Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The Master Manipulator vs The Violence Expert

For the first time in my career working with victims of intimate partner and stalking, a master manipulator has put me in the war zone of his victim. Keeping her alive, to him, is now a game against me and everything I do.

The couple have been married for 17 years and they have two children. She is a professional who took a year off to pursue writing and speaking opportunities in the area of sexual assault and intimate partner violence. He is a specialist, more like a master, in deadly chemical combinations, pharmaceutical drugs and high tech surveillance equipment. This king of his castle is, in my opinion, following the same handbook instructions as we have seen in other high profile cases which ended in tragedy.

In the past year he has installed various monitoring and tracking equipment on her car, phones, in the exchange vents in the home, and a keylogger type of software on her computer. Her 2 sons report in real time to their father, out of fear or by his instruction, on everything their mother does from whom she is talking with on the phone to the recent changing of a pass code on the home alarm system.

Up until recently, he has turned friends and family against her saying "she is crazy, she is having an emotional crisis," all because through the years of both physical and verbal abuse she is finished and is ready to move on minus him. She and I spoke about 6 weeks ago and prepared her exit strategy. But, somehow, with the use of illegal devices, he let her know about our conversation. That evening my computer crashed. He was also teaching me a lesson for remaining involved.

On the evening of May 29, 2011 a terrible fight broke out and he threw her down a flight of stairs. The police arrived, he was arrested, and posted bond the next day. A 72-hour no contact clause was also in the order. She was issued an emergency order of protection that expires tonight (June 1).

Last night the alarm system went off at the house. The alarm company said it was odd because nothing could be detected. Remotely, it's possible that her husband was able to set off the house alarm with a device from another location. When she spoke with the alarm company they also stated that on 2 different days last week the alarm went off. On those days she was away from the home, he was not. The alarm company said on both days they spoke with her husband. He, by the way, never mentioned it to her. This meant he was probably playing with his electronic device from another location and testing it.

This morning she left the home returning a few hours later to a ringing house alarm. He most likely entered the home because one of the kids had given him the new alarm code, but it was not the correct one and once in, he had no way to stop it so he left. He is also trying to make folks believe he is in another state sleeping in his car. But, according to the tracking or pings from his phone, it shows he is only several miles from the marital home.

What is next? Well, he is so angry with me, in my opinion, he is going to stop at nothing to either make something that happens to her look like an accident, or say if she suddenly vanishes he doesn't know where she is and that she left on her own, or my favorite killer phrases, "she is where she wants to be."

I met her husband briefly while she and I were in Florida last summer. He is about a foot taller and weighs about 100 pounds more than his petite wife. We were planning back then for her to leave but, she wanted to wait until her youngest finished with school. Last fall, due to violent attacks, I had her create an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and video along with additional documentation, and we have kept the documents current. I also have the photos of her injuries the police took from last week.

The officers at the Police Department have gone above and beyond, in my opinion, to do everything within the scope of the law to hold him accountable for his violence and keep her alive. But is it enough against a master manipulator so hell bent on controlling the mother of his children and wife?

If you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!

The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription, if you will, that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available, or you can purchase via e-book or on a cd. If you have questions, the email address is:

Before you decide that you have had enough and are ending the relationship create for yourself the "Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" and video (shown below).

If you do nothing else, please take one important step that if something does happen to you, if you do vanish like Stacy Peterson, Vensus Stewart, Rachel Anderson, Susan Powell, Lisa Stebic,
Kelly Rothwell or arefound murdered like Monica Beresford-Redmond, Franki Jacobson, Renee Pagel,Summer Inman, and others where the person responsible has gotten away with murder that your voice and record of the abuse will be captured and recorded. Do it for you friends, family and loved ones. Do it for your children. Do it for you!
Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...