The Susan Murphy Milano Show: Protective Mothers & Custody- Guests Dr. Mo Hannah and Barry Goldstein

"All across this nation, we are witnessing widespread, shocking injustices inflicted on battered women and their children by the family courts.

So pervasive and serious are these injustices that every year, battered mothers and their professional and lay advocates from across the country gather together at the Battered Mothers Custody Conference, a weekend event dedicated to addressing these issues.-- Dr. Mo Hannah"


Our guests for the hour Dr. Mo Hannah and Barry Goldstein, Esquire

Mo Therese Hannah, Ph.D. is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Siena College. Loudonville, New York. As a practicing clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy, she is an Advanced Clinician in Imago Relationship Therapy and serves as an Academic Faculty Member of Imago Relationships International, the professional training organization for Imago Therapy. Having served since 1996 as Editor/Managing Editor of the Journal of Imago Relationship Therapy, she has published five books and produced numerous articles and presentations on topics related to relational psychology.

With Joe Marrone, Ph.D., she is the author of The EQ (Social-Emotional Intelligence) Program, which teaches elementary aged children the principles and practices of good character and of equitable and respectful relationships. Dr. Hannah directs the EQ Program at Siena College, in which Siena students are trained to teach the EQ lessons to children in Capital District-area schools.

Dr. Hannah's interest in abusive dynamics and their impact on interpersonal relationships and in forensic psychology led her to plan and chair the first Battered Mothers Custody Conference in the Country.

Barry Goldstein has fought battles in the trenches and the courtrooms in an attempt to keep battered women from losing their treasure, their children. He continues to work with agencies and educators and has joined his expertise with others in the battle against violence in the home. Goldstein is a nationally recognized domestic violence expert, speaker, writer and consultant. He is the co-editor with Mo Therese Hannah of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY. Barry can be reached by email at their web site www.Domesticviolenceabuseandchildcustody.com

BARRY GOLDSTEIN, attorney, teacher, author and advocate for women abused by their partner (and too often the courts) has written a book for women seeking to leave their abusers and for their friends, family, supporters and advocates. SCARED TO LEAVE AFRAID TO STAY Paths From Family Violence to Safety tells the story of ten women as they left their abusers seeking a better life. The book shows in these abuse cases how courts handle legal issues such as orders of protection, custody, visitation, support, marital property and criminal prosecutions. It tells about the resourcesavailable for women seeking to leave their abuser. Click the links to learn more about the book, author or to view frequently asked questions (FAQs). The book is published byRobert D. Reed Publishers and is available at book stores online and off.

Go to www.herewomentalk.com and listen in live!

Thursday, January 5, 2pm ET

The Susan Murphy Milano Show- "Scared To Leave Afraid To Stay" 2:00 PM Eastern Time Live

Claudine Dombrowski could very well be considered a “Wounded Warrior” in the fight against intimate partner violence. Fighting her personal battle against her abuser for over 16 years, she’s also taken her fight across the nation helping several other battered mothers who have lost custody of their beloved children to the very person who abused them.

In a recent development in her own backyard in Shawnee County, KS, District Attorney Chad Taylor decided to hand over misdemeanor cases, like Claudine Dombrowski’s, to the city, due to funding issues. Dombrowski knew the ones to pay the price for this decision would be those caught in the crosshairs of the abuser’s rage when released, and has taken her outrage to the media.(http://imaginepublicity.com/2011/09/15/the-lights-went-out-in-topeka-for-victims-of-domestic-violence-claudine-dombrowski-speaks-out/)

Through organizing globally, Claudine Dombrowski, and other battered mothers, have founded American/Australia Mothers Political Party to bring attention and educate others. Through combining their online efforts across the globe, they are able to link together, not always physically, but by forming groups through the wonders of technology and carrying their message far and wide.

Barry Goldstein has fought battles in the trenches and the courtrooms in an attempt to keep battered women from losing their treasure, their children. He continues to work with agencies and educators and has joined his expertise with others in the battle against violence in the home. Goldstein is a nationally recognized domestic violence expert, speaker, writer and consultant. He is the co-editor with Mo Therese Hannah of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY. Barry can be reached by email at their web site www.Domesticviolenceabuseandchildcustody.com

BARRY GOLDSTEIN, attorney, teacher, author and advocate for women abused by their partner (and too often the courts) has written a book for women seeking to leave their abusers and for their friends, family, supporters and advocates. SCARED TO LEAVE AFRAID TO STAY Paths From Family Violence to Safety tells the story of ten women as they left their abusers seeking a better life. The book shows in these abuse cases how courts handle legal issues such as orders of protection, custody, visitation, support, marital property and criminal prosecutions. It tells about the resourcesavailable for women seeking to leave their abuser. Click the links to learn more about the book, author or to view frequently asked questions (FAQs). The book is published byRobert D. Reed Publishers and is available at book stores online and off.

