Special Investigation: The Silent Crimes On College Campuses: The Susan Murphy Milano Show: Monday June 28, 2010 at 9:00 PM EST and 8:00 PM CST

The "CLERY Act," requires institutions of higher education receiving federal financial aid to report specified crime statistics on college campuses and to provide other safety and crime information to members of the campus community.

But what happens when a University tries to hide and cover-up serious violent crimes on campus?

Join us as we investigate and discuss the silence on the college campus at Husson University in Bangor, Maine. And the tragic murder of Yeardley Love at the University of Virginia.

Our amazing line-up for tonight’s show includes Anny Jacoby, Owner/President of The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company.

Dr. James F Anderson a Professor in the Department of Criminal Justice at East Carolina University. Dr. James F. Anderson is a noted author of several books. he received a Ph.D. in Criminal Justice from San Houston State University and a M.S. in Criminology from Alabama State University.

Peter Hyatt Investigator, State of Maine Statement Analysis Laboratory for Scientific Interrogation and Consultant on Crime Wire a show about unsolved and suspicious deaths.

Time: 9:00 PM EST 8:00 PM CST 7:00 PM PST

Call-in Number: (347) 326-9337

Show Link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

D-Day [Part Two]

[pictured Karen, Emily and Lauren Kahler]

The majority of women abused want to get away as far from their abuser as possible and begin their lives without the violence. Karen Kahler who was murdered along with her two children and her 89 year-old grandmother by her estranged husband, was no different.

Karen Kahler was a loving woman with strong ties to her children and the community. So much that friends and family have set a blog http://www.karenkahler.blogspot.com/ in memory of their friend and for the only child, a 10 year-old son whom survived the bloody massacre and needs assistance himself.


Nothing short of purchasing a weapon and signing up for lessons on how to take accurate aim to a target could have prevented these murders. Family homicide is an epidemic. It is a war. And if you are reading this, thinking "nope this can't happen to me" think again!

I have reported on so many stories of men murdering their families in the last few months, I have lost count. With over 20 years of hands on assistance directly to women and their children I wonder how many more murders it will take before the legal system wakes up and corrects a process within the courts that is allowing offenders in many situations to get away with the slaughter of innocent women and children.

An order of protection will do nothing in the prevention of a person whom is so enraged they will stop at anything to commit murder. Because you or a victim that is a family member or friend, perhaps a co-worker or church member has decided to end the relationship.

Take a moment and read yesterday's post on the murders of Karen and her family. If you are involved with someone who is abusive you need to realize you cannot fight this battle without taking the necessary steps prior to leaving, this means before announcing to this dangerous person, "It's over," or "that you are leaving" or "filing for divorce." You might as well kiss your life goodbye.

It is similar to setting off the detonation of a ticking bomb, with the abuser set to go off at any time. The abuser has a plan to harm you and or the children if you do not stay in the relationship. You must be taught the techniques that will get you safely out from under the abuser.

If you want information on how to do this please email me at contact@movingoutmovingon.com all emails are held in strict confidence. And remember, I too, am a casualty of family homicide. I may not have been able to save my mother, but, so many are alive today because she lost her life in this war.

Preventing a Rape: Yours!

A few months ago a group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1) The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed . They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair . Women with short hair are not common targets.

2) The second thing men look for is clothing.. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around specifically to cut clothing.

3) They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse, or doing other activities while walking because they are off-guard and can be easily overpowered.

4) Men are most likely to attack & rape in the early morning, between 5: 00a.m. and 8:30a.m.5) The number one place women are abducted from/attacked is grocery store p arking lots. The number two: office parking lots/garages.. Number three: public restrooms.

6) The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to another location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

7) Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

8) If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9) These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their handsKeys are NOT a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

10) Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it?, or make general small talk: 'I can't believe it is so cold out here,' 'We're in for a bad winter.' Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up; you lose appeal as a target.

11) If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell STOP! or STAY BACK! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

12) If you carry pepper spray yell I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

13) If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the Arm (between the elbow and armpit) OR in the upper inner thigh VERY VERY HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it - it hurts.

14) After the initial hit, always GO for the GROIN. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble and he's out of there.

15) When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

16) Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts!!!You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble

a.) Tip from Tae Kwon Do : The elbow is the strongest point on your body If you are close enough to use it, do!

b.) Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans : If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

c.) If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

d.) Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc, and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.d.If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

e.) A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot or parking garage)

f.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

g.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

h.) ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

i.) If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, preferably in a zigzag pattern!i. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP! It may get you raped or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well-educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.j. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.' He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby.

