the show today it brought up memories that need to be reprocessed and dealt with. I recently asked the person who did this if they would go to counseling with me and surprisingly they said they would. I have believed or perhaps needed to believe that the past has been buried, there is complete forgivenss and moving on was the answer and I was finally O.K. That is obviously not the case because triggers brought up the past as though it happened yesterday, which tells me it needs to be truly dealt with.

The fear that I am allowing to control my thoughts right now is the fact that this person will return to the raging person he used to be once in counseling. He says he is not the man he used to be and his actions appear to prove this is the truth, however I am still not sure. This person went through a serious reocurring illness that had a profound impact on them. It was a terminal illness and by the Grace of God they did not die. I believed and still believe that this illness was a gift from God which got the persons attention and was used to change them. However, as I relive some of the trauma in my mind, I truly wonder if it was not buried just like I buried mine? Did the illness become the focus and the abuse get forgotten? Was it ever really dealt with? These are the questions that I need answers to. I know my calling and my purpose is to help educate and empower people who have endured abuse and once I begin speaking out in reference to this, my prayer is that I am free to do this with no retaliation from the person who committed domestic violence against me.

I am still trying to reach my full potential, remember it is a life long process! Today, I became frozen in my tracks as I remembered what I had truly lived through and what I endured. I think I forgot or wanted to forget because it was too painful to remember. It wasn't time to remember it. However, God has chosen this time in my life to deal with this issue so I can help others more effectively. I heard Joyce Meyer once say, "What is buried Alive Never Dies". Obviously the rotting corpse began to stink today to the point that I was forced to look inside and see what was causing the stench. It is time to dig it up and give it a proper burial. With God guiding me and me relying on his Strength, I know I can edure whatever road is before me. I can and will Reach my Full Potential with God. I believe the triggers that caused me to weep today were signs sent from heaven. The signs are meant to slap me in the face so I would wake up and see clearly that it was time to properly deal with it and Truly be Set Free. Jesus came to set us Free and free indeed is what I will be as I depend on God to help me Reach My Full Potential.



"I have learned the secret of being content in any
and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether
living in plenty or in want.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Phil 4:12-13)


The Susan Murphy Milano Show will be addressing the issue of "Mothers Without Custody" with Janice Levinson from Protective Mothers Alliance due to an overwhelming response from listeners. Please join us Wednesday July 8, 4PM EST, 3PM CST on BlogTalk Radio.

Follow the link HERE

Alice Doesn't Live There Anymore

The murder of Alice Morrin, wife mother and former fox news assignment editor was one of the most viewed tragedies of the day. She died on Sunday evening as she was texting a friend for help.

You could feel the fear as Alice says to the friend she is texting, where her children are in the home while she is attempting to escape upstairs as her husband has both a knife and a shotgun in his possession, shouting in anger his intentions to kill her. Alice’s mind no doubt races to thoughts of her 2 daughters hiding, hoping they are safe in the house. We do not know what Alice was thinking, but we do know she was pleading for her life.

We will never know what a woman counting moments like the ticking of a second hand on a watch about to be killed is thinking. Or the days, hours and years building up to a life of fear resulting in an unimaginable tragedy.

This is not a story but a human being who fought for her life literally with her last breath. This is a tragedy most would rather not read or gloss over and pretend they understand what it is like to live and wear fear like a garment of clothing that is virtually impossible to remove. Or criticize and perhaps points fingers in blame thinking “Alice was smart enough” or Alice should have had the sense to get out sooner” or if only Alice had told someone she might still be alive.” If only, if only, if only-are words that have no meaning to a victim of domestic violence often forced into a powerless life. Alice Morrin was in the middle of a divorce, she could no longer live her life in fear. Many women are not prepared as they end the relationship, often dropping their guard down because they feel a false sense of empowerment or security in knowing freedom is around the corner.

Seeking a divorce is dangerous unless a self defense strategy to remain alive is included prior to seeking the services of an attorney or filing the paperwork yourself to end the relationship.

Alice Morrin will never fix another meal for her daughters. Alice will never help her daughter's with their homework assignments. Alice will not be available in person to celebrate her daughters birthdays.

Alice has a new address, permanent residency in a cemetary.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you need a plan, not a cemetary plot!

Moving out, Moving on will guide you through the necessary steps of ending a relationship safely.

