Special Series: One Woman's Journey

Part 5

Seven days remained until Gina could leave. There were a few melt downs. Robert was monitoring Gina more closely. He checked her cell phone, opened her mail. And she caught him following her while running erands in town. She counted the hours and the days. Gina was having difficulty eating and sleeping. Each night she go over her plan either on the 10 inch computer notebook she had hidden in the book case in the den or run it through her mind.

A bombshell of sorts dropped when a close friend nearby called to say there was a death in family and she would be gone for a week unable to take her to pick-up the rental car.

Gina thought as she drove over and got her friends car keys. The car was in need of a part so Gina told Robert she was going to have the car serviced for her friend and then use it to pick up Kathy at the airport the following week.

In a moment of weakness she thought about telling Robert of her plans she was tired of sneaking around it was stressing her out. But something in her gut told her to be silent and move forward with plan B.

Gina’s back up plan was to drive over to her friend’s house have someone take her to the airport to pick up the rental. Then drop off the rental in the alley of her friend’s house and drive the car back home. In the morning before she was to pick up Kathy, Gina would switch out the cars taking the rental to the airport drive back and tell Robert Kathy rented the car. But that plan blew up when Robert came home after work that evening questioning the unusal car behind her friends house. Gina decided not to flinch and she not react to Robert's inquiry.

Three days before the move Robert and Gina fought. “You are up to something, I don’t know what but you are" yelled Robert. A credit card company called today asking for you by name to verify an address change. Gina looked him square in the eyes and said “that’s ridiculous.”

“Don’t you dare leave I will come after you; I love you so much I won’t know what to do with you.” Again,Gina did not react . Instead she replied it was a mistake. “Maybe someone was trying to steal her personal information that is why she pays extra to have the credit fraud on her account.”

On Tuesday Gina met another friend who took her for the rental car. When she returned Gina placed a call from her friend’s home to make changes to her address with a bank and her credit cards. Gina knew Robert could call in every one of her credit cards once he learned she was gone and report them stolen or lost as many abusers will do making them unusable.

But that was something Gina already figured Robert would do. She was just trying to have at least one good credit card to use for emergencies.

Gina was also prepared for Robert to contact the State police and report her missing. He was a lawyer after all and capable of doing almost anything. At her friend’s home Gina typed a quick letter on the keyboard and printed it out for Robert. Then she folded it and placed the envelope in her boot. In the letter she told Robert the marriage was over and that she had contacted the State police just in case he decides to have a buddy issue a missing persons alert.

Gina noted the time and hurried back home before Robert returned. The next day Gina picked up Kathy at the airport. They went over the plan. That evening a few friends would be over for dinner and immediately after Robert leaves for work in the morning Gina had 1 hour to pack the car and go.

Thursday morning Gina’s stomach was in knots. She packed up the car, woke Kathy, and the two women went over the list Kathy had printed and brought with her the list for Gina items they discussed over the phone a week earlier.

Gina placed a note she had written earlier that morning to Robert on the kitchen counter with her house keys and they left. Once on road Gina disabled her cell phone removing the battery to the phone so Robert would not be able to track where she was headed.

In my opinion, Gina is alive because she had a plan. If she did not, we would likely be reading her obituary with our morning coffee.

Former White House Staff Dismisses Dangers of Domestic Violence & Attempted Murder

Fred Fielding, Farren's former boss in the White House counsel office, said, "This report is sad and stunning, and completely out of character to anyone who knows or has worked with Mike."]

The remarks by Fred Fielding regarding the character of Former White House Counsel is a common theme among co-workers and buddies of an abuser. Fielding's Public Relations staff have totally disregarded the safety and welfare of Mary Farren [pictured to the left]and her children. Notice that there is not one word mentioned as to the safety of Mary Farren. That shows true ignorance. It clearly indicates the unwillingness to see that Mike Farren committed a felony, a serious criminal act. Just because a person "thinks" they know someone only deepens the wounds for victim's of abuse across the country. Maybe Fred Fielding can't read or thought that beating one's wife "severely" is acceptable because "it's a private matter."

This was also kept fairly quiet until the cowardly abuser appeared before a judge on Thursday. And if Michael Farren was not the "one time power boy on the hill" serving under two administrations this would never have reached sites like poltico.com and the huffington post.

Mary Farren did not have a safety plan prior to serving her husband with divorce papers. In my expert opinion, that was her first mistake. She likely thought in showing the abuser she was taking control of her life and leaving the "explosive environment" he wouldn't dare harm a hair on her head. But, Mike Farren became enraged like all abusers do when they have lost control and within 48 hours Farren tried to kill his wife by beating her with a flashlight and choking her. Mary Farren, was beaten so severely in her home that she was knocked unconscious and lost vision, according to authorities. Mary was luckier than most women in her situation she managed to sound an alarm and flee the house with her two children.

Another insensitive comment :"We are saddened to hear the news," said David Sherzer, spokesman for George W. Bush. "This is a personal matter and we will not be commenting on it."


How about taking a firm stance that domestic violence and attempted murder on ones' wife or girlfriend is a crime? Or he deserves to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law? I have an idea perhaps they would like to introduce my books and materials and provide them in every county across the country when a victim of violence has a court order of protection and or divorce papers served. That could have prohibited the police being callled and a "buddies wife" being choked and beaten within an inch of their life.


