F.E.A.R. in Intimate Partner Violence Relationships

Over the past few weeks while on the road I assisted many involved in intimate partner violence relationships to prepare the "Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and Video." Preparing this in your own words (similar to a last will and testament)whether police have ever responded to your home AFTER an incident of violence is important prior to you announcing or ending the relationship. An abuser has a plan of attack, a victim must be ten steps ahead and have a plan in place. Those I met and helped prepare the documents were married for over 25 years, others just barely a year. They all shared a common bond, fear.

Fear of what will happen to their safety if they leave. Fear of not being believed by friends and family that the person with whom they had chosen to spend their lives with is indeed violent, dangerous and unpredictable. Fear of loosing their children. Fear of the unknown.

If you are involved in a intimate partner violence or stalking relationship I would like you to think about the feeling of fear. It does not wear well on anyone, and that includes you. The unknown in our lives should be an opportunity to soar through the skies, a source of delight and wonderment; it should not be overshadowed by the threat and focus of someone else’s rage. No one should have to live in constant fear, always dreading the sound of the car pulling into the drive, or the key turning in the lock.

The time has come for you to take control of your fear, to be the “Facilitator Ending the Abusive Relationship.”

Facilitate _v. _1. to make easier _2. to hold firm _3. to control the room

Ending _{n. 1.} to stop or halt _2. to finish

Abusive _{a. 1.} to mistreat or cause pain _2. to use wrongly _3. to berate or control

Relationship _{n. 1.} connection with another person with whom you will disconnect

You are going to be the F.E.A.R catalyst of your future. By focusing your energy, and putting forth a commitment, you will find that over time, your attitude will begin to change. As you uncover your inner strength, you will be empowered to be a success survivor.

From this day forward, each time you hear the word fear, it will have a new meaning in your life. Now when you feel its presence chill your blood, you will no longer be paralyzed. Instead, you will be energized as its presence serves as a source of fuel that is necessary for the success of your mission: to stop the abuse, to survive.

A person who uses coercion, manipulation, threats, or force to gain control over another person is an abuser. An abuser can be a man or a woman, someone you have a current relationship with, or someone with whom you once shared a past.

The face of domestic abuse is hidden behind many disguises, but the abusers all share a common trait: they need to control.

An abuser thrives on control, and will use any means available to maintain and exercise that control, even violence.

Violence at any level is intentional. In simple terms, what this means it that the abuser makes a conscious choice to control your life by using threats, intimidation, isolation and even force. When violence happens, it does not mean that the abuser has lost control; it means that the abuser wants to maintain power, and increase control over you.

Intimate Partner abuse (domestic abuse), whether verbal, emotional, financial or physical, only gets worse over time. Unless you take action to stop the violence, it will not go away. There is no magic wand to wave that will make it disappear. There is only one person who can stop the abuse, and that person is you.

Once you are threatened, hit, stalked, questioned in a controlling way, a second chance to save your life, is no longer an option.

“If you are reading this and find yourself in a similar situation, know that there are measures you must take before announcing the end of your relationship. These safety precautions can be found in the book, "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship" by Susan Murphy Milano. Don't take things into your own hands without expert guidance.” (Mothers Are Vanishing)

I cannot stress enough, if you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!

The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription, if you will, that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available on Amazon.com, or you can purchase via e-book or on a cd. If you have questions, the email address is: timesupforjustice@gmail.com

Before you decide that you have had enough and are ending the relationship create for yourself the "Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" and video (shown below).

If you do nothing else, please take one important step that if something does happen to you, if you do vanish like Stacy Peterson, Vensus Stewart, Rachel Anderson, Susan Powell, Lisa Stebic,Kelly Rothwell or arefound murdered like Monica Beresford-Redmond, Franki Jacobson, Renee Pagel,Summer Inman, and others where the person responsible has gotten away with murder that your voice and record of the abuse will be captured and recorded. Do it for you friends, family and loved ones. Do it for your children. Do it for you!

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs. http://pamelachapmanl.biz

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

Prosecutor Gets Conviction: Trial of Venus Stewert

"Venus Stewart vanished while walking out to her mailbox on April 26, 2010, I think more than one person may have been involved. Her husband, in my opinion, likely enlisted the help of someone. She was caught by surprise. Once secured for transport and still alive, One person possibly had her legs and feet the other held the upper body and she was thrown into the car, driven to a different location where the abuser made certain his face was also the last his victim saw before she was killed."

Late last week, after 12 grueling days of testimony, a Michigan jury found Doug Stewart guilty of the murder of his wife Venus Stewart who went missing from her parent’s home in Michigan on April 26, 2010. This case was also about one hell of a Prosecutor John McDonough who forged ahead to try a case without a body. Not an easy task. But, he had enough circumstantial evidence and proof beyond a reasonable doubt "that Douglas Stewart was found guilty by a jury of first-degree premeditated murder and conspiracy to commit first-degree premeditated murder."

This case also was about the team work of law enforcement whom tracked cell phone records, receipts and lifted a finger print from a key piece of evidence and immediately got it to the lab.

It is not likely that Doug Stewart, who will be sentenced in a few weeks, will disclose to authorities where her body can be found. Not uncommon from a cowardly murderer who has so much anger and contempt for the mother of his children that his last act of control is to remain silent and let the family continue to suffer.

