The Lethal Relationship Indicator

The Lethal Relationship Indicator

--Any person who hits their partner is capable of serious bodily harm. Plain and simple, especially a person who is legally required to carry a badge and a gun.

--Choking can be lethal and you can have hidden injuries that can cause death from choking that may not show up for several days.

--A huge indicator...does he/she abuse animals and family pets? Any person who can harm and animal will harm people. Do they hunt with their co-workers or by themselves?
Are they extremely rough with household pets?

--While not all people who drink or use drugs are violent...officers who are violent AND use drugs and/or alcohol can be lethal.

More indicators:
Lethal Indicators For Abusers of the Badge

The Checklist for "Is He/She Lethal?"
The Assessment of how much danger you are in?

You should be advised that the presence of these indicators may mean your abuser is planning to kill you. Do not ever say, "It cannot happen to me." Or, “It’s not so bad”. And violence is not gender specific. Meaning it happens just as frequently as in same sex relationships, it is just not talked about as much. Too many women, like you, are risking your life when you stay, especially if the abuser is in law enforcement.

This means you must take immediate action
to protect yourself!

You must carefully develop a good safety plan that includes the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and video (example below) and found in the book Time's Up so you will be able to describe and document in your own words at the hands of an abusive person.  This could be someone you ended the relationship with and are no longer dating, or in the process of leaving, or have already divorced.

Do not tell the peron you are ending the relationship, seeing a lawyer or filing for a divorce. That may trigger the abuser into harming you and or your children. In most of the deaths that involved officers wives or girlfriends, they were in the process of ending the relationship. And those women were either killed or have never been found.

The abuser knows what to do. You have to know what to do in order to safely leave the relationship when your “GUT” tells you something is very, very wrong. You know the looks, the phrases and the non-verbal body language when something is about to explode within them.

Some Law Enforcement Officers are more likely to kill because they feel they know exactly how to get away with harming you. Consider these factors:

The greater the number of checks below the greater the risk, the greater of intensity of each item the greater the likelihood of a life threatening attack.

Remember, past acts of violence are not always an accurate as predictor of what the abuser will do, the next time. And he has probably warned you enough times to watch it, or else. And you know better than anyone what the "or else" means.

1. He has threatened to kill himself, or you or the children, your relatives. This is considered to be an extremely dangerous situation.

2. If he has ever said something to you in the order of, "you will die before we divorce," or
"You are mine and I will not let anyone else have you.

3. Has he ever cleaned his weapons in your presence, pointed it at you jokingly ?
And then said Ah, it is not loaded.

4. There has been frequent physical assault against you. Especially when they have returned home from their shift? Maybe they are just drunk and angry, maybe, not, but you know when something is wrong.

5. There has been frequent and severe sexual abuse. It may be rape in your situation. He makes up, then tells you he is sorry. But in reality this has now become "the norm" in your relationship.

6. There abuser has seriously injured you. Now what, he is banking on the fact that you will not contact a superior at the job. Maybe he feels he has you right where he wants you, good and scared, in fear for your very life, or the life of your kids.

7. He threatens to takes you hostage. WARNING!
This is a dangerous situation, there is a great chance of homicide in the immediate future.

8. He makes threats against the children.

9. He has had a history of violence with others, either ex-wives or girlfriends .

10. Uses drugs or alcohol abuse, extreme intoxication.

11. He is severely depressed or acute depression with seeing little hope.

12. You have separated from your abuser, he cannot envision life with out you or the separation causes him great despair or rage. Never meet him in an isolated area. If you have children make arrangements for them to be dropped off at the police station after visitation. Never believe them when they ask you to meet with them, alone, without anyone else present.

13. Suicidal threats, attempts, or plans.

14. He has acted out part of the homicide or suicide fantasy, he may be totally invested in killing as a viable solution to his problems.

15. If he idolizes you, or depends heavily upon you to organize, and keep his life together, and has no friends, but you.

16. Access to you, if he knows where he can find you then he can kill you, if he cannot find you then he does not have access.

17. If you have made prior calls to his unit or department supervisor, you have probably angered him. The more calls you make the greater the risk. This includes the calls you should have made but did not for fear of being killed or hurt further.

18. When he does not care if he gets arrested, not scared of going to jail, or not care if he loses his job.

19. He has an explosive temper and is violent inside the home. He isolates you each time there is an explosive episode between the two of you.