Sadly, all the money on the planet will not keep a victim of violence safe without a comprehensive plan prior to leaving. Alerting an abuser you are leaving while still living in the home is like handing an explosive violent offender a loaded gun!

Mother's Losing Custody on The Susan Murphy Milano Show

In April, 2009, over at Women In Crime Ink I wrote about Amy Leichtenberg who filed orders of protection against Michael Connolly more than once after his repeated physical and emotional abuse in the later years of their marriage. Amy filed for divorce that year and moved out of their home. In a 2006, a petition for a protective order against her husband was filed, saying that his "controlling and obsessive behavior" included threats to kill himself and others along with a series of bizarre demands he made of her. Within a 15-month period, Connolly violated the orders of protection 57 times. He killed both children Jack age 7 and Duncan age 9.

Another form of abuse is referred to as parental alienation, but it is “maternal deprivation abuse” that is when a father makes Mommy pay for wanting to leave the relationship. It also happens during divorce in family court. The abusive husband does everything in their power to make mom crazy, unfit, insane and convinces court appointed mediators, judges and mental health experts to give them custody. This goes beyond parental alienation and the children who grow up without their mothers in these cases grow up to a world of hurt, anger, pain and destruction. Or they wind up murdered by their parent.

It is an epidemic. The legal system is enabling an abuser to continue using money, manipulation and control all because his wife wanted away from her violent relationship or to simply end the marriage.

This form of abuse is also called “maternal deprivation abuse” that is when a father makes Mommy pay for wanting to leave the relationship. It also happens during divorce in family court. The abusive husband does everything in their power to make mom crazy, unfit, insane and convinces court appointed mediators, judges and mental health experts to give them custody. This goes beyond parental alienation and the children who grow up without their mothers in these cases grow up to a world of hurt, anger, pain and destruction.

On Wednesday, June 24, 2009 at 3:00 PM Central Time on The Susan Murphy Milano show will discuss this important topic on Mothers losing Custody with the Co-Founder of Protective Mothers Alliance and the case of Taylor and her mother’s fight to regain custody of her daughter lost to a system that denies a mother her rights.

We will be taking your calls live at 347-326-9337.

Full Strength Prescription For Preventing Murder

[Defense Attorney Chiquita Tate 38 Years Old]

On February 20, 2009, police disovered the body of a woman who believed in the justice system so much Chiquita Tate had a tatoo on her back. She was a good lawyer. But she let her guard down when she let her estranged husband into her secure law offices. She was stabbed 38 times.

No surprises here, her husband was arrested and charged with her murder last week.

Chiquita had secured an apartment for herself and she was divorcing her husband. With whom police found enough evidence in her murder to finally make an arrest.

Nearly 80% percent of murders involving husbands, former and intimate partners in the United States occur either when the woman leaves the relationship or shortly afterward. Usually with a 24 month period.

This tragedy is important for anyone who is ending a relationship where like Chiquita there was a history of domestic violence. Yes it's good to get an order of protection but have a plan in place with the court order. If you do not it is like receiving half of a prescripton.

Never open a locked door to a person with whom you are ending a realtionship.

Never agree to meet the person to "talk things out."

Obtain a new cell phone number. Keep the old one and let it take messages. There is no law that says you have to respond in person or verbally on the phone.

Once you say to anyone who is abusive "I am ending the relationship or I am leaving", you better have an immediate plan in place. You cannot say anything about divorcing, seperating or leaving unless you are out of the residence or in a safe place where you cannot be contacted or located.

Thousands of women are being murdered. If you are involved in a violent abusive or stalking related relationship either current or former, you better have a full strength presciption for safety.

Look for answers on how to leave with your life my new show every Wednesday at 3:00 PM Central Standard Time.

Listen at your home computer. While you are at work. or download the show each week and listen to it on an ipod. Go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano.com . The first show airs April 8, 2009.

For more information, please go to http://www.susanmurphymilano.com/. Or email me with your questions at kindlivingpress01@gmail.com

Honor Student & Aspiring Lawyer Could Have Used The Amber Alert

When an honor student, just fifteen years of age goes missing, is it too much to ask why in God's name someone did not issue an Amber alert for this teenager?

I understand that the Amber Alert system is mostly used for children thirteen years in age and younger, my question is why? Especially, if in the area the teen went missing ,there had been a rash of abductions and unsolved criminal activity in the area, as well.

Maybe, just maybe, it would have saved Brashai Griffin's life. According to friends and family, Brashai dreamed of becoming a lawyer.

The Amber Alert System given the unique challenges we face as a society on daily basis must consider raising the age requirment, especially when a parent contacts authorities in an area where a community regardless, of race, faces unknown predators just waiting for their next victim. Every minute, from the time the call is placed to authorities, is a minute erased from the clock of someon'e life.

Her body was discovered on Saturday. Police are asking for the public's help. Anyone with information is asked to call the Sauk Village Police Department at (708)-758-1331.

Here is the rest of the story: http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/880084,CST-NWS-sauk06.article