"Mommy, Please Wake Up"

He had a pattern of violence, including six arrests for disorderly conduct and three for battery. Five of the incidents were domestic disturbances. He was arrested for disorderly conduct and domestic violence and the bastard had serious bipolar and depression problems. He was dangerous.

Erica Ostenson, 24-years old single mother of 5 year-old Damon briefly dated this violent man whom I am not naming in this post.

Eric told “him” the relationship was over. He was angry and violent and Erica knew it was not healthy and more importantly safe for either she or her son, Damon. “If you don’t give me another chance at us, I’m going to do something you will regret.” Erica responded by telling “him” it’s best if they move on. She had already starting dating someone knew. “He” blew up and stated making serious threats against the lives of her son, the new relationship and her. “My life does not work unless you are with me. Accept my marriage proposal, you’ll see, things will be great.”
“No, Erica, said. It’s over, please leave.” He continued to text Erica “one more chance, please me” said one text message. Another text message read “don’t do anything you are gonna regret.”

He circled the area where Erica lived with Damon. “He” would get out of his car go up to the front door and demand to be let in to her home to talk.

Wednesday morning Damon didn’t have school. He was on the couch watching his favorite cartoon. There was a loud knock at the door.

“He” entered the home, Erica screamed for him to leave. “He” pulled out a gun, with Damon in the corner of the living room watching. “He” fired his weapon emptying it into Erica’s body and fled the scene into his car and drove away. Leaving behind a 5 year -old child to sit in the blood soaked carpet trying to wake up Mommy.”

It is important to document every text message, phone call , stalking incident and make a police police. In this town where Erica lost her life, police could have done more to intervene. They could have had training on domestic violence in this town of 59,729 residents. It is not the reason Erica lost her life. But, it is factor for many women like Erica who do not know their options for pressing new charges or insisting police make a report on every single incident.

There are so many of these tragedies, it no longer matter's where they lived or the name of the person who stole their lives. What is important is that we stop acting as though this crisis doesn't exist. Reaching a level I had hoped, I would never witness in my own lifetime.

Information and importanr safety strategies for anyone involved in an abusive or stalking relationship have been created to save lives. Sadly, created because women such as my mother were murdered because their cries for help fell on deaf ears.

Go to the library or visit my site and get a copy of my books, "Moving Out, Moving On" and "Defending Our Lives, getting away from domestic violence & staying safe. Turn up the volume on your computer and listen to this weeks radio show on Religion and domestic violence. Share this important resource with others in your community. You will save lives. This information can be used to relationships including women married to abusive police officer or person's in the military.

Full Strength Prescription For Preventing Murder

[Defense Attorney Chiquita Tate 38 Years Old]

On February 20, 2009, police disovered the body of a woman who believed in the justice system so much Chiquita Tate had a tatoo on her back. She was a good lawyer. But she let her guard down when she let her estranged husband into her secure law offices. She was stabbed 38 times.

No surprises here, her husband was arrested and charged with her murder last week.

Chiquita had secured an apartment for herself and she was divorcing her husband. With whom police found enough evidence in her murder to finally make an arrest.

Nearly 80% percent of murders involving husbands, former and intimate partners in the United States occur either when the woman leaves the relationship or shortly afterward. Usually with a 24 month period.

This tragedy is important for anyone who is ending a relationship where like Chiquita there was a history of domestic violence. Yes it's good to get an order of protection but have a plan in place with the court order. If you do not it is like receiving half of a prescripton.

Never open a locked door to a person with whom you are ending a realtionship.

Never agree to meet the person to "talk things out."

Obtain a new cell phone number. Keep the old one and let it take messages. There is no law that says you have to respond in person or verbally on the phone.

Once you say to anyone who is abusive "I am ending the relationship or I am leaving", you better have an immediate plan in place. You cannot say anything about divorcing, seperating or leaving unless you are out of the residence or in a safe place where you cannot be contacted or located.

Thousands of women are being murdered. If you are involved in a violent abusive or stalking related relationship either current or former, you better have a full strength presciption for safety.

