Over the weekend in Michigan, another mother has lost her life to intimate partner homicide. Stephanie Fish, 34 [pictured above] was found shot to death. On Sunday, after an amber alert was issued her 4-year old son was found safe and unharmed.
This morning in Ohio, Ranna Peale, 31, mother of 4 children, found shot several times prior to her ex-boyfriend killing himself was informed when attempting to obtain a court order of protection, "there was nothing she could do until an actual crime was committed."
Today, in Louisiana Natalie Grady, 49 mother of 4 was shot by her husband before turning the gun on himself. The couple had a history of violence in the home. Natalie was a neonatal nurse at Woman's hospital.
In New York, Bridget Bell, 29, was stabbed to death by her former boyfriend as her 3-year old child slept upstairs.
Now for the mothers and their children you will never read about with your morning coffee or watch on CNN. Why? Because they had a plan to leave their toxic and violent relationships. Yes, it took every ounce of strength to leave, but, they carefully planned, packed their bags making a new life for themselves far away from the violence and potential threat to their lives.
So why are we seeing bloodshed at epidemic proportions? How is it possible the majority of female missing person cases involving mothers suddenly vanish such as Susan Powell Utah;Hope Meeks Oklahoma; Lisa Stebic Illinois; Venus Stewart Michigan; Lisa Shuttlesworth South Carolina, Stacy Peterson Illinois; Jacque Waller Missouri and others ending marriages have yet to be found? And in many cases the person responsible yet to be charged? Is it too any cases, too little manpower?
Domestic violence and stalking is a crime. Yet, it is still treated as a 'private family matter' within communities across the country. A person faces automatic arrest, no questions asked when they get behind the wheel and drive drunk. Because it is against the law. Also against the law is domestic violence. It is a crime to threaten bodily harm or beat a person. The offender too cowardly to start a random act of violence in public, gets away with controlling abusive behaviors behind closed doors because there is no real consequences to actions, unless they kill.
Attitudes must change from Corporate America on down to rural small town populations, domestic violence is a crime. It is against the law. In America, at least eight women are murdered everyday. With budget cuts law enforcement can only do so much. Communities must take a more active role in their communities, including the church. The need to stop the bloodshed is overwhelming, but not impossible.
Holidays will also trigger events that will no doubt bring forth more tragedies as estranged parents decide who will have the kids on what day and for how long. The courts both civil and criminal will be a revolving door for court orders of protection, child support, and financial matters fueling emotions of anger and resentment surely adding to the epidemic of intimate partner homicide.
Below is an important solution currently available on Amazon in the book "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships. Staying many steps ahead of an abusive individual can mean the difference between life and death. Don't wait. Time's Up!
A study out by the FBI in October said South Carolina ranks number one in the nation for violent crimes. One type of crime that's on the rise in this state is domestic violence.
According to the South Carolina State Attorney General's website, an average of 33 women are killed each year in South Carolina as a result of domestic violence. Most of the time, they occur behind closed doors.
But Susan Murphy-Milano hopes to give victims everywhere a chance to be 10 steps ahead of their abuser. She never wanted to be a domestic violence advocate. She had a great life as an investment banker until it all came crashing down one night in 1989.
"My mom was a long time victim of abuse,” Milano explained. “My father was a Chicago violent crimes detective. He murdered her and then took his own life. I vowed to change the world."
Milano has taken baby steps to do so over the last 20 years, working with women one on one to get out of volatile relationships. She's even written book on the subject.
Milano plans to take her knowledge mainstream with a new phone application for an evidentiary abuse affidavit (EAA).
"We have something called Crawford vs. Washington across the country and all these cases, when a woman goes missing, you don't know what she said,” said Milano. “You don't know about the offender. So in a case like that, had she prepared an affidavit, which is almost like a will: it talks about the incidences, gives her date of birth, her social security number, gives his information... So for the first time you have in the victim's words what's going on. It's not hear-say."
"I don't think in any way what happens inhibits me from having a normal life, a happy life. I try to learn from there mistakes so I make sure I don't get into a situation like my mom did," said Tina Abassi, who lost her mother at 15 to domestic violence.
Farah Abassi was killed by her father, Asghar Abassi Eliderani, at the family's convenient store in Socastee in 2008. It was the end of a childhood that Abassi says seemed normal.
"I don't remember growing up and thinking anything was wrong cause it's all I knew,” said Abassi. So if you grow up thinking that your parents fighting and not sleeping in the same bed, arguing and having your dad hurt your mom is normal, you don't think you're growing up wrong. You just think, 'Oh they're just fighting.’"
"We don't look at domestic violence as anything other than a private matter,” Milano said. “How many private matters are they going to continue to scream in silence?"
Milano created a new app that will allow a victim to record a video and fill out documents. They can explain the abuse and can include photos and information police could use in case if something happens. Milano hopes it will also give prosecutors evidence for conviction.
