"Silent Mary Jo'"

While there are many intimate partner, stalking and domestic abuse murders to highlight and unsolved cases sitting idle as if they were stacked up in rush hour traffic waiting as investigators inch forward from low gear in the case to finally making an arrest, my attention today is for those who are alive. Living in abusive relationships right now.

I was taken by surprise earlier today when someone whom I consider a close friend and a colleague was seriously injured by her husband. As the day unfolded so did the details of what happened. Every case and situation of abuse bothers me, but this one hit home.

It could be anyone- you, someone you work with, the mom you sat next to at the P.T.A. meeting or even the server at starbucks coffee for that matter.

In an effort to save what I term as the "silent Mary Jo's" of the world those living in war zones across the United States, Canada and Europe, the battle field is their own home I will use a gerneral overview based on the facts a life threatening situation just hours ago.

Mary Jo graduated with a masters degree in business. This highly energetic and attractive young woman landed a job at a chemical company in Washington, D.C. With no shortage of men asking her out she was careful to not get serious with anyone. Her career was a priority. Within a year Mary Jo locked eyes with Peter who had been transfered by the company to the D.C., office. Peter's rugged looks and his charming personality won the heart of Mary Jo. Two years later they married. The following year she gave birth to twin boys. Anxious to continue working Mary Jo started a chemical product company from her garage shipping orders across the country from the family garage until the business required a larger space.

The couple talked and Peter quit his job to oversee the business. Mary Jo maintained majority ownership and control making it one of a handful of female owned minority companies in the country with revenue after 6 years close to $35 million in sales. As the company prospered their marriage began to erode. Important decisions in the company were suddenly usurped by Peter. The hands on management and control she had no longer existed. Mary Jo threw herself into the boys activities and school. And she created a platform for which to speak out against various forms of abuse. That is how we met. At a violence conference in SanDiego where we struck up an immediate friendship. On and off we worked together on various and cases of intimate partner violence. And over the past couple of years we grew closer like girlfriends getting together happend when either us were in the others neck of the woods. But like most victims of abuse Mary Jo was very careful to keep her secret.

When Mary Jo started speaking up and disagreeing with Peter he barked at her as though she were his child. "You don't question me" he would snap back. The conversations -one way of course quickly turned into "ugly" in your face confrontations. When Mary Jo didn't back off enough Peter would slap her across the face with his open hand to physical beatings. Over time Peter was taking control of the household expenses and keeping close tabs on Mary Jo.

Fifteen years later and of few trips to many visits to the doctor, dentist or hospital because of so called "clumsy accidents" Mary Jo had enough. Several months ago she confided in me that she was making plans to end the marriage. In response I told her as a precaution to prepare the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, "just in case", I said.

Today, I learned that Mary Jo's loving husband Peter has been tracking and stalking her every move. From reading her personal emails on the computer to tracking her movement by the GPS tracking system he activated on the company cell phone he gave her. Peter has been accusing Mary Jo of having an affair. Mary Jo during arguments was now standing up to Peter and this morning she was nearly killed. A neighbor heard her screams and called 911. As the sirens approached the house at 10:20 A.M. EST, Peter bent down and whispered in his bleeding wives ear "think about what cemetary you would like to be buried at my darling."

I haven't been able to speak with Mary Jo. But I can speak to you. Before you decide that you have had enough and are ending the relationship create for yourself the "Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" and video (shown below).

If you do nothing else, please take one important step that if something does happen to you, if you do vanish like Stacy Peterson, Vensus Stewart, Rachel Anderson, Susan Powell, Lisa Stebic, or are found murdered like Monica Beresford-Redmond, Franki Jacobson, Renee Pagel and others where the person responsible has gotten away with murder that your voice and record of the abuse will be captured and recorded. Do it for you friends, family and loved ones. Do it for your children. Do it for you! If you have an opportunity take a moment and download a podcast from a radio show I did earlier on the AWN Radio Network Linked HERE.

How you can escape a violent relationship and get out with your life. ALSO NOW AVAILABLE ON KINDLE
It is better to be a safe and alive "Mary Jo" than "a dead Jane Doe.












Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

Surviving Domestic Violence and Stalking with Susan Murphy Milano on AWN Radio Thursday May 27, 2010 at 9:00 PM EST/ 8:00 PM CST

Surviving domestic abuse & stalking means strategic planning & playing it smart. When faced with daily survival tasks & overwhelming fears a victim is too often left with no time to properly construct safety plans & an escape guide. If you toss into the mix the unique sensory differences faced by individuals on the autism spectrum, then you will understand why Susan Murphy Milano's new book "Time's Up" is proving to be a vital asset.

All people react in a highly sensitized manner when processing stress surrounding violence & ongoing abuse. For individuals on the autism spectrum, most experience unique sensory challenges pertaining to Executive Function & will be faced with processing an even more exaggerated sensory reaction when enduring acts of violence, stalking, and/or ongoing abuse.

Some of these noticeable neuro-differences for individuals on the spectrum are:

•Making arbitrary choices
•Breaking down large tasks into smaller steps
•Recognizing possible options in their situation
•Deciphering how they feel about various options
•Implementing information and/or their skills necessary to complete tasks
•"Beginning" (actually start moving in response to thought)
In Time's Up, Susan has already done your thinking for you as she guides you through the necessary strategies, and life saving tools. Law enforcement agencies, social workers, psychologists, and attorneys are looking to it as a valuable resource when assisting clients.

Radio Show Link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/autism-womens-network/2010/05/28/serving-it-up-susan-murphy-milano-style

To call on with questions and comments: 917-889-3527

Thursday May 27, 2010.

Show Times are: 6PM PDT, 7PM MDT, 8PM CDT, 9PM EDT. If outside the USA, you can determine when our show broadcasts live in your area by using the Meeting Planner.