While I do not agree with some of the information that I found in this post on the Internet, the purpose is to grab your attention and get you thinking about your own personal safety. Post this in the lunchroom where you work or in the center where your child attends daycare, your place of worship and in your community and on Internet blogs.

Also consider taking self defense classes from certified professionals in your area.

"The Killing Fields"

Domestic violence is not a pre-existing condition for which coverage may be denied by insurance companies- it's a crime. Insurance companies should not be able to discriminate against crime victims. Yet they have for years.

If you are a victim of domestic violence and have either been admitted by way of your personal physician to being a domestic violence victim, visited a hospital emergency room for treatment after being injured by an abuser and you live in Arkansas, DC, Idaho, Mississippi, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, and Wyoming, your insurance carrier will not cover treatment costs label you with a pre-existing condition that could extend to coverage for your home mortgage and life insurance policies.

In a year where funding for domestic violence programs for legal, childrens programs and shelter services have been cut or removed all together by states including the most devastating budget cuts in California the rise of injury and death to victims will continue because the very system they is suppose to serve and protect is now beyond repair. There is no one size fits all cure to stop this nationwide epidemic. Education and awareness has done little to assist a nation that often refuses to see domestic violence as a crime.

In the end the system is throwing their hands in the boxing ring with the abuser as he scores another victory on his victims, all because law enforcement and the judicial system are unable to enforce the very laws put in place to stop not only the violence but the senseless assassination of its' innocent and helpless victims.

"Death in Their Eyes"

Mary is a 51 year- old mother of 3 who will be officially divorced this week after 22 years of marriage.

Her road to life without abuse similar to millions of others in her situation will continue to be difficult. This morning as she was moving into her new home, Mary felt uneasy about her safety. "He's not done with me. I know he will kill me or make it look like an accident. I am terrified." While waiting for the alarm company installer to arrive Mary and I went over safety issues to implement and watch for in her new home.

We walked around the outside of the house with a handyman she hired to secure the windows by placing hinges on the inside removing all the screens replacing then with storm windows. We marked all the doors to be replaced with deadbolts not only on each door but included the screen storm doors, and side door of the garage. Once the alarm company arrived we strategically discussed the placement of the wireless system. In Mary's situation because her husband is angry and violent and has thtretened to take her life the alarm company also wired the garage and extra windows leading into the basement. It cost several hundred dollars extra but it was well worth it.

The alarm company installer suggested that the entire landscape of bushes, or large plants near any of the widows be either cut very low or removed entirely. So that no one could hide. Then Mary and I went to Menards and bought motions lights for the outside of the home and various timers for lights inside the house.

Her husband was scheduled to pick up their son for dinner after I left. I received a text message from Mary, "when he got here he came after me and I had to call the police-they refused to arrest him and I insisted a report be made-Susan he had the look of death in his eyes and he told me I'll never make it to court alive on thursday-he said if I drop divorce he'll forgive me and we can stay married. "

The safety strategies I have implemented for Mary are specific to her abuser and how handy he is at breaking and entering into places always without anyone seeing him. His anger is at a very dangerous level and Mary has a 50/50 chance at staying alive if she remains calm and on guard at all times. And it is a lot of work, but it is possible.

Often a woman is killed because she was not prepared to defend herself. Or the courts refuse to issue an order of protection or police do not feel they have enough to make an arrest. Regardless, a woman fights for the system to do its' job and to basically while continuing to fight the abuser when no one is looking , then fight for her kids and her life. I think about women like Kathleen Savio, the third wife of Drew Peterson. Was there an alarm in the home? If yes why wasn't it activated? Drew Peterson is not only a trained police officer but a skilled locksmith. Did he sneak in while she was sleeping? Did Peterson catch Kathleen off guard at a time of night when it was least expected? Did he sneak into the house and pull a gun on her? Did Kathleen and Drew Peterson struggle? In my opinion like criminal profilers, these are cases that I study in hopes of keeping other women alive.

As a society we have a long way to go before we treat domestic violence in the home as a crime. And then just maybe in high school classrooms we can replace how to correctly use a condom with how to know the signs of an abuser and how to stay safe and what to do if you are in an abusive relationship.

If you have ended a relationship, change those locks, immediately! And do a walk around your home. Remove any ladders, make sure the garage is locked, put away any tools. And yes, even rearrange your living space.What about your windows and sliding glass doors? Get yourself over to the hardware store and find the best cost effective method to bars and locks for these areas.