Anyone with information on the case is asked to contact Michigan State Police White Pigeon Post at 269-483-7611 Rockford Regional Dispatch Center, 616-866-6666.

The tragic case of Venus Stewart should be a wake-up call to anyone involved in victim or battered women services and family law practice to potential victims of homicide. When a victim follows the "prescription" and information provided in the book,they have a greater chance of staying alive. Any person considering a divorce action, separating or ending a relationship, needs to get the book. With the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit should something happen and the person vanishes, completing the "EAA" removes the burden by surviving families members to have cases of intimate partner homicide investigated and those responsible immediately arrested.

The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription if you will, that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving their relationship. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available on Amazon.com, we can send it to you via e-book or on a cd. If you have questions, the email address is timesupforjustice@gmail.com

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
—Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.







Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs.http://pamelachapmanl.biz Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and SurviveAbusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. She is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

It's Not Over Till It's Over!

November 1 marks the end of the national Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Does that mean the end to education and awareness about intimate partner violence? Not by a long shot.

Now, three years have passed since Stacy Peterson went missing, wife of serial offender, Bolingbrook Police Sgt. Drew Peterson , accused of murdering his other victim, Kathleen Savio. These predators have a "catch me if you can" personality. What about Susan Powell who vanished and is likely never going too see the light of day, joining the rank and file of others, Lisa Stebic, Vensus Stewart, Renee Pernice, Sandra Travis, Star Boomer;  a list that goes on and on.

I’ve always had a problem designating certain months to bring awareness to an issue that is as commonplace as Cheerios for breakfast. Why do I feel that way? Because so much time and funding goes into special events, talk shows, and news reports at a time when expenses are cut to the bone for anyone advocating in this field. Not only is the dollar at the bottom line, but the fact that most people feel if they participate in an event, a walk , a candlelight vigil, that they’ve done their part and forget about the next day; at a time when volunteers are stretched to the max.


Intimate Partner Violence is round the clock and round the calendar and we should all be sensitive to the great need across the country for change. It’s no longer enough to pin on a purple ribbon and light a candle. In the time it took to pin on the ribbon and light the candle, lives have been lost because someone wasn’t vigilant and let the ball down.

Now, more than ever, as intimate partner murder rates are rising, it’s time pull out the stops and get the job done. No longer is it enough for those who are drawing paychecks within the domestic violence “industry” to write memos, blog posts and press releases. It’s time to push the limits and go beyond your job description and start thinking outside of the box. We can no longer afford to clock out at five and think that all will be well until we clock back in the next morning.

What more can you do, you might ask? Stand up for changes in the way victims are handled, whether it be in your agency, police department, court room , hospital or lawyer’s office. If we do what we’ve always done, we will get the same results, and that means more violence gone unaided, more victims of homicides, and more children left without mothers or fathers.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is one such new tool which has been proven to empower victims and save lives. It’s been proven to change an attitude of a victim and give them hope that they may move forward and away from the violent situation knowing that their wishes will be carried out should the unthinkable happen. It’s been proven that the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit will stand up in court against Crawford vs Washington rulings, allowing a victim’s testimony to heard and seen, just like a will, should they be silenced.
Take it upon yourself today to get this information into the hands of everyone who comes in contact with a victim. Go the extra mile; it could be that one time you gave extra care and extra time beyond what’s expected that will matter to someone, and save their life. Our fight to end intimate partner violence isn't over till it's dealt with in a manner that's effective.

  Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up"
- Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

(Susan Murphy Milano, is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Psychopathy Education for more information visit http://www.saferelationships.com/ and is the author of the new book "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and where ever books are sold. 


She is the host of Time's Up on http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and she is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated show with Dr. Laurie Roth on http://www.therothshow.com/)

Peterson Case: "Dancing With Possums"

“Two Possum families finally have closure” quoted by none other than my favorite "legal marshmallow roaster" leading the 5 person defense team in the upcoming Drew Peterson trial, in an article about the recent search in Peoria, Illinois, written by Fatal Vows Author and journalist Joe Hosey.
If you recall, both Peterson and his legal marshmallow roaster did a public relations dance in the media when the so called letter was received claiming Stacy Peterson was “sited.” And I mentioned it in a post back in February of 2008 excerpt below:

Stacy Peterson, wife #4 is still missing. I am wondering why the Illinois State police are not seeing through on the letter Peterson says he received from an unknown person from Peoria, Illinois back in November 12, 2007 who says they spotted "Stacy Peterson at a Kroger grocery store with a pudge." I will bet you anything Drew Peterson is behind this mysterious letter. An abuser always wants to leave a crumb behind ( its a catch me if you can ego trip)and in my opinion this mystery letter, is no mystery at all , if it's postmarked, this should lead police to where Stacy was buried. Isn't Drew's favorite show C.S.I. anyway? Or was this done by someone else in an old case he once worked on in the early days of his career? You can read that post HERE
It was discussed on my Monday Evening radio show that aired on the Kathleen Savio case with the Cold Case Institute Director, Sheryl McCullom ,who strongly suggested that the “prosecutors need to tear down the case and start over.” We both agreed Peterson was likely behind that letter he supposedly received shortly after Stacy vanished. I meant the one Peterson turned over, of course, to his counsel who then made it public for several weeks of play in the media.