The show is being dedicated to the memory of Franki Jacobson murdered in January of 2010. She was a wife, mother and author wrote under the name Frankaleana Beana. She co-author the children’s book released in December of 2009 titled “Green Bean’s Birthday Party” a book to help parents of children with autism. She was a pioneer on a mission to bring awareness to children with autism. As a mother of two 7 year- old twin boys Eric and Joshua. She had written articles from "do you know the signs of autism" to "what parents can do for their children once they are diagnosed."

In a wealthy Palm Beach Florida gated community the author and her two boys were murdered by their loving father and husband.

"Killing Them Softly" The Susan Murphy Milano Show Wednesday May 26, 2010 at 4:00 PM EST/ 3:00 PM CST

Today’s show famed international Private Eye Vito Colucci, Jr. for the past 20 years, he has worked numerous high profile cases; such as Michael Skakel/Martha Moxley case, Jayson Williams manslaughter case in New Jersey, and the honeymooner George Smith case. Using good old fashioned police skills and marrying it with the latest technology this veteran cop tuned private eye has worked on everything from intimate partner violence murders, rapes and corrupt priests. He is the author of the highly acclaimed book “Inside the Private Eyes of a PI”.

Vito is a regular commentator on various news programs including MSNBC, Nancy Grace and Glenn Beck/CNN Headline News, Fox News and Larry King Live.

And on June 2, 2010 at 8:00 PM on Blogtalk Radio Vito Colucci, Jr., along with Dennis Griffin and myself debut the new show ” Crime Wire.” The show created for families of violent and unsolved crimes to find answers and seek justice.

And Al Dressler expert in the field of crime computer forensics and data recovery, cell phone forensics, email tracing, network security audits and digital cctv camera network installations.

The number to call into the show with questions or comments is :

1-347-326-9337

DATE: Wednesday, May 26, 2010
TIME: 4: 00 PM Eastern Time and 3:00 PM Central Time

Show Link: www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

If you miss the show be sure to return to this site where it will re-play automatically through June 2, 2010 or you can down load the podcast by going to the link for the show.

"The Battle Cry"

Victims of intimate partner violence ,and those killed by a person’s rage for the sake of argument, is invisible in the eyes of society. We each understand, as we read about tragic cases in the news, that the epidemic exists, but it does not have a voice or a face — because the media places victims lives in the "unimportant category box." Unless a case is filled with a rapid fire of interest like Drew Peterson ,who, in my opinion, might as well have two heads. My less than favorite "dickless wonder" only gained national attention because he was a cop and two wives met their tragic end by this "clever like a fox" individual guarding and controlling his domain, in my opinion, as only a serial abuser knows how to accomplish.

There have been few cases of late that have reached the level of coverage since the Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman murders. The death toll in this war on intimate partner homicide has risen considerably since the OJ trial and the media coverage has been nothing more than a brief burp.

 I could count the Laci Peterson murder and the death of her unborn son, but the coverage was in large part due to her mother who jumped and shouted from every roof top until the media covered the story. Laci Peterson's death was only covered because it was filled with tabloid type juicy twists and turns, when it should have received attention solely based on the fact that an innocent woman and mother-to-be lost her lost her life to war in battle due to a husband's rage.

For the thousands of other causalities whose "battle cry" has never been heard their lives must have more importance then a one liner on a grave marker.

Media coverage, other than sites such as Websleuths posting cases, or a grieving family member starting a web page in memory of their loved one, or on a Facebook page asking for information from the public in hopes of keeping interest on an unsolved case alive in hopes someone will listen, simply will fade away as if the casualty of war never existed in the first place. The unnamed soldier of war at least has a place in which to be counted and is remembered. Each year the President of the United States places a wreath on the tomb in honor the unknown soldier.

The war in the home is not a recognized battle, yet it should be. A victim cannot fight without having the necessary training and tools in order to survive. At a minimum it would require our legal system to handle cases of violence in the home as though they are positioned on the battlefield of war. From divorce to child custody, court orders of protection, to the general handing down the orders to their troops.

This is not a game. It is a real life battle involving families, children, mothers and fathers.

"Battle Cry" will work towards creating that voice for accountability and change how these cases are handled, investigated, and ultimately portrayed. Obviously, I can not do this alone. I need your help. Heed the call and join the cry..."The Battle Cry."

Email us with your interest to participate at MurphyMilano@gmail.com

Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

Former Survivor Producer Bruce Beresford-Redman "Drinking Mojita's"

It appears that the Mexican authorities have been lax in keeping tabs on the former television producer of the famed show “Survivor” whom has yet to be charged with the murder of his wife Monica Beresford-Redmond.

The case is still under investigation, but, apparently no one thought to detain the former producer or put restrictions on his travels other than take his passport away and say he could not leave Mexico. What is really in place, other than formal lip service, to stop a person who has resources at their fingertips to do whatever the heck they want? He likely set up his own personal print shop complete with an ink kit he bought on the black Mexican market to create travel documents that look like the real thing. Or he had some help along the way.

Think about it for a moment, just how manipulative is this bozo?

He is a master at having people do things for a popular reality show just because it makes for great television. Somehow, after an affair during the marriage, he was able to convince Monica to go on a so called “second honeymoon,” and that landed the loving mother dead in drain pipe near the hotel where the couple was vacationing. Anyone have tabs on that former lover of Beresford-Redmond ? Just curious, you know they always seem to help the ones they love when in trouble. Have U.S. authorities been contacted to question this person? What about obtaining a search warrant on computer activity? How about the cell phone activity of this individual? Oh wait, I apologize, Beresford-Redman has yet to be charged in the murder of his wife. So perhaps the former love interest is off the authories radar.