What about a Do? Don't have a dog? Go ahead and buy or make a Dog Beware sign and put it in your windows.Another great tip is to record the sound of a barking dog. If you don't have a dog, take a recorder and head to the nearest dog shelter and tape the barking sounds. Go ahead and even record your phone voice and message right there on the spot, at the dog shelter. Say something like" Okay Sparky, I'm on the phone, that's enough, be quiet, sorry can't come to the phone please leave a message .Then head home and play it into your phone message system. Then strangers and others you are trying to keep away will think you have dogs and that may deter them. You can also play a recoding each time you answer your telephone with just the sounds of a barking dog. What about a basic home security system? This goes hand in hand with the other security solutions above. To learn more about systems here is an alarm link:http://www.homeimprovementmag.com/Articles/2006/06May_safe_@_home.html If you keep a spare key outside someplace-stop it now! Never leave a key anywhere outside your home.If you are not expecting anyone or anything to arrive at your door, do not open the door. If the bell continues to ring waiting for you to answer the door and you do not know who it is, call 911.And never, ever leave any type of note on your door or mail box for anyone. Either text message them, send an email or do it the old fashioned way and call them.

If you would like to email me please know that everything sent is read only by me and is kept in strict confidence. Again, the email address is contact@movingoutmovingon.com

Tonight On The Levi Page Show with criminal profiler and author Pat Brown, Investigator and Author Vito Colucci, Jr., and myself we will discuss the Kathleen Savio murder.

The Levi Page Show airs Sunday night at 10 PM EST / 9 CST / 8 MST / 7 PST on BlogTalkRadio at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/levipage The "Levi Page Show" is a listener interactive, call-in, true crime and justice show, for those interested in the hot true crime cases in the headlines and the crime victims often ignored by the mainstream media.

Safety and Personal Protection

It is rare when we see a hostage situation conclude without the loss of lives. Last week Nancy Tyler was taken at gunpoint from her place of employment. Her estranged husband ordered her to drive to the couple's former home with a gun pointed at her from the back seat.

Nancy Tyler had filed for divorce and her violent, controlling husband was not going to allow her to end the divorce with her life. There is a lot to be learned from what Nancy Tyler did that day for 12 hours.

First, she remained calm. She followed his orders. She didn't raise her voice or try and argue with him. What she did do was continue talking about anything and everything. Police and the swat team were outside and he was also speaking with a news reporter by telephone demanding police stay away from the home.

During those 12 terrifying hours, he handcuffed Nancy Tyler to an eyebolt in a basement wall; told her the house was rigged to explode, and repeatedly held a gun to her head while he recited countdowns to what was to be her death. Nancy took the split second when he was distracted and ran out a small door down in the basement to safety.

Nancy Tyler's quick thinking during the entire ordeal and many prayers to God is what saved her from being killed. In many cases where were read news stories of tragedies it is difficult for victims to remain calm. A technique not often taught or used in one's self defense of their lives.

Thinking like the offender, abuser, and criminal is often an important technique that either buys time or as in Nancy Tyler case saves lives.

Recently, I had the opportunity to listen to several 911 tapes of abuse victims who ultimately lost their lives. In those calls while the phone was on as the woman was running for her life you could hear the chaos and fear just before shots were fired. In a few of the calls perhaps if they had been calmer or been able to divert the shooter the outcome might have been different. I am not suggesting one method or another would have changed the tragedies. I am asking that we look at applying self defense training and strategies using words as an additional way to remain alive.
In cases where you are going through a divorce and the children is in the home what safety techniques have you considered practicing? Maybe the person has threatened to kill you and believe he won't hurt me with his kids in the house. Think Again!

A person who has threatened your life for ending the relationship or marriage has no problem taking everyone out with them.

Hostage negotiators are often successful at getting people to surrender because they have been trained. And in my 20 years as a trainer I implement various techniques that have kept a woman and her children alive. If you are in an abusive relationship it is time that you begin to implement and practice strategies to keep you safe. Listen weekly to the Susan Murphy Milano Show or send in suggestions on what you would like to know and we will feature you and or the information on the show. Email address is contact@movingoutmovingon.com

And as my colleague Anny Jacoby teaches: PERSONAL SAFETY/SELF-DEFENSE IS NOT USED TO FIGHT........IT'S USED TO DEFENDNo excuses, Time's UP!

Thinking Divorce or Ending Your Relationshp? Do You Know Your Options?

When a ending a relationship the first thought that enters one's mind is hiring a laywer and that can be very costly. Other options can be less expensive, yet effective as in a mediator to legally end your marriage.