While the legal marshmallow roaster and his team decides what color fonts they want on that impending Google Internet site, sending a team to Peoria was a brilliant move on the part of Investigators.
If you consider that during the 18 months (prior to his arrest) Peterson was a free man, not once did this piece of repulsive hot air bag go out and look for his missing wife, Stacy. A person, in my opinion of course, is not able to look for something, or in this case, someone, if they are not able to be found because it is not possible. If you remember, this grieving husband and father, (get out the box of Kleenex everyone), dated other women, trolled Internet sites and got engaged. Wow, now there is a reality television show in the making. Perhaps we can ask Bruce Beresford-Redman (former producer of the show Survivor) to be the producer. You remember him, he is the guy who took his wife on a second honeymoon to Mexico and she was found dead in a sewage drain.

Back to the insensitive remarks of the legal marshmallow roaster who has been known to spit out coffee on a computer screen from time to time. "For those two possum families, they at least received closure." Sadly, it is more than the 4 children of these two women Kathleen Savio and Stacy Peterson received, wouldn’t you agree?
[Head over to Women and Crime Ink to read my latest post on the Christopher Vaughn case "Claiming Bloody Innocence" another tragic case awaiting trial also in Will County, IL]

Supreme Court Ruling " Applicant's Admission Denied"

Today, the Nebraska Supreme Court gave a voice to three intimate officer involved victim's of abuse over a nine year period whom were each ( all sought court orders of protection) at the center of what I believe is the first ever denial of a former police officer. The supreme court decision is based on his alleged abusive acts against the victims and other behaviors. He was denied admission to sit for the Nebraska State Bar Exam.

The Supreme Court decision was carefully based on the following criteria set forth before anyone can take the bar exam and become an attorney:

"4. Attorneys at Law. Where the record of an applicant for admission to the Nebraska State Bar demonstrates a significant lack of honesty, trustworthiness, diligence, or reliability, a basis may exist for denying his or her application.
5. ____. When evidence exists to indicate that an applicant has engaged in conduct demonstrating a lack of character and fitness, the Nebraska State Bar Commission must determine whether present character and fitness qualify the applicant for admission."



The Allegations Against Former police officer Anthony Ybarra were prior to his attending law school.

Anthony Ybarra worked as a police officer with the Scottsbluff Police Department from December 1997 to March 2003. During this time, Ybarra had an intimate relationship with a woman. The relationship ended in August 1999. In August 2001, D.G. twice filed a petition for a protection order against Ybarra. In an affidavit in support of one of the protection orders, the woman reported incidents of Ybarra’s harassing her.

On April 22, 2001, Ybarra arrested the woman for driving under the influence (DUI). According to the victim, Ybarra was sitting in his patrol car outside a bar when his former girlfriend left the bar. Then Officer Ybarra followed her for more than a mile and turned on his patrol car’s overhead lights when she stopped at her sister’s house. The woman was not concerned at first because officerYbarra had previously pulled her over on a number of occasions to talk to her and ask her to go to lunch. Instead, Officer Ybarra administered field sobriety tests and then arrested the woman. After she posted bond and returned home at 4 a.m., The victim found offficerYbarra waiting for her. Ybarra then entered her house without permission. She asked him to leave, indicating that if he did not, she would call the police.

In my opinion, and in true abuser style, the partol sergeant employed with the Scottsbluff Police Department Ybarra, said, “‘I am the police’” and left. He subsequently called the woman from his patrol car. She told him she had nothing to say and hung up. The woman said she believed officer Anthony Ybarra was using his authority to intimidate her.

And, of course, it would be Anthony Ybarra telling a different version of the events of that evening. Sounds like a few others who suffer from the same behavior pattern we read about, wouldn't you agree?

"The Commission thus found Ybarra lacked the ability to demonstrate honesty and integrity; to act in accordance with the law and the rules of ethics; to exercise good judgment; to avoid acts that show disregard for the health, safety, and welfare of others; and to conduct himself professionally. The record shows a history of behavior which is abusive, violent, hostile, intimidating, threatening, assaultive, unlawful, and perverted. The record shows that Ybarra does not meet the standards of character required to be admitted to the bar."

The entire decision on this case can be read HERE.

CONCLUSION As Per the Supreme Court (upholding the decision of the commision is as follows:
Ybarra’s behavior demonstrates a pattern of abhorrent behavior toward women. Three women in the past 9 years have sought protection orders against him. He has not admitted that his behavior is inappropriate and has not demonstrated any remorse. The Commission was correct in determining that Ybarra does not meet the standards of character required for admission to the bar and that he should not be allowed to take the state bar examination. We affirm the Commission’s denial of Ybarra’s application to take the Nebraska bar examination.(in re application of ybarra 759 Cite as 279 Neb. 758Nebraska Advance Sheets 760 279 nebraska reports)


In my opinion, the former officer's behavior literally came back to bite him in the ass. After many years of dealing with intimate officer violence in the home, I cannot recall a more timely victory on behalf of all those whose cries for help fell on deaf ears!

"Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS"

Safety is an Illusion

As a nation we would receive a failing grade in the war against violence in the home. Twenty years ago I had tremendous hope that violence would be a battle won when I signed on to change the world and the stop bloodshed. I was wrong. The magnitude of murder, rape, parental alienation, fear, power and control is an epidemic consuming the lives of families.

Over the weekend an article appeared saying “domestic violence laws need review.” How ridiculous I thought to myself, to review what has never been effective, waste more time and in the process more women will continue to die in their own homes. All the studies are a waste of valuable time that many as I write this simply do not have. An order of protection if you are lucky enough to get one means little without the police, prosecutors and a no tolerance community enforcement of that piece of paper. Granted a court order has saved lives, but in my opinion not enough to fill a gymnasium. I can give a long list of those who did not make it and died because we do not have answers. Instead services are like a patch-work quilt poorly sewn together because there is a lack of commitment and most importantly funding for those in the trenches who are fighting to keep women and children alive, barely, one at a time.

You have women gathered on the internet desperately seeking direction, support advice or help for a lawyer to represent them like human beings or to keep their abuser away from the kids. How about the mom who stayed home to raise her children and cannot even scrape together gas money or car fare to attend a hearing for a court order or a divorce hearing where if she does not show up she defaults like at a spots game losing her home, kids and any financial ability to move forward. If it is a divorce she is the one who must pay child support and continue going to court for issues that are nothing more than a game of clear abuse. With ill skilled court personal playing a game that as of late in leading to death.

Then yet another article appeared “the war at home: domestic violence takes a shocking toll”. What rock has everyone been living under? Where are the articles following the woman pleading in a court of law for an order of protection when she is denied? Where are the reporters asking the important questions to the prosecuting attorney’s , judge's and so called mental health "experts" whom are not doing their jobs? Where is the follow-up after the murders of Jack and Duncan Connelly? Why aren’t the people who investigate and bring us our nightly dose of news demanding answers in a dangerous legal system instead of following live coverage of 30-minute car chases?

Cases such as Drew Peterson have generated lots of dollars for networks and advertising sponsors and will continue to do so when his trial begins sometime this year. Why not gear up and send reporters out to the war torn court houses of America and report accurately on the conditions in which women alive and dead are fighting for their lives.

It is upsetting to see troops rally in the form of doctors and public officials when the media reports the onset of reported flu outbreaks in a few states usually amounting to about 20 people causing folks to take action. And yet we have hundreds of thousands of women murdered or terrorized in their homes and they can not even get carfare to save their lives!

Domestic Violence Does Not Take A Holiday!

Sadly, Domestic Violence continues to be served on a burnt platter in homes across the Country. And yet we still do not understand as a civilized society, domestic violence is a crime.

Today is National Domestic Violence Awareness Day. To me that sounds rather odd. Highlighting a specific day of awareness for crime's affecting millions of women and children across the country? When in fact, domestic violence, stalking and murder never takes a holiday. It happens 365 days a year. I would like to see days, weeks and months involving a national awareness action program.

How about we have a day of free self defense awareness? Teaching victims how to protect themselves.

And for the following year a day in every city across the County providing free lethality assessment? Creating a wellness environment where a person in a violent relationship goes in for a free-check up and leaves with a safety plan designed especially for them. After all Walgreens does health screenings, and domestic violence is a serious health issue.

If you are in an abusive relationship and you need to get out but do not have a clue as to how to begin, please carefully read through the suggestions below. Or if you are a friend, relative and even a co-worker please print the information off and make sure that person knows that you care and they have your support whatever they decide to do.

First, you have to understand that no one deserves to be abused. My guess if you are a victim that for years you have had to adust your behavior, on a daily basis in order ro reduce the violence. If you talk back, disagree with the person you already understand the heavy price paid when "you do not follow orders or do what you are told".

Through the years you have denied or minimized the abuse. And now you may feel helpless, your in too deep and you may believe there is no way out. But you are wrong. You can get help and get out safely with a plan. Before you begin it is very important that you be the very best actress you can. During each step, you must be ten steps ahead of the person abusing you. It is dangerous when you in a violent relationship and are preparing to leave to discuss any plans of ending the relationship with that individual. You must not provoke any conflict or agument that may be going on once you have begun the process of leaving. If you do, you take the chance of being harmed with bodily injury. You never confront the person abusing you announcing your relationship over. You may want to confront the person because at that moment you feel strong and empowered to inform the abuser and let them know your ending the relationship, but the consequences to your actions or reactions will play a key role in your safety, as we have all seen happen when a mother, woman or child is murdered by the husband or ex-lover because the victim announced their plans for departure. Only to end up silenced, carried out in a body bag because the victim believed the abuser would never kill her.

You have indured so much. You may be tired, feeling as though you just don't have the strength or the resoucres to leave, but you do. If you have lived day in and day out with a controlling manipulative individual, leaving will be difficult for you at the begining. You have been brainwashed to feel as though you are worthless, no good to anyone. Well revese that thought, you are with that person so you can't be "worthless", now can you? Domestic violence has destroyed your confidence to grow as a human being, to try new things, to develop talents. It is a toxin that has effected every aspect of your life.