20. Obsessive about appearances to those outside the home or relationship.

If you have questions please do not post them on the blog instead email them to murphymilano@ gmail.com

The holidays can be traumatic  The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction is now offering private consulting on violent relationship strategies and other services available especially over the holidays. These sessions are designed for those involved in divorce proceedings, child custody or office related domestic abuse and stalking situations. To schedule your appointment CLICK HERE

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

[Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/  She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold.  

Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth  http://www.therothshow.com/ ]

Critical Thinking and Responding to Danger: The Susan Murphy Milano Show -Wednesday July 28, 2010 4:00 PM EST

Join us for a lighting round hour of discussion as our experts share their knowledge on personal safety and prevention.

Dr. Richard Weinblatt, A.K.A. "The Cop Doc", is a law enforcement expert, consultant, writer, radio show host, and media commentator, who has served as a police chief, criminal justice professor, and police academy director. A well-known police issues commentator for local and national media, and the radio host of "Cop Doc."

Susan Bartelstone is a certified crime prevention and personal safety specialist and host of the Crime 101 Radio. She is the author of the best selling book "Think Fast and Prevent a Violent Crime"

To Listen to the show live for Wednesday July 28, 2010, and participate in the chat room, the direct link for the show is HERE

Time: 4:00 PM EST and 3:00 PM CST

We will take your call live. The number to call in with questions or comments is 347-326-9337.

Washington Post's "Heartbreaking Headline" is Disturbing

The headline in the Washington Post, " HEARTHBREAKING FINISH FOR U-VA ROMANCE," continues, in my opinion, an ignorant yet sweeping trend in reporting these tragic crimes. Instead of sugar coating a headline that brings readers to the Internet or sell newspapers why not call it out for what this horriffic tragedy is, "Intimate Violence Murder Takes The Life of College Student," or do a follow-up as True Crime Writer Kathryn Casey wrote titled "Okay Girls-Time-To-Listen Up."

I realize that does not send loyal readers running to the headline in fact it is likely to make intelligent subscribers ignore the story and head over to the lesuire section of the newspaper. And it also does not do much for parents sending their children off to college at a large university. Anyway you look at it it is about the all mighty dollar.

Lets face it Domestic ,Violence and Stalking related deaths do not sell newspapers. The subject matter is not attractive and it only perpetuates the myth that intimate violence is between two people and they should somehow work it work between themselves. I have a news flash for you; it obviously did not work for Yeardly Love, who, in my expert opinion, did not have to die. Nor does the fact that colleges polices and the hour of student orientation they receive upon entering college on sexual assualt and campus crimes do little more than protect a university from lawsuits because they have passed out to the new students written mumbo jumbo from information copied off a Department of Justice website or newsletter and called it "information you can use to be safe." Obviously, it did not work for Yeardly Love or those we do not even hear about who are silenced on college campuses across the county.

It is a silent yet known fact that University police are not trained adequetly in sexual assualt and domestic violence crimes. And, yes, folks, they are crimes!

An example of another tragic case is a book written way back in 1995 by Washington Post pultizer prize winning journalist George Lardner titledm "The Stalking of Kristin," about a promising young art student who was killed by a jealous ex-boyfriend while attending college. Kristin Lardner did everything right. She was educated and sophisticated, and had the time and resources to make the law work for her. And she was a member of the class of people who believe the law when it promises to protect them. With a parent's rage, and an impressive command of the facts and statistics, George Lardner refutes the widespread belief that the courts offer effective protection to battered women who do report their abusers and press charges. The book includes photos of Kristin's artwork about abuse of women and 80 pages of footnotes and bibliography about the legal system. Unfortunately, this book needs to be part of every college campus and law school is no longer in print. I thought about George Lardner, whom I met while on book tour of my first published work, "Defending Our Lives, Getting Away from Domestic Violence and Staying Safe." [published by Doubleday Books]

I am sure, if asked of the father of Kristin , George Lardner, "what has changed in the legal system since the murder of his daughter 18 years ago?": his response would likely be "nothing has changed."

Maybe the Washington Post will do a story or review on the book "Time's Up A Guide on How to LLeave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships." It may not grab new subscribers to the Washington Post, but it will save lives!

It's Okay To Ask Your Kids Questions

It is likely over the next few days you will be with family and friends during the Thanksgiving holiday. If you have a teenager take the opportunity to have some quality discussions about school, whom they are hanging around with and if they are sort of dating someone find out what is going on in their lives. And if you have a moment please head on over and read the the post titled "Thanksgiving Tradition" by Anglican Priest Charles Moncrief over on the Time's Up Blog.

