Domestic Violence Awareness

The Legacy of Susan Murphy Milano lives on through Document The Abuse and the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA)

In November of 2011 The Roth Show featured Susan Murphy Milano, Attorney Holly Hughes and the developer of the iEAA Apple App, Chet Hosmer, on the show to explain the details of how the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) should be used. Not only has it been used in several high risk domestic violence cases, but those who created their personalized EAA are still alive to tell about it.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is a revolutionary new tool described and detailed in the book, Time’s Up: A Guide on How to Safely Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship by Susan MurphyMilano.  Since the release of the book on April 12, 2010, thousands have become aware of a new standard of safety which goes well beyond current planning measures for abuse victims. Used by hundreds of advocates and victims, they are the living testament to the success of the EAA.

The world knows the passion and brilliance of the late Susan Murphy Milano's work in the field, the thousands of lives she was able to save, and the sense of urgency she had about the EAA and documenting the abuse of victims in a way that is beneficial to them, strengthening a possible prosecution, and not, in her words, just "lip service."

Through her partnerships with Sandra L. Brown of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Neil Schori of Naperville Christian Church, Susan and her work were instrumental in the creation of Document the Abuse.Com where information about the EAA is explained, resources are listed and those qualified to assist are certified.  Several individuals are skilled in assisting victims, including Tracey Murphy on the west coast and Michelle Harkey on the east coast, who have had positive results.

This nugget of gold broadcast explains in detail the legal and forensic benefits of the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and how it is the first step a victim should take, before ever announcing she's leaving or suing for divorce. It insures her testimony should anything negative happen to her, it records the history of abuse towards the victim or the children who are often used as ammunition in the battle to hurt each other in a contentious breakup.

In this podcast listeners will learn:

• The challenges of prosecutors to get around the hearsay of witnesses after the fact
• The forensic advantages for law enforcement built into the iEAA Apple App
• How the EAA circumvents Crawford v Washington and the right of a defendant to confront the accuser
• Explanation of the "forfeiture clause"
• How a technology company stepped up to help create the iEAA Apple App

Important Books by Susan Murphy Milano for Victims of Abuse:

Time's Up, A Guide on How to Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship (Kindle)
  Time's Up: How to Escape Abusive and Stalking Relationships Guide [Paperback]
  Moving Out, Moving On: When a Relationship Goes Wrong Workbook [Paperback]
  Holding My Hand Through Hell: A Real Life Journey of Hope, Survival, Murder, and Abuse [Kindle Edition]
  Holding My Hand Through Hell [Paperback]

What Would Susan Say: The Susan Cox Powell Video Testimony

Recently released documents in the Susan Cox Powell disappearance, especially a written last will and testament and video made by Susan, indicate that she was in imminent danger and she knew it. In the video we see her laying the groundwork and instruction should something happen to her, as well as in notes she wrote indicating that, ..."if something happens to me it may not be an accident."

This case was one that Susan Murphy Milano wrote about and talked about extensively. (Below are links to some of the posts she wrote.) She had Susan Cox Powell's parents on radio shows along with their attorney Anne Bremner whom she talked to frequently about the case.

According to Susan, and some of the conversations we had about it, the writing was on the wall, Josh Powell had intimate knowledge about what happened to his wife on the night he took two small children camping in freezing weather after dark. Add in the later interviews with his father, still incarcerated Steven Powell, and the soup gets even spicier. She felt that Steven Powell could have possibly been the mastermind behind the whole crime given his obsession with something he could not have, his son's wife.

We are all familiar with the incidents that occurred since the beginning of this case in December of 2009, and the last one standing is Steven Powell. Josh Powell incinerated himself and his children after a social worker came by for an appointed visitation, and his brother, who some believe was also involved, has committed suicide.

By all indications Susan Cox Powell was attempting to create an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA), but what went wrong, and why didn't it accomplish what she wished it would?

• There were no incident or police reports filed (that we know of) to indicate violence in the home, Susan only spoke about her unhappy marriage to friends as far as we know. (Hearsay) But, Josh Powell had violent tendencies as indicated in the treatment of his own mother.
• To document the abuse Susan had a handwritten "last will and testament" but it was not witnessed and notarized (that we know from news reports).
• After creating the handwritten will and the video testimony, Susan locked it away in what she thought was a safe place, but, by all reports, she didn't give a copy to relatives, trusted friend, or attorney.
• Most likely the video and will may not hold up as evidence in court, it would depend on the jurisdiction and laws for that state.

