Trial of Karen Kahler & Children: Intimate Partner Homicide meets Absurd Defense

The trials of intimate partner homicides, silenced by those whom at one time professed to love the spouse or partner during the relationship, have turned courtrooms across the county into theater of the absurd.

Defense tactics are now being argued in a court of law that teeter more on "hearsay" than fact. Add to this mix the past history of abuse, often not admissible during trial, and you have a recipe for disaster. The courts allow for a defendant's mental state at the time of the killing, but the pattern of conduct leading up to the murder has little or no significance.

As a tragic example is the current murder trial of Kraig Kahler. His defense, and the headline after the second day of trial is, "Kansas Murder Suspect Blamed Divorce on Wife's Lover." This is where the absurd enters the picture in this case. There are four people who lost their lives on November 28, 2009. They are:

Karen Kahler (estranged wife)

Emily Kahler ( 18 year old daughter)

Lauren Kahler (16 year old daughter)

Dorothy Wight (grandmother)

A son, Sean, 10 years old at the time, survived by fleeing to safety down the road to a neighbors home.

The blame game should not be a defense for a man who carefully planned out the murders of his family. Karen and the kids go to grandma's for Thanksgiving weekend, he follows their every move, just as he had been doing for months prior to the day of the murders.

Prior to the shooting he stalked Karen. Kraig Kahler lost his job the Director of Columbia Water & Light because of his criminal acts of stalking and violence, the couple was in the middle of a divorce.

The defense is claiming that their client had a mental breakdown because Karen was in a relationship with another woman.

•  Forget the fact that Kahler had been violent towards Karen for years. 
•  Forget the fact that she filed for divorce to get away from the violence. 
•  Forget the fact that Kahler is a psychopath.

 His behavior and actions are that of a very sound and stable individual who conveniently, according to the defense, has had a mental breakdown. That sounds like hearsay to me. Isn't the trial about the murders?

• Didn't Kahler get in the car and follow his family? 
• Did he stop and pay for gas on his road trip? 
•  Did he load the weapons prior to the murders? 
• Did he go into hiding after he shot his family before he was arrested? 

 Those sound and appear to be very thoughtful steps of an angry abusive, controlling, killer!

Karen Kahler is not here. As a matter of fact, she begged for her life before he pumped more bullets into the mother of his three children.

Kraig Kahler's actions on November 28, 2009 were not hearsay, but premeditated . The life and or lifestyle choice of Karen Kahler should not be on trial.

The actions of a very sane man taking the coward's way out speaks volumes of a psychopath using the system to his advantage.

For victims of intimate partner violence that leads to homicide, this is a tragic view from inside the theater of the absurd!

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Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is a specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies and high risk cases and available for personal consultations through the Institute. She is also part of the team at Management Resources Limited of New York.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.

If you would like to schedule Susan Murphy Milano for interviews, please contact: ImaginePublicity PO BOX 14946 Surfside Beach, SC 29587 Phone: 843.808.0859 email- contact@imaginepublicity.com

A Letter To Sean

On November 28th, 2009, Karen Kahler and her daughters Emily and Lauren were shot to death by Karen's estranged husband while they were visiting her grandmother, Dorothy, for the Thanksgiving holiday. Dorothy was also shot and died a few days later.

Sean, a 10-year old son, escaped while bullets were being fired upon his family by his father inside the house, running for his life and surviving this horrific tragedy, phyically unharmed.

[As a violence expert and veteran to surviving family homicide, I was moved to write this young man a letter. Although I am using Sean's name it could have been Craig, Jennifer, Alice, Tom, Christopher, Bobby, Kathy, Lisa, Andrew, Laci, Conner, Cheryl with a list that goes on and on of children left to find their place in this world without those whom they love and, more importantly without answers.]

Dear Sean:

This is your first holiday without your sisters, grand grandmother and mother. The events that lead up to their deaths will for a very long time play out over and over in your mind as if you are watching a scary movie. You will have terrible nightmares, cold sweats, and be woken by a soft tender voice comforting you, suggesting "you to go back to sleep, it's okay. It was only a dream." But, you find going back to sleep difficult. Instead you may cry or get angry. And that is okay.

While you are awake, during the day, something will remind you of the tragedy. A dog barking outside, a silly commericial on television or simply the closing of a bedroom door. It doesn't take much really to remind you of what happend. And in the months to follow you will probably wonder when will you stop feeling so horrible. When will the pain go away? Some days will be better than others. And sometimes the pain you feel will be with you as if it were your worst enemy. You can't tell it to go away. You are not able to run from it. It will be your companion for many months.


After Christmas and New Year's it will be time for you to go back to school. At first you will have the feeling of your body being in a kind of thick fog. And your feet will not feel as if they are touching the ground as you walk. I suggest a relative sew in marbles or a few coins in the cuff's of your pants. This will help you feel like you are weighted down in some way. At the start of your first day back you might notice mom's driving or walking their kids to school. This will make you miss your mom all the more. You might be overwhelmed by this and ask the person who took you to school to bring you back to the house. You are not ready yet. This is a normal feeling.

Once you start feeling a little better and return to school try and get involved in a sport that you enjoy. Try to make friends with other kids in your class. And if you are invited to do something after school over on the weekend, accept the invitation only when you feel ready. Sometimes adults make us feel like we have to try or do something we do not feel ready or comfortable doing. Use your best judgement in each situation.


