Sunday, October 12, 2008

Failing Our Kids

Whether a victim lives in Nebraska, Idaho, California, New York society and Courts Are Failing Battered Women in all parts of the country.

It begins with the simple fact that abuse victims, are not treated as victims of crime.

Society as a hole looks upon domestic violence as a personal issue, rather than a criminal matter. And, sadly, the children are weaved into the war.

Second Hand Abuse is just as equally devasting to a child raised in an abusive home. Tragically, it is silent epidemic in our society.

Survivor’s Guilt- feelings of guilt while mom or other siblings are being beaten.

Emotional shut down from seeing a parent beaten, shoved, chased, or verbally abused.

Constant sadness at what is happening in their home. The child must cope alone with the violence.

Overwhelming feeling of responsibility. Usually the child feels they did something to cause the abuse.

Nervous system overload/burnout. Repeated stress and trauma results in an unhealthy separation from the child’s feelings.

Despair and depression. The child feels as though the conflicts are never going to end and the situation will never change.

Having to go to school, concentrate, taking tests after a horrible night of fighting or while working about a parents safety.

Angry outbursts by the child or stepping in to stop the abuse. Child takes on “caregiver” role.

Numbing the sadness, pain and loss with food, drugs, alcohol when their home is not a safe, secure, predictable place.

Difficulty sleeping/wanting to sleep through the fights. Wanting to escape from the house.

Absolute powerlessness to stop the attacker or save loved ones.

Being repeatedly thrown to a state of panic/confusion (i.e. not knowing what to do…they want a way to stop this… somebody’s going to die).

Unbearable feeling of isolation, no one to tell, no one will believe, no one will help.

Stomach searing; gut wrenching, body crumpling pain, from watching those that they love hurt over and over.

Exhaustion from lack of sleep during night battles. Unable to function productively during the day.
Help for you and the kids is a phone call away. The number is free and confidential. It is the national Domestic Violence Awareness Hotline:


Anonymous said...

Some very good books to help families who have loved ones who have been battered. Therapy is also very important to help these children. We need to do more as a nation to help break the cycle of violence.

Susan is right we are failing our children.

The Scared Child: Helping Kids Overcome Traumatic Events
by Barbara Brooks

Children and Trauma: A Parent's Guide to Helping Children Heal
by Cynthia Monahon

The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics
by Lundy Bancroft

A link to resources:

Hydrant said...

Susan Murphy Milano's Book 'Defending Our Lives, Getting away from domestic violence and staying safe' also is a real life book and tool on what abuse does to the kids.

Go to and buy a new or used copy.

Great post!

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