We never really pay attention or think much about our kids being in an abusive relationship. We tell them to stay away from strangers or never to put their drink down at a party, but, as parents do we ever ask and check in with our kids and their relationships? As a parent, why not consider printing a copy of this off and either sitting down with your teenager and discussing the questions listed below or lightly mention that you saw this on the Internet and thought it might be of interest and leave it at that. Maybe ask about their friends, if they suspect they are in an unhealthy situation at the moment. It's a way to open the door to discussing the topic.

Questions to really look and go over with your teenager:
Print this sheet off and write your ideas in the spaces. You can print this sheet from your browser (by pressing the 'print' button on the toolbar or selecting 'print' in the File menu.)
Write a list of the ways in which you think your boyfriend/girlfriend has been or is being abusive towards you.
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Did you ever stop and think about your boyfriend/girlfriend and what they gain through their behavior? Does it make them a better person for controlling or hurting you? Maybe this is being done in their home and they think this is normal behavior? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
How has the way you are treated made you feel? Helpless, stupid, afraid to tell someone? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
How does or has the abuse affected you - how has it affected your confidence, your relationships, and your school studies or just your life right now.
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
How have the negative messages that your boyfriend/girlfriend has given you made you feel about yourself?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Do you think the abuse has consumed you completely?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
If you break up:
Good points / what could I gain
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
Bad points / what could I lose?
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
If you stay in the relationship:
Good points / what could I gain
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
Bad points / what could I lose?
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
What's your worst fear if you end the relationship right now?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What's your worst fear if you continue seeing this person?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Who can you talk to who could help, a parent, family memeber, school mate, teacher?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What personal strengths do you have to help you keep going?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Have you thought about steps you could take to try to change this situation?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What can you do to feel better and in a safe place (either in the relationship or after breaking up) ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What things can you do for yourself, to feel stronger? (spend more time with my friends, find a job, keep a journal,pay attention to your school work, etc.
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________

Boxers Anyone?

Making a good choice about you own personal safety is important in any relationship.

And frankly, it is not a priority in our lives. We are too busy looking at the outside of the package.

Does your man look so hot in a pair of briefs he melts your heart? Or is his body hot and rock solid? Did you ever stop to think what has drawn you to this type of man? Or is it not an issue given the fact that you love him? Regardless each of see's what we want to see in a mate or partner.

Often over looking issues that we tag as macho but are really angry or violent can be down right dangerous. Predicting just how dangerous your partner could become once you have decided to end the relationship is far from easy. We make calculations about risk all the time: when to cross the street, what foods to eat, when to pass or not to pass a car on the highway and so forth. Now if you are in an abusive relationship you need to make calculations about the dangers that person could pose to you and the kids. Unfortunately, a miscalculation can be deadly. Dangerousness is really a combination of two concepts: the chances your partner will be abusive and, secondly, the severity of the abuse.

Dangerous people and dangerous patterns :

Predicting the behavior of another person is very difficult, especially if the person has promised not to become abusive again. Often it is our hope that things will get better that makes the assessment of risk even more difficult. There are several factors in assessing dangerousness. These factors suggest a greater risk of continued and/or severe violence. If you can see any of these in your abuser, seriously consider and understand that the abuse will not go away, that it may very well get worst, and that you will never be able to control the situation well enough to ensure your own protection. If you see the first factor AND any of the others, then you should know the risk that you may be severely injured or killed increases greatly.

Partner has a prior history of domestic violence (that is, partner has been violent with you previously, or has been violent in other relationships this includes family members).

Partner is extremely possessive and jealous :

The person has “possessive beliefs” – that is, strong feelings of ownership about their victim – the risk of fatality doubles. An “insanely jealous” partner may be extremely dangerous – especially if he/she comes to believe that you are not “faithful” or that you are intending to leave.

Partner threatens to kill you or others in your life if you ever leave the relationship:

This is the third most powerful predictor of fatality. While not everyone who threatens to kill their partners follows through with the threat, most of those who do kill have threatened to do so. Take any and all threats seriously. This is not a game. I do not care if the person said it while they were drunk or high-it still counts as a serious threat.

Partner believes you his wife or girlfriend has betrayed him (or her).

If the person abusing you views you as having rejected him or her in preference for another partner or for independence, you are at greater risk.

Partner knows you are attempting to leave.

If you are in the process of leaving be very careful. The risk of leaving without a concrete safety plan in place increases your chances of remaining alive.

