Saturday, March 7, 2009

Understanding Definitions of Abuse in Relationships

Abuse occurs when a significant other, spouse, current or former girlfriend or boyfriend mistreats you. It takes many forms and has many names: domestic violence, battered woman, spousal abuse, partner abuse, wife abuse or victim.

Physical abuse is any type of aggressive behavior directed at another's physical body, such as shoving, pinching, squeezing, hair pulling, restraining, shaking, grabbing, biting, slapping, punching, kicking, or choking. It also includes throwing objects or using a weapon. This often result in serious injuries, but many are subjected to varying degrees of physical abuse without suffering physical injury visible to the eye. I often refer to it as tire track treads deep inside. The kind a car makes on pavement when driving fast and suddenly the car stops and on the pavement are the tire marks. Only you know the marks are there, no one else can see them.

Sexual abuse is forced without your consent in any type of sexual activity. No one, not even a husband, has the right to force a woman to participate in sexual activity if she doesn't want to. If force or threats of force are used to gain the woman's compliance, the abuser can be charged with sexual assault. This happens frequently when the woman files for divorce or ends the relationship. The abuser is angry. A woman must be extra careful during this heated time. Always be aware of your surroundings. Never allow the abuser to get behind you and grab you in a locked hold. If he does this try and speak to him calmly, submit if you must for your own safety. Try and keep the abuser in front of you at all times.

Psychological and verbal abuse is the infliction of emotional pain and suffering by doing things to control or degrade, such as persistent verbal attacks on self-esteem, constant accusations of infidelity, threats of suicide, control over friends and money, and threats of harm to the kids and outside friends or family members. Think of this as "coward talk". They would not dare speak to others outside of your relationship this way. How often do you hear those words "You are not good enough"? or "Where were you, who were you with"? Verbal attacks over time are damaging to your entire being. You start believing this person.

Forced confinement is when someone does not allow another person out of, for example, a house, room, bed, or chair for extended periods of time. They disable your car or take away the keys. The phone bill may not get paid so you will not be able to call anyone. If you are disabled and depend on a cane or wheel chair it may be removed or hidden in the home. You could be locked in a room or a basement or attic.


Abuse towards pets or property is the destruction of property or animals with the explicit or implicit threat that "the victim and or children are next." Killing the family pet is a sure sign you could be next. An abuser will destroy items, heirlooms, works of art to gain control of you. In extreme cases this can mean serious bodily arm or even death to your own children.

Financial Abuse is no access to bank accounts or money. You may live in a beautiful home, wear the latest fashions, your children whom are well-equipped with toys and luxuries, but have no control over what is spent or saved, over what moneys come into the household. You are not allowed any decisions about what will be bought. You are never given money for personal use. Everything is under lock and key. During tax time, the abuser points to the line where you are required to sign the tax return, or else.

Harassment is when a person creates a disturbance at work or school. Constantly calling you to see where you are and ask what you are doing. This will cause you emotional distress.

Stalking is a series of events between to people. Stalking is considered to be any unwanted contact by a husband, partner, significant other, ex- boyfriend or spouse. The laws vary from State to State. It includes constant phone calls. Magically appears at your place of employment. Stalkers also send victims flowers, letters, emails. When a stalker does not get their way after a while they step up their efforts to stalk and harass the victim. When a relationship is or has ended, stalkers increase their efforts to harass and intimidate. They want to know their victims every move.

To hear more about stalking listen to Levi Page's Show with Cyber Stalking Expert Alexis Moore
on Sunday at 9:00PM (3/7/2009) Central time. For details Visit Levi's Blog
For more information visit Moving Out, Moving On

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I think it is all about control.
Telling you "No one wants you, you're a fat b----". After so long, you begin to believe it.
Being told, "You don't need to drive the car until I get the brakes fixed, or new tires". There is no intention of doing this, it is so you will not go any place without his taking you.
Always being told that money is tight, be careful with it.
Having to give account for every penny even when you work and contribute.
Any time you are told, "If you love me you will ...."whatever it is, it's just to have control over your life.

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