Special Series: One Woman's Journey

Part 2

It was awkward the first hour or so Robert’s children seemed rather taken back that their father was dating someone. Their voices had a tone of anger saying it “was too soon and this wasn’t the right time for a serious relationship.” When Gina recalled her first formal meeting with the girls she witnessed a control and power that in her mind was not normal. Robert always gave into the girl’s demands but not this time. He asked each of his daughters to apologize to Gina for their behavior. This was also a missed sign by Gina.

Gina went to Robert’s house on the weekends and sometimes during the week. They would have dinner together, play cards, watch movie or just hang out. Gina didn’t pay attention at first but Robert was calling her cell phone a few times a day. And when they were not together or Gina was out someplace for the evening Robert would ask that she call to let him know she made it home.

When Gina did not call one evening Robert panicked and waited at her house until she arrived. He said he was worried when she did answer his calls. Look she told him I realize you haven’t been in a relationship for quite some time but I don’t like being so crowded. Gina suggested they cool things off a bit. But Robert promised to be better and not crowd her then he told it was because he was in love with her and he never had these feelings before. Tax time was around the corner and Gina had to get ready for the last minute stampede of clients in a rush to have their taxes prepared.

Robert began to drop by her home almost every evening with a cup of Starbucks coffee for Gina while she worked. Gina would stop was she was doing for ten minutes they would talk and she would go back doing her work on the computer. Sometimes Robert didn’t leave and would fall asleep on the living room couch watching television while Gina prepared client taxes in her office located at the far end of the house.

A week or so after tax season Robert handed Gina a key to his house. She did not want to accept it but Robert insisted. Soon afterwards Robert was showing up at her doorstep with mocha latte’s in hand hanging around until it was time for Gina to go to work.

Gina said at the time she brushed off the early signs of smothering behavior because she truly felt Robert was harmless and she enjoyed spending with him. Robert was by all appearances a warm, gentle and loving father. Gina also mentioned a few times in our conversation how impressed she was with the way he took care of his wife.

Time passed and the two began spending the majority of their free time together. Gina’s childhood friend was terminally ill and she texted Robert to say she was leaving for the airport to be with her and would call me when she returned. Robert was already in her driveway when she sent the text. He knocked on the door said he was stopping to see her anyway and offered to drive Gina to the airport.

With Gina by her side her friend died the following day. There was no reason to stay through the week so Gina changed her flight and returned home. Exhausted and stressed she had a few glasses of wine and went to bed. The following morning as she was pulling out of the driveway there was Robert. Gina said he was rather irritated with her that she didn’t call him when she got home. Another sign Gina completely missed.

The following weekend on the patio, Robert got on one knee and proposed marriage.

It's Okay To Ask Your Kids Questions

It is likely over the next few days you will be with family and friends during the Thanksgiving holiday. If you have a teenager take the opportunity to have some quality discussions about school, whom they are hanging around with and if they are sort of dating someone find out what is going on in their lives. And if you have a moment please head on over and read the the post titled "Thanksgiving Tradition" by Anglican Priest Charles Moncrief over on the Time's Up Blog.

We never really pay attention or think much about our kids being in an abusive relationship. We tell them to stay away from strangers or never to put their drink down at a party, but, as parents do we ever ask and check in with our kids and their relationships? As a parent, why not consider printing a copy of this off and either sitting down with your teenager and discussing the questions listed below or lightly mention that you saw this on the Internet and thought it might be of interest and leave it at that. Maybe ask about their friends, if they suspect they are in an unhealthy situation at the moment. It's a way to open the door to discussing the topic.

Questions to really look and go over with your teenager:
Print this sheet off and write your ideas in the spaces. You can print this sheet from your browser (by pressing the 'print' button on the toolbar or selecting 'print' in the File menu.)
Write a list of the ways in which you think your boyfriend/girlfriend has been or is being abusive towards you.
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Did you ever stop and think about your boyfriend/girlfriend and what they gain through their behavior? Does it make them a better person for controlling or hurting you? Maybe this is being done in their home and they think this is normal behavior? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
How has the way you are treated made you feel? Helpless, stupid, afraid to tell someone? ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
How does or has the abuse affected you - how has it affected your confidence, your relationships, and your school studies or just your life right now.
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
How have the negative messages that your boyfriend/girlfriend has given you made you feel about yourself?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Do you think the abuse has consumed you completely?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
If you break up:
Good points / what could I gain
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
Bad points / what could I lose?
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
If you stay in the relationship:
Good points / what could I gain
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
________________________________
Bad points / what could I lose?
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
_____________________________
What's your worst fear if you end the relationship right now?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What's your worst fear if you continue seeing this person?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Who can you talk to who could help, a parent, family memeber, school mate, teacher?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What personal strengths do you have to help you keep going?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
Have you thought about steps you could take to try to change this situation?
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What can you do to feel better and in a safe place (either in the relationship or after breaking up) ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________
What things can you do for yourself, to feel stronger? (spend more time with my friends, find a job, keep a journal,pay attention to your school work, etc.
___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________

Be Careful Who You Date: It Could Be Fatal: Tuesday, february 24, 2009 at 10:00 PM CST

Tune In: 8:00 pm Pacific--10:00 pm Central--11:00 Eastern

This week’s Guests: Native New Yorker Joseph Hosey has been a reporter for the Chicago area's Herald News since 1999 and has been on the cusp of every major development in the Drew Peterson case. He is the only member of the media to cover Kathleen Savio's inquest, and he broke the stories of her death as well as Stacy Peterson's disappearance. His is the author of the best selling book------ Fatal Vows: The Tragic Wives of Sergeant Drew Peterson

Julie Spira, is The Cyber-Dating Expert™ and author of the new Internet dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. Join us as Julie Spira shares her knowledge, her tips and secrets Into the world of Cyber-Dating.

And Renown Los Angeles Defense Attorney David Diamond weighs in on the Chris Brown case and other celebrities caught in the “Cookie jar of crime.."

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Join Hosts: Prosecutor and Author Robin Sax, Police Officer and Author Stacy Dittrich, Violence Expert and Author Susan Murphy-Milano each week as they provide justice for those whose lives have been interrupted by rape, murder, child sexual predators, strange and unexplained disappearances, domestic violence, and cold cases yet to be solved...