Sunday, October 9, 2011

Prescription for "The Wrong Kind of Love"

(graphic by Amy Matthews)

We see one tragedy after another in our communities andr on the news about intimate partner violence. Society tends to think in terms of a “single incident” or, a “one time only” act of violence. Questions are raised and blame is more of a quid pro quo victims for anyone involved in these types of dangerous situations. We must comprehend that the world in which these victims live and breathe, similar to a contagious infection, is no different than captured and tortured prisioners of war. The vanished, the missing, the murdered all were calculated and planned out by an abusive, angry and controlling individual.

The term “DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” is a continuing pattern of behavior which can include :
  • repeated harassment,
  • stalking or surveillance of the victim,' threats and intimidation,
  • bodily harm,
  • sexual assault,
  • child abduction
  • or the constant threat , that can escalate, in some cases to murder .
In most abuse cases, the danger continues despite the victim’s attempts to get help from traditional sources.

For example, after a female victim seeks assistance from the courts or separates from her abuser, she statistically runs a greater risk of increased harm. The abuser is furious and steps up his behavior and violent attacks. Often the victim is left to fend for herself when it comes to protecting her life.
If you are in a potentially dangerous situation, I have a question:
How many more times are you going to allow the abuse? When someone you are with hurts you,
that is not love!You have options. Oh, I know all the excuses from he was drinking, to we are having financial problems, or how about when you are made to believe it was your fault. It is not.

Time's Up! If you doing nothing but prepare the abuse video and affidavit prescribed in the
information provided below, you have taken a big step towards having you words stick if
something happened to you. Telling a close friend or family member about the terror and abuse
is not enough to make an arrest or prosecute in a court of law.

The month of October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Intimate partner violence occurs 365 days a year, 7 days a week. Perhaps doing something for those who you know are in a rocky or violent relationship is a start to how you can help others.

Providing information on what you need to do if you or someone you know is in a potentially violent relationship is done with the hope of saving lives. My work in the area of intimate partner violence prevention is a direct result of not being able to save my own mother back in 1989, killed by her police detective husband prior to committing suicide.

If you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!

One of the major reasons women stay in abusive relationships is fear. They are afraid of what will happen to them and their children if they leave. Sadly, their fears are often justified; statistics show that a woman is at the greatest risk for injury when she announces her plans or leaves an abusiverelationship. The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship"is the prescription, if you will, that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available on, or you can purchase via e-book or on a cd. If you have questions, the email address is:

Before you decide that you have had enough and are ending the relationship, create for yourself the "Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" and video (shown below).

If you do nothing else, please take one important step that if something does happen to you, if you do vanish like Stacy Peterson, Vensus Stewart, Rachel Anderson, Susan Powell, Lisa Stebic, or arefoundmurdered like Monica Beresford-Redmond, Franki Jacobson, Renee Pagel, Summer Inman,Kelly Rothwell and others where the person responsible has gotten away with murder that your voice and record of the abuse will be captured and recorded. Do it for you friends, family and loved ones. Do it for your children. Do it for you!

If you have questions, the email address is:

This book doesn't merely discuss when you should leave or why you should leave, it tells you HOW you should leave. The book has step-by-step instructions how to covertly make a plan, set-up a safe escape, deal with financial issues, and the paperwork. Susan even takes you line-by-line through the process, the forms, the legal issues...she takes you by the hand, and, believe me, when you are being terrorized and you are an basket case, you don't need vague ideas, you need specific instructions. TIME'S UP can save your life and your sanity. If you need to get out, get this book before you make a mistake that could be fatal. It is money well spent.


Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is a specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies and high risk cases and available for personal consultations through the Institute. She is also part of the team at Management Resources Limited of New York.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.

If you would like to schedule Susan Murphy Milano for training and interviews, please contact:ImaginePublicity PO BOX 14946 Surfside Beach, SC 29587 Phone: 843.808.0859 email-

1 comment:

Donna R. Gore said...

Good Sunday Morning Everyone:

'Quite an impressive graphic! Yesterday I attended a lovely wedding of a cousin on a perfect October day. It was the second time around for infinitely better match than the first time!

While sitting in the lovely landscaped yard as they exchanged vows by the gazebo, I thought about all of the other women who didn't make it! We don't need any more Tracey Thurman cases in this world.... But we do see them over and over.

I encourage all of you to tell others about SMM's lifesaving book. 'Don't just pass by and say, Cool poster... Isn't it more important to intervene now than to not see your friend next week? She is fearful and may be temporarily angry if you try to "shake up her world of excuses." Who cares? Take the risk. She will thank you for it in the end!

Please take a moment and read about "the former Tracey and all of the new Traceys we don't want to read about in the future at:

Donna- "Ladyjustice"

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