What is a mediator? It is a neutral person. They do not take sides and they are not there to be your marriage therapist. Their goal is to assist you by removing the drama and tension often associated with a long drawn out court battle. In fact, they are not even allowed to give you legal advice. The mediator begins, by meeting each party separately. You fill out questions and provide financial information. In addition, you list concerns over custody and parenting issues.
After the initial meeting, you will then meet with the mediator together and work out issues so that you can come up with an agreement that serves you both. That agreement is then submitted to the courts for final review usually by a judge. (States vary on this, so please check your local statues.)

The goal of mediation is to not place any blame in the marriage, but rather promote and plan for a healthy future for you, your spouse, and your children. You create the divorce agreement between the two of you with the assistance of the mediator not the courts.

Before you say, “I am not interested in doing that, I want to hire a lawyer,” you should seek consultation with a lawyer to understand your options. A lawyer can review the documents drawn up by a mediator and make changes and suggestions before it is submitted to the courts.
Have you ever sat in on a divorce trial? The answer most likely is no. Before you make that all important-life changing decision, why don’t you go your local courthouse to family court or domestic relations (whatever it may be called in your area) and sit through a morning or afternoon of court calls and/or hearings of others going through a divorce. It is not a pretty site, especially if there is a lot of tension between the divorcing parties, the lawyers, and the judge. As you view the court process, try and picture yourself sitting there with your lawyer and your spouse sitting with their lawyer. Observe the fact that these two intelligent people have hired complete strangers to argue what can become “unimportant stuff” and a court reporter is taking down every word said for the court that will then become public record. Do you really want to participate in ending your marriage that way? Some of those people in court have been there a years or more and still are not divorced. Why? Because they could not resolve their own issues during their marriage. They are stubborn, angry, or want revenge. In the end, it is the judge-another-stranger-who will decide the final outcome of who gets what and when you and your former spouse may see the children. You ultimately DO Not get to decide.

Many lawyers now offer Divorce Mediation as part of their services. They, however, are not allowed to give legal advice. They are bound by the same rules as a mediator, and must remain neutral in the process.

No matter what, it is best to consult with a lawyer before an agreement is finalized to have that person review and make any changes before an agreement is finalized.

Understanding the Benefits of Mediation in Divorce:
A mediator does not represent either party. Rather, a mediator creates a cooperative environment when both you and your spouse can work together to reach an agreement on the terms of your divorce. Both you and your spouse have the right to also consult individually with an attorney during this process. Once the agreement is reached, the mediator will write up the agreement into a document where both you and your spouse will then be able to file the documentwith additional court papers to obtain a divorce.

This process only works if both you and your spouse are willing to make a full financial disclosure, and if you both are willing to make a good faith effort to reach an agreement.

The benefits of mediation are:
 Lower cost because this process is less time consuming. The amount of time involved to reach an agreement varies based on the level of conflict, the number of issues and the complexity of both your finances. A typical mediation where both you and your spouse agree typically takes approximately 10 hours.
 Less painful for you children because you avoid the long court process and litigation involved with ending your marriage.
 Mediated settlements can be prepared by a lawyer or a certified divorce mediator.
 The benefit to a mediator is when you and your spouse have reached an agreement on all issues, and you simply are looking for the most inexpensive and yet professional completing the necessary paperwork to finalize your divorce.
Hiring a Qualified Mediator:
• Call your local County Clerks Office and ask for a list of mediators in your area.
• Check the yellow pages under “Divorce Mediation”
• Make sure whomever you choose has been mediating for at least 3 years.
• Ask for a list of references.
• Ask for a fee agreement in writing once you have selected someone.
• Consult with a lawyer before an agreement is finalized to have them review and make any changes to the document.

Ending a Relationship is not an easy road to travel. It is survivable if you are wiling to do the work necessary to move on with your life. You will make it.
The book "Moving Out Moving On, when a relationship goes wrong is available at Amazon.com or visit my website at http://www.susanmurphymilano.com/ and download the E-Book. And as always listen to The Susan Murphy Milano Show each Wednesday afternoon at 3:00PM central time. or tuen up the volume on your computer and the show will automtically pla.

DISCLAIMER: The article is strictly for educational or entertainment purposes only and should not be used in any way, implemented or applied without consultation from a legal professional.

Justice Interrupted Investigates "The Rape of a Child"

Tonight on Justice Interrupted at 10:00 PM Central Time a very special woman shares her story of silence within her own home. And the demons that remain her contstant companion.

"My name is Tivona. I’m not a famous author, model, or actor. I’m not Super Girl trying to save the world or a Super Villain trying to destroy it. I’m not anyone special except to my family. I’m just an ordinary, fun loving, moody teenager. I’m just trying to grow up and live an average life like everyone else. I’m 14 and looking forward to high school.