Maybe start your own private journal. Include the times you shared together with your Mom. The trips you took or how she made a special meal you enjoyed. On holidays make your mom a special card and place it in the journal. When your mom's birthday approaches do something special that she might have enjoyed sharing with you. If she had a favorite saying remember to write it down so you will always remember her words. Keep special photo's in the journal or on a disk. If your mom's voice is on her cell phone or the house phone on a recording ask a relative to make a few copies for you so you can hear her voice when you are feeling sad.

The most important piece of advice I can offer you is that you are stronger than you may believe. When you have bad days remember that your mother, although she is in heaven, lives in your heart. And even though you are not able to see or touch her in human form, she walks beside you proudly, from the moment you awake, until the time you rest your head at night.

The love of your Mom will remain with you, Sean, every single precious moment as you grow and build your own life, finish school and someday have a family of your own.

D-Day [Part Two]

[pictured Karen, Emily and Lauren Kahler]

The majority of women abused want to get away as far from their abuser as possible and begin their lives without the violence. Karen Kahler who was murdered along with her two children and her 89 year-old grandmother by her estranged husband, was no different.

Karen Kahler was a loving woman with strong ties to her children and the community. So much that friends and family have set a blog http://www.karenkahler.blogspot.com/ in memory of their friend and for the only child, a 10 year-old son whom survived the bloody massacre and needs assistance himself.


Nothing short of purchasing a weapon and signing up for lessons on how to take accurate aim to a target could have prevented these murders. Family homicide is an epidemic. It is a war. And if you are reading this, thinking "nope this can't happen to me" think again!

I have reported on so many stories of men murdering their families in the last few months, I have lost count. With over 20 years of hands on assistance directly to women and their children I wonder how many more murders it will take before the legal system wakes up and corrects a process within the courts that is allowing offenders in many situations to get away with the slaughter of innocent women and children.

An order of protection will do nothing in the prevention of a person whom is so enraged they will stop at anything to commit murder. Because you or a victim that is a family member or friend, perhaps a co-worker or church member has decided to end the relationship.

Take a moment and read yesterday's post on the murders of Karen and her family. If you are involved with someone who is abusive you need to realize you cannot fight this battle without taking the necessary steps prior to leaving, this means before announcing to this dangerous person, "It's over," or "that you are leaving" or "filing for divorce." You might as well kiss your life goodbye.

It is similar to setting off the detonation of a ticking bomb, with the abuser set to go off at any time. The abuser has a plan to harm you and or the children if you do not stay in the relationship. You must be taught the techniques that will get you safely out from under the abuser.

If you want information on how to do this please email me at contact@movingoutmovingon.com all emails are held in strict confidence. And remember, I too, am a casualty of family homicide. I may not have been able to save my mother, but, so many are alive today because she lost her life in this war.

D-Day

The control over where she went, what she did to how long she stayed out to run a quick errand was manageable for Karen Kahler no different from others whom love their husbands and work hard to make the marriage work. After the birth of their daughters Lauren and Emily the violence increased and her husband Kraig Kahler’s jealously over his wife’s daily routine was a nightly interrogation. And if he did not believe Karen, she paid the ultimate price and was beaten. A third child was born, Sean, a boy and Karen prayed her abusive husband would shift the good part of him, the man she fell in love with and be involved with her son.

Kraig Kahler's yearly salary was $150,000 as the former director of the Water & Light Department in Columbia, Mo., where he faced other charges. But, when city officials learned he was also terrorizing his wife and family it lead to his dismissal. Online court records show Kahler was scheduled for trial in Columbia this past Wednesday on a domestic assault charge that stemmed from an altercation with Karen in March of 2009.

Karen like so many women who are abused filed for divorce rented a house and she and her 3 children began their journey of freedom. Karen wanted her children to maintain a healthy relationship with their father, but, as many violent abusers do, they dismiss the female children and shower all their attention on the male child as in this case.

(Lauren, Emily and Karen)

After the family moved Kraig Kahler became more obsessed. Although he was never “caught in the act” he stalked her, slashed her tires, became obsessed with her on-line computer activities, but was never arrested. Even though she obtained a restraining order it would be no match against the rapid fire power of a weapon.

Karen Kahler and her daughters Emily and Lauren were shot to death by Karen's estranged husband while they were visiting her grandmother, Dorothy, for the Thanksgiving holiday. Dorothy was also shot and and died a few days later. Sean, Karen's 10 year old son, escaped from the house, called for help and was not harmed.

That evening 3 generations were erased within moments by a man that with his entire being believed he owned the ultimate power of when Karen, Emily, Lauren and Dorothy would take their last breath.

Twelve hours later Kraig Kahler was arrested and is being held on $10 million dollars bond. In the months to follow people will point blame or perhaps say he was severely depressed or he was not in his right mind at the time of the execution of his family. The fact is he was in his correct frame of mind all along. He is not insane and his motive was clear. The years of agony and expense this will cost the State of Kansas with motions, hearings, continuances trials, appeals, is not worth the life of this serial killer.

I say throw him on an island in some remote area of the world without access to another human sole. Afterall, he thought nothing of their lives!

Part 2 tomorrow