"So in her words, it shows that when somebody does this, it's premeditated,” she said. “So a lot of these cases individual offenders who go to trial and say, 'I was unhinged. It was a crime of passion.' Pardon me, but bullshit it wasn't. It's not a crime of passion; it's premeditated and they think they can get away with it."
Asghar Abassi Eliaderani was convicted of involuntary manslaughter in 2010, and received five years in prison as a sentence for killing his wife; a sentence that will be up within a year because Eliaderani is in a work release program.
"If she [Farah Abassi] had the EAA, it could have been something discreet that she could have filmed, that she could have said to know that incase anything ever happened, her voice would be heard,” said Abassi. “That would have given her peace of mind because she was so stressed out."
"You've got budget cuts across the country,” said Milano. “So to have this technology means that you're going to reduce the burden of the State for prosecutors or district attorneys in going in and doing this. If she does this, half their job's over with. If she winds up missing, it’s an easy arrest. You've effective a case that you wouldn't have had."
The new phone application is set to débuted on December 25th, but the information is available to all victims in a book written by Susan Murphy-Milano titled Time’s Up. Click here to Milano’s website, where the book can be purchased.
Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.
A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes: Crime, She Writesproviding commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime.
When a man and woman, woman and woman, man and man enter into the supposedly sacred state of matrimony, civil union or serious relationship, they think and hope with all of their collective hearts and souls it is forever… The couple is in love, in lust, and may give themselves permission to “wear rose colored glasses” should they have any nagging doubts for as long as that state of euphoria lasts.
Whether we are talking about a chemical, biological or psychological process…. It appears to Ladyjustice to be an evolutionary tale…. One that grows and changes with time. If you are not up for the bumps in the road due to immaturity, your own insecurities, family history or lack of ability to persevere, it can be a recipe for disaster….. Granted, certainly not all broken marriages end in homicide, but…. we might speculate a few theories, such as:
A) Is it perception or fact that intimate partner homicide is becoming more common?According to the National Coalition against Domestic Violence, current data, there are 16,800 homicides (reported) attributed to intimate partner homicide per year and $2.2 million in medically treated injuries costing $37 billion per year!
73% of family violence victims are female; 84% of female victims were spousal abuse victims; 86% of abuse victims are at the hands of a boyfriend; Females between the ages of 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk for intimate partner violence; The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds 5.8 billion dollars each year; $4.1 billion of which is for medical and mental health services.
B) Is the media reporting Intimate Partner Homicide more frequently?
According to experts such as Susan Murphy Milano and others…. The answer is “emphatically no…” A qualification is needed. National news organizations that have turned into “entertainment news” as a mainstay versus hard news, and tabloid journalists do their best to portray cases on two ends of the spectrum – those families who in some way have acclaim by virtue of accomplishment, politics, Hollywood or wealth…or those that are so dysfunctional as to be considered freakish.
This leaves the rest of the world, who may be of minority status, poor, perhaps under-educated, living in rural areas, those lacking in technological devices and lacking savvy, knowledgeable law enforcement at a loss and in a state of virtual limbo.
C) Is obtaining a divorce easier than it used to be? If so, why do intimate partners kill?
According to Natalie, in some countries you can divorce simply by saying, “I divorce you” three times.
[LJ- ‘Reminds me of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when she clicks her heels together three times! If only the abused could escape by going to Kansas! ‘Don’t think this step is in Susan Murphy Milano’s Time’s Up book!]
When discussing the eight considerations, of which domestic violence is #1, it is not too much of a stretch to say that some abusers may be aware of the:
The 10-Year Rule: If your marriage is long-term, defined by many states as 10 years or longer, then the spouse that earns more money might end up paying alimony for life, or until the ex re-marries. If your spouse is itching for a divorce after 9 ½ years of marriage, it could be the 10-year rule they are trying to duck under, to minimize or eliminate paying alimony. So, be aware of what the laws are in your state because divorce laws vary widely across the nation.
Another consideration is Financial Infidelity: The sad truth is that single mothers are the biggest group living in poverty in the United States, and too many abused women are afraid to leave because they feel that they can’t afford to. Community property is handled differently state to state, but at minimum, it is very important to have a bank account in your own name, to have your name on the family real estate, to have your own Individual Retirement Account (s) and 401Ks and to approve all of the investments that your spouse is plunking down money for. It is also important that each of you has money of your own that you can spend (within reason) without getting approval from the other.
According to statistics provided by DivorceMag.com,
The divorce rate in 2005 (per 1,000 people) was 3.6 — the lowest rate since 1970,
8.1% of coupled households consist ofunmarried heterosexual partners, according to The State of Our Unions 2005, a report issued by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University.
The same study said that only 63% of American children grow up with both biological parents — the lowest figure in the Western world.
As of 2003, 43.7% of custodial mothers and 56.2% of custodial fathers were either separated or divorced. And in 2002, 7.8 million Americans paid about $40 billion in child and/or spousal support(84% of the payers were male).
