Thursday, August 18, 2011

Holly Dembie: Intimate Partner Homicide Interrupted

Last week, just hours after Holly Marie Drake Dembie, 33, was murdered I received an email asking me if I had seen the case. The email also included a request for me to call the sender for further information on Holly and her life with a violent abusive and dangerous man.  I wrote about her life.

Earlier today the Chronicle Telegraph reported that the killer's lawyer is now claiming he was an abused husband and suffers from "battered spouse syndrome." The lawyer is also seeking a bond reduction because "his client" has cooperated with law enforcement.

I will also bet, based on the latest "lies," the defense intends to pursue Crawford vs. Washington, which says the accused has the right, under the 6th Amendment of the Constitution, to be able to face the person who is accusing them, and testimony from others that person may have given information, is not admissible because it's considered hearsay.

The person who told friends, family and the divorce lawyer (she, meaning Holly) sought a consultation to end the marriage pursued that avenue because her estranged husband was "violent, dangerous and stalking her every move." Did she make out a police report? No. Why not? Because she was in fear for her life. The person that lived in fear, Holly, is not here to defend the ridiculous story of a man who, in cold blood, murdered his own wife.

Had Holly, and others who are losing their lives across the country in record numbers, completed the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (also known as the "EAA") those who are murdering in cold blood would not be able to make outrageous claims regarding mental incompetence, unhinged, crime of passion, battered spouse syndrome or whatever else they make up, because the only person able to dispute their weak defense, is dead. AND, if this spouse was the battered husband, he has the same opportunity to create the EAA and present the truth of his statements.

Friends and family attest to fears and abuse which they were told by Holly while she was still alive. The medical examiner, depending on his expertise at the crime scene, along with a blood splatter expert, will be able to testify in court that Holly ran for her life throughout the home that night, all because she was seeking a divorce.

If you are a victim in the middle if chaos, not knowing where to go or what steps to take, before you do anything, complete the abuse affidavit and video. Unlike Holly Marie Drake Dembie, who didn't have the chance at documenting the abuse in her own words, you don't have an excuse.

Week after week I write about these tragedies in hopes those in situations of potential danger with threats to their lives will have a fighting chance because of the information created and provided in the book Time's Up.

Holly Dembie didn't stand a chance at survival, but her words, from beyond the grave, had they been preserved, would have made the case for the prosecution thus removing Crawford vs. Washington.

This admitted killer is a coward. He was not successful in maintaining control over his wife. Holly wanted to be away from the abuse, that's all.

When the local media provides ink to a confessed killer's story telling, they dilute the nature of the horrific crime and the individual who lost their life.

Intimate Partner violence leads to homicide is a serious crime. Now there is a headline!

This book doesn't merely discuss when you should leave or why you should leave, it tells you HOW you should leave. The book has step-by-step instructions how to covertly make a plan, set-up a safe escape, deal with financial issues, and the paperwork. Susan even takes you line-by-line through the process, the forms, the legal issues...she takes you by the hand, and, believe me, when you are being terrorized and you are an basket case, you don't need vague ideas, you need specific instructions. TIME'S UP can save your life and your sanity. If you need to get out, get this book before you make a mistake that could be fatal. It is money well spent.

If you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!
The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available
, or you can purchase via e-book or on a CD. If you have questions, the email address is:

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is a specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies and high risk cases and available for personal consultations through the Institute. She is also part of the team at Management Resources Limited of New York.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.
If you would like to schedule Susan Murphy Milano for interviews, please contact: ImaginePublicity PO BOX 14946 Surfside Beach, SC 29587 Phone: 843.808.0859 email-


Anonymous said...

Susan, I am a family member of Holly's. While Holly did not document her abuse with an EAA, she did document it online. There are several questions of hers on Yahoo forums under the username H. Dembie in which she makes mention of her abuse & is continually seeking ways of controlling the situation or advice on ending her marriage. These questions posted by her go as far back as 4 yrs & as recent as 5 months. Doesn't that count as evidence that he was continually abusive through out their marriage.

murphymilano said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
murphymilano said...

Do me a favor please email me at if you can include a contact number I can answer and or talk to you privately- Susan

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