Look for answers on how to leave with your life my new show every Wednesday at 3:00 PM Central Standard Time.

Listen at your home computer. While you are at work. or download the show each week and listen to it on an ipod. Go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano.com . The first show airs April 8, 2009.

For more information, please go to http://www.susanmurphymilano.com/. Or email me with your questions at kindlivingpress01@gmail.com

On Trial From the Grave

The trial doesn't begin until March 23, 2009 in the murder of Barbara Vanaman, a police officers wife shot twice in May of 2006.

It comes as no suprise from the grave this victims life will be placed on trial. Often, we do not think much about the lives of women caught in the cross fire of police perpetrated violence or homicide. Because they are rarely given the opportunity to speak. Often silenced in their tracks by a badge and a gun.

This case like so many thousands of others is no different. Barbara was moving on with her life. She was seeking a divorce. This is a dangerous time for any woman let alone the wife of a person in law enforcement.

This week a judge allowed Barbara Vanaman's private counseling records to be unsealed. You see while see is unable to defend herself from the grave, her husband's defense team will be picking apart line by line every word written by a private therapist.

I do not agree with the releasing of these mental health case files. Especially since former police Sgt. Robert Vanaman planned Barbara's murder. This was not a random act or an accident. Robert Vanaman was angry. He simply sought revenge.

Barbara Vanaman was sentenced to death. Silenced, for wanting out of her abusive marriage.

Related Stories:
NJ] Barbara Vanaman shot & killed by police officer husband
[NJ] Millville Police Sgt. Vanaman charged with murdering wife, Barbara
[NJ] Police Sgt. Vanaman 's NEW excuse for killing wife Barbara? [Oct. 2007] - The I-shot-my-wife-in-self-defense was forseeably crumbling for Millville Police Officer Robert Vanaman as the prosecutor insisted that he can show that Vanaman's wounds (surface scratches) were self inflicted. Now it looks like his attorney is exploring blaming the gun for accidentally firing instead - the same gun that Vanaman said he deliberately shot at Barbara, - TWICE - to protect himself...
[NJ] Stopping wife-killer Officer Vanaman from claiming self-defense
[NJ] Slow-mo shuffle towards the murder-of- Barbara trial
[NJ] Wife-murder trial of (free as a bird) Sgt Vanaman could get delayed
[NJ] Millville Police Sgt. Vanaman denied venue change for his murder-of- Barbara trial
[NJ] Any excuse to think of slain Sgt's wife Barbara Vanaman is a good one
[NJ] Wife-killer Sgt. Vanaman pre-trial hearing postponed
[NJ] Sgt. Vanaman's murder-of-Barbara trial date tentatively set for March
[NJ] Almost 3 years after killing his wife Barbara, Sgt. Vanaman presents the "nut & slut" defensehttp://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/search?q=vanaman

Turning Tragedy Into Triumph

After my mother was killed by my father, I felt completely helpless and absolutely furious. I knew my mothers murder could have been, and should have been, prevented.

Today twenty years later, not much has changed, except, women are dying at the hands of those who profess to love them at epidemic proportions. And, sadly, the deaths have included, the children.

In murders within the past 24 months, the majority of these women were in the process of leaving. Some were filing for divorce, Some filed court orders of protection. Some were moving to an apartment . While were moving in with family and friends. In my opinion, the victims , those killed, were not provided the proper tools to stay safe.

I know I cannot bring my Mother, back. But, I have learned important ways and created tools for those involved in a violent realtionship to either leave safely and or provide documentation so the person responsible does not walk free in society and literally get away with murder.

Whether, the person is in law enforcement, the military or he's Bob the mechanic. If you are reading this and you work with someone or are related to a person in a violent relationship, do something take action by arming yourself with knowledge and safety strategies that work in conjuction with seeking courts orders of protection and divorce.

