Erased are Women: Mothers, Sisters and innocent lives, lost!

Today is Mother's Day. Instead of celebrating the love of a mother far too many families with motherless children will be visting gravesites across the county. As they place flowers and photo's on the headstone and grave tears of confusion and anger will roll down their cheeks as they stand trying to claim a memory or happy thought about her while she was alive. As the family holds hands inprayer silently they wonder what could they have done to prevent the tragedy?

The list is long consisting of women murdered in their own homes, stalked, missing in action if you will because their life was lost in the war against abuse, power and control. With pleas's for help from the judical system and their community often falling on deaf ears.

Many women are still out there waiting to be found by their families and bring them home. In honor of their lives it is important to list these amazing women, my mother included. I remember after my mom was murdered and a stranger or someone who barely knew me said " out of this tragedy you will triumph." At the time the wounds and emotions still raw I likely responded by barking back to the individual "what a cold and inappropriate statement, you have no clue what I am going through or feeling, my life is forever altered." I was wrong because I was angry, hurt and devasted by the loss of the one person I loved most with all my heart, my mother. From these women's tragedies we can change the course of survior for those among the living as they live in fear and wait for someone to extend a hand offer support to end the war with their children and lives intact.


So to Cindy Bischof, Crystal Brame, Heather Malloy, Rachel Anderson, Stacy Peterson, Paige Birgfeld, Brandy Schneider, Tara Grinstead, Carli Dennis, Heather Malloy, Monica Beresford-Redmond, Tera Chavez, Mercedes McCalley, Army Lt. Holley Wimunc, Charlotte Grahn, Lacey Gaines, Rosa Lisowski, Suzanne Gratton, Barbara Vanaman, Colleen Dwyer, Theresa Parker,Bethanie Dougherty, Denise Taylor, Maria Djelaj, Rose Cobb, Lisa Stebic, Kathleen Savio, Nancy Cooper, Renee Pagel, Selina Johnson, Lisa Freiberg, Karen Skellas, Sgt Sonia Garcia, Rachel Conger, Roberta Murphy, Jan Roseboro, Wendy Theibeault,Linda Yancey, Adelina Weber, Dawn Brossard, Tiffany O'Shell, Jennifer Vodermann, Mary McGinnas,Jessie Davis, Amy Mullins, Nailah Franklin, Elena Cole, Vensus Stewart,Patty Vaughan, Hope Meek, Hannah Crowe, Krishina Townsend, Ronda Reynolds, Melissa Lightsey, Isol Cotto, Debbie Rediess, Amy Yager, Lori DeKleine, Caran Renee Coward, Irma Rodriguez,Natasha Hall, Sharon Kleinsasser, Marie Bruce, Officer Patricia Williams, Sandra Twist, Tracy Judd, Amber Weigel, Antoinette Ross, Kathryn Maxwell, Brandy Hanna, Nancy Rojo, Officer Caran Coward, Susan Powell, Elizabeth Mangiatini, Gina Parsons, Zoelina Williams, Jessie Roponi, Cristi Lynne Hall, Karen Kahler, Wendy Stevens, Ashley Ann Sullivan, Marcia Eakin Mammone, Brenda Canosa, Cheryl Wynn, Franki Jacobson,Susan McFarland, Sandra Viramontes, Shari Cartmell, Whitney Mendez, Nova Henry, Kellisue Ackernecht, Rose Maynard, Alice Morrin, Suzan Annette Sowders-Fuller, carla Westholfen, Kathryn Maxwell, Kristin Longo, Keitha Turner, Katherine Garner, Kelly Currin Morris, Makasha Colonvega, Vensus Stewart, Assiya Hussan, Robin Lee Miller, Amy Duh, Claira McDermott, Sgt. Melanie Lee, Kathryn Minton Tucker, Yolanda Bindics, Laci Peterson, Jennifer Jacobb, Sheila Deviney, Connie Channey, Summer Inman, Beth Bentley, Melanie Metheny and to the thousands of others whom I did not list here, you are forever in all of our hearts. Happy Mother's Day!


[*The women highlighted in blue were officer related deaths]

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network onVimeo.

The Roth Show is a nationally syndicated talk show hosted by Dr. Laurie Roth, Ph.D., and stands on principles and leading the charge for the legions of Americans who are saying “Enough Already!”

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs. http://pamelachapmanl.biz

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

The Vanishing Women:Mothers, Sisters and innocent lives, lost!

Today is Mother's Day. Instead of celebrating the love of a mother far too many families with motherless children will be visting gravesites across the county. As they place flowers and photo's on the headstone and grave tears of confusion and anger will roll down their cheeks as they stand trying to claim a memory or happy thought about her while she was alive. As the family holds hands in prayer silently they wonder what could they have done to prevent the tragedy?