And the question of the day is, why hasn’t Bruce Beresford-Redmond been charged? Is it because from Mexico you can not obtain search warrants on pre-planned, possible criminal activities from another country? What about the FBI? Where is there involvement on this case, other than Monica’s family members who are asking for justice in this obvious ( my opinion of course) murder of intimate partner homicide. Bruce Beresford-Redmond must have located the e-book version of “how to get away with murder.” It’s a very popular read among abusive men who, in my opinion, want to either make the person they are in a relationship with or married to vanish without a trace, or eliminate them from life and have it look like it was a random act of violence.

According to the associated press wires and the Websleuths forum, Mexican authorities have been looking for former "Survivor" producer Bruce Beresford-Redman for several days with no success.

I would post his photo, but, chances are he has totally changed his appearance. He could have shaved his head, grown a beard, put on or lost weight. And ,again, he has not been charged with any crime.

Maybe someone from the State Department with a human heart can get involved? Or does anyone know the telephone number to Dog the Bounty Hunter? He is pretty good at locating just about anyone.


If I appear to have a sarcastic tone, it is because I do. Another innocent woman, wife and mother of two children was found murdered. The only person, in my opinion, responsible is roaming free, wearing a flowery pattern button down shirt, blending in with the tourists, and drinking mojito’s in some foreign county, celebrating his freedom while he works on his next reality show "Surviving The Sewers ...of Mexican Justice."

Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

"Dead Eyes Tell the Story"

Remember the saying 'the devil made me do it?" It applies well to criminals of intimate partner violence and homicide as the evil side of an abuser releases an invisible stench. We as family, community and co-workers can not see the pure evil associated with an abuser because they are so clever at hiding it from everyone, with the exception of those they prey upon. Innocent women and their children are the abuser's easy targets.

Why? The abuser works behind the scenes where they are unable to be detected by anyone but those in their home, and with whom they are, or were, in an intimate relationship.

Earlier this week Shon Pernice was indicted for the murder of his wife Renee Pernice, 35, last seen on New Years day in 2009, another victim who vanished without a trace, no different than Stacy Peterson, Susan Powell, Lisa Stebic, Venus Stewart and many others who were mothers living in fear and would have never left without taking their children. And, yet, all 5 of the vanishing women's estranged husbands had come down with "abuser brain freeze." When your wife vanishes the brain locks up and the only response to why their wife and mother of the children is suddenly gone is, "I don't know but, we just want her to come home." In each case, if you review media interviews or read their direct quotes, they speak in the "catch me if you can." lingo.

Notice how their abuser body language is the same, how the corners of their mouths slightly turned up trying not to smile, their shoulders are slightly curved as they look into the camera. The eyes tell no lies.  Each man has "dead eyes," dialated and widened a bit more than usual, trying to look concerened for the cameras as they attempt to spin pure hatred to words of compassion.

The terror each woman suffered was literally at the hands of an evil monster, a.k.a their loving husbands.

Turning into the devil, these abusers with predator like characteristics, in my opinion, thought for months as to how they would get away with murder. I remember finding hand written journals my father had written prior to murdering my mother. On several legal pads, in his chicken scratch, was page upon page of dates and times where he was tracking her every move. Then my father layed out his plan of action.

An abuser, in my expert opinion, does not allow their victim to go quietly from their life without some type of pain and suffereing. I'll use my mothers case as an example because I believe it applies to the majority of victims killed by their partners.

My father lured my mother to my childhood home making her believe she had to sign a legal document. Once she entered the home he pulled a gun out, got her in a head lock, dragged her up the four steps to the kitchen and told her how she was going to die. He taunted her with his angry words. I can hear him say"Roberta, your going to die, your a bitch, I gave you everything, Its time to pay for leaving me" . Forget that this veteran law enforcement officer was the king of his domain or that he was loved by everyone who knew him.

My mothers eyes were no doubt filled with the worst human terror a person suffers hours, minutes or seconds before their life is taken. Still in a headlock for what must have seemed like hours, and more likely only several minutes, according to neighbors accounts and a time line of events I had created, without a doubt my mother pleaded for her life. But, in true to form abuser behavior, my father wanted his face to be the last my mother saw when he pulled the trigger. And then he took his own life.

For Venus Stewart, who vanished while walking out to her mailbox on April 26, 2010, I think more than one person may have been involved. Her husband, in my opinion. likely enlisted the help of someone. She was caught by surprise. Once secured for transport and still alive, one person had her legs and feet the other her held the upper body and she was thrown into the car, driven to a different location where the abuser made certain his face was also the last his victim saw before she was killed.

When Renee Pernice vanished mysteriously, as her husband Shon would have the world believe, he, in my opinion, made certain the children were out of the home. In my opinion, his experience as a trained fire fighter came in handy when he, too, likely made ceratin Renee knew she was about to be killed. Pernice was angry. Renee was ending the marriage and he wanted her to pay. In "real time violent partner homicide" the abuser is easily excited, sickly arroused, as they speak to their victim and tell them they are about to die. Abusers get off on the power of final control over this persons life knowing their face, too, is the last she will ever see as they take a final breathe.


The bodies of all five women have yet to be found. In three out of the five cases I do believe they will never be recovered, and pray I am wrong.

Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

Elder Abuse "The Not So Golden Years" on the Susan Murphy Milano Show May 18, 2010 at 4:00 PM EST/3:00 PM CST

Our guest for the hour is William H. Lightfoot a National Expert on Elder Issues as a retired law enforcement agent he is among a handful in the country in the trenches of this growing epidemic. Elder Abuse and Neglect is one of the most under reported crimes today. For a whole variety of reasons these crimes including financial exploitation, are not reported and when they are, the investigation and prosecution efforts are lacking in many places. This is due largely to a lack of understanding of the basic dynamics of elder abuse and the lack of training by authorities. The types of abuses range from physical abuse to gross neglect and is usually by a family member or caregiver. And there is a lack of reporting of abuse in care facilities.

