Friday, August 12, 2011

Holly Dembie: Life Interrupted

Earlier today I was asked if I had seen the case of Holly Marie Drake Dembie, 33, and the mother of a young child, she was married for 6 years to a violent and dangerous man, a corrections officer now on unpaid administrative leave with the Lorain County Sheriff's Department in Ohio.

In the last year, according to sources in the quiet town of Elyria, just outside of Cleveland, his violent threats and outbursts escalated. Holly was in constant fear of her life. Without notice her husband would stalk her showing up at places in town such as the store, public events, and school creating heated outbursts. He was angry, controlling and jealous of her every move without him. This also was evident as she attended school, working towards her degree at the local college. Holly loved children. She had that special gift and worked as a teachers aid with special needs kids. Holly was a remarkable, patient and loving soul.

Close friends, and a few who knew her since high school, tried to talk and assist her with leaving and finally hiring a lawyer. But, Holly was in fear for her life while also trying to protect her 4 year-old child who was elsewhere at the time of her murder. She did everything she could in her own way to keep things in her dangerous environment calm. That included consulting with an attorney about a divorce.

Her Lorain County Sheriff corrections husband was the one who called 911 to say he killed his wife. According to sources at the crime scene last evening, she ran for her life in the home. As she was running throughout the house to try and get away, he continued to stab her, until she finally fell to the floor.

In an update in the online morning journal, I was pleased to see information about her life. In my opinion, more media sites and newspapers could learn a thing or two about showing who someone was rather then headline the crime and person arrested.

When possible, I never show the photo or say the offender's name on the blog because cases of intimate partner homicides, they will get attention in the months ahead. For Holly Marie Drake Dembie, her life was interrupted by a man authorized as a commissioned law enforcement officer, still under the same oath taken; sworn to serve and protect, who killed this loving woman in cold blood.

Holly Dembie literally felt she had no options to do anything to get out and away from him. Those who knew Holly could do little to help, because like others who are murdered across the county at the hands of those who profess to love them, do not know what to do besides lending a supportive ear.

I just checked various Internet sites in regards to this tragic senseless killing. If everyone in Lorain County who are making comments and offering opinions on the murder could do something in Holly's name, for that next "Holly," so they have a chance at survival, it would go a long way at stopping the bloodshed.

As a daughter of a Chicago violent crimes detective who also murdered my mother, we must take a more effective stance on this epidemic taking away those in our communities across the county.

The person to whom Holly Dembie was joined in marriage will, at a maximum, will only receive 20 years and a $15,000 fine. Or he could use the defense of crime of passion, insanity or unhinged and be out sooner. Her life was worth much more, and so are those who at this very moment are living in the same hell, behind closed doors in your communities.

If churches, businesses, prosecutors offices, social services agencies could buy and donate copies of the book "Time's Up" it would have an enormous impact on those with and without a plan, or as I call it a prescription to combat intimate partner violence that leads to murder.

This book doesn't merely discuss when you should leave or why you should leave, it tells you HOW you should leave. The book has step-by-step instructions how to covertly make a plan, set-up a safe escape, deal with financial issues, and the paperwork. Susan even takes you line-by-line through the process, the forms, the legal issues...she takes you by the hand, and, believe me, when you are being terrorized and you are an basket case, you don't need vague ideas, you need specific instructions. TIME'S UP can save your life and your sanity. If you need to get out, get this book before you make a mistake that could be fatal. It is money well spent.

If you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!

The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available
, or you can purchase via e-book or on a CD. If you have questions, the email address is:

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is a specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies and high risk cases and available for personal consultations through the Institute. She is also part of the team at Management Resources Limited of New York.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.
If you would like to schedule Susan Murphy Milano for interviews, please contact: ImaginePublicity PO BOX 14946 Surfside Beach, SC 29587 Phone: 843.808.0859 email-


Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know that Holly's scum husband wasn't a sheriff's deputy. He was a corrections officer. Meaning he was a prison guard.

Anonymous said...

He may not be a deputy but he sure as hell was on the taxpayer's payroll and had he not made that call, would have been one of the very last suspects in his wife's demise.

TraumaMamma said...

Hey sweetie. Long time no see. Been talking to our old friend in Washington state, I sent her the link to this story. I work for Lorain county 911, so I was one of the first to know. If you need a voice, you got it. I have a dear friend who is a reporter and one with a heart, for the paper. The only reporter I would ever trust, and one who did me a huge favor once. Miss you girl....xooxxo Donna

Dan said...

The guy is scum but you shouldn't pass opinions off as fact. It lessons your integrity. I haven't seen Holly since we graduated but she was a lovable cheerful girl who always could make you smile.

Anonymous said...

Men like this monster will not hit a man. They are cowards. I hope Ohio will not be another Florida and let him go. I hope he gets death. I would love to see him executed. Coward.

Anonymous said...

Extremely sweet girl. She worked with handicap children as a teachers aid. She also had a younger sister who is blind and afflicted with cerebral palsy who she was very close with. This is a tragic loss to many, many people.
Rest in Peace my friend.

Anonymous said...

this "man" is now claiming he was abused by Holly. Bail continues to be 5 million dollars and the case has been turned over to the grand jury. I pray that Holly's family will see justice and not have to endure the lies of a spineless, heartless man.

murphymilano said...

As an FYI this is the latest post on the case.

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