This factor represents the dangerousness inherent among some individuals who have a longstanding pattern of criminal behavior. Watch out for partners who have a history of criminal charges against people (like battery, assault). Be extremely careful when partners appear to have no conscience and no remorse for causing pain to others.

If any of these factors are present, there is an increased risk of violence:

· Social services has become involved in your family.

· Your partner believes that you have more status or power than he/she does.

· Your partner has lost a job.

· The legal system is involved in your partner’s life.

· You are pregnant or there has been a recent birth of a child.

· Your partner has access to weapon.

· You are preparing to leave.

· Your children are about to be removed.

· Your partner is actively seeking information regarding your location.

What does this all mean? It means that all violent partners do not come in some neat package with a warning label attached to their shirt collar. It means that hunk of a man with deep gazing green eyes who makes your knees weak can be a dangerous partner in a relationship and breaking from that spell of lust/love is a difficult undertaking. Given that we can often under-estimate the level of danger to ourselves, it is time you take seriously the personal safety for you and your children. Go to the library and pick up a copy of Defending Our Lives or Moving Out Moving On and begin formulating a plan. Listen each Wednesday at 3:00 PM Central Time to The Susan Murphy Milano Show where we not only discuss relationships but provide information that will be useful to you in your daily life.

Go to the library and ask if there are tapes on self defense that you can watch in a private room in the library.

Over the weekend please join me on Crime & Mystery with hosts Kim and Kjel on Friday, July 24, 2009 at 8:00PM Central Time. The link is http://www.blogtalkradio.com/kimnkjel The number to call in is 718-508-9754.

Where Is The Asylum For American Women?

Apparently, our government is seriously considering granting asylum for battered women from other countries. Now there is a concept! Curious, I contacted a church that helps those granted asylum and learned when our government provides assistance, the person is given housing, placed on public aide amounting to approximately $2,000 a month and in many cases a second hand vehicle so they can get around. And other perks depending on the individual’s needs. We cannot take care of victims of abuse in our own country. Why are we extending a hand to foreigners? Is the abuse different or more life threatening from the women in our own country?

Women whom are born in United States are living in the same conditions as those the government has offered to help with little to no options for safety and proper services to escape their abusers. I personally know several hundred women whom are beaten, raped, kept like prisoners in their own homes and forced to deal with their abusers one way or the other or else they will be killed, identical life threatening situations as the women in the New York Times article. Where is the asylum for American women?

If our government can come up with a way to house, educate and find jobs for battered women from other countries in this economy, we should first have a system in place for American women before we start offering a safe haven to immigrants.

Do not misunderstand. I am about helping battered women, but let us help those where we have the greatest need, and the highest mortality rate, right here in the good old United States.

Safety is an Illusion

As a nation we would receive a failing grade in the war against violence in the home. Twenty years ago I had tremendous hope that violence would be a battle won when I signed on to change the world and the stop bloodshed. I was wrong. The magnitude of murder, rape, parental alienation, fear, power and control is an epidemic consuming the lives of families.

Over the weekend an article appeared saying “domestic violence laws need review.” How ridiculous I thought to myself, to review what has never been effective, waste more time and in the process more women will continue to die in their own homes. All the studies are a waste of valuable time that many as I write this simply do not have. An order of protection if you are lucky enough to get one means little without the police, prosecutors and a no tolerance community enforcement of that piece of paper. Granted a court order has saved lives, but in my opinion not enough to fill a gymnasium. I can give a long list of those who did not make it and died because we do not have answers. Instead services are like a patch-work quilt poorly sewn together because there is a lack of commitment and most importantly funding for those in the trenches who are fighting to keep women and children alive, barely, one at a time.

You have women gathered on the internet desperately seeking direction, support advice or help for a lawyer to represent them like human beings or to keep their abuser away from the kids. How about the mom who stayed home to raise her children and cannot even scrape together gas money or car fare to attend a hearing for a court order or a divorce hearing where if she does not show up she defaults like at a spots game losing her home, kids and any financial ability to move forward. If it is a divorce she is the one who must pay child support and continue going to court for issues that are nothing more than a game of clear abuse. With ill skilled court personal playing a game that as of late in leading to death.

Then yet another article appeared “the war at home: domestic violence takes a shocking toll”. What rock has everyone been living under? Where are the articles following the woman pleading in a court of law for an order of protection when she is denied? Where are the reporters asking the important questions to the prosecuting attorney’s , judge's and so called mental health "experts" whom are not doing their jobs? Where is the follow-up after the murders of Jack and Duncan Connelly? Why aren’t the people who investigate and bring us our nightly dose of news demanding answers in a dangerous legal system instead of following live coverage of 30-minute car chases?