The list is long consisting of women murdered in their own homes, stalked, missing in action if you will because their life was lost in the war against abuse, power and control. With pleas's for help from the judical system and their community often falling on deaf ears.

Many women are still out there waiting to be found by their families and bring them home. In honor of their lives it is important to list these amazing women, my mother included. I remember after my mom was murdered and a stranger or someone who barely knew me said " out of this tragedy you will triumph." At the time the wounds and emotions still raw I likely responded by barking back to the individual "what a cold and inappropriate statement, you have no clue what I am going through or feeling, my life is forever altered." I was wrong because I was angry, hurt and devasted by the loss of the one person I loved most with all my heart, my mother. From these women's tragedies we can change the course of survior for those among the living as they live in fear and wait for someone to extend a hand offer support to end the war with their children and lives intact.


So to Cindy Bischof, Crystal Brame, Heather Malloy, Rachel Anderson, Stacy Peterson, Paige Birgfeld, Brandy Schneider, Tara Grinstead, Carli Dennis, Heather Malloy, Monica Beresford-Redmond, Tera Chavez, Mercedes McCalley, Army Lt. Holley Wimunc, Charlotte Grahn, Lacey Gaines, Rosa Lisowski, Suzanne Gratton, Barbara Vanaman, Colleen Dwyer, Theresa Parker,Bethanie Dougherty, Denise Taylor, Maria Djelaj, Rose Cobb, Lisa Stebic, Kathleen Savio, Nancy Cooper, Renee Pagel, Selina Johnson, Lisa Freiberg, Karen Skellas, Sgt Sonia Garcia, Rachel Conger, Roberta Murphy, Jan Roseboro, Wendy Theibeault, Linda Yancey, Adelina Weber, Dawn Brossard, Tiffany O'Shell, Jennifer Vodermann, Mary McGinnas, Jessie Davis, Amy Mullins, Nailah Franklin, Elena Cole, Hannah Crowe, Ronda Reynolds, Melissa Lightsey, Isol Cotto, Debbie Rediess, Amy Yager, Lori DeKleine, Caran Renee Coward, Irma Rodriguez,Natasha Hall, Sharon Kleinsasser, Marie Bruce, Officer Patricia Williams, Sandra Twist, Tracy Judd, Amber Weigel, Antoinette Ross, Kathryn Maxwell, Officer Caran Coward, Susan Powell, Elizabeth Mangiatini, Gina Parsons, Zoelina Williams, Jessie Roponi, Cristi Lynne Hall, Karen Kahler, Ashley Ann Sullivan, Marcia Eakin Mammone, Brenda Canosa, Cheryl Wynn, Franki Jacobson, Susan McFarland, Sandra Viramontes, Shari Cartmell, Whitney Mendez, Nova Henry, Kellisue Ackernecht, Rose Maynard, Alice Morrin, Suzan Annette Sowders-Fuller, carla Westholfen, Kathryn Maxwell, Kristin Longo, Keitha Turner, Katherine Garner, Kelly Currin Morris, Makasha Colonvega, Vensus Stewart, Assiya Hussan, Robin Lee Miller, Amy Duh, Claira McDermott, Sgt. Melanie Lee, Kathryn Minton Tucker, Yolanda Bindics, Laci Peterson, Jennifer Jacobb, Connie Channey, and to the thousands of others whom I did not list here, you are forever in all of our hearts. Happy Mother's Day!


[*The women highlighted in blue were officer related deaths]

Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

Court Ordered Execution

When a woman or man is a victim of violence in their home and they break the cycle by gaining the courage to leave the very legal system in place to protect seemingly does the most damage. Communication and training appears non-existant in courtrooms leaving tragedies of epidemic proportions as family members are left to discover gruesome crimes scenes followed by making funeral arrangements for innocent loved ones.

Who are the judges presiding in large and small court houses across the county? Are these men and women drapped in their black robes passing time until they retire and can collect a pension? Is any presiding judge on a bench in family or domestic relations court qualified to really make sound legal decsions? In my opinion the answer is no!

Amy Lichtenberg did everything in her power to keep she and her children safe. But the judge presiding over her case turned a deaf ear. Her dangerous and violent husband manipulated the legal system to gain access by wearing down the courthouse with the filing of one motion after another until a judge granted unsupervised visitation. Three weeks after the judge's decision Amy's children Jack and Duncan would be murdered by their father.

Annette Suzan Sowders-Fuller also continued within the legal system after she filed for divorce and obtain orders of protection in an attempt to keep her violent husband away from she and her two small children. Each time she entered a courtroom or called the police for help Annette's husbands violence escalated. It ended in August when he stormed into her home killing Annette and her mother Cheryl in front of her children.