Creating a Safety Plan:

LEAVING ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
It’s important to allow yourself enough time when preparing to leave an abusive relationship, especially if you’re married and have children, but it can be done. It’s also a good idea once you begin, not to make calls from your home, go to a pay phone, friends, relatives, or call and make arrangements from your place of employment. Remember NOT to use your home computer.
Begin by drafting a “plan of action” for yourself. Start to gather copies of important papers like:
· Birth certificates (of you and the children) Make sure you have certified copies.
· Social Security cards
· Marriage certificate
· Insurance policies
· Make a record of all bank account numbers (including any in your children’s names).
Is there a 401K plan at work, IRA, or an account at a credit union, if so, make copies.
· Make copies of your income tax returns for the past three years.
· Make copies of all titles or property information including major appliance manuals & warranties.

· Try and get a couple of your spouse’s pay stubs, make copies.
· Are there any stocks, savings bonds, etc., make copies.
· Contact your doctor and dentist and get copies of all medical records which you can either pick-up in person, or have them mailed to a trusted relative or friend for safe keeping.

· Children’s school records.
· Passports for you and the children.
· Prescriptions for any medications you and the children take (if possible, stock up).
· Spare keys to the house, garage, car, safety deposit box, etc.
·
If you wear prescription glasses or a hearing aid device, get an extra set made and keep them with your important documents.
·
Title to the car.
· Contact the credit bureau and request a copy of your credit report, and remember to send a letter. If you need an example to send please email me at kindlivingpress@aol.com and I'll email you one that you can use.

· Always place passwords on utilities, bills, so that only you, have access into these accounts so they can't be disconnected or changed.

· Try and save money and open a bank account in your name.
· Just before your ready to leave, go to your bank, and withdraw what you can (this should be done on the day you’re preparing to leave, because as money is withdrawn, it will be reflected on the account balance either on that day or the following day. And you don’t want to take chances, especially if an emergency arises and your partner must suddenly use their ATM card or withdraw monies and discover the account balance has changed.

· Use whatever cash advance you have available to open up an individual interest bearing account.
· If possible, take your home computer with you on the day you leave.

· If you are unable to take the computer, remove all data, addresses, take the disks. If you are unsure how to do this please ask someone who you know and trust to assist you.

· If you run a computer home-based business, change all your passwords, change your screen name, and change your internet service provider and don’t insert personal information into any online directories.

· Secure a private post office box. Either have someone you trust do this in their name on your behalf (someone that your partner wouldn’t suspect or know) or, go to a private company like “Mailboxes, etc.”, rather than a post office. And whenever possible use suite or apartment numbers instead of using the words post office box.

· Make changes for your bills, bank accounts, etc., by using the forms provided, try not to fill out a change of address with your postal service.

· Get an unpublished/unlisted telephone number.
· When preparing to move, ask someone you trust to rent a place in their name on your behalf.
· When hiring a moving company, use a small company. Or if you need to use a large
company, have them move your items to a storage unit that has been secured in another person’s name, then contact a small local moving company to move them for you.

· Check off items as you complete them.

If you have received an order of protection from the courts and you’re preparing to move, contact your local police department, explain that you have a court order and you’re requesting they send an officer to your home while you are moving. If you don’t have one, then maybe now is a good time to get one. If you are still unsure than please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE and they will direct you to someone in your area to assist you with how to obtain a court order of protection.

Internet Safety Link: http://www.edvp.org/AboutDV/trace-warning.htm


HOW DOES A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ORDER OFFER PROTECTION?
An order of protection is a court order that provides protection for victims of domestic abuse. A person can obtain an order of protection on an emergency basis when there is a likelihood of harm or injury by the abuser. Typically, an emergency order of protection is obtained after a recent incident has occurred and a police report has been made. The incident allows a victim to petition the courts with the assistance of a state’s attorney or county prosecutor, who works on your behalf without charge, for an emergency order of protection or temporary restraining order (it varies in each state). Then, the judge hears your case, without the presence of the abuser. The judge makes a decision regarding the facts of your case, at which time the judge may grant a temporary emergency order of protection for a maximum of 21 days. Then, the abuser is served by a sheriff or police officer a copy of the order prohibiting contact with the victim for a 21-day period and a court date is set for the abuser to appear before the judge. Both parties return on the scheduled date. You are represented by the state and the abuser either by a private attorney or a public defender. Then the judge, based on the information, decides to set a hearing date. Your order of protection will usually be continued until the outcome of the case. Once you have the order:
· Continue to report all incidents that occur to the police and document them.
· If there is further abuse, contact the county prosecutors office or state’s attorney and update them.

· If you received medical treatment for any injuries sustained, make sure you get a copy of your medical treatment report and take pictures.

· Do not initiate any further contact with the person.
· Always keep a copy of your order with you at all times, make extra copies for your car, employer, etc.

For support, shelter, or additional information on what is available to you I suggest you contact:
· Your local State’s Attorney or Prosecutor’s office
· The Attorney General’s office
· Your local battered women’s shelter and/or counseling center
· The local Bar Association.
Telephone numbers for the above are listed in your local phone book. And you can go to your local library for information on the laws and resources available in your state.