The number to call into the show with questions or comments is :

1-347-326-9337

DATE: Wednesday, May 18, 2010
TIME: 4: 00 PM Eastern Time and 3:00 PM Central Time


Show Link: www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

If you miss the show be sure to return to this site where it will re-play automatically through May 26, 2010 or you can down load the podcast by going to the link for the show.

W.T.F.

In case you missed this post over on the Time's Up Blog it is definately worth repeating. I hope you will consider spreading this important message on every social network on the Internet and other sites like facebook, blogs send it to the media and let those voices silenced, be finally heard. My mother who was a victim in this war of intimate partner homicide taught me prior to her murder at the hands of my father, "if you believe it, own it, if you own it, it will be so." Help me make it happen. Thank you!

As I sip my coffee with cream, pecking away on my computer, reading the bloodshed in the headlines, I am split between those whom you will never read about because they got out of their abusive and violent relationships, and those whose permanent residence is now in a cemetery, their violent lives marked by a single headstone tablet coldly displaying the name, date of birth through the date they died.

There are many mothers and their children who are living their lives without violence because they had a plan to get out of their toxic and abusive relationship. Some enlisted an army of friends, neighbors and relatives, others, by shear will and determination, got out, but you will not ever read about them, they are safe. Some packed their bags and made a new life for themselves across country, others did not stray very far from familiar territory and yet were still able to rebuild their lives.

So why are we seeing bloodshed at epidemic proportions? What are those victims who are being killed doing wrong? And what are those who remain alive doing correctly?

Are the women who are murdered along with their children assisted by a society of pure ignorance when it pertains to domestic violence and intimate partner homicide? Look around folks, you cannot pick up a paper or turn on the news without hearing how another woman was murdered by someone they new intimately. You can't help but read nasty comments on the internet, not from strangers, but, often by friends and realtives who knew both the victim and the abuser, trying to defend the actions of a cold blooded killer, and blaming a victim because she filed for divorce or took the children. Has anyone ever asked the question, "why?" Or is it easier to turn our backs and call victims liars or drama queens even after they or their innocent children are murdered? The phrase "shame on you" (I have a different phase more along the lines W.T.F. but I cannot use it here) to all Americans comes to mind especially when I know in 80% of these tragedies the victims did not have to die. They would still be alive if not for human ignorance. I do not have enough posts to list all those who are dead, but, if I did, it would surpass those killed in both the Vietnam and Iraq war combined.

American soldiers are properly trained and given weapons as they fight and go into battle for our country. Victims of violence during their battle are often given little more then lip service from the legal system and society.

For those who got out of the stalking and domestic violence relationships, do not think for one minute they have or had it easy. These victims swallowed their dose of being beaten and raped within an inch of their lives, not knowing from one moment to the next what their abuser or former partner was going to do to them or their children. Somehow they made it through to see a new sunrise the next morning, and many began, after the beatings and verbal threats against them, a plan to exist in their toxic environments with their lives. It was not easy as many of these women who came and tried before them did not make it and let's remember where those victims are, dead. But, many abuse victims who are now alive had help, be it a shelter for women, a church, an attorney who took favor on them representing them in their divorce or custody case for little or no charge. Or in some situations, they were able to get hold of advocates like me.

With all my heart and soul I would like to believe that someone is listening, maybe even Oprah Winfrey. Let us show the world thay someone cares about the number of murders wreaking havoc in America on the lives of innocent victims of violence, not always women, men too, and are ready to be part of a revolution demanding that the victims of this war be given a level playing field to fight and stay alive. I, for one, am tired of singing in a choir where the lives of victims murdered out weighs the millions of Americans' who are able to be a voice and sing loudly for effective change.


Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

Drew Peterson Trial and the Sidebar on Google?

Last week Drew Peterson's ever expanding circus act filed 9 motions before the upcoming trial scheduled for the 14th of June. Nice move by the defense team, I will give them that much, but, I am reminded of another trial in California 6 years ago, also in June headed by famed defense attorney, Mark Geragos. Maybe the Drew Peterson defense team is quietly holding weekly phone conferences with Geragos on the motions filed by my favorite legal "Marshmallow Roaster"as they appear eerily similar.

You remember Mark Geragos, he represented Scott Peterson. This Peterson (no relation to Drew except for their ability, in my opinion, to make women vanish) went to trial for the murder of Laci Peterson  in 2002, after she went missing while seven and a half months pregnant with her first child. Laci was reportedly last seen alive on December 24, 2002. Peterson's defense was based around the lack of direct evidence, and defusing the circumstantial evidence, and a hell of a lot of useless motions and paper legal shuffling. The evidence against Peterson was largely circumstantial. On November 12 , 2004, a jury convicted Scott Peterson of first-degree murder with special circumstances for killing Laci and second-degree murder for killing his unborn son.

The prosecutor prevailed and Scott Peterson is now sitting his pathetic behind on death row.  

The motions filed under "seal" by the Drew Peterson team is nothing more than a way to buy time. Reminds me of too many cooks in a kitchen spoiling the soup.

There is an upside to this defense circus, each one of the team members will have their name in "Internet lights" so to speak, searched by Google with rapid speed. My favorite legal roaster will likely have his own page, hopefully minus the advertisement for the not so famous take out chicken wings, with his client's name at the top :"Drew Peterson Trial." Along the sidebar of the page will be a listing of trial documents, evidence, case summary, and each defense attorney on the team will have their name displayed in bright colorful fonts.