Dawn Axsom and her attorney pleaded with a judge to allow her to leave Arizona with her two-year-old son.The judge denied the request. According to court testimony, Axsom’s estranged boyfriend, who had been arrested twice for DUI, was unemployed, and had made two failed suicide attempts was awarded by the judge who allowed visitation and requirined a drug, alcohol and a mental health evaluation to be completed within 60-days. Just 2 short weeks after that court ordered visiation the boyfriend murdered Dawn, her mother Linda and then committed suicide.

To say the courts do not take domestic violence seriously is an under statement. Without any consideration for prior arrests or current orders of protection judges are awarding individuals whom are a danger to their children visitation and custody. The abusers sole intent is to gain unlimited access to his victim. The abuser could care less about the children. Often an abuser is so enraged over the ending of the relationship the only interest they have is seeking revenge on their victim. Either by killing the person who ended the relationship or murdering the children keeping the victim alive and unharmed as a sick and twisted punishment for breaking up the family.

I have great respect for judges. What I do not respect is ignorance in a courtroom. These judges elected or appointed require more than a two week crash course in a classroom setting on "how to be a judge." Otherwise those court orders that they sign without consideration to human life will amount to nothing more than an a court ordered execution!

Silence!

The entire month of October has been designated "Domestic Violence Awareness Month." I am not certain tagging 31 days out of 365 days is enough.

Think about for a moment. Women are killed 365 days a year, 24 hours a day. A month seems insignificant for such an epidemic. At a time when funds are being erased from city, county and state budgets a greater task is at hand to teach those caught in the crossfires within their own homes to find a way out of the toxic environment with their lives in tact. This is becomming virtually impossible when the legal system is not equipped to handle the revolving pleas for services at courthouses across America. From seeking a court order of protection by a judge, police response and enforcement of current laws to divorce and custody matters. This dyfunctional legal system is, in the end as abusive as those allowed to get away with crimes in homes across the county.

I could give example's where death could have been prevented for Amy Lictenberg's boys Jack and Duncan, Renee Pernice, Kathy Savio, Theresa Parker, Lisa Stebic, Renee Pagel, Annette Suzan Sowders-Fuller, Linda Yancey, Mary Jane Zich, Kelly Currin Morris, KellySue Ackernecht, Sonia Garcia, Tara Chavez, Stacy Peterson and the thousands of others in this war as they paid the price of silence with their lives. Nothing any of us do will bring these people back. And ignoring that we have a major crisis in the war against violence is like spitting on the graves of those murdered. But, that is what we have done as a County. With a broom and dust pan society has neatly swept these crimes down to the darkside of the basement.

The issue of domestic violence has no national platform. We have no one in Washington to lead the charge for change. I am at the place where I began more than 20 years ago, still holding out my hand asking for help in this epidemic of silence.

"Bloody Facts"

The recent appointment of Lynn Rosenthal as the "Czar" for domestic violence is rather disturbing to me as an advocate, author, violence expert and homicide survivor. What purpose does this newly created White
House post really serve regarding the lives of battered women and their children?

So far this position appears to be nothing more than Ms. Rosenthal talking phone calls from legal advocates and survivors that have enough cell phone minutes to vent their anger and frustration in a sixty minute phone conversation only to be informed that their one-on -one discussion will be relayed to Vice-President Biden, the champion of Senate hearings and funding through the years for services and programs across the country.

Perhaps Ms. Rosenthal could use her rather large monthly expense account to fly around to the survivors of murder victims and their families such as Suzan Annette Sowlers-Fuller a former resident of Bakersfield, California. I say former because she was murdered. Ms. Rosenthal could begin her field trip by going to the court house and reading the transcripts on the case. From there she could arrange to meet with the Prosecutor in the case and review those documents, including the order of protection and the ridiculous bond amounts set in this case. Afterwards, I suggest she personally visit the home where both Suzan Annette and her mother Sharon were murdered by Robert Fuller on August 8, 2009.

Finally, Lynn Rosenthal should meet with Suzan's two daughters, ages 8 and 5, perhaps at their favorite ice cream shop to delicately discuss firsthand accounts of their young lives through the day of the murders. When speaking to these children, who are unable to sit in a booth and have their feet touch the floor, she should look them each in their eyes and explain why the system failed their Mommy.

This is not easy to do from behind a White House desk (you have to leave it once in a while).  Lynn Rosenthal must head into the battlefield. I can certainly donate a video camera if their is no budget in the WhiteHouse to record testimony for these tragedies. There is nothing like the testimony of a child, who watched as the bullets hit their mother, then grandmother's bodies. Or copies of the actual crime scene photos and morgue reports, to boil ones blood into taking action.