WHO IS PROTECTED UNDER THE ORDER OF PROTECTION?
· Spouse
· Former spouse
· Parent
· Children
· Stepchild
· Dating or engagement relationship
· Person related by blood or marriage
· Sharing or formally sharing a common dwelling
· Persons who have a child in common
· Sharing a blood relationship through a child

WHAT IS A CIVIL ORDER OF PROTECTION?
The procedure for a civil order of protection varies from state to state. Any local or state women’s organizations, lawyer, or state’s attorney will be happy to explain the procedures in your area. When you petition for a civil order of protection, usually no criminal charges have been filed against the alleged abuser. Many seek this type of order when they file for divorce. It is still important to obtain pictures for evidence and witnesses for your case. The order is effective for the same length of time as a criminal order of protection and it is issued by a judge.

Please go to this link that will direct you with every resource you need to begin: https://feminist.org/911/crisis.html .
And the number for the National Domestic violence Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE
Hearing Impaired : TDD- 1-800-787-3224

Cowardly Cutts Files For A New Trial

Jessie Davis murdered by Bobby [The Coward] Cutts

Pass the kleenex box, please.

Bobby Cutts who was sentenced to life in prison for killing his pregnant girfriend is asking for a new trial, arguing that the jury handed down verdicts that contradicted each another.

The news of the OJ Simpson Verdict probably knocked this off the media's radar.

Lawyers for Bobby Cutts Jr. filed the appeal this past Friday.

Let me refresh your memory if case you forgot . It was Cutts, that a jury found guilty in February [2008] of killing Jessie Davis and their unborn daughter at her northeast Ohio home.

Prosecutors argued that he killed Davis, 26, and the fetus last summer to avoid making child support payments.

Jurors convicted Cutts of aggravated murder in the death of the fetus. They found him not guilty of aggravated murder in Davis' death but convicted him of a lesser charge of murder.

According to ABC NEWS The filing argues that convicting Cutts of murder in Davis' death and aggravated murder in the fetus' death was inconsistent because both deaths were the result of the same act.

"The jury clearly lost its way and created such a manifest miscarriage of justice that the conviction must be reversed and a new trial ordered," the appeal said.
Cutts attorneys also argue that the Stark County judge presiding over the trial should have allowed jurors to consider an involuntary manslaughter conviction because no witnesses contradicted Cutts' claim that he did not purposely kill Davis.

Cutts testified that he accidentally hit Davis in the throat with his elbow during an argument, and that he dumped her body in a panic.

Violin Music please. The also says that Cutts did not receive a fair trial due to all the media coverage.

It was Jessie's mother who during sentencing while on the stand said "she wanted his life spared". In my opinion had she not made that plea for his life he would have received life or the death penalty.

No Exceptions

Across the County, Prosecutors and State's Attorney Offices have and are currently ignoring the Federal Violence Against Women Act.

Victims who seek services for assistance from the legal system in domestic violence, stalking, rape, court orders of protection are in Violation of a Federal Act that has been on the books since 1994, when Senator Biden worked with organizations across the country in this ground breaking legislation. If you click Here you will be able to read the full act.

{example of federal language in the law}
‘‘Subtitle J—Violence Against Women Act
Court Training and Improvements
‘‘SEC. 41001. SHORT TITLE.
‘‘This subtitle may be cited as the ‘Violence Against Women
Act Court Training and Improvements Act of 2005’.
‘‘SEC. 41002. PURPOSE.
‘‘The purpose of this subtitle is to enable the Attorney General,
though the Director of the Office on Violence Against Women,
to award grants to improve court responses to adult and youth
domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking
to be used for—
‘‘(1) improved internal civil and criminal court functions,
responses, practices, and procedures;
‘‘(2) education for court-based and court-related personnel
on issues relating to victims’ needs, including safety, security,
privacy, confidentiality, and economic independence, as well
as information about perpetrator behavior and best practices
for holding perpetrators accountable;

If you are a victim or the loved one of a victim, I urge you to read the law. Victims are being refused basic services by a court system that if overburdened. A victim of a rape, sexual abuse, domestic violence stalking, murder, removal of parental rights, must be armed with the knowledge of their rights when seeking assistance in these cases. It is unfortunate but a victim must demand their basic rights under the law.

As an example, Kathleen Savio, Drew Peterson's third wife, demanded justice. She wrote letters to the Will County State's Attorney's Office regarding her dangerous and life threatning situation. She contacted police. Her letters and pleas fell on deaf ears. After the death of Kathleen Savio, the family continued to demand answers. The door of the legal system was slammed in their face. It would take Stacy Peterson to vanish before relatives of Kathleen's such as [Kathleen's sister] who shared documents with Fox News and Greta that an outside medial exaimner was hired to determine the cause of death.

It was the Illinois State Police and the Savio's family, not the Will County State's Attorney who suspected her death was a homicide. And yet during this election year the office of the Will County State's Attorney is talking credit for something they themselves, ignored.

This is not an invitation to a cocktail party, these are people's lives.

Orange County Practicing Blue Justice?

On Wednesday 9/24/08, Orange County Sheriff Kevin Beary's daughter called for help saying she was a victim of domestic violence.

The Mount Dora Police Department released the 911 calls claiming her husband, an Orange
County deputy, had allegedly beaten her:

"I don't know what to do because I thought if a cop came to the house in a domestic violence case somebody had to go to jail."

Though she appeared to have suffered only minor injuries. The 911 operator asked if she was bleeding or if she needed ice packs. "No, I don't. I'm bleeding, but I'm okay," said Beary's daughter.