[LJ- We can infer that as the 2010 Census data is still being tabulated, divorce numbers are no doubt higher, given the fast paced lifestyles of families in general and the severe economic conditions which appear to be sustaining.
D) What about the motivator-murder for the payout of life insurance?
Although specific data could not be located with certainty on line, it is interesting to this blogger that her home state of Connecticut, (which used to be known as the insurance capital of the world…) has taken the lead with the “Slayer Statutes”:
Killing someone for life insurance money is not only a heinous criminal act, its insurance fraud. Jack Dolan of the American Council of Life Insurers, an industry trade group, says that "as a general rule" anyone who is convicted in court or remains under investigation for killing someone in order to collect a life insurance benefit will not receive the payout.
"The fact that a beneficiary is not charged with a crime or is not convicted in a criminal proceeding of wrongfully killing the insured, does not mean that the beneficiary is automatically entitled to receive the policy proceeds," Dolan says.
Many states, such as Connecticut, have specific "slayer statutes" that prevent life insurance beneficiaries from receiving payouts if they "intentionally caused" the insured's death. Some of these states also allow the court to bar payouts if the beneficiary isn't convicted of murder or manslaughter but may have been involved in the insured's demise, such as by hiring someone to kill the insured. The type of conduct that prevents a beneficiary from receiving a death benefit varies from state to state.
Slayer statutes have been enacted in 42 states, and, according to legal experts in Connecticut,some states' statutes allow a court to consider proof other than a criminal conviction to show that a person should not receive their victim's life insurance death benefits.Eleven of those states will allow an "interested person" to ask a court to determine whether a beneficiary who hasn't been convicted of anything could nevertheless be found "criminally accountable" either by "clear and convincing" evidence or by "a preponderance of evidence." So, in these states a beneficiary could avoid a murder rap but still lose out on the death benefit. [LJ- Wow! Let’s get these experts on the radio!]
E) Musical Considerations: Yes… That’s what LJ said…. Who would have thought that the skilled writer and jazz-soul singer, Anita Baker would have captured the essence of what coupled marriages often are not- (especially those in abusive and violent relationships) made in heaven? Our mothers may have filled our heads with the fairy tale ideas that your prince charming is just around the corner, if you look for him….
(Written By: Anita Baker, Vernon Fails & Michael Powell)
If women take the time to examine those maternal messages, we note that they are part of the American dream. “Someday my prince will come” (to the rescue) …and all that crap!
Well, women are in general, very capable and resilient beings unto themselves, in the opinion of Ladyjustice. However, with only 17,000 reported homicides attributed to intimate partner homicide annually, 73 to 86% of said females do need to be rescued from their abuse by being proactive before its too late!
Ladyjustice recommends that readers listen to Anita Baker’s lyrics again…. As they are prophetic indeed!
And the ultimate irony is…. According to internet news sources, Ms. Baker has been involved in a very messy divorce with her husband, apparently suing her for 50% of her song royalties… and threatening to take away her teenaged sons if she does not comply. A Detroit news video interview indicated that she has signed every document asked of her.
[LJ is not an attorney, However, is this not emotional-psychological abuse and blackmail or extortion at minimum?]
Watch out Anita! Who’s got your back?
About The Author Donna Gore, M.A.
What can you learn about overcoming the status of crime victim?
Donna Gore learned the lessons starting in 1981 when her father was murdered. After waiting 6 long years for justice, the journey she was on turned into a passion for helping others in similar situations. Donna was able to transform a negative situation into a positive approach to life through gathering with other victims and aiding them through their own traumas.
Donna pursued this passion by participating in several victim assistance organizations, including Survivors of Homicide and National Organization of Vicitm Assistance (NOVA). In this capacity she is able to facilitate support groups and volunteers her time supporting and escorting victims to court hearings, as well as aiding in fundraising, sponsoring programs and coordinating events.
Through her own experiences, as well as assisting others, Donna is led to many different areas of victim services, including working with teens and the elderly. She has the ability and training to serve victims on many levels, including support while attending trials and writing victim impact statements. These important, yet often overlooked services, are meaningful to those entering into a situation they are not emotionally equipped to handle.
Donna Gore is a noted speaker who has appeared in several media outlets and publications as well as participated in conferences. She has participated in the conceptualizing and passage of legislation benefitting those with medical disabilities.
Donna is a highly skilled speech-language pathologist who has focused on adults with severe cognitive disorders within institutional settings. She has served over 10 years as Human Services Advocate/Case Manager at the Connecticut Services for the Blind. She is dedicated to her clients and resourceful at finding services to meet their needs.
Utilizing her skills, experience and education, Donna is seeking employment in the San Diego County area, seeking a Project or Program Management position in Healthcare, Crime Victim Advocacy, Higher Ed, Government or Event Planning Environments.
If you would like to schedule Donna Gore for your next event, please fill out the form below or contact ImaginePublicity at 843.808.0859 or email: contact@imaginepublicity.com
