Amy Leichtenberg:The Silent War: Mothers Without Custody

The last time Amy Leichtenberg saw her two boys alive, that motherly instinct took over and she knew something was not right. The father of the boys was acting strange when they met at the police station for the exchange of Jack and Duncan. Amy refused to hand over her boys on March 7, 2009, an officer threatened her if she didn't give them to their father, she would be arrested for not complying with a judge's according to her lawyer.

This week is the anniversary of the boys murders.

I am deeply disturbed by the escalating number of parents murdering their own families. as police discovered 9-year-old Duncan (left) and 7-year-old Jack(right) were found murdered in rural Putnam County, IL. Their father was found dead not far from where his car was left. According to police sources, the boys' father had a rope around his neck when he was found.

Amy Leichtenberg filed orders of protection against Michael Connolly more than once after his repeated physical and emotional abuse in the later years of their marriage. Amy filed for divorce that year and moved out of their home. In a 2006, a petition for a protective order against her husband was filed, saying that his "controlling and obsessive behavior" included threats to kill himself and others along with a series of bizarre demands he made of her. Within a 15-month period, Connolly violated the orders of protection 57 times.

In 2007, Amy was awarded full custody of the boys with Connolly given supervised visitation. According to court reports from the family visitation center, Connolly's behavior was dangerous enough to temporarily cease all visits with the boys. In my experience, when a family visitation center terminates interaction between parent and child, it sends a red flag of danger. Connolly, the ever witty and clever abuser, was able to resume visits when his psychiatrist sent a "sympathy letter" to the judge "if my client is able to spend more time with his sons, Mr. Connolly's depression and outbursts would lessen."

The judge, who is still on the bench, responded by setting a series of "behavioral guidelines." This included obtaining employment, housing and continued therapy.

"(He) tells me if I ever take the boys away he will hunt me and my parents down and cut us open," Amy Leichtenberg, then known as Amy Connolly, stated in the 2006 petition seeking an order of protection. Amy said during their marriage Connolly had tried to isolate her from her family. A common characteristic among abusers.

Despite the 57 violations of the protection orders, dangerous behavior and deadly threats, McLean County Judge James Souk"rewarded" Connolly unsupervised visitation with his sons.

Connolly filed numerous motions with the court, basically wearing the judge down. Despite pleas from Amy and her lawyer, which were ignored. This mother’s plea for supervised visitation was dismissed without regard to serious safety concerns.

There is an automatic presumption that it is in the best interest of a child “regardless of court orders”, prior violence or threats, to maintain visitation with both parents. Victims of domestic violence face a double edged sword. Either expose their children to imminent danger, or defy the court system refusing to allow visitation. Like so many others before her, Amy tried to deal with a violent relationship in a family court environment.

In family court the two parties are presumed to be on a level playing field--law abiding individuals who have a disagreement over a private family matter. A core assumption of family law is that family disputes are not criminal disputes. As such, there are few safeguards built into the family court system to protect against the criminal dynamics that dominate family disputes in cases of family violence. In addition, the accusations the victim makes in family court, no matter how serious, carry no more authority than one person's say so. One of the most serious consequences is that when a family violence victim opens a case in family court against her abuser, the abuser is given equal opportunity to fight back against the victim's accusations, often because the abusers past is not an issue. Unless, of course, he is brought in from county or state prison sporting an orange jump suit and leg shackles.

There are lawyers and men’s groups who argue using domestic violence with a broad brush is not a reason to deny fathers visitation with their children. Accusing mothers of lying or making up stories to keep fathers’ from their children.

Under the current laws, a parent without custody is entitled "reasonable visitation." There is a high burden of proof as evidenced in this case when a court refuses to take into account dangerous abusers pose to their children.

Until we place the issue of labeling these cases as a "private matter" or an isolated incident, expect the death toll among children to rise. Expect the courts to continue to ignore clear and present danger signs when a victim of violence seeks a divorce.

Remarkably, Amy Leichtenberg, under the circumstances is doing fairly well for a mother whom lost her entire world.

When she and I talk she says " I will not let that monster who destroyed my life, win. That's what he wanted you know, (she says with great conviction) , he thought without my kids I would wither and die. Well I hope he is rotting in hell someplace for what he did and I am going to make each day on earth count, for my kids. For other parents so they won’'t have to endure what I have. I am going to get laws past so that a person who is not mentally stable like their father was, has no access to children. The same way a predator is dealt within the justice system and denied contact with children." And, today, two years later, Amy Leichtenberg is changing the dysfunctional legal system that, in my opinion, allowed her children to lose their lives.

Amy Leichtenberg will never again hear the laughter of her boys Jack and Duncan. Amy will never wait in the kitchen as the boys run in after school only to run out again to play before it gets dark. Amy will never prepare another favorite meal of macaroni and cheese. Those day's are gone. The lights that once burned brightly from within her life, are now but a memory.

On Amy Leichtenberg's Facebook page she writes:

"I wish I could turn back the hands of time...I am so sorry Duncan and Jack...I love you both to the heavens and back"

It would be nice if people reading this could take a moment and send an inspiring email or words of comfort to this remarkable mother, who needs for all of us to keep her in our daily prayers. Emails to Amy can be sent to our address here: timesupforjustice@gmail.com and we will forward them on to her.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs.http://pamelachapmanl.biz

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and SurviveAbusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her Chicago detective father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

Michelle Phelan: Manipulation "101" By the Courts and a Police Officer

It is not easy these days to be married to an abuser that also happens to be a police officer. A 13-year marriage layered with a strategic game of power, control and manipulation.