Yet, there are days that I wake up and feel like I can’t relate to anyone else in the world. I want to be a ghost and disappear…There are days I wish I weren’t here. During the day, I maintain A’s in school, I sing, draw in my journal, hang out online with my friends, play the saxophone, am an avid hunter and am a half back on my soccer team. Yet at night, when I crawl into my warm bed – surrounded by my soft blankets, my cats and more stuffed animals than you can count, I feel so alone. So isolated. Like no one else in the world knows how I’m feeling. It’s at this time, that I have to deal with my own private monsters and demons.

In the dark, I feel like no one could understand me. I’m not worried about the typical teenage stuff because my life over the last 4 years hasn’t been really ordinary. It’s been conventional on the outside while pain and guilt raged on the inside. Quietly, I’ve suffered. How could I tell anyone that I was a victim of sexual assault? Who could I tell and who would believe me?
As the daughter of someone in law enforcement and the niece of an attorney, I have always been told, and led to believe, that if you do something wrong – you are punished. There are consequences for your behavior. Today, as I write you my story of sexual abuse at the hands of a loved one, my abuser is free to roam the streets of our town because the Prosecuting Attorney refuses to follow up on my claims of abuse. I know it is hard to listen to these accusations. I know it is hard to comprehend that “this” person can do “these” things but there is a “silent epidemic” occurring in this country and it is harming those of us you have “sworn” to protect! Please take a minute to listen to our “cries for help”. They are not false or “made up”. They are very real. In some of our lives, there are truly monsters who hide “under our beds” and “in our closets” at night just waiting for the darkness so they can “attack”. We rely on you to help and we need you NOW more than ever!

I truly believe that society has the resources to put an end to this epidemic. At the very least, we can drastically reduce it. Why don’t we? Are we too afraid it can happen in our own homes and that’s scarier to acknowledge than believing it is the “horrible monster we see on Law and Order” that is causing this destruction? Perhaps you misread the statistics?
Talking about sexual abuse of children is crossing into frightening, unfamiliar territory for many people. We live in a very confusing society with hypocritical views on sex and sexuality. We are uncomfortable talking about sex, but we are willing to have it sold to us through songs, magazines, TV and advertisements.

I know that healing is a process, a journey. I know I will never forget the assaults and abuse but I hope to grow from this experience and I want to help others “escape” and grow too. PLEASE JOIN ME AND USE YOUR VOICE TO HELP STOP THIS CYCLE OF VIOLENCE IN OUR COUNTRY.

Child sexual assault is the world’s deepest, darkest, best kept secret. How many are out there, I guess we will truly never know. I am asking, pleading with you to take a stand. Remind all those who choose to seek out the children, that their behavior will not be tolerated no matter who they are. I believe I did the right thing by finally “telling”. I truly hope that my openness can save other children. I told the police. I was open and honest, even though it was extremely embarrassing to retell my story to one stranger after another. I believed in the process of the justice system. All I am asking is that the justice system “believes in me too!”

Here’s my story, it began in 1994:
People talk about “Princesses”. Royalty really isn’t my thing – I enjoy the “supernatural” – vampires really. Nevertheless, for years, I was truly a “Princess” in my family. The “first born” for both sides of extended family, I entered this world in grand fashion (an emergency C-section because I had stopped breathing). For my loved ones, I truly was a miracle and blessing. I grew and thrived from the attention and you can truly say “I was rotten”. So many camera flashes have gone off in my face over the years it’s amazing I am not blind. As an avid hunter, my grandfather had me appreciating nature as soon as I could walk and follow in his footsteps. Even my name, Tivona, means a “love for the outdoors. This man was my “hero”.
My perfect, innocent “happily-ever-after-fairytale-princess” life and childhood began to crumble and ended when I was 10. That was the year my grandfather died. That was the year that my whole world began to shatter into small pieces and fall apart around me. It was at that time, my uncle would also begin to “groom” me for his own sexual pleasures and means of “control”. It began with slow rubs and touches and progressed from there.

During this time, my uncle gradually eroded our appropriate adult / child boundaries, built a wall of secrecy around us and finally established compliance through my fear. Over the next 3 years, I was repeatedly reminded that this was “our little secret” and I mustn’t say a thing. He told me that I would be to blame if anyone discovered our secret little game. He repeatedly told me that: “This would really hurt my mom if she knew” and that he would go to jail if I told. Each time he said that, a part of me died. I betrayed what I knew was the “right thing to do” because I was afraid “no one would believe me” and because I didn’t want my close knit family to fall apart. It just seemed easier to close my eyes, retreat to the darkness in my head and “go along” than upset anyone. My life became a fraud and a fiction. Do you know how much energy is consumed to keep a secret hidden from ourselves and our families?