You may purchase your copy HERE

Private Matter is A Pubic Epidemic

This past week 2 more families were torn apart by bloodshed. One family in Virginia a father and husband fatally shot his wife Bonnie Carter, their 29-year old son William Ronald carter Jr. and another son 22-year old Timothy Carter shot twice but he is expected to survive. Then William Senior set the house on fire before committing suicide. I should also mention the father had called his son home who was attending college. Police say they are investigating a motive as if they need to write something other than intentional homicide in their jacket file before the case is closed. For the son who remains behind, the haunting moments will play in his mind like a needle stuck on a record player, as he walked down the basement steps lured by his father just before he was shot. This nightmare will be more than he can bare as he embarks into a world of his own without family or a place to call home.

On Sunday evening in Connecticut a father and husband James Morrin shot and killed 43-year old Alice Morrin who just happened to be an assignment editor at local FOX affiliate FOX 61 and had recently been promoted to executive assistant to Hartford Courant publisher and FOX 61 general manager. The two children in the home during the shooting were found safe and unharmed.

The children whom grow up in violent households do not know what it means to live their lives free of fear. To dream about their future or the family they will themselves have someday. For these children raised in a war zone it is not part of their reality.

Both Bonnie Carter and Alice Morrin kept the secrets of their war a private family matter. Women, mothers and girlfriends are not trained in life saving strategies nor are the given tools that could very well save their lives. Family violence is not perceived as a crime, until we actually have a crime scene. And then of course police as in each case have to investigate the motives behind killings. Reports and law enforcement speak to neighbors who always make the same statements about “what a quiet couple” or this has never happened in our neighborhood before.”

Now Vice-President Biden has appointed a domestic violence Czar. Perhaps the new Czar will keep an accurate body count. Who knows, we might actually see real dollars going towards those who need it most, the victims!

One By One 6 women Confront Serial Rapist

As prosecutors will tell you, it is rare when a serial rapist is finally brought to justice where victims are alive and able to come forward to witness justice.

One by one, in a Wisconsin courtroom, 6 women confronted the serial rapist, calling him an animal who should die in prison for attacking them.

"You are nothing but an evil bastard," one woman said.

"I am a different person because of this monster," a second woman said.

"Today is the day you become history. I am taking my life back, and you have lost yours,"
a third woman said.

"I constantly look in my rearview mirror to see if anyone is following me," a fourth woman said.
"All of us victims have to deal with this for the rest our lives," a fifth woman said.

"(He) is a self-centered, self-serving opportunistic criminal," the last woman said.

Michael R. Huber, 33, was sentenced in Rock County Court on Friday to 195 years in prison followed by 60 years extended supervision for six felony charges of first-degree sexual assault.

The courtroom erupted in applause after Huber was sentenced. People stood and hugged. Many cried. One woman shouted to Huber, "Rot in hell," and a man shouted, "Yeah."

Huber admitted to six home invasions and sometimes rapes from 1998 to 2005, but he was only charged in two of the cases, attorneys said. He was arrested in February 2008 after a 10-year investigation.
Each of the women spoke on how the attacks changed their lives.
Raped Aug. 3, 1998, when she was 26—said she hasn't been a patient mother, loving sister or good daughter since her rape. She suffers from constant fear, nightmares, anxiety and self-doubt. She added she has had problems with alcohol and prescription drugs. Its hard to trust people or God, she said, and counseling hasn't helped.

The second victim—raped July 9, 1999, when she was 23—said that night changed her forever.
Relationships seem out of reach, she said, and it's difficult to let anyone into her heart.
Fear is constant, she said. "I don't sleep sound," she said, fighting tears. "I wake in the middle of the night. I lock my bedroom door."

The third victim—attacked Oct. 14, 2000, when she was 33—said her then 7-year-old son saved her from getting raped. Her son called 911, causing Huber to flee, she said.
The boy remembers his mom and sister being in danger, she said, and he remembers making that phone call. "My son is my hero," the woman said. "I want the world to know how proud of him I was that day."

The fourth victim—attacked May 8, 2001, when she was 31—said the incident has made her stronger. "You have changed the course of my life in a matter of moments," she said. "But I want you to know you have not ruined me." The woman, who was not raped, told Huber he is "pathetic," "pitiful" and an "animal." "I hope your own reflection makes you sick," she said.
She asked the judge to lock him in prison for life. "You will never be able to lay your dirty hands on another woman as long as you live," she said. "You will be locked up like the animal you are."