Susan Cox Powell tried, she knew enough about her own situation to know she was in danger, and to put her impressions in writing and video. She felt that something was going to happen, intuitively wanting to protect her children and the assets, she did all she knew to do.

Had Susan created an EAA with a trained advocate things may have turned out differently for her and for her children. Although hindsight in this case is 20/20, the information we know could possibly save the life of another in the same situation. 

A person trained to assist in the creation of an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit would know how to have everything in order, signed, witnessed and notarized, to insure that if it ever needed to be presented to a prosecutor, law enforcement investigator, or to the court, that it would have the best chance of being the voice of the victim, whether or not that victim was disabled, missing, or deceased. It would also contain details about the possible perpetrator that would give investigators avenues to take to uncover evidence and proof.

It's a relatively simple process, and those who have created it are all still alive to testify to it's usefulness,  in fact it has the effect of empowerment and peace of mind to most of those who have created their individualized safety plan and the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit.

On the website, Document the Abuse, Sandra L. Brown, CEO of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and colleague of Susan Murphy Milano, has assembled comprehensive information about lethality assessment, how to create the EAA, how to become certified to train others, and lists of all providers and community partners that are committed to help insure the safety of victims of family violence.

What Would Susan Say:

Nine emails were provided to the newspaper after Susan Powell disappeared in December 2009, but at the request of the provider, the newspaper held back on publishing them until now. 

"Every moment I step back and take stock of what I'm dealing with, it feels like a never ending cycle but I'm too afraid of the consequences (sic) losing my kids, him kidnapping, divorce or actions worse on his part, if I take a stand on one of his ultimatums like spending $20 on the counseling co-pay or cutting off access to my pay check," she wrote. 

When Susan Cox Powell vanished, it was disclosed by the oldest of the boys, "mommy went on a camping trip with us but she didn't come back." West Valley city police, for unknown reasons, decided to sit on evidence; blood, child's disclosure, a letter found in Susan's drawer at work stating "if something happens to me." There was enough within weeks to prevent Josh Powell from leaving the state of Utah and making an arrest. What in God's name were they waiting for?   (from May 1, 2012 post)

Help keep Susan Murphy Milano's legacy moving forward into the future, a future where there is absolute help for victims of violence, female and male.

If you're a victim, read Holding My Hand Through Hell, you will find yourself and your story somewhere in this book,  Susan's true crime memoir is a must. 

If you are thinking about ending a relationship, before you make any announcements or plans, read Time's Up, prepare your personal Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and individualized safety plan to insure that you've done all you can.

Click on the book covers to purchase.

*Susan Murphy Milano lost her battle with cancer on October 28, 2012. To keep her work and her memory alive, I will be writing entries to her blog hoping to keep her many loyal readers and keep attention on the cases which she herself wrote about. Sometimes a case screams to be heard, a case that Susan herself would want to write about, those are the ones I will occasionally attempt to present as "What Would Susan Say."......Delilah (ImaginePublicity)

Disclaimer: I am not a trained or certified advocate, only a close friend and colleague of Susan Murphy Milano and was appointed administrator of her online sites. The opinions and case speculations do not necessarily mean that I'm an expert in domestic violence, only in the sense that I had the privilege of working with Susan on a daily basis, editing her blogs and books and sharing in her vast knowledge.

http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2009/12/not-your-average-camping-trip.html
http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2010/11/susan-powell-to-be-chewed-up-like.html
http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2010/11/susan-powell-part-2-to-be-chewed-up.html
http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2010/11/susan-powell-part-3-she-knows-she-will.html
http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2011/09/susan-cox-powell-father-in-law-arrested.html
http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2012/05/lesson-for-world-susan-cox-powell-and.html

What Would Susan Say: The Murder of Susann Smith

Susann Smith of Bothell, WA

The state of Washington was reeling just over a year ago when Josh Powell incinerated his children and himself shortly after a social worker dropped off the children for a unsupervised visit. Who can forget that Josh Powell was the husband of still missing Susan Powell, and the person of interest in her disappearance?

Susann Smith of Bothell, Washington, also a mother of two young children, was brutally murdered, in fact beaten to death, found in the bathtub of her home on February 12, 2013. Police have named her husband, Alan Smith, as the "person of interest."