At the start of the divorce Michelle became medically disabled, unable to attend the majority of court proceedings. She also lost two lawyers both of whom were unable to effectively deal with the abusive legal tactics allowed by the courts.

She contacted one attorney after another explaining her situation and that her husband was a police officer. Because of the ongoing abuse, custody, and the fact Michelle had no financial ability to hire and pay an attorney, she was told no one would take her case.

Each time she would contact the police department, [where her husband was also employed] after she was allegedly threatened or physically assaulted, fellow officers would arrive at the marital home often taunting her while ignoring Michelle's plea for help by writing a favorable police report on behalf of her husband indicating he was the victim and she was the abuser. He even went so far, in my opinion, as to falsely obtain a court order of protection against Michelle that was later dropped, a common theme often used by an alleged abuser.

Over the summer of 2009 her serious and near fatal medical needs were not being met. Her police officer husband had removed Michelle from his medical coverage and she had no money or transportation to seek proper medical assistance.

In June of 2009, with a written doctor’s note to be excused from the court proceedings, the judge refused to listen or take into consideration her condition ordering Michelle to appear in his courtroom. It was obvious Judge Robert J. Baron wanted the case over and off his court docket.

The couple also has a young child. Over the summer, although the court appointed child evaluator in the case wrote about abuse issues and manipulation by the father, custody was awarded to him because, according to the report, Michelle Phelan was unable at the time to take care of her son due to her illness and because she did not have ten cents to her name. That was the straw that nearly broke her, the removal of her son, by the courts. This is very common among women in abusive relationships.

In September of 2009, a miracle occurred when Michelle Phelan got an attorney to finally take her case just days before she would have been forced into an agreement that could have left her financially bone dry, without custody, and unable to have a relationship with her child.

Now Attorney Jennifer C. Weiss from Chicago is representing Michelle Phelan in her Will County divorce case. This also happens to be the second home and courthouse of Drew Peterson whom divorced his then wife Kathleen Savio, and you know where she tragically wound up--dead!


Beginning today, in courtroom 312, Judge Robert J. Baron will preside over the remaining few days of the divorce trial. Since the case was initially filed, in my opinion, the abusive legal maneuvers, threats and tactics used in this divorce case and against Michelle Phelan must cease.

Michelle is first and foremost a mother. That is something that no one can ever take away from her. Most of the women I assist would either no longer be standing, barely alive or killed.

When a police force is sworn to serve and protect and they refuse to enforce the law with one of their own, what does that say to the citizens of Lockport, Illinois? How many other abuse victims have been denied assistance?

The legal system was created to provide fair and impartial justice, but not for victims of violence who are being kicked back onto to the streets, their home and children stripped from them all because they refuse to play ball with an abuser. The deck for many battered women is already stacked against them before they ever begin.

We as a society wonder why, after reading the news story that another woman has died often asking ourselves what did "she" do wrong. Or what could have been done to prevent the tragedy?

It is time we elect into office judges and prosecutors who can be accountable to the victims of violence. If we do not demand changes within the courts we can expect the death toll to rise.

Just ask Amy Leichtenberg, she will tell you how and why her two boys Jack and Duncan were murdered.

Court Ordered Execution

When a woman or man is a victim of violence in their home and they break the cycle by gaining the courage to leave the very legal system in place to protect seemingly does the most damage. Communication and training appears non-existant in courtrooms leaving tragedies of epidemic proportions as family members are left to discover gruesome crimes scenes followed by making funeral arrangements for innocent loved ones.

Who are the judges presiding in large and small court houses across the county? Are these men and women drapped in their black robes passing time until they retire and can collect a pension? Is any presiding judge on a bench in family or domestic relations court qualified to really make sound legal decsions? In my opinion the answer is no!

Amy Lichtenberg did everything in her power to keep she and her children safe. But the judge presiding over her case turned a deaf ear. Her dangerous and violent husband manipulated the legal system to gain access by wearing down the courthouse with the filing of one motion after another until a judge granted unsupervised visitation. Three weeks after the judge's decision Amy's children Jack and Duncan would be murdered by their father.

Annette Suzan Sowders-Fuller also continued within the legal system after she filed for divorce and obtain orders of protection in an attempt to keep her violent husband away from she and her two small children. Each time she entered a courtroom or called the police for help Annette's husbands violence escalated. It ended in August when he stormed into her home killing Annette and her mother Cheryl in front of her children.

Dawn Axsom and her attorney pleaded with a judge to allow her to leave Arizona with her two-year-old son.The judge denied the request. According to court testimony, Axsom’s estranged boyfriend, who had been arrested twice for DUI, was unemployed, and had made two failed suicide attempts was awarded by the judge who allowed visitation and requirined a drug, alcohol and a mental health evaluation to be completed within 60-days. Just 2 short weeks after that court ordered visiation the boyfriend murdered Dawn, her mother Linda and then committed suicide.

To say the courts do not take domestic violence seriously is an under statement. Without any consideration for prior arrests or current orders of protection judges are awarding individuals whom are a danger to their children visitation and custody. The abusers sole intent is to gain unlimited access to his victim. The abuser could care less about the children. Often an abuser is so enraged over the ending of the relationship the only interest they have is seeking revenge on their victim. Either by killing the person who ended the relationship or murdering the children keeping the victim alive and unharmed as a sick and twisted punishment for breaking up the family.

I have great respect for judges. What I do not respect is ignorance in a courtroom. These judges elected or appointed require more than a two week crash course in a classroom setting on "how to be a judge." Otherwise those court orders that they sign without consideration to human life will amount to nothing more than an a court ordered execution!