Cases such as Drew Peterson have generated lots of dollars for networks and advertising sponsors and will continue to do so when his trial begins sometime this year. Why not gear up and send reporters out to the war torn court houses of America and report accurately on the conditions in which women alive and dead are fighting for their lives.

It is upsetting to see troops rally in the form of doctors and public officials when the media reports the onset of reported flu outbreaks in a few states usually amounting to about 20 people causing folks to take action. And yet we have hundreds of thousands of women murdered or terrorized in their homes and they can not even get carfare to save their lives!

Don't Get Out of Your Car

You have been out shopping for school supplies or running errands, your day is hectic,

you walk across to the parking lot to your car and get inside to head home to make dinner.

You start the car engine and shift into REVERSE, and you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space and you notice a piece of papers tuck to the middle of the rear window.

So, you shift the gear into PARK, unlock your doors and jump out of your car to remove that annoying paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view.

When you reach the back of your car, suddenly, car-jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off.

Your engine was running and they practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

And guess what ? I bet you left your purse in the car, and the car jackers are driving off with your life's information.

BE AWARE OF THIS NEW CRIME/SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED.

Please remember to drive away and remove the paper that is stuck to your window later, and be thankful that you read this someplace.

I hope you will forward this to friends and family. Especially to women and the elderly.A purse contains all of your identification, and you certainly do NOT want someone getting your credit cards and most of all your home address.

They already HAVE your keys. Don't get caught off guard, be safe!

Former Officer's Family Calls "Murder" Accidential

Video http://www.ketknbc.com/home/ticker/17683684.html

Big John Kellis, a retired police officer from Smith County Texas did something really big. And I am not referring to his six foot seven frame.

The former Officer suffered from depression and according to family members, his health was failing him. The real crime is being excused by family members as accidental. You see "Big John" did not mean to murder his wife Gale, it just happened. The gun went off, by accident.

When family members cover up the truth, it does not help anyone.

John Kellis murdered Gales Kellis before taking his own life. The tragedy is two fold. One for the murder victim and the other for family members who through ignorance in wanting to protect a man they love, are unable to come to terms with the bloody truth.

He murdered his wife!

KETK.com news story:

Family reacts as tear gas and another device were thrown into the home where they say their brother, John Kellis, was barricaded.
"We got word this morning that he shot his wife...accidental...an he was barricaded in the house," said Margaret Grimes, one of Kellis' sister.
It was then three of Kellis' sister rushed to the scene hopeful at the time their brother would come come out alive.
"Johnny please come out...we love you...and nothing is as bad as dying....come out and we can talk," said Grimes.
According to Margaret grimes...one of Kellis' sister....her brother was having problems with his wife.
They had trouble...she had left...took the truck...and then we don't know what happened after that, said Grimes.
Grimes also tells us her brother had issues with depression, but never thought he would be capable of anything like this.
"Oh...it shocked us...I mean I just couldn't imagine him doing something like that...so I mean he was pushed to the limit, said Grimes.
It's also a scene shocking many living in this quiet community.
"We all know everybody out here...we kind of watch out for everybody," said a concerned neighbor.
"I was going to go to town for groceries..I won't go now until i see the red lights out," said another concerned neighbor.
In the meantime...Grimes and her two other sisters stood by hoping for the best before it was all over.
"I just lost my mother in law about three weeks ago...and i said...i don't want to have to bury my brother too.
We're told by his sisters...he was a former Jacksonville police officer.

The Empty Place At The Family Table

Today, is Easter a time of us all to give praise to God and be grateful for the warmth, love and support of family and friends as they are the true life lines in each of our lives.

And, it is a day to stop for a moment and thank the men and women who, even though we do not know them personally, are away from their families fighting for our freedom and safety .

For those here, in America, who are experiencing their first Easter Holiday, with an empty place at the dinner table. It is a first, of many holidays to come.

They are the abducted children whose parents will no longer hunt for those bright colored eggs or search for that basket of goodies, almost always taller than the child. And the look of excitement as they see the cellophane basket with the large bow now , replaced with an empty horrific pain of loss and helplessness.

Or the mother's who have either been abruptly taken away from their children and loved ones, never to be heard or seen from again. While those who are considered "suspects" continue to walk free among us.