The fifth victim—raped Aug. 20, 2003, when she was 13—said the victims have to deal with their attacks forever. The teen's mother, crying in the courtroom, said her daughter double checks the locks obsessively and remains afraid. She said her daughter is tough, smart and determined not to let her rape change her. She called raping a teen girl unforgivable.
"Michael Huber robbed her of her innocence," the woman said.

The sixth victim—attacked July 27, 2005 when she was 37—said Huber bragged about his crimes and eluding police while in her home. Huber didn't rape her, but he tormented her in a cat-and-mouse game of questions about her life, she said.
Huber appeared in court shackled around his wrists and ankles. He had a shaved head and trimmed beard. He wore an orange jail uniform. He was wearing his wedding ring.
He looked forward and down during most of the hearing.
Huber told the judge and victims he had selfish desires.

"Sex with beautiful women—not rape—was my only motive," he said. "Now I see my few minutes of pleasure has caused you a lifetime of pain."

Huber, his voice quivering, said sorry to his victims, sorry to the residents and sorry to his family, including his wife and young daughter. He said he prays for forgiveness. "My greed and stupidity has ruined lives," he said.

Huber quit committing the crimes in 2005 after getting married and having a daughter according to court documents.

Judge James Daley, while sentencing Huber, said he doesn't believe Huber stopped the rapes in 2005. He said many sexual assaults go unreported. "You, Mr. Huber, should be imprisoned at least as long as these victims are imprisoned," Daley said. "For them, it's a life sentence."

Family Court and the Judicial Murder of Children's Lives

Yesterday, on the Susan Murphy Milano Show we highlighted mothers who have lost custody of their children because the court system in this country is ill equipped to properly deal with family issues involving the safe placement for custody of minor children.

Mental health experts prescribed in court by a judge on a “short list” mandated to determine the fitness of a parent and the well being of the children. What is often not determined is the safety of the child, especially when there are serious issues including sexual abuse, as we heard from Taylor’s mother a case in Virginia that wreaks of cover-up all in the name of winning a sick game called “Maternal Deprivation Abuse”. Imagine a legal system who determines financial matters and legal property disbursements using the same method on human lives under the age of 18 with total disregard for the safety and mental wellness of a child. A legal system taking on the burden of proof and yet throws it in the waste basket under their judicial bench. Sadly, with no regard for human lives and more importantly children unable to defend themselves from two evils the courts and their abuser parent as discussed in Lundy Bancroft latest book.

The switchboard was inundated with calls from across the country from mothers asking for solutions on behalf of the silenced, their own children. After the show the email box filled up quickly because we were unable to get to all the callers woith questions.

One particular note we received on face book happens to be in my neck of the woods in Will County, Illinois. The same county where the trial for Christopher Vaughn is yet to begin for the brutal slayings of Kimberly Ellen Vaughn, 34, and her three children, Abigayle Elizabeth Vaughn, 12; Cassandra Ellen Vaughn, 11; and Blake Philip Vaughn, 8; all of Oswego, were found in June of 2007, shot to death in an SUV in far Illinois southwest. "Neighbors and friends said they were a nice family and a quiet couple."

This of course it is also the same county Drew Peterson was finally arrested for the murder of Kathleen Savio and remains a suspect in the vanishing act of Stacy Peterson. And let us not forget that Lisa Stebic also from Will County going through a divorce has vanished and no one has been arrested. All of these women and in other cases across the country murdered because their abuser’s were not willing to split assets financially, pay child support or allow their wives to move on with their lives. These women fought and lost with their lives all in the name of a system that is like the storybook character humpty dumpty. It cannot be put back together again because it is broken.

The note said: "I know you are an advocate and maybe you can help - Right now in Will County Courthouse there is mother actually fighting for custody of her two little girls that have undergone sexual abuse. She has DNA evidence - Will County Sheriff's police refuse to send evidence over to the DA and she is being given run around. The DCFS case worker is friend of ex-husband's family and refuses to believe that there is anything going on - Basically they want her to recant and submit herself to intensive therapy which is unwarranted... based on her career, lifestyle and children's success from a previous marriage. The action is occurring in Room 300 in the Will County Courthouse- Many wonder how The Connelly children wound up dead... anyone watching in that courtroom can see how awful our family courts can be…."