Seems the "blue boys" have reassigned the alleged abuser Deputy Alan Brooks. They did arrest him, he was released and will continue working pending the outcome of the "investigation.

Here's the call from 911, the link . Procedures on how departments handle one of their own officers arrested for domestic violence. In these cases where there is a weapon, the victim's safety needs to be properly addressed. It was not.

Who is say this incident will not anger Deputy Alan Brooks into harming his wife further?

And what about a court order of protection? Can the Deputies wife secure one in court, before a judge? Or is that not an option?

She was beaten and he's allowed to go back on the job? That's called Blue Justice, in Orange County!

The Bloody Endless Road of Police Officer Wives

If you wonder why women are murdered by husbands and boyfriends, the Drew Peterson case, is classic text book.

Family abuse victims have a hard enough time jumping through the legal maze when they are abused within their own homes. The current system is broken and ineffective in dealing with the ever mounting cases that enter the legal system across the country on a daily basis.

Consider for a moment, the daily plight police officers wives face. They have no place to turn. And yes, I believe from professional experience in advocating and investigating these cases, the Peterson tragedies should be the model in "fixing" and holding accountable the horror, many families endure who are married to those "tin badge cowards" hiding by day as they protect our streets. And at nightfall control, beat and threaten their wives and girlfriends.

The legal system failed Kathleen Savio and her two boys. It ignored important police and medical reports. It intimidated her into dropping valid criminal charges against her officer husband so he could "remain on the job". The victim (Kathleen Savio) was cleverly portrayed as "off her rocker" and plain nuts for accusing a police officer to whom she was married because he was not only beating her but making valid threats against her very life. Every place Kathleen turned for help including the State's Attorney's office she was met with disbelief.

As I write this, women just like Kathleen Savio are being victimized by the "Brotherhood" who refuse to carry out the law in their state and arrest their fellow officers for committing criminal acts of violence against their own families. These women tell the similar stories of horror in emails and phone calls I receive, daily. All are met with the exact silent, response.

The crime is also within the legal system that offers no protection to police officers wives and their children. It is easier to get a prescription for valium for a doctor than it is for a wife of a law enforcement officer receive a court order of protection from a judge. Or for a woman to safely leave the abuser and start their lives anew. For a police officers wife, the possibility of a life free from violence does not exist. An officer who thrives on power and control is likely to stalk, harass and continue victimizing their wife or girlfriend long after a divorce or relationship break-up.

A police officer has at their disposal on the job training as a skilled officer, tracking tools, information to shelters, relationships with other police departments and that all mighty tin badge and service revolver.

So you tell me, where are these woman suppose to go? There is a clear reluctance on the part of the responding officers to do their jobs in the homes of fellow officers. Again, look at the Peterson case. Those fellow officers who responded to the Savio/Peterson home over the years who hesitated to deal professional with a "fellow brother in blue",
were responsible for the disaster that in my opinion, lead to not one death, but two.

If you are involved or married to someone on law enforcement, please consider contacting me. All emails received remain confidential. Email address: contact@movingoutmovingon.com

To view a list of officers wives and girlfriends who have been murdered please visit http://www.behindthebluewall.blogspot.com

Cindy Bishcof: Implementing Changes For Tracking Abusers'

This morning while most of us are preparing to get the kids off to school and head to work ourselves, one man, Michael Bischof is making a difference in Springfield , Illinois.

Just 26 short days ago, Michael's sister, Cindy Bischof was gunned down just outside her place of employment. Oh yes, she had all the legal remedies afforded to her under the current Illinois law, but it was not enough. An order of protection, cannot and does not stop bullets. Nor is a piece of paper, without additional teeth, going to do much either in any domestic violence or stalking related case. The forty-three real old executive, lost her life.

But, today is the begining of a new direction as Michael Bischof with his angel Cindy beside him, in spirit , embark on a legal path to change the direction in violations of orders of protection granted by all Illinois courts.

Synopsis As Introduced for the new legialtion:

Amends the Department of State Police Law of the Civil Administrative Code of Illinois, the State Finance Act, the Criminal Code of 1961, the Unified Code of Corrections, the Code of Criminal Procedure of 1963, and the Illinois Domestic Violence Act, and provides that the Act may be referred to as the Cindy Bischof Law. Provides that the Department of State Police shall develop a protocol to coordinate actions of the courts and law enforcement agencies to implement the domestic violence surveillance program created by the amendatory Act. Creates the Domestic Violence Surveillance Fund in the State treasury. Provides that the offense of violation of an order of protection includes the respondent's failure to attend and complete partner abuse intervention programs. Provides that in addition to any other penalties, the court may, after consultation with the petitioner, order the respondent to carry or wear a global positioning system device. Provides that in domestic violence cases, the court shall order the respondent to attend and complete partner abuse intervention programs. Adds to every penalty imposed upon a plea of guilty or finding of guilty resulting in a judgment of conviction of a violation of an order of protection an additional fine in an amount not less than $200 to be set at the discretion of the court which shall be deposited into the Domestic Violence Surveillance Fund. Makes other changes. Here is the link on the new bill:
http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/billstatus.asp?DocNum=6325&GAID=9&GA=95&DocTypeID=HB&LegID=38427&SessionID=51

To learn more about the Bischof family and what they are doing to change views, issues and effcective advocacy regarding domestic violence & stalking, please visist: http://www.cindysmemorial.org/

If you are a victim or a relative of someone who is in a violent relationship, please get help by contrcating the the National Domestic Violence Hotline number at 1-800-799-SAFE. Services provided are free and confidential directing those in need to shelter, legal and counseling services. They answer the phones twenty-four hours a day sevene days a week.

