Thursday, April 23, 2009

Second Hand Smoke

If you are in a domestic violence relationship, especially if you have children, no matter their age, you are passing on the same fears in their lives, similar to second hand smoke. A child growing up in an abusive home grows up to live without hope and in fear. And they will either become a victim or an abuser when they grow up. Please, if have time, listen to yesterday's broadcast with Pastor Neil Schori and Tanya Warrington.

It is simple, turn on your computer sound and the show will automatically play. If you want to download it to a podcast go Here. Or, consider joining a support group who will be waiting provide information and guidence on your journey to a life without violence.

Survivor’s Guilt- feelings of guilt while mom or other siblings are being beaten.

Emotional shut down from seeing a parent beaten, shoved, chased, or verbally abused.

Constant sadness at what is happening in their home. The child must cope alone with the violence.

Overwhelming feeling of responsibility. Usually the child feels they did something to cause the abuse.

Nervous system overload/burnout. Repeated stress and trauma results in an unhealthy separation from the child’s feelings.

Despair and depression. The child feels as though the conflicts are never going to end and the situation will never change.

Having to go to school, concentrate, taking tests after a horrible night of fighting or while working about a parents safety.

Angry outbursts by the child or stepping in to stop the abuse. Child takes on “caregiver” role.

Numbing the sadness, pain and loss with food, drugs, alcohol when their home is not a safe, secure, predictable place.

Difficulty sleeping/wanting to sleep through the fights. Wanting to escape from the house.


Absolute powerlessness to stop the attacker or save loved ones.

Being repeatedly thrown to a state of panic/confusion (i.e. not knowing what to do…they want a way to stop this… somebody’s going to die).

Unbearable feeling of isolation, no one to tell, no one will believe, no one will help.

Stomach searing; gut wrenching, body crumpling pain, from watching those that they love hurt over and over.

Exhaustion from lack of sleep during night battles. Unable to function productively during the day

2 comments:

Jamey said...

This is a good post and so many don't realize just how much this affects the kids.

If it affects you, it affects your kids.

Anonymous said...

When the kids of domestic violence become adults, often times they suffer from fear, depression and an inability to trust. Ask me, I know. I witnessed horrific domestic violence as a child and had to clean up the blood. Today I exist with this hole in my soul and a sadness that doesn't go away.
Trust a man ? Not a chance.

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