Friday, May 1, 2009

Do You Know If You Are In Danger?

For some reason we all step outside of ourselves when something breaks down in our lives, especially when we are in a dangerous, toxic and potentially letal relationship. Oh yes, we read all stories about women like Stacy Peterson, Lisa Stebic, Theresa Parker, Barbara Vanaman, Rosa Lisowski, Renee Pernice and so many others and think I don't have it so bad. I am not in danger. Or he would never go that far and kill me? But when we are in the thick of the abuse, we get numb to what has become common. The yelling, screaming an ocassional argument that from time to time gets abusive.

Fact is if you are in an abusive relationship, you are wearing so many layers of shame, guilt, anger, frustration and hopelessness it is a daily routine no different then dressing each day. Do you want to continue to wear unheathly and toxic clothing?

Or do you want to do something about your situation? Look at the questions below. If you answer yes to one of them, you are in a toxic and potentially letal environment.
Is the person you are in a relationship with upset you have other friends?
Are they displeased at your accomplishments and ambitions?
Does the person shut down when you start a conversation?
Do the person refuse to talk and listen when they are upset you?
Is your husband or partner unable to express affection except when they want, or during intimate moments?

Does the person put down your relatives or friends?
When they are angry, do they break or throw things?
Do they bring up other men in your past life and imply you still love that person?
During a converation are you allowed to form an opinion?
When you do something they do not like and you are hit or verbally abused, do you accept it and make excuses for their bad behavior?
Are you constantly questioned about where you where and with whom when you are at work or out of the home?
Are you expected to have dinner on the table at a certain time, or else?
Are you called names like dumb, fat, lazy, ugly or worthless?
Are there some qualities you especially like about yourself that they disapprove of or ridicules?
Do they ridicule or insult your religion, race, heritage, or class?
Have they withheld approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment?
Are you humiliated in private or public by this person?
Does this person refuse to interact with you in public?
If you have children how are they treated by the person? Do they love and cherish the kids or do they insult, degrade and use punishment that is abusive?
At home or in poublic does the person tell vular jokes that aere embarassing and humilating about the opposite sex?
Does he tell anti-woman jokes or make demeaning remarks about women?
Have you ever rehearsed what you will say so they don't blow up, get anrgy or use you as a punching bag because they did not like what you said or did and they want to teach you a lesson?
At the snap of a finger does the person go from loving and wonderful to anger and range without warning and for no reason?
Are you blamed for eveything that goes wrong from the car breaking down to the kids getting sick to the basement flooding.
Now what do you do? Where do you go? How do you begin?
Do you fear the person with you whom you are with for your safety or life?

Recognize that if abuse happens once, it happens again. So, know it and get away from it. Someone will be on the other side to help you. But most importantly, learn to love yourself.

“Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock. Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain."

One way is to begin is to turn up your computer volume and listen to this weeks radio show right here on abuse and post traumatic stress syndrome that lives in the homes of violent relationships. After, go over to my site at and use the resources. we have provided and created to leave and moive on to a healthy and safe environment.

1 comment:

Elsie said...

Thanks to my friend for sending this to me. OMG, 15 years and we have been split for 6 mos, divorce pending. I am not having a problem with my decision, but courage and confidence to move on and take chances. i never realized how abused i was until i answered yes to all but a couple questions. I was hurt so bad that i feel i have no choice but to go back to him, yet i know it cannot be.

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