Or murdered by a family member or scorned lover who do not know the meaning or value of life and love.

We can point fingers and speculate until the cows come home as to whom did what to who, when, where and why. But that is not going to bring anyone back.

Instead, we must focus the anger on the precious gifts of life standing before us. The real victims, their children. And work towards dilligently finding those who are still missing with every ounce of strength and courage we can.

Then we can forge ahead on measures within our criminal justice system and the legislature, who are still striking the gavel in blood and turn it into victory so those in our lives and future generations actually, have a brighter and safer tomorrow.

Legal System For Victims of Family Violence is Like Broken Glass

Most of us who hear stories on the news about domestic violence tend to think in terms of a “single incident” or, a “one time only” act of violence. Or at times we hear others question and blame victims for being involved in these types of dangerous sitations. But we must understand that the world in which these "victims" live, is often no different then captured and tortured prisioners of war. The vanished, the missing, the murdered all were calculated and planned out by an abusive, angry and controlling individual.

The term “DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” is a continuing pattern of behavior which can include :
repeated harassment,
stalking or surveillance of the victim,' threats and intimidation,
bodily harm,
sexual assault,
child abduction
or the constant threat , that can escalate, in some cases to murder .

In most abuse cases, the danger continues despite the victim’s attempts to get help from traditional sources.

For example, after a battered woman seeks assistance from the courts or separates from her abuser, she statistically runs a greater risk of increased harm. The abuser is furious, and steps up his behavior and violent attacks. And often the victim is left to fend for herself when it comes to protecting her life.

Local shelters play an important role in not only providing a safe place to go, but many victims are unaware that shelters also assist victims in obtaining orders of protection, counseling and legal assistance. To visit them on the web: http://www.ncadv.org or their tool free number is 1-800-799-SAFE. The phones are answered twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

Many women are victims of chronic abuse. They have been threatened with repeated violence or even death. Victim’s are no stranger to the court system, they have often waded through stacks of police reports, orders of protection filings and numerous criminal complaints. They have spent long hours in the courtroom seeking protection through the legal system. And with each step a victim takes, in some situations, their abusers have become increasingly violent toward them.

As a society, we still sweep the issue of domestic violence aside, like disposable garbage.
I hear comments all the time “why can’t she just leave” or “ she must have done something to provoke his behavior.” No one drives anyone to commit acts of violence and terror.

The abusers do this because society has allowed them to get away with their behavior of power and control.

We have come a long way when it comes to drinking and driving. Laws across the country, are strict and often severe in nature. A person found guilty of drinking and driving no longer gets off with a slap on the wrists. They do serious jail time for this crime. Why are we unable to do apply the same logic when it comes to Domestic Violence?

Is it because we think off it as a private matter between two consenting adults?

Drinking use to be a private matter, involving consenting adults, until people started getting killed and organizations fought hard to get tough legislation passed.

There has been tough legislation passed over the years on abuse and stalking related crimes by organizations across the county. It is no longer enough. Technology has assisted the abusers in their efforts to control and harass their prey.

As you read the tragedies with your morning coffee, realize, more must be implemented to assist victims in leaving safely.

Current laws were not signed by elected officials with a pen of ink, but with a pen of blood, of all those who lost their lives.

Cindy Bischof "Jumped Through Hoops"

Cindy Bischof did everything in her power, and yet, she tragically lost here life in spite of her efforts. While pleased that the story made the front page of the Sunday Chicago Tribune. Perhaps it will spark a fire under elected officicals to provide safety measures for victims that go beyond court orders of protection and jail time for offenders.

The headline across the Sunday paper read "The Law Didn't Save Her"

She tried a court order. She had him arrested. She took all the legal steps she could right up to the day her ex-boyfriend shot her dead in a parking lot. Here's link for the story:http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-domestic-violence_bd16mar16,1,2303253.story
In an earlier post on 3/11/2008 :http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/search/label/Cindy%20Bischof I ask for the public's help.

And come to think of it, a CEO or two from companies like CitiCorp, Bank of America, Verizon Wireless, American Express, AT&T , just to name a few, would also fuel the measures required to meet the needs as it pertains to safety when women leave behind their lives and begin anew in order to be safe.

I have methods and strategies from my years of experience in working with victims across the country. But, one voice, or one newpaper article will not stop the bloodshed.
If this story has angered you , enough to do something, please either email me at kindlivinginc@aol.com or over at the website contact@movingoutmovingon.com.
When one life is lost, we all loose!