Looking at the Scott Peterson trial should give us a bit of hope that Will County Prosecutor James Glascow will also prevail and get a conviction. After all, he is not representing one victim, but many.

[To follow the latest on the case go to http://www.petersonstory.wordpress.com/ and Websleuths forum where you are able to post your thoughts and weigh in on the case]

Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy-Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

Wendy Stevens and a Husband's Rage

Wendy Stevens went through a bank ATM machine, her four children in the car with her when five rounds of gunfire blasted into the SUV killing the 36-year of mother.

This was not a random act of violence. It was a husbands rage.

As I pen this post, it is the children who will be forever scarred by this single, life altering event. When a child witnesses the cold blooded murder of a parent. that vision is literally tatooed in them for the remainder of their days on earth. The repeated memory of these children will be of being helpless and watching as Mommy is shot,  bullets entering her body with lighting speed while buckled up in her seat slumped over the steering wheel.  It is the last picture they will have of their Mother.

In my opinion. no amount of therapy will prepare them for their life's journey. The months ahead will be cruel as they attempt to get through a single day without reliving this nightmare. The news coverage of this case will go on for months and perhaps years.



When the children return to school they will feel isolated and alone. They will not be able to cope with seeing parents drop off their school mates without remembering their mother. The kids will have difficulty in anything that reminds them of their interaction with their Mother. It is my hope that the community will rally around these children and embrace them gently as they take baby steps back into society.

That the adults in their lives will protect them from ignorant individuals. some who knew or were related to either the victim or the murderer, who show their lack of intelligence as they post inapprorpiate comments of this tragedy on various Internet sites. Repeating them here would be giving true ignorance a forum for folks who have no clue about Intimate Partner violence and homicide.

There is one Internet comment I will post from someone named Dixie 17:

"Wendy is my aunt and she was a great mother. She was a loving, fun, and caring person with a big heart. She had four beautiful children and she loved them with all of her heart; anyone who knew her could tell you that. It is such a tragedy that these young children had to witness their mothers death. I have met mike quite a few times and he is a twisted person. He has been arrested for strangling her so she put a restraining order on him. He was arrested again for violating the restraining order, and he continued to stalked her. I believe he deserves a whole lot more than the state of Alabama would allow. On top on murdering the mother of his two children he put his own child’s life in danger. So for those of you who posted comments in his favor need to look at the facts, and you may also need to talk to a counselor. Rest in peace my love, you are missed dearly"



[Case Overview-Wendy Stevens filed for divorce in January and she also had a court order of protection against her estranged husband who was, according to the judge's order. violent and stalking her. On Tuesday, May 11, 2010, as he killed Wendy, the coward fled the crime scene. On Wednesday Michael Berry was arrested and charged with her murder, on that same morning he was scheduled to appear in court for violating the order.]

Rest in peace Wendy Stevens and may God grant you the ability to watch over your children and direct their lives from the heavens.


Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

NFL Attitudes Must Change

Current NFL policies focus on punishment and discipline, not prevention nor education. If you think about it, a lot of abusers are mandated to take anger management or similar classes to avoid prosecution or "punishment." What we need to do is start somewhere else. Instead of punishment for a deed already done, we need to start bringing awareness to our professional athletes and educating them on prevention measures so that just maybe they will learn that their status as an athlete does not give them special privilege when it comes to "using" women.


Although professional athletes are not the only ones exhibiting this behavior, they are looked upon as heroes by many in our country, especially our children. When they put themselves in a position to be accused, such as Ben Roethlisberger and Lawrence Taylor, if there is no serious action taken, what type of message does this send to our households who each week sit and watch them play a game?


Lisa Michels and Lavina Masters are only one of handful who is fed up and are compelled standing up from the sidelines to take action. Who knows, maybe these two powerhouse advocates will be having lunch with commissioners and team owners soon to discuss some much needed changes in policy for players and team associates!


Please read her ideas, take the time to sign the petition, and move together to make changes!

Time after time we hear about an NFL player being accused of sexual assault or domestic violence.

HEADLINES:
*Lawrence Taylor rape arrest: Ex-Giant accused of raping, beating teen girl in NY hotel
*Ben Roethlisberger Accused of Sexual Assault AGAIN (second allegation in 365 days)
*Former NFL Player Michael Irvin, accused of rape (Cowboys)
*4 NFL Players Accused with Drugging, then Raping Woman - Dedric Ward, Charlie Batch, Ron Rice and Tyree Tolton
*O.J. Simpson Questioned on Domestic Abuse - (The Washington Post, January 26, 1996)

Need we say more? Enough is Enough. Now can we talk?

These players need to know that issues of violence affect everyone. Our children look up to and aspire to be like these players. Therefore, they should be expected to conduct themselves responsibly, promoting good and lawful values to be emulated.

Our goal is not to humiliate or hold a public trial. Our goal is to work with the NFL and the teams in order to educate them on the severity of their actions. Roger Goodell recently issued a memo in regards to the leagues personal conduct policy. It reads:

"The Policy makes clear that NFL and club personnel must do more than simply avoid criminal behavior. We must conduct ourselves in a way that 'is responsible, that promotes the values upon which the league is based, and is lawful.' This standard reflects the recognition that the conduct and behavior of our players and other league and team employees is critically important. Whether it involves your team or another, these incidents affect us all -- every investigation, arrest, or other allegation of improper conduct undermines the respect for our league by our fans, lessens the confidence of our business partners and threatens the continued success of our brand.

"As your club begins its offseason programs and approaches the Draft, I encourage you to be vigilant in reinforcing this message with your players and staff. It makes no difference whether an incident occurs during the season or in the off-season. At every opportunity, you should remind them of your standards and the public’s expectations, of the need to use good judgment, particularly when in a public place, and of the resources available to help us all in meeting these standards."