As a family member, he had seduced us all. He had our devotion and love. He was trustworthy and “above reproach”. His popularity within our family covered behaviors that should never have been tolerated. He was a trusted friend and relative; a pillar of the community. He would never do anything “shady” or inappropriate. That is what he hoped everyone would believe if I ever told our “secret”.
By creating an untarnished image, he has convinced my beloved aunt and his children that he is innocent and that I am lying and trying to destroy his pristine image in our lives and our community. He has ‘explained away’ most of his actions with excuses. When approached with his inappropriate behaviors, he responded by being insulted and became extremely defensive. Although never acknowledging the abuse, he never once denied it either. His response to the police, and I quote, “if that’s what she said happened, then it must have happened…I just don’t remember”.

During my short time in therapy, I have learned that pedophiles are like any other predator. They stalk and hunt children as their prey. Many predators, like mine, will spend weeks, months, and even years grooming their victims. They are calculating, manipulative, and very, very patient when it comes to achieving their goal. Molesters are charming. They get along with everyone and are usually popular. They can be upstanding members of the community and tend to present a perfect image. Like my uncle, they are “great guys” and “everybody’s friend”. They are charming and intimidate other adults into believing they are above reproach. Their behavior is a controlled public image – for I know all too well about their private behaviors. My counselor says she has never met a “child molester she didn’t like.

Today, I wonder if he is capable of feeling, let alone harbors a conscience. And did he, in all those years of wonderful memories, ever really love me? Is he sorry for the destruction he has caused in all of our lives, even though he refuses to admit it? I'd like to know WHY? Why did he chose to cross the line?"

Join Hosts: Robin Sax Prosecutor and Author, Author Stacy Dittrich, Violence Expert and Author Susan Murphy-Milano as they provide justice for those whose lives have been interrupted by rape, murder, child sexual predators, strange and unexplained disappearances.........To listen live go to: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/justiceinterrupted and click on the "Click To Listen" icon.You might want to refresh your page because the icon will not show until the show starts.Call in live at: 914-338-0663 to participate in the show.

How To Avoid Being A Victim At Your Own Crime Scene

It is difficult for anyone involved in any type of domestic violence relationship or married to a manipulative, controlling person.

If you do not want to become the victim at your own crime scene then I suggest you listen to today’s show.

WE will also discuss the case of Nikki McPhatters. Tragically, she was shot and her body burned and disposed of in her own car. She returned to the scene of the crime so to speak, by deciding to confront a man whom she met online and dated. We will talk about this and other cases where life choices including confrontation, break-up or pending divorce cost women their lives.

The Susan Murphy Milano Show airs every Wednesday @ 4 PM ET/ 3 CT / 2 MT/ 1 PT

Today on the Susan Murphy Milano show Guest Anny Jacoby, Owner/President of The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company, is a survivor of domestic violence. She advocates that every female has the absolute right to protect and defend herself. It is important that every female has access to readily available, practical self-defense training. At age we all must be prepared to protect ourselfs against assaults and abductions.

Tracey Mutz, her life still in danger, filed criminal charges against her former boyfriend Sheriff Deputy Allan Wayne Schaeffer who was fired after a news reporter investigated the brutal beating of Tracey Mutz, who filed domestic violence charges against him. The former sheriff was charged with aggravated rape and 2nd degree battery.

____________________________________

TONIGHT Join Me On Denny Griffin's show

Juror Thirteen

Date / Time: 6/3/2009 8:00 PM CST

Call-in Number: (646) 478-0982

Tonight we'll discuss crimes against children and domestic violence with Robin Sax and Susan Murphy-Milano. Robin is a 15-year Los Angeles County prosecutor specializing in prosecuting sex crimes against children. Susan is an advocate for victims of domestic violence. Both women are co-hosts on the popular BTR show Justice Interrupted.

Protection and Self Defense For Women: Today on The Susan Murphy Milano Show, 4:00PM ET

It’s not about strength, it’s about knowledge.
And, knowledge is a powerful tool!

You have one life and one chance to defend yourself in the event of a physical altercation. Statistics prove that it is imperative for females to obtain the knowledge of self-defense and awareness in today’s society. The harsh reality is that at some point during your life, you or someone you love will be victimized.
Being armed with the right information
is a female’s best defense.