It is dangerous when you don't have a strategic plan of action. At home or in the workplace. I lecture and teach all over the country. As a published Author,I welcome invitations from human resource professionals, nurses association, health care facilities, mental health professionals, corporations, places of worship, community groups, universities, law schools in educating and providing important tools that saves lives. Together, we can change lives!

I can be reached by email at contact@movingoutmovingon.com or by inquiry at:

2205 S. Wolf Road

#196

Hillside, Il 60162

When Marriage Turns Deadly

According to David Lohr’s Blog “There are several cases of missing mothers in the news right now. Two of those cases – Kelly Currin Morris and Corrie L. Anderson – have received a considerable amount of coverage here in recent months. Now another case - a Missouri mother of three – joins them among the pages of the missing, Renee Pernice……….

Not long ago cases of mothers vanishing , received little to nothing in the way of media coverage. A few scattered blurbs here and there it was more of a missing persons case if law enforcement couldn't find a body. Often police would not do much in the way of investigation, how could they? A potential crime scene in the residence of where the couple shared their lives. Unless they have a good reason to ask for a search warrant, it may not happen. Or too much time elapses and important evidence is destroyed. The case is now cold and it gets thrown into the pile of missing or unsolved cold cases. In part, this is due to lack of training in the area of domestic violence crimes. But,the Internet has become an important tool in bringing awareness to mothers and girlfriends missing at the hands of those who profess to love them. Pressure is placed from the community to law enforcement to investigate these cases. The Internet keeps their cases alive in hopes that someone will come forward or the person responsible is finally brought to justice.

One of the highest profile cases of mothers vanishing is Stacy Peterson. The Bolingbrook wife and mother married to the police Sergeant whom we see parading himself all over national television with a catch me if you can attitude.

None of these women could have predicted their fate. Each married to in my opinion murdering monsters. Their very existence based on power and control over every detail in their lives.
These men thought carefully when they discovered the mothers of their children and wives confronted their husbands with the startling news, they were leaving. Making plans to move forward without their abusive and controlling husbands.

In studying these cases for nearly twenty years, the majority of these cases have several similarities:

The women are stalked and tracked throughout their daily routines.

They have been somewhat isolated from friends and family.

They have been physically or verbally threatened with bodily harm if they don’t listen, or decide to leave.

They did not have a plan of action that included evidentiary documentation.

They confronted the person, disclosing to them their plans in ending the marriage or relationship.
The children of these women are, motherless.

Each, have vanished, or been killed.

While I can never bring my own mother back since her murder almost twenty years ago at the hands of man who was also angry she was moving forward with her life. I am able to help others within communities across the country providing effective strategies and tools for those in danger. I can be contacted via email at: Contact@movingoutmovingon.com

Police Officer Looses Life in Family Violence War

As I write this, Police Officer Caran Renee Coward, Livingston, Texas, is being laid to rest.

The story is a yet another tragedy, of a 39- year old woman, mother of three small children in the midst of a divorce. While on duty she received a call from her estranged husband. Caran was killed with a shotgun. The husband then took his own life. Leaving behind three children, in the home at the time of the murder/suicide.

This tragedy goes beyond the murder, affecting the children in ways beyond imagination. Their young lives abruptly halted in time on the night of April 26, 2008. The children for many years to come, will recall every detail in the last moments of their parents lives, up to the very second when the shotgun fired off it's deadly blast.

Their roads in life will not be easy as they too must carry the burden. How do children from these types of tragedies survive? On day at time. At first, they will be numb. With each new day is the realization they are gone. They will try to go to school and continue a normal routinue. But, they will have daily obstacles in their paths.

I still have difficulty with these cases. It often brings back feelings and thoughts I want to believe are buried back to a place and time I would soon rather forget.

For these children, they have lost their country. A place taken away by family war. A place they can never physically return too, because it no longer exists.

This is not like the flu or a bad cold that in time will cure itself. Their lives will be filled with years of hurt, anger, depression and questions unanswered.

It will take a team of family and professionals to assist them as they brave this new world, alone.

Link to the story:

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/5733685.html