Effective action is what I have been doing for over 20 years with results that save lives, perhaps Ms. Rosenthal could pass that on the next time she meets with Vice-President Biden. I apologize if I sound sarcastic, I am far too busy with those victims I am desperately trying to keep alive so I don't have to inform a family their loved one is dead or tell a child "mommy is in heaven," because the system ignored them.

The Susan Murphy Milano Show- Wednesday, August 12, 2009 at 3:00 PM Central Time

Two little girls ages 5 and 8 have literally had their lives turned upside down in the last 87 hours since their mother Suzan Annette Sowlers-Fuller and Grandmother Sharon Sue Cannon were killed, before their eyes.

The very system that was supposed to protect their mother and grandmother likely aided in their murders when they failed to upgrade the case and properly charge the estranged husband.

In those 87 hours the girls have lost their in what I refer to as their "country." A place where they each learned to ride their first horse. Where the girls learned how to roller skate down the drive-way, they each played their first game of hopscotch. At night their mom would read them a bedtime story, they would say their prayers and then Suzan or Annette as she liked to be called would kiss her daughters goodnight.

In a matter of moments, gone. They can never return, because, their warm safe world, has vanished. Since Saturday they have been whisked from strange beds, to people with badges to interviews with forensic investigators, appearances in court and questions from strangers who are unable to tell the girls why their mommy is dead.

The order of protection is a document to track the abuse, nothing more. Leading experts are commenting that these cases do not often end in murder when a victim obtains a court order. Well perhaps those experts need to examine these cases a bit closer. Many women do not obtain a court order for fear of being killed. A woman for numerous reasons decides on various factors usually not disclosed to others that prevents her from seeking assistance. It is more of a damn if you do and damn if you do not decision on the part of each victim.

On The Susan Murphy Milano show, we will discuss the various obstacles highlighting this tragedy in hopes that those listening will learn what direction they need to take when faced with imminent danger. This is also a case of "maternal deprivation abuse" that ended in murder. Simply, the father and killer hijacked the children from their mother. We will be joined on the show by Claudine Dombrowski a leading expert in the area of mothers without custody. And a we will be joined by a close relative and friend who was in daily contact with both women who died.

Date : 8/12/2009

Time: 4:00 PM EST 3:00 PM CST 1:00 PM PST

Call-in Number: (347) 326-9337

Show Link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

If you miss the show, please remember you can listen by turning up the volume on your computer and the show will automatically play until our next show on August 19, 2009 when our special guest will be divorce attorney Jennifer Weiss. And she will take your questions live, during the show.

Plan "B"

Suzan Annette Sowders-Fuller stood on her ranch in Bakersfield, California, crossed her arms and shook her head in disbelief, on Monday August, 3, 2009 when her estranged husband bonded (for the second time) out of jail paying a measly $750 to be back out on the street only to continue terrorizing his wife and kids. As of Monday last week there were 8 police reports for breaking a court order of protection; slicing tires, breaking and entering; verbal threats of death over the phone; taking a container of diesel fuel and dousing the house. The kicker, on Wednesday August 5, 2009, Robert Fuller was visiting as scheduled by the courts with the couple's 2 daughter's ages 8 and 5.

Robert Dale Fuller was allowed to continue supervised visitation with his children. Why wasn't he behind bars? Where was the district attorney? Why wasn't he charged with several felonies?

Could it be that no one took Suzan's cries for help seriously because she was going through a divorce? We will never know.

On Saturday August 8, 2009 at 2:25 a.m. a frantic call was placed to the police by the 8 year-old child, "please she screamed, help us, help us, my mommy, my grandma have been shot, hurry, hurry someone please hurry."

In front of both children Robert Fuller shot to death Suzan and her mother Sharon Cannon.

A spokesperson from the Sheriff's Department told the local news reporter they responded to a "domestic dispute." What no one knew at the time and I learned this morning, was the system refused to do its' job on many levels in this case.

At the conclusion of the article it reads "Sheriff urged anyone experiencing domestic violence or abuse to seek professional help."

The system appears to serve as nothore more then a light post for your street address as they approach the crime scene, respondong only after someone has been murdered by their violent husband or boyfriend. It is obvious for anyone experiencing violence in a relationship, or going through a nasty divorce, plan "B" is a survival requirement or they may not survive to see a new sunrise.

Part 2 of this post is tomorrow.

Don't forget to mark your calendars for the Susan Murphy Milano show on Wednesday, August 12, 2009 at 3:00PM central time as we talk about this case with a family member and Claudia Dombrokski from Mothers Without Custody, including what women must arm themselves with to survive the abuse. The question of the day is: Are you interested in planning for a funeral or a new life?