Thursday, January 20, 2011

"Not In Our Hands"

Since the New Year I scheduled journalist and author of Fatal Vows, Joe Hosey on The Roth show and each time a snow storm or other last minute glitches prevented this from happening.

I kept my fingers crossed today, checked the weather, confirmed an hour before the broadcast with Joe he would be on the show. Great, I thought, finally. We begin the show and Joe Hosey had not called into the station, it was 7:04PM. Thinking he was delayed we opened with the missing mother case of Stacy Peterson. During the station break Dr. Laurie Roth and I agreed to discuss cases of intimate partner violence and homicide.

During the show I happen to look at the date. On the air I said "Oh my God," it is January 19th, a date that for me has great significance. The date and the year of 1989 is recorded in the Cook County vital statistics office in Illinois It is the death certificate of my mother Roberta Murphy, 47 yrs old.

Although she was killed on the 16th, her body was not discovered until the 19th. She was murdered. A victim of intimate partner homicide. The shooter, my father a decorated Chicago violent crimes detective, who ultimately took his own life.

My mothers murder is how I began working with others around the county. This was not a career choice. For the little girl whom was unable to save her mother, hundreds of thousands of women and their children are alive because of her murder, today.

I had planned over the weekend to somehow acknowledge the anniversary of her death, but I was on the road myself working and lecturing on this subject and literally landed at the airport an hour before the show.

Clearly, tonights crime segment for the hour was divinely guided by God. And likely a little nudging from my mother. It is also to say that everything good or bad in our lives, happens for a reason. Here on earth those answers, are found in the word of God and the kingdom he promises us when we leave this life. I myself have questioned, struggled often kicked and screamed with the whys and how come things happen the way they do since 1989. But again, it is not in our hands.

My mother's death would eventually be the key that opened doors for those affected by violence to leave safely. Because of her, the book "Times' Up: A Guide in How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships" takes those from the "State of being controlled to the "State of being in control." This means from the moment a person decides to end their relationship or file for a divorce from a toxic and perhaps dangerous individual. Learning the steps necessary to protect yourself self is key. That key to the door opened up to the world when an amazing woman, lost her life.

A day has not gone by that I am not reminded of her love and strength. Somehow she managed to pass on to me what she could never do for herself, fight. And that fight lives on in me for it is what has clearly, with the help of God, allowed others to live.

On a final note to listen to the re-broadcast of The Roth Show just click HERE.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and SurviveAbusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth

1 comment:

Nanna Frances said...

God bless you for all you do for victims.

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