Go to www.herewomentalk.com and listen in live!

Thursday, September 22, 2pm ET

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Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is a specialist with intimate partner violence cases and prevention strategies and high risk cases and available for personal consultations through the Institute. She is also part of the team at Management Resources Limited of New York.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host ofThe Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.

If you would like to schedule Susan Murphy Milano for interviews, please contact: ImaginePublicity PO BOX 14946 Surfside Beach, SC 29587 Phone: 843.808.0859 email- contact@imaginepublicity.com

www.imaginepublicity.com

Amy Leichtenberg:The Silent War: Mothers Without Custody

The last time Amy Leichtenberg saw her two boys alive, that motherly instinct took over and she knew something was not right. The father of the boys was acting strange when they met at the police station for the exchange of Jack and Duncan. Amy refused to hand over her boys on March 7, 2009, an officer threatened her if she didn't give them to their father, she would be arrested for not complying with a judge's according to her lawyer.

This week is the anniversary of the boys murders.

I am deeply disturbed by the escalating number of parents murdering their own families. as police discovered 9-year-old Duncan (left) and 7-year-old Jack(right) were found murdered in rural Putnam County, IL. Their father was found dead not far from where his car was left. According to police sources, the boys' father had a rope around his neck when he was found.

Amy Leichtenberg filed orders of protection against Michael Connolly more than once after his repeated physical and emotional abuse in the later years of their marriage. Amy filed for divorce that year and moved out of their home. In a 2006, a petition for a protective order against her husband was filed, saying that his "controlling and obsessive behavior" included threats to kill himself and others along with a series of bizarre demands he made of her. Within a 15-month period, Connolly violated the orders of protection 57 times.

In 2007, Amy was awarded full custody of the boys with Connolly given supervised visitation. According to court reports from the family visitation center, Connolly's behavior was dangerous enough to temporarily cease all visits with the boys. In my experience, when a family visitation center terminates interaction between parent and child, it sends a red flag of danger. Connolly, the ever witty and clever abuser, was able to resume visits when his psychiatrist sent a "sympathy letter" to the judge "if my client is able to spend more time with his sons, Mr. Connolly's depression and outbursts would lessen."

The judge, who is still on the bench, responded by setting a series of "behavioral guidelines." This included obtaining employment, housing and continued therapy.

"(He) tells me if I ever take the boys away he will hunt me and my parents down and cut us open," Amy Leichtenberg, then known as Amy Connolly, stated in the 2006 petition seeking an order of protection. Amy said during their marriage Connolly had tried to isolate her from her family. A common characteristic among abusers.

Despite the 57 violations of the protection orders, dangerous behavior and deadly threats, McLean County Judge James Souk"rewarded" Connolly unsupervised visitation with his sons.

Connolly filed numerous motions with the court, basically wearing the judge down. Despite pleas from Amy and her lawyer, which were ignored. This mother’s plea for supervised visitation was dismissed without regard to serious safety concerns.

There is an automatic presumption that it is in the best interest of a child “regardless of court orders”, prior violence or threats, to maintain visitation with both parents. Victims of domestic violence face a double edged sword. Either expose their children to imminent danger, or defy the court system refusing to allow visitation. Like so many others before her, Amy tried to deal with a violent relationship in a family court environment.

In family court the two parties are presumed to be on a level playing field--law abiding individuals who have a disagreement over a private family matter. A core assumption of family law is that family disputes are not criminal disputes. As such, there are few safeguards built into the family court system to protect against the criminal dynamics that dominate family disputes in cases of family violence. In addition, the accusations the victim makes in family court, no matter how serious, carry no more authority than one person's say so. One of the most serious consequences is that when a family violence victim opens a case in family court against her abuser, the abuser is given equal opportunity to fight back against the victim's accusations, often because the abusers past is not an issue. Unless, of course, he is brought in from county or state prison sporting an orange jump suit and leg shackles.

There are lawyers and men’s groups who argue using domestic violence with a broad brush is not a reason to deny fathers visitation with their children. Accusing mothers of lying or making up stories to keep fathers’ from their children.

Under the current laws, a parent without custody is entitled "reasonable visitation." There is a high burden of proof as evidenced in this case when a court refuses to take into account dangerous abusers pose to their children.

Until we place the issue of labeling these cases as a "private matter" or an isolated incident, expect the death toll among children to rise. Expect the courts to continue to ignore clear and present danger signs when a victim of violence seeks a divorce.

Remarkably, Amy Leichtenberg, under the circumstances is doing fairly well for a mother whom lost her entire world.