What is self-defense? Self-defense is defending oneself against a viable threat when no other options conceivably exist. You only use self-defense if you have to. Using self-defense is a means of escape and ultimate survival. You have to have the ability to assess a situation to determine whether self-defense is necessary and/or useful.

Awareness is the first key to self-defense. The best form of self-defense is the kind you do not need to use. If you can AVOID a potentially threatening situation, your best bet is to do so. Common sense and awareness is PREVENTATIVE self-defense to avoid potentially dangerous situations.

The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company teaches a full range of skills, builds your confidence and provides you with the defensive power and wisdom you will need to ward off an attack. Training is not martial arts but rather teaching females how to defend themselves with “realistic un-armed self-defense”™ training. Students are taught how to use their bodies and minds (forming mental blueprints) to defend themselves in a safe environment and in controlled situations to remain safe and unharmed, realistically. Students are educated about awareness, the ability to recognize the warning signs; and taught proactive options both mentally and physically.
Ask yourself:
· Would I like to be educated about awareness, the first step to self-defense?
· Would I like to be taught how to use my body and mind to “realistically” defend myself in case of an attempted assault?
· Would I like to be taught how to recognize “warning signs” of an abusive relationship and/or prior to an altercation?

IF YOU ANSWERED “YES” TO ANY OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS
IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR DESTINY.
OBTAIN TRAINING THAT YOU WILL HAVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

The Susan Murphy Milano Show airs every Wednesday @ 4 PM ET/ 3 CT / 2 MT/ 1 PT

Today on the Susan Murphy Milano show On Today’s show Anny Jacoby, Owner/President of The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company, is a survivor of domestic violence. She advocates that every female has the absolute right to protect and defend herself. It is important that every female has access to readily available, practical self-defense training. One’s age does not matter, assaults and abductions have no limitations.

And singer and song writer Kama Linden is a fireball of energy, passion, and versatility. This gutsy lyricist catches you (and catches you off guard) with her edgy lyrics and voice. She is currently a victim of an obsessed stalker. We will provide direction and guidance in her current situation. And take your calls live.

Join Susan Murphy Milano and Delilah from the site peace4missing.ning.com as we bring you a information that saves lives.

Go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano
Or listen later in a podcast. Each new show automatically plays on this site until the new scheduled broadcast. Grab yourself a cup of coffee and turn up the volume on your computer.

When A Cop Rapes A Child Should Bail Be Denied?

The court documents say forcible rape and incest. In these cases where law enforcement is involved with a crime of a child, in my opinion bond should be automatically, denied.

The am also concerned that the Officer Martinez is a danger to the community. Another issue are his weapons. Allowing officers charged in these cases to retain their weapons, again in a threat to the community. Martinez is a 20 year trained crime fighter.

Perhaps the judge should have issued a GPS monitor for the officer as a condition of his release. Oh, I forgot. They usually don't enforce procedures of safety for police officers.

It is likely this man who raped a 12 year-old child will be represented by a police union lawyer. If Prosecutors offer this bozo a deal. Will he have still be required to register as a sexual predator?

The prosecutors must remember the life of this little girl is in their hands. The victim will live with the scars of this rape, forever. She already lives in a prison. With memories one cannot erase so easily.

And when it is time for Pedro Martinez to resign and sign the paperwork for his pension. Fight to have it taken away. The same way he took away the innocence of the child.

(Source: Masslive.com) Bail was set at $75,000 cash or surety Tuesday for a 20-year veteran of the Springfield Police Department who pleaded innocent to child rape and incest charges.

Pedro J. Martinez, 47, a uniformed patrol officer, was arrested at the end of his shift Monday at 3 p.m. Martinez pleaded innocent to three counts of forcible rape of a child and three counts of incest. Police Commissioner William J. Fitchet said that Martinez was immediately suspended for five days without pay pending a grand jury indictment. Defense lawyer Raipher D. Pelligrino said after the arraignment that the charges are the result of a misunderstanding and his client is innocent.

He told District Court Judge Rita Koenigs that the victim has "issues that need to be explored further." Assistant District Attorney John Compton asked for a bail of $100,000 cash or $1 million surety. Compton said the victim said she was raped and sexually abused repeatedly from January 2005, when she was 12, to October 2008.