Married for 8 years the couple was in the midst of a contentious divorce, separating in 2011, and, as often happens, arrows and accusations were being flung by both sides as court documents report neither side was happy with parenting arrangements. Each had a restraining order against the other when the divorce was originally filed, leading one to believe there was evidence of abuse in the relationship.

Matt Phelps, Regional Assistant Editor for the Bothell Reporter has been following the story extensively and reveals much of what's contained in court documents concerning the divorce proceedings, a large part documenting each side stating their displeasure with the other and witnesses testifying about each person's parenting skills and attitudes. But, what really went on behind the closed doors of the home in the 200 block of 240th St. S.W. in Bothell?

I don't have the resources that Susan Murphy Milano did to dig deep and find hidden evidence, nor to get opinions from high profile people, but, after working side by side with her for several years, I did learn many things about how to see what's in plain sight.

Several things are evident:

• There was definitely abusive behavior in the home, possibly from both sides and witnessed in front of the children.
• Susann Smith was a native of Germany, her family was there, and she made it known that her family had requested she bring the children to Germany to be near them for support, according to court records, she told her mother that she wanted the children to be near their father. However, according to Alan Smith, Susann had used taking the children to Germany as a threat.
• As a couple they were utilizing all of the personnel available, therapists, mediators, and attorneys to settle the differences within the divorce.
• Alan Smith was seeing a psychiatrist, although the nature of why is not revealed, it's stated that Alan was "fearful" she would take the children to Germany, and that he felt Susann had her own "mental issues."
• The court was petitioned numerous times, at first over monitary issues and then escalating into the parenting as being the matter in question with witnesses from both sides testifying to the natures and characters of each parties.

Pattern of Conduct

One thing that Susan Murphy Milano would often say is, "look for the pattern of conduct before and after the event, whether it be an instance of abuse, or intimate partner homicide, there will be clues in the way those close to the victim behave."

• Since the murder of their mother, the two young children of Susann and Alan Smith, have been in the care of Child Protection Services. It's reported they were not in the home at the time of the murder, but where were they? Were they in school or daycare as would be their normal routine, or were they somewhere that was planned ahead of time so that they would not be witness to the murder of their mother? If the latter, who made that plan?
• Alan Smith was named a "person of interest" shortly after the murder, as most husbands are, especially when there is a quarrelsome relationship. Search warrants were carried out and investigators moved in to do their job and make their reports. Considerable amounts of possible evidence were taken from the house, including Alan's motorcycle.
• It's reported by an anonymous co-worker that Alan Smith was at work the days following the murder of the mother of his children until his employer, Boeing, put him on administrative leave. He had often spoken about Susann negatively to co-workers saying that he was emotionally abused and apparently felt no reason to keep the disputes of his divorce private. Was this an act of reaching out to others for support, or was he setting the stage?
• He attended the memorial service for his estranged wife and, according to neighbors in attendance, showed little emotion (ala Scott Peterson). Alan Smith seems to have emotionally "moved on" from his troubled marriage and the death of his wife, although this could be a normal shift being separated for some time, and he possibly began forging new relationships, one would expect that even with all the problems under the bridge he would still grieve for the mother of his children. 
• Alan Smith was the owner of the home in which his wife and children lived, and where Susann was ultimately murdered. He has since had the home cleaned of all signs of death and moved back into it, to the discontent of some neighbors who have witnessed him carrying on his life as if nothing happened and playing host to a new girlfriend.
• It's been reported that Alan Smith is seeking to gain custody of his two children, taking them back from CPS, and this is where things get alarming.

Susan Murphy Milano wrote about a lot of cases, including the Susan Powell case, where she was adamant that when a mother is murdered custody of the remaining children should not automatically go to the father. So, in this instance, CPS did the right thing in taking protective custody right away. Until such a time when the remaining father is no longer the person of interest, suspect, or that he has been thoroughly investigated and cleared of any wrongdoing, should the children be returned.

Yes, realizing that we have innocent until proven guilty in our democratic society, she was often criticized for her stand on this issue. But, isn't it better to err on the side of caution and protection of the children than the rights of an innocent father? An innocent father would welcome such scrutiny, get it out of the way, and seek justice and resolution for his children.

Alan Smith

Circumstantial evidence not looking good for Alan Smith

• The bicycle. When questioned intially about his modes of transportation, Alan Smith denied he owned a bicycle. However, during the investigation it was found that he indeed had purchased a bicycle using a credit card in late November. Was this misleading, or was it a lie?
• In March an abandoned bicycle was found which was the same make and serial number as the bicycle purchased in Seattle by Alan Smith. Investigators are processing it for any latent evidence connecting it to the murder of Susann Smith.
• Another lie? Days after the murder Alan Smith lied to investigators about cuts on his hands.
• Purchases. Alan Smith was buying some odd staples in the time before the murder, such as coveralls, latex gloves, shoe covers, a still missing rubber mallet and, duct tape, of course. And don't forget the bicycle.
• Computer searches. It's not unusual to search the internet for tickets to South America for 1 adult and 2 children, or is it, especially just before notification of the childrens' mother's murder. After the children were taken into protective custody, tickets for 1 adult were included in the search records of Alan Smith's computer, along with the term, “does Venezeula extradite to the United States." Is Smith a flight risk? (more shades of Scott Peterson)
• Blood evidence. Traces of blood found in Alan Smith's car: the steering wheel, center console, and a floor mat. Blood traces were also found on his backpack. A pattern from the coveralls he purchased was found at the crime scene.

Sgt. Cedric Collins. "… No arrests have been made and anyone who may have information they feel may be helpful in this investigation is encouraged to call the Bothell Police Department tip line."

That number is 425-487-5551.

So, what would Susan say? 

"The dangers should be carefully considered when ending a dating relationship or marriage. The reaction to rejection is costing lives. In cases where the victim has died, her fears during the relationship or marriage remain silent, telling family or friends is considered "hearsay" and it's not enough when the person responsible is finally brought to trial. As a precaution, victims are encouraged to prepare the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and video, also known as the "EAA." This removes hearsay and in a victim's own words provides historical abuse documentation, gives law enforecment and prosecutors a profile of the offender and shows his pattern of conduct prior to the crime should the victim vanish or be killed."   DocumentTheAbuse.Com

Had Susann Smith known about and created an EAA, King County investigators and the state of Washington would be saving taxpayer dollars spent on the investigation that has now lasted almost 4 months with no arrest. Her documentation would have spelled out enough evidence to make a quick arrest, if indeed Alan Smith is the suspect, and help lead investigators to build a stronger case for prosecution.

***

Help keep Susan Murphy Milano's legacy moving forward into the future, a future where there is absolute help for victims of violence, female and male.

If you're a victim, read Holding My Hand Through Hell, you will find yourself and your story somewhere in this book,  Susan's true crime memoir is a must. 

If you are thinking about ending a relationship, before you make any announcements or plans, read Time's Up, prepare your personal Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and individualized safety plan to insure that you've done all you can.

Click on the book covers to purchase.

*Susan Murphy Milano lost her battle with cancer on October 28, 2013. To keep her work and her memory alive, I will be writing entries to her blog hoping to keep her many loyal readers and keep attention on the cases which she herself wrote about. Sometimes a case screams to be heard, a case that Susan herself would want to write about, those are the ones I will occasionally attempt to present as "What Would Susan Say."......Delilah (ImaginePublicity)

Disclaimer: I am not a trained or certified advocate, only a close friend and colleague of Susan Murphy Milano and was appointed administrator of her online sites. The opinions and case speculations do not necessarily mean that I'm an expert in domestic violence, only in the sense that I had the privilege of working with Susan on a daily basis, editing her blogs and books and sharing in her vast knowledge.

What Would Susan Say: Where's Stacy?

Is it ironic that on October 28, 2007 Stacy Peterson was never heard from again, silenced in the prime of her life, most likely at the hands of her husband Drew because of the secrets she held so long?

On October 28, 2012, another Sunday morning, exactly 5 years later, another voice, Susan Murphy Milano, was silenced in the prime of her life, taken by the hands of an abusive disease, because of the secrets she held so long that caused pain and stress in her life and contributed to her disease.

What would Susan say?

After a week of being in the fog zone, with time being insignificant, you can almost hear Susan shouting,

"Ok, enough about me already! You all have work to do! It's not about me, you know where I am, but, how are you going to find Stacy?"

From the beginning days of the Stacy Peterson case Susan was deeply affected, not only because she recognized the fact that Stacy most likely wasn't coming back, but because she saw similarities between Drew Peterson and her police officer father, the smug attitude and the fact that each of them thought they could get away with what they had done behind closed doors.

Immediately Susan picked up on the nuances of the case, before national media attention, and made no bones about what she wrote, sympathetic to the family members, but calling out what she saw from first hand experience living with an abusive cop. She saw through Peterson and his "Legal Marshmallow Roaster" attorney and knew exactly what they were up to, doing everything to divert attention away from Stacy.

In the midst of the circus of media, online forums, and news reports was a young mother, Stacy, who held within her being a secret she hoped would be more of an insurance policy. Stacy confided this secret and most likely lost her life because of it.

Because of Stacy, Susan was inspired to create the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit. Had Kathleen Savio had the opportunity to create her own EAA, perhaps Stacy would still be around. Had Stacy done the EAA, the public would not have been subjected to the years of buffoonery created by Drew Peterson and his campfire team of attorneys and public relations ringmasters.

Peterson’s pattern of conduct and actions are important as it relates to Stacy Peterson. She can be placed in the marital home the morning she disappeared, so we know she and Peterson were in that house. From Sunday morning until the following day, there is a window of opportunity for Peterson, and when the coast is clear, in my opinion, he takes her out of the house. How far is he really going to drive? Does he go to one of two camp grounds with which he is familiar within an hour’s drive of the house? Does he go to a more obvious and public location, perhaps in plain site and one that is familiar to him? We do not know because Stacy Peterson is still out there someplace waiting to be found.......Stacy Peterson's Tragedy: Saving the Lives of Others, October 27, 2011

Now that Drew has been convicted of the murder of his previous wife, Kathleen Savio, and we see the latest news about appeals and possibly a second circus act, Susan would want us to remember the most important fact:

STACY PETERSON IS STILL MISSING.

Whatever the significance of the October 28 date may be, it's no coincidence in the universal order. It's a date that both Susan and Stacy will be remembered in the future, somehow still connected to each other.

The world has the opportunity to change the way intimate partner violence and homicide is handled, something Susan vowed she would do in 1989.  The challenge is: "Who Can Fill Her Shoes?"

On October 28, 2012, Susan Murphy Milano lost her battle with cancer. 

Her latest book, a "true crime memoir" based on the experiences of her life, HOLDING MY HAND THROUGH HELL, was released earlier in the month. 

To order a copy go directly to the publisher, Ice Cube Press (http://icecubepress.com) or Amazon and Barnes&Noble, or ask your local book stores to order it.

Related articles

• Susan Murphy Milano: Gone But NEVER Forgotten
• The Roth Show: Pastor Neil Schori: the Peterson Verdict and Document the Abuse
• Susan Murphy-Milano, Nationally Known Advocate and Author Has Been Called Home...
• Time's Up | Susan Murphy Milano Soars with Angels (and Likely Still Kicks Butt)
• The Budding Blogger

Celebrate Independence! Apple Store Unveils the iEAA (Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit) App for Victims of Violence

Long awaited new Apple App, the iEAA (Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit) is making its debut in the Apple Store on the Fourth of July.  Created by Susan Murphy-Milano, the EAA was developed into the Apple App format by

Wetstone Technologies and Chief Scientist, Chet Hosmer. 

Myrtle Beach, SC………How fitting that on a day of independence and freedom, a victim’s independence from abuse and danger is now available.  The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is a revolutionary new tool described and detailed in the book, Time’s Up: A Guide on How to Safely Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship by Susan Murphy-Milano.  Since the release of the book on April 12, 2010, thousands have become aware of a new standard of safety which goes well beyond current planning measures for abuse victims. Used by hundreds of advocates and victims, they are the living testament to the success of the EAA.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (E.A.A.) combines video taping of the victims actual words attesting to the abuse coupled with creative witnessed and notarized legal documents that successfully satisfy legal hurdles often faced in these intimate partner violence and stalking cases. A unique packaging of testimony + documentation + perpetrator historical profiling + pre-collected evidence delivered to established safe and legal persons = a delicate issue brilliantly wrapped up for successful prosecution.

Now, with the Apple App available, victims can do almost everything, including recording their video testimony on their iPhone, iPad or iPod. The Apple App makes it easier, safer and effective to create the documents needed for their specific, individualized safety plan. The easy to use instructions included within the Apple App walk the victim through each step, encouraging them all the way and letting them know their information has been created properly.

An all-inclusive website for information about the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit can be found at DocumentTheAbuse.Com which also includes a Lethal Relationship Checklist so abuse victims, as well as law enforcement, first responders, court personnel and attorneys, can recognize often hidden dangers, understand the risk factors, and learn what to do with the information. Taking this assessment to the next level with the EAA is proven to prevent the ultimate abuse, homicide.

After working over 20 years in the field of violence and homicide prevention, Susan Murphy-Milano is realizing a dream. Unable to save her own mother in 1989, she has devoted her life and career to making sure the world is a safer place for abuse victims, often using non-conventional methods to keep them alive. The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is one such method, born out of the Stacy Peterson case.

Murphy-Milano says, “Had either Kathleen Savio or Stacy Peterson prepared an EAA, there would be no question of a prompt arrest. It also gives law enforcement and investigators information about the alleged perpetrator allowing the victim to speak from the grave on her own behalf, should that be necessary. Think of the millions saved in taxpayer dollars!”

This is the first phase of the iEAA App.  Murphy-Milano, Hosmer and Wetstone are working on an advanced version to be released by Apple later in the year, and are also working on a version for Android products for  maximum reach in the marketplace as well as being available to as many victims, advocates and first responders as possible.

For further information:  SusanMurphy-Milano.Com        DocumentTheAbuse.Com      WetstoneTechnologies.Com

Join Me Sunday at Naperville Christian Church!

Susan Murphy-Milano returns to the church where the revolutionary new tool for victims of abuse, the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA), became a reality. Pastor  Neil Schori of Naperville Christian Church in Naperville, Illinois, invited Murphy-Milano to speak to the congregation, guests and friends, about what an important role the church has played in making a difference in the lives of several abuse victims who have found sound counseling and information from Pastor Schori over the last few years.

Partners in the new site, Document the Abuse.Com, Neil and Susan have worked closely to provide the EAA and information to as many as possible through providing direct and indirect services to victims leaving an abusive relationship. Along with colleagues, Sandra L. Brown, MA and Attorney Holly B. Hughes, the site allows victims, as well as service providers, to learn about the EAA and how it impacts and saves lives. There is certified training available for advocates, service providers, first responders, law enforcement, and prosecutors and attorneys.

Pastor Schori will lead a Q&A with Susan in the morning service covering the highlights of her life's work, and she will return for the evening service to share how everyone can easily become involved in the mission.

Pastor Neil Schori has taken the lead in addressing the issue of family violence within the faith-based community, and as a result, has provided a safe haven within his home church, as well as encourage other pastors and churches to take up the responsibility for those in their own churches.  Both Neil and Susan feel deeply that the faith-based community must take a stronger role in assisting victims within their own affiliations. With budget cuts for social services closing many shelters and service providers, the fellowship of faith must step in and, along with proper training, have the ability to counsel and provide tools for victims.

Take advantage of the opportunity to hear Susan Murphy-Milano and become a part of the solution she and Pastor Neil Schori have to offer!

For information about Naperville Christian Church, worship schedules and other activities available, please refer to the church website, NapervilleChristian.Org.  Pastor Neil Schori's personal blog: NeilSchori.Com

For information about Susan Murphy-Milano:  SusanMurphy-Milano.Com

Susan's Blogs:  MurphyMilanoJournal    ConqueringCancer.Me

Susan's latest book, Holding My Hand Through Hell,  will be available in October, and her previous books, Defending Our Lives, Moving Out, Moving On, and Time's Up are available through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million and local retailers.  Time's Up can be ordered as an Ebook directly from Susan on her website and blog, or as a Kindle version through Amazon.

Dangerous Love: Are you Prepared?

By Susan Murphy-Milano

At what cost to ourselves do we remain in a relationship? Likely this is not a question we ever ask ourselves. But, why not?

Could it be that in our lives we settle? Are we too embarrassed to admit when the individual we have chosen to spend our lives with is not who they were at the beginning of the relationship? The answer is yes.

The wrong kind of love includes emotional warfare. A destructive game played in a relationship when a person chips away at the very foundation of another individual. Emotional warfare is an invisible dagger to the heart. You don't see it coming when confronted. Below are some examples of :

Emotional Abuse

• Name calling: “you’re a bitch, a whore, fat, ugly, stupid, slut, trash”.
• You are constantly told that you are crazy, that you need a psychiatrist; they threaten to have you committed. They tell your children that you are crazy and make them believe that they are not safe with you. They hide personal items in an attempt to convince you or others that, “you are losing it.”
• They intentionally say things to embarrass you in front of others. They make remarks about your appearance or belittle you. They talk over you if you are engaged in conversation, or consistently contradict you in an effort to discredit you, or make you feel stupid.
• They ignore you when you have “been bad”, or do not do as you are told. They act like you are not in the room. You are made to feel that you are invisible.
• They withhold praise or affection. They make you feel that your mere presence disgusts them, that you are unattractive, and unworthy of them or anyone else.

• You are made to feel worthless, no good, and stupid. You are told you’re your opinions do not count, that you couldn’t possibly have anything to say that anyone would want to hear.
• You are made to feel that your past has no value; your childhood memories, your holiday traditions, your faith, and even your family. Regardless of your education, or your past experiences, your prior existence means nothing to them, and even the mention of it can illicit negative consequences.
• They accuse you of having affairs, lying, or conspiring against them.

Just because you are not physically hurt in your relationship does not mean you are free and clear. Emotional abuse can and does lead to intimate partner homicide. In many of the recent cases where women have gone missing and have yet to be found, they were never hit or beaten with fists. Instead, words, the same as you see above were their abusers weapons. When that no longer worked they went from words to action, silencing women and the mothers of their own children, forever.

You cannot fix or rescue these individuals. They are toxic and dangerous to any relationship.

Before you consider filing for a divorce or moving out, you better have a plan. He (the abuser) has one if you leave. And the last time I checked designer body bags were not considered a fashion statement.

Time's Up!

You cannot plead with an abuser and walk away from potentially life threatening situations if you are unable to learn the steps necessary to protect yourself.  Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships will allow anyone to orchestrate what is needed to be safe.

"If you are a sophisticated, aware woman, you will find things you didn’t know to help yourself and others.  If you are a stay-at-home-mom who has been controlled since a teenager and doesn’t know the first thing about leading an independent life, you’ll find all the details you need to escort you through the risk-filled and often baffling transition ahead .  Time's Up by Susan Murphy Milano:  is the best companion an abused woman can have  Kathryn Casey, True-Crime Author

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit document preparation and video example in English

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit document preparation and video example in Spanish

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit document preparation and video example for Men who are being abused

Available on Amazon or Kindle

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and
 specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.

 A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals,  victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writes providing commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime .

My Husband is a Murderer with Sandra Brown Today on Anderson Cooper

Sandra L. Brown on Anderson Cooper: My Husband is a Murderer

POSTED BY ADMINISTRATOR ⋅ 04/12/2012 ⋅ LEAVE A COMMENT

FILED UNDER  ANDERSON COOPER, DC SNIPER, INSTITUTE FOR RELATIONAL HARM REDUCTION, MILDRED MUHAMMAD, PATHOLOGY EDUCATION,PSYCHOPATHY, SANDRA L. BROWN M.A., WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS

Sandra L. Brown, author of Why Women Love Psychopaths and How to Spot a Dangerous Man  lends her expertise to the panel on Anderson Cooper Show, Friday, April 13. Go to AndersonCooper.Com for local times and listings.

What would you do if you found out the man you planned to spend the rest of your life with had a dark, violent past? Would you be able to spot the warning signs?

Anderson speaks with the D.C. Sniper’s ex-wife, Mildred, who reveals the shocking reason behind her former husband’s acts of terror. He also talks with other women who fell in love… only to learn that their men had violent and sometimes criminal pasts.

Sandra L. Brown, MA is the Founder and CEO of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is recognized for her pioneering work on women’s issues related to relational harm with Cluster B/Axis II/Sociopathy/Pyschopathy disordered partners. She specializes in the development of Pathological Love Relationship clinical training and survivor support services. Her books, CD’s, DVD’s, and other training materials have been used as curriculum in drug rehabs, women’s organizations and shelters, women’s jail and prison programs, school and college-based programs, inner city projects, and various psychology and sociology programs and distributed in almost every country of the world.

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