When she and I talk she says " I will not let that monster who destroyed my life, win. That's what he wanted you know, (she says with great conviction) , he thought without my kids I would wither and die. Well I hope he is rotting in hell someplace for what he did and I am going to make each day on earth count, for my kids. For other parents so they won’'t have to endure what I have. I am going to get laws past so that a person who is not mentally stable like their father was, has no access to children. The same way a predator is dealt within the justice system and denied contact with children." And, today, two years later, Amy Leichtenberg is changing the dysfunctional legal system that, in my opinion, allowed her children to lose their lives.

Amy Leichtenberg will never again hear the laughter of her boys Jack and Duncan. Amy will never wait in the kitchen as the boys run in after school only to run out again to play before it gets dark. Amy will never prepare another favorite meal of macaroni and cheese. Those day's are gone. The lights that once burned brightly from within her life, are now but a memory.

On Amy Leichtenberg's Facebook page she writes:

"I wish I could turn back the hands of time...I am so sorry Duncan and Jack...I love you both to the heavens and back"

It would be nice if people reading this could take a moment and send an inspiring email or words of comfort to this remarkable mother, who needs for all of us to keep her in our daily prayers. Emails to Amy can be sent to our address here: timesupforjustice@gmail.com and we will forward them on to her.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs.http://pamelachapmanl.biz

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and SurviveAbusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her Chicago detective father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

Custody Battles: Before During and After Divorce on The Susan Murphy Milano Show: Wednesday, April 28, 2010 at 4:00 PM EST

Todays guests will be Barry Goldstein is a former attorney and author of the book, “Scared to Leave Afraid to Stay,” and newly released book, "Domestic Violence, Abuse and Child Custody" as well as an advocate for women abused by their partners and sometimes the court system.

And a mother fighting for custody Sharon Executive Director & Radio Show Host and member of the Autism Women's Network will discuss her long and drawn out custody battle fighting for custody of her children.

The number to call into the show with questions or comments is :

1-347-326-9337

Wednesday, April 28, 2010
TIME: 4: 00 PM Eastern Time
3:00 PM Central Time
Show Link: www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

If you miss the show be sure to return to this site where it will re-play automatically through May 5, 2010 or you can down load the podcast by going to the link for the show.

To be considered as a guest on a future show or if you have a subject matter or idea you would like on a topic of interest please email us at murphymilano@gmail.com

Been there, done that…” Susan Murphy- Milano has turned a tired phrase into demonstrable realism through the gift of her newly published book, "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS

Tragedy in San Clemente: Who Was The Shooter?

Catherine Fontaine, 4 and Julia Fontaine, 2 (Courtesy John York)

As a follow up to my post yesterday about the tragedy in San Clemente, CA, I have received many private emails and comments with questions we are all asking.   News reports are now saying that both Elizabeth Fontaine and her mother, Bonnie Hoult had gunshot residue on their hands.  This leaves open many possibilities and one is that they were both "shooters."

Neighbors indicated some disturbing discussions taking place earlier in the day of the shooting, after a court hearing in which Elizabeth was ordered to return with her daughters to turn them over to her sister-in-law who was granted temporary custody.  We don't know, at this point, if the gun was present during ,or alluded to, in this conversation, however the discussions were disturbing enough for the other occupants of the home to leave in fear.

The gun was registered to Bonnie Hoult who possibly kept it in a local safe deposit box.

"I think it is too early to tell if Elizabeth was the shooter/murderer. The gun was registered to the grandmother. I think both women decided to do this, as evidenced by the owner of the home reporting disturbing discussions between the two of them just prior to the shootings."

 
Questions and comments left in the blog and by private email are alluding that Elizabeth Fontaine, the mother of two precious little girls had suffered much abuse during her life.

This tragedy leaves no doubt that it was carried out by a woman is boggling.  We, other women and mothers, can't wrap our minds around that fact.  Either one or both, Elizabeth Fontaine or Bonnie Hault, pulled the trigger that took the lives of two small children that they both loved.

"It has not been clearly defined who was the shooter in this matter. The investigation is still ongoing and it is premature to point at the mother, although it is more likely than not. Whoever it was that pulled the trigger only saw one door out of the situation. A very sad event to occur at any time of the year. My heart goes out to the family for such a tragic and unwarranted loss of life. "

Elizabeth Fontaine's accusations of child molestation against her husband were never proven in a court of law, and were dismissed in California.  After her daughter, Catherine, was examined by a new team of psychologists in Texas, she re-opened the custody case and renewed her allegations against her husband, Jason Fontaine.

As we try so hard to make sense of this we question many things.  As in other cases of family annihilation where the male is the killer, we have come to almost expect it, but it's hard for us to accept that a woman and mother can react in this deadly way and snuff out the lives of her offspring.

Abuse is abuse and no matter how and when it happens, there are and will always be repurcussions.  Each individual deals with abuse in distinct, unique ways and as some are able to move their lives forward, others are left with scars so deep that their reactions to stresses and triggers can be deadly.