Obviously the commission understands the severity of the issues and that the number of recent complaints are alarming to us all. This shows that additional measures need to be instituted. It is not enough to merely state "this is wrong." They need to understand first hand how their actions affect victims and society. In order to accomplish this we believe that additional requirements need to be added to the league's current personal conduct policy.

1. Yearly required Sexual Assault Awareness Training for every player and employee.

- AND -

2. The training should include victims & survivors of sexual assault telling their stories of abuse, the affect it has on their lives and the lives of the people around them. (Examples of organizations: RAINN's Speakers Bureau, Elite Speakers Bureau.)

- AND -

3. The training should include Men from an organization similiar to "NOMAS" (National Organization for Men Against Sexism) or "Men Can Stop Rape." An organization that mobilizes men to use their strength for creating cultures free from violence against women.

- AND -

4. The policy should include financial penalties (preferably not less than 10% of their gross income) to be paid to the local rape crisis center.

Until policies that include education and financial penalties are instituted we see no end in sight. That's why your support for this petition is urgently needed. Tell the NFL Commission and the Team owners that you support educating and holding these players accountable by signing this petition today.

Created by Lavinia Masters and Lisa Michels, Sexual Assault Advocates United

Diva's of Women In Crime on the Susan Murphy Milano Show - 3:00 PM Central/ 4:00 PM Eastern Time

They may not sing like the "Three Tenors" but "Three Divas" from Women In Crime Ink can sing like canaries when it comes to solving crime! 

Join Women in Crime Ink's amazing Divas, Criminal Profiler and author Pat Brown,

True Crime Author, Diane Fanning and Robin Sax, former Prosecutor, author and NBC legal analyst as they discuss and disect cases of intimate partner violence, stalking and the hearsay law.

To call in to the show and ask a question or make a comment the number is:

1-347-326-9337

Wednesday, May 12, 2010
TIME: 4: 00 PM Eastern Time / 3:00 PM Central

Show Link: www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

To be considered as a guest on a future show or if you have a subject matter or idea you would like on a topic of interest please email us at murphymilano@gmail.com

Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

Washington Post's "Heartbreaking Headline" is Disturbing

The headline in the Washington Post, " HEARTHBREAKING FINISH FOR U-VA ROMANCE," continues, in my opinion, an ignorant yet sweeping trend in reporting these tragic crimes. Instead of sugar coating a headline that brings readers to the Internet or sell newspapers why not call it out for what this horriffic tragedy is, "Intimate Violence Murder Takes The Life of College Student," or do a follow-up as True Crime Writer Kathryn Casey wrote titled "Okay Girls-Time-To-Listen Up."

I realize that does not send loyal readers running to the headline in fact it is likely to make intelligent subscribers ignore the story and head over to the lesuire section of the newspaper. And it also does not do much for parents sending their children off to college at a large university. Anyway you look at it it is about the all mighty dollar.

Lets face it Domestic ,Violence and Stalking related deaths do not sell newspapers. The subject matter is not attractive and it only perpetuates the myth that intimate violence is between two people and they should somehow work it work between themselves. I have a news flash for you; it obviously did not work for Yeardly Love, who, in my expert opinion, did not have to die. Nor does the fact that colleges polices and the hour of student orientation they receive upon entering college on sexual assualt and campus crimes do little more than protect a university from lawsuits because they have passed out to the new students written mumbo jumbo from information copied off a Department of Justice website or newsletter and called it "information you can use to be safe." Obviously, it did not work for Yeardly Love or those we do not even hear about who are silenced on college campuses across the county.

It is a silent yet known fact that University police are not trained adequetly in sexual assualt and domestic violence crimes. And, yes, folks, they are crimes!

An example of another tragic case is a book written way back in 1995 by Washington Post pultizer prize winning journalist George Lardner titledm "The Stalking of Kristin," about a promising young art student who was killed by a jealous ex-boyfriend while attending college. Kristin Lardner did everything right. She was educated and sophisticated, and had the time and resources to make the law work for her. And she was a member of the class of people who believe the law when it promises to protect them. With a parent's rage, and an impressive command of the facts and statistics, George Lardner refutes the widespread belief that the courts offer effective protection to battered women who do report their abusers and press charges. The book includes photos of Kristin's artwork about abuse of women and 80 pages of footnotes and bibliography about the legal system. Unfortunately, this book needs to be part of every college campus and law school is no longer in print. I thought about George Lardner, whom I met while on book tour of my first published work, "Defending Our Lives, Getting Away from Domestic Violence and Staying Safe." [published by Doubleday Books]

I am sure, if asked of the father of Kristin , George Lardner, "what has changed in the legal system since the murder of his daughter 18 years ago?": his response would likely be "nothing has changed."

Maybe the Washington Post will do a story or review on the book "Time's Up A Guide on How to LLeave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships." It may not grab new subscribers to the Washington Post, but it will save lives!

The Vanishing Women:Mothers, Sisters and innocent lives, lost!

Today is Mother's Day. Instead of celebrating the love of a mother far too many families with motherless children will be visting gravesites across the county. As they place flowers and photo's on the headstone and grave tears of confusion and anger will roll down their cheeks as they stand trying to claim a memory or happy thought about her while she was alive. As the family holds hands in prayer silently they wonder what could they have done to prevent the tragedy?

The list is long consisting of women murdered in their own homes, stalked, missing in action if you will because their life was lost in the war against abuse, power and control. With pleas's for help from the judical system and their community often falling on deaf ears.