Judge Tells Offender To Be A Good Boy and He Won't Be Convicted

A man who repeatedly punched his wife for several minutes has escaped conviction after the judge ordered him to write an essay on domestic violence. Wow! Making excuses is what we see in each of these cases. For a Judge to have an abuser write a letter instead of jail time and counseling indicates pure ignorance on the part of the legal system to protect victims in relationships with violent offenders. A slap on the wrist from the legal system, is a knock out punch for victims. Judge Bruce Davidson should be removed from presiding over future domestic violence cases. Traffic court sounds less dangerous for this rope a dope of a judge. Or maybe not, apparently his track record is still haunting him.

But the 42-year-old who has been let off three domestic violence charges previously did not apologise in his essay to his wife or their 12-year-old son, who reported the bashing to police.
Instead, he blamed his upbringing.

"I have learnt now that I was a by-product of my father with my angry outbursts and getting frustrated to the point where I would physically and verbally hurt my wife," the Wellington dad of three wrote in his three-page piece `Why domestic violence is wrong'.
"I never thought I would become like my father because I remember telling myself as a young teenager that I would not be violent and abusive like my dad."

The man was discharged without conviction by Judge Bruce Davidson late last year after meeting earlier conditions to stay out of trouble for nine months, pay a fine, and write the essay.
Judge Davidson also granted him permanent name suppression,
Sunday News obtained the essay from Wellington District Court last week despite objections from his lawyer.

The 42-year-old was charged with assaulting his wife in April 2007. He pleaded guilty to the charge.
According to the police summary of facts, the man got into a "heated argument" with his wife. Then while she was lying down, attacked her.
"He punched the victim with a closed fists repeatedly to the body over a period of five to 10 minutes," the summary read.
At Wellington District Court in January last year, Judge Davidson agreed to delay sentencing, but said he would not necessarily grant the discharge because it would be "ground-breaking" if he escaped conviction a fourth time.
In October last year however after receiving the essay Judge Davidson granted the discharge.
He said he was now a changed man and did not react with his fists.

"I have learnt that I am now responsible for my actions and controlling my anger in a non-physical or abusive manner that I have the power to choose and decide not to be violent in any way, shape or form," he wrote.
"I can now walk away if an argument starts to get heated and cool down."
The man cited his upbringing as a reason for his violence and described watching his mother "being victimised by my drunken father".
He said he would lose his job if he was convicted of assaulting his wife, his family was under financial stress and he pleaded with the judge to discharge him without conviction.
"I am hanging by a thin thread and know I have been let off several times now of being convicted. If I was to offend again I deserve to be punished severely. I ask that you do not cut the thread just yet, your honour. And please give me another chance and allow me to continue my course of overcoming and breaking the cycle of violence."
And he pleaded for name suppression because of the humiliation earlier media reports of the incident had caused his family.
"It really upset my wife and children most of all. They were made to feel like victims themselves by the people who know us.'
When Sunday News contacted the man yesterday he reluctantly admitted he was lucky to escape conviction for assaulting his wife.
"Oh yeah, I guess so."
He said he had "definitely changed", and that he had apologised to his wife several times.
The man's wife told Sunday News her husband's court case was an "extremely sensitive issue" and that she regretted the fact police had become involved.
"I can tell you right now I would never, never, never ... If (my husband) ever hit me again I would never, never report it to the police," she said.
"My children will never ring the police because of what has happened.
"My son, I thought he'd done the right thing. I certainly thought I'd done the right thing. It's hard enough emotionally without it being bought into the media.
"I want women to report this stuff but I don't want them to have to go through what I went through. That's why I'll never do it (get police involved) again."
She said her family's home life was now more settled and they were getting on with their lives.
"We had a hell of a year because of this. A terrible, terrible year. I nearly had a breakdown with it all. We nearly lost our house."

The lawyer who unsuccessfully challenged Sunday News' request to view his client's essay, submitted it should not be "viewed and published (even in part) by any newspaper". But he also said the essay was "so honest and so descriptive of domestic violence" it could be "a focal point in any campaign to control domestic violence".

ABC's Nightline Features The Life of a Trained Killer ?

Tonight, Drew Peterson once again, appears on television. This time, he's on ABC's program Nightline.

WE must not forget, 2 of his wives are dead. His children will never again see or hear their mother's face or voices. Had Stacy not vanished Kathleen Savio (wife #3) body would have never been exhumed. And the real truth of a botched murder investigation might have never surfaced.

Two women married to a man who by all accounts was an abuser with a badge and a license to carry a weapon. I give Peterson a lot of credit for having the balls to parade himself and his next victim as though they were hollywood royalty.

Stacy Peterson and Kathleen Savio were forever silenced. Each time you see Peterson remember these women were unable to seek the resources necessary to get out from under his control with their lives. Why? Because he was the law!