Additional Resources:

Family Rescue800-360-6619http://www.familyrescueinc.org/
Chicago Abused Women Coalition773-278-4566http://www.cawc.org/
Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence877-863-6338http://www.ilcadv.org/
Susan Murphy Milano's Journal
http://www.movingoutmovingon.com/
WINGS (Women In Need Growing Stronger)847-348-3001http://www.wingsprogram.com/
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence1-800-799-SAFE (7233)http://www.ncadv.org/

Cindy Bischof's Family-Voices For Awareness Campaign "Domestic Violence Murders"

The family of a slain Elmhurst real estate broker is setting up an advocacy group to press for changes in domestic violence laws, including wider use of global positioning devices to track those who violate protection orders, the woman's brother said Monday.

Cindy Bischof, 43, had an order of protection against former boyfriend Michael L. Giroux, who on March 7 fatally shot her and then killed himself.Her brother, Michael Bischof, is working with some of her longtime friends to set up the advocacy group. Her family hopes to make orders of protection more effective and figure out ways to better protect people in fear of domestic violence."We recognize that there are far more victims of just harassment and fear who, as a result, have a loss of freedom," because of fears they may be attacked, her brother said.He would like Illinois to use global positioning system devices to track those who violate orders of protection. Such tracking could give victims a greater ability to move freely, he said.GPS tracking already is being used on people convicted of various crimes in at least 40 states, including Illinois, most often those considered sexual predators, according to those in the tracking industry.Currently, 257 people on parole for sex crimes in Illinois are being tracked with GPS devices, a spokesman for the state Department of Corrections said Monday.Legal authorities in several states are using GPS on people who have violated protection orders, said Carl Wicklund, executive director of the American Probation & Parole Association.

The technology can be used to alert victims when someone comes too close to a place from which they have been banned, such as a victim's home or workplace, he said.The monitoring can run to about $25 a day per person, depending on how someone is being tracked, said Jeff Durski, spokesman for iSecuretrac Corp., an Omaha company that provides monitoring for governments in 40 states. It just began offering victim-alerts as part of its monitoring services two months ago, he said.The Cook County state's attorney's office, which works with those seeking orders of protection, would support using the technology if it can be proved to work well, a spokesman said.

The Bischof family has set up a non-profit group to provide scholarships for young women to DePaul University, Cindy Bischof's alma mater, her brother said. The family also has launched a
Web site http:// www.cindys memorial.org.

(Source: Liam Ford, Chicago Tribune)

Drew Peterson: Camp Sticky Marshmallow Updates Day #135

Fact: 135 Days after Stacy Peterson vanished, no arrest has been made.

Fact: Kathleen Savio's death has been ruled as a homicide. Her cries for help fell on deaf ears.

Fact: The signatures on Kathleen Savio's Will do not match those on the order of protection documents that she signed in court.

Fact: Drew Peterson is a trained locksmith.

Fact: Drew Peterson has moved all his financial assets into other individuals names.

Fact: Drew Peterson has made many distubing statements in public regarding Stacy Peterson.

Fact: Kathleen Savio at one time worked for the city of Naperville.

Fact: Will County allowed politics and election schedules to interfere with doing their jobs.

Fact: Drew Peterson, a veteran police officer at the time of each tragedy knew better than most. exactly how murder investigations are handled in these type of cases.

Fact: The most difficult task for a conviction to stick, is to find a body and figure out what happened.

Fact: In the State of Illinois no person has ever been tried and found guilty of murder without

a body.

Fact: Sooner or later murder does come back in a hauting way, and the truth is then revealed.

Fact: 135 Days without Stacy being able to tuck her children in at night.

Please visit the website os Stacy Peterson at http://www.findstacypeterson.com/.

If you have any information regarding this case or the Savio murder, please contact the FBI.

Lawyer in Drew Peterson Divorce Case Speaks To Radio Host Roe Conn

Finally, someone had the bright idea to interview Harry Smith the Attorney who represented Kathleen Savio in her divorce. In a new twist, Stacy Peterson also contacted the very same lawyer just days before her "mysterious vanishing act" to inquire about a divorce. -------

Kathleen Savio's divorce attorney Harry Smith joins The Roe Conn ShowIn a WLS-AM 890 Exclusive, Kathleen Savio's divorce attorney Harry Smith joined the Roe Conn Show on March 6th to discuss his former client's relationship with Drew Peterson. Download part 1 of this exclusive interview in the Roe Conn Show On-Demand section

Download this show

Part 2 of the show:
Download this show


Order of Protection Speaks From the Grave:
http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2008/02/drew-peterson-order-of-protection.html

Drew Peterson: Lawyer Now Requires Large Shovel?
http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2008/02/drew-petersons-lawyer-now-requires.html