Many women are still out there waiting to be found by their families and bring them home. In honor of their lives it is important to list these amazing women, my mother included. I remember after my mom was murdered and a stranger or someone who barely knew me said " out of this tragedy you will triumph." At the time the wounds and emotions still raw I likely responded by barking back to the individual "what a cold and inappropriate statement, you have no clue what I am going through or feeling, my life is forever altered." I was wrong because I was angry, hurt and devasted by the loss of the one person I loved most with all my heart, my mother. From these women's tragedies we can change the course of survior for those among the living as they live in fear and wait for someone to extend a hand offer support to end the war with their children and lives intact.


So to Cindy Bischof, Crystal Brame, Heather Malloy, Rachel Anderson, Stacy Peterson, Paige Birgfeld, Brandy Schneider, Tara Grinstead, Carli Dennis, Heather Malloy, Monica Beresford-Redmond, Tera Chavez, Mercedes McCalley, Army Lt. Holley Wimunc, Charlotte Grahn, Lacey Gaines, Rosa Lisowski, Suzanne Gratton, Barbara Vanaman, Colleen Dwyer, Theresa Parker,Bethanie Dougherty, Denise Taylor, Maria Djelaj, Rose Cobb, Lisa Stebic, Kathleen Savio, Nancy Cooper, Renee Pagel, Selina Johnson, Lisa Freiberg, Karen Skellas, Sgt Sonia Garcia, Rachel Conger, Roberta Murphy, Jan Roseboro, Wendy Theibeault, Linda Yancey, Adelina Weber, Dawn Brossard, Tiffany O'Shell, Jennifer Vodermann, Mary McGinnas, Jessie Davis, Amy Mullins, Nailah Franklin, Elena Cole, Hannah Crowe, Ronda Reynolds, Melissa Lightsey, Isol Cotto, Debbie Rediess, Amy Yager, Lori DeKleine, Caran Renee Coward, Irma Rodriguez,Natasha Hall, Sharon Kleinsasser, Marie Bruce, Officer Patricia Williams, Sandra Twist, Tracy Judd, Amber Weigel, Antoinette Ross, Kathryn Maxwell, Officer Caran Coward, Susan Powell, Elizabeth Mangiatini, Gina Parsons, Zoelina Williams, Jessie Roponi, Cristi Lynne Hall, Karen Kahler, Ashley Ann Sullivan, Marcia Eakin Mammone, Brenda Canosa, Cheryl Wynn, Franki Jacobson, Susan McFarland, Sandra Viramontes, Shari Cartmell, Whitney Mendez, Nova Henry, Kellisue Ackernecht, Rose Maynard, Alice Morrin, Suzan Annette Sowders-Fuller, carla Westholfen, Kathryn Maxwell, Kristin Longo, Keitha Turner, Katherine Garner, Kelly Currin Morris, Makasha Colonvega, Vensus Stewart, Assiya Hussan, Robin Lee Miller, Amy Duh, Claira McDermott, Sgt. Melanie Lee, Kathryn Minton Tucker, Yolanda Bindics, Laci Peterson, Jennifer Jacobb, Connie Channey, and to the thousands of others whom I did not list here, you are forever in all of our hearts. Happy Mother's Day!


[*The women highlighted in blue were officer related deaths]

Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

New Handbook: "How To Get Away With The Ultimate Murder"?

Another woman vanishes. This time the young mother of 2 children, ages 3 and 5, while walking to the mailbox in front of her parents home, still in her pajamas, is abducted.

Venus Stewart has been missing since the morning of April 26, 2010. If you have learned anything from this site it is that I do not jump to conclusions. There are many cases of missing women and those found murdered that you do not see written about here because of various information I am unable to obtain about the case at the time. And sticking my neck out without the facts or restricted information is not healthy to the victims nor their families. But, bringing their case,s whenever possible, to the public's attention and those who are in a relationship with an abusive person is the very least we can each do in hopes of preventing another tragedy.

My work and expertise is based soley on 20 years with these cases of intimate partner violence, police officer abuse within the home, stalking, domestic violence and homicide.

The case of missing Venus Stewart has many scratching their heads, with the exception of law enforcement and few others, myself included. The estranged husband was in another state and by car he would have had to drive 13 hours there (maybe he rented a car or borrowed one) and 13 hours back by the time police questioned him after Venus was abducted.

Lets get out my note book on this case-

Fact: the couple was going through a divorce;
Fact: the couple was going through a major custody battle;
Fact: Venus moved out of the marital residence in Virgina and into her parents home in Michigan;
Fact: The couple had 2 children;
Fact: Vensus Stewart had obtained numerous police reports;
Fact: Vensus Stewart had obtained a minimum of 2 orders of protection from a judge;
Fact: She told friends and family she was in fear for her life from this man;
Fact: According to Venus and in court orders of protection she informed the courts her life was in danger.

It is possible that someone was hired by the estranged husband the day Vensus was abducted. This reminds me of another recent case where the person of interest was in another location, a casino, gambling, at the time of the murders. Allegedly, a month before the shooting, Johnny Borizov hired his best friend, Jacob Nodarse to kill Angela and her parents. The evening of the shooting, Borizov was at a Joliet casino, captured on casino video, which he could conveniently claim as an air-tight alibi. According to sealed DuPage County court documents, Angela and Borizov had been scheduled to appear at a hearing a week after the killings. To read the case go here.

Police are looking for a man, in the Venus Stewart disappearance, who people in the rural town saw hanging around the day before and thought it was suspicious. And police have issued a sketch of the man. Could this person have been hired by the estranged husband to help the day Venus was abducted? At this point, no one seems to know that answer.

Now, if I am an angry abuser, not wanting the person with whom I am in a realtionship with to leave, and I have a violent temper, I am going to boil over like hot liquid on a stove. And, as an abuser, I have a lot of time to think out a plan of action. I am going to threaten the person where no one else can hear me. I will make a victim's life unbearable in mediation meetings with mental health evaluators, while sitting dressed neatly and showing the world what a wonderful person I am. The moment the session is over I will shoot those looks of "now you did it" and "you are going to pay for this." Next, as custody is being determined, as an abuser I am outraged and say to myself, "she is not getting away with this alive."