On Wednesday, July 8, 2009 at 3:00 PM Central Time on The Susan Murphy Milano show will continue the discussion on Mothers losing Custody. Returning to the show are Co-Founder of Protective Mothers Alliance and the case of Taylor and her mother’s fight to regain custody of her daughter lost to a system that denies a mother her rights.

If you would like to email your questions before the show we will try to answer them on-air. The address is kindlivingpress01@gmail.com. Please include the state and city where you live as different laws apply.

We will be taking your calls live at 347-326-9337- Mark computer calendar for 7/8/2009-LIVE!

To listen to the show Mother's Without Custody"turn on the volume on your computer and it will automatically play.

Mother's Losing Custody on The Susan Murphy Milano Show

In April, 2009, over at Women In Crime Ink I wrote about Amy Leichtenberg who filed orders of protection against Michael Connolly more than once after his repeated physical and emotional abuse in the later years of their marriage. Amy filed for divorce that year and moved out of their home. In a 2006, a petition for a protective order against her husband was filed, saying that his "controlling and obsessive behavior" included threats to kill himself and others along with a series of bizarre demands he made of her. Within a 15-month period, Connolly violated the orders of protection 57 times. He killed both children Jack age 7 and Duncan age 9.

Another form of abuse is referred to as parental alienation, but it is “maternal deprivation abuse” that is when a father makes Mommy pay for wanting to leave the relationship. It also happens during divorce in family court. The abusive husband does everything in their power to make mom crazy, unfit, insane and convinces court appointed mediators, judges and mental health experts to give them custody. This goes beyond parental alienation and the children who grow up without their mothers in these cases grow up to a world of hurt, anger, pain and destruction. Or they wind up murdered by their parent.

It is an epidemic. The legal system is enabling an abuser to continue using money, manipulation and control all because his wife wanted away from her violent relationship or to simply end the marriage.

This form of abuse is also called “maternal deprivation abuse” that is when a father makes Mommy pay for wanting to leave the relationship. It also happens during divorce in family court. The abusive husband does everything in their power to make mom crazy, unfit, insane and convinces court appointed mediators, judges and mental health experts to give them custody. This goes beyond parental alienation and the children who grow up without their mothers in these cases grow up to a world of hurt, anger, pain and destruction.

On Wednesday, June 24, 2009 at 3:00 PM Central Time on The Susan Murphy Milano show will discuss this important topic on Mothers losing Custody with the Co-Founder of Protective Mothers Alliance and the case of Taylor and her mother’s fight to regain custody of her daughter lost to a system that denies a mother her rights.

We will be taking your calls live at 347-326-9337.

Meal Ticket was the Verdict-Not Justice!

California laws regarding Domestic Violence are considered strict as opposed to other states. They should be quite complex and carry with them serious conviction penalties. Perhaps the State Legislators should amend the law to include the words “crimes committed by celebrities including sports players” shall be prosecuted.

When you are charged with two felony counts as Chris Brown --(somehow the other one magically vanished in court) -- it is imperative you enter the courtroom prepared with someone like Mark Geragos, a strong defense attorney.

It should not matter that these so called strong domestic violence and stalking laws were passed into legislation because women, mothers and girlfriends found themselves in an emergency room or on a slab tagged at the county morgue.

Yes all the fans can jump up and down screaming victory for their kroner making a deal with the districts attorney’s office by pleading guilty to only one count of felony assault and provided with a free get out of jail card. But this is not a game of monopoly it is real life. I am certain if this happened to a relative or family member you would not be cheering and likely demanding justice. But we still as a society do not see this type of violence between intimate relationships as a potentially deadly crime. Blood, gushing out of Rihanna’s mouth as Brown continued to punch her while in route to the Grammy awards her head held down below the steering wheel as he told her “I am going to beat the shit out of you when we get home” implying this was not the first time Brown solved his manly issues with a young woman half his size and strength with violence.

Chris Brown in court yesterday, head bowed with hands folded like a choir boy as he pleaded guilty looking all manly in his designer threads before the judge.

It was obvious Defense attorney Mark Geragos relationships with the system that included the Judge and District Attorney in Los Angeles showing the world he knows how to aggressively pursue alternative sentencing, for his famous, yet cowardly client.

We witnessed firsthand, a verdict from an industry that sets itself apart from the realities of relationship dynamics. Chris Brown sings for a lot of folk’s suppers and that "meal ticket" was the verdict, not justice!