I then, as the abuser, figure out where to get that "handbook" available to members only in an e-book format that the recently formed "secret society of abusers" are all reading titled, "How to Get Away With the Ultimate Murder," author unknown.


For some abusers, in my expert opinion, the "handbook" has worked in cases where the victim has vanished without a trace. There must be a chapter in the "handbook" on how to correctly lawyer up, as you will notice each "person of interest" no longer cooperates with authorities, often hiring a fairly skilled defense attorney, almost immediately. The legal hired gun acts as the shield or the mouth piece for the only person, once again in my expert opinion, behind the vanishing act of their loved one.

Isn't it rather strange that the victim is often the mother of their children, estranged wife or former girlfriend. And, more often than not, they are going thru a divorce or custody battle. And, yes, I need to mention that a person is innocent until proven guilty.

Every single one of these cases has a common theme, the person has been erased from the planet. And a common theme does not make one guilty of the crime. But, it is highly unusual that the person with whom the relationship has ended does not have a motive. The facts, although circumstantial, do carry a lot of weight, but, often not enough for a grand jury indictment unless you have a body.

So, I offer the following suggestions to law enforcement in this case where the "handbook" has obviously been downloaded:

• First obtain a search warrant for all computers both business, personal, close friends and perhaps those of a relative, too.
• Gas receipts, credit cards used within that time period must be gathered.
• Unusual purchases at hardware and drugstores.
• Where was the person 72 hours prior to the abduction? Were they at work? Did they call in sick?
• Bank withdrawals within a two week period prior to her being taken.
• Cell phone activity needs to be captured between the time of the abduction and the following 36 hours after the abduction.

I will close with the words I copied today from a post at  Websleuths  following this case:

"I think that many women who've had an abusive spouse in their past may somewhat identify with Venus. She left her abuser, did what was RIGHT, and yet she's currently missing and her abuser is the only named person of interest in the case.

I give Venus kudos for, against all odds, leaving her abuser and getting her children out of that environment. There is no telling what her poor daughters have witnessed in the past. Worse, it can't be as awful as what they're experiencing now and will in the future...everything that we know about spousal abuse has come to fruition in this case. And as a result, these two girls will probably grow up motherless, but at least knowing that their mother mustered the courage to get them out of an abusive situation, even though it cost her life."

Anyone with information on the case is asked to contact Michigan State Police White Pigeon Post at 269-483-7611 Rockford Regional Dispatch Center, 616-866-6666.

Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

"All In The Family"

Stalking and intimate family violence is more often than not a crime committed by someone with whom a victim is, or was, in a relationship. And, in my opinion, the case of missing Clarkston, Washington woman, Rachael Anderson is not the exception, but, the norm, in the ever increasing epidemic that is leading to murder in this country.

Rachael Anderson, 40, of Clarkston, WA, married just three short months to Charles Capone when she decided to file for divorce from a man who, in my opinion, portrayed himself as an all around nice guy in the community, when, in reality, he was a "wolf" in sheep's clothing. It is a familar theme among abusers in this country, similar to a foul odor. One moment they are smiling and helping the neighbor down the street with a project, hours later, behind closed doors where you are unable to smell the stink, these abusers terrorize their family members and Rachael Anderson was no exception.

Yesterday, police arrested the woman's estranged husband, Charles Capone, who also happens to be a convicted felon, on a firearms violation. There are those who personally knew this bozo who have commented on various Internet sites with my less than favorite term "he is such a great guy" or "no, not him he is the last person you would suspect if this." That is the problem. It is usually someone we believe incapable of committing such an horriffic act against another. I realize a person is innocent until proven guilty, but where is the outrage for the victims? Why isn't anyone other than Rachael Anderson's family jumping up and down demanding answers?

Why, within our justice system. is a victims worth while they were still alive handled with little to no importance? We provide so many rights to the accused and yet offer little to assisting those living as prisoners of war in their own homes.

It has to end, now! Action and implementation in addressing these "situations," as they are often referred, must be treated with importance, as a crimial matter.

Rachael Anderson was, in my expert opinion murdered, and we should all be outraged that another life was taken. She, as most victims, are unarmed and do not have the ability to defend themselves against an individual that plans and carries out the removal of a precious life.

Now, victims do have a weapon in which to fight back, either while alive or from the grave in their own words.

Like many victims of abuse Rachael Anderson sought help from law enforcement once she ended the relationship and began receiving threatening text messages and phone calls. She was also stalked, her tire's slashed and Rachel knew this man was not going to let her go from his life, alive.

One important component that she or police did not create was an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit document and video. If she had, her abuser would have been arrested and charged, in my opinion, immediately, and law enforcement would be prearing the case for the prosecutors office following her unusual disappearance.

Why is this document so important? An Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and video is created when threats by an abuser are made against your life. Even when you have never had police respond to your home, or when you are too afraid that if you do contact law enforcement it will set off a seriers of events that could likely result in further abuse or, murder.

• It documents incidents of past abuse
• Admissions of how a threat will be carried out against a victim once they announce they are leaving ot filing for divorce
• Where evidence oor weapons would or could be located
• Portrays visable injuries or marks
• How to collect evidence on the fly
• How to leave the abuser.

If you know someone who is abused, please have them watch the reinactment video below of what they can do. Then, as Criminal Profiler Pat Brown, Crime Writer Diane Fanning or Former Prosecutor and NBC Legal Analyst Robin Sax recommends, get a copy of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships."

Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS