Debbie Heriford: Silent Hero is Missing

Debbie Heriford has been missing since March 31, 2011 from Colorado Springs, Co. The 51 year-old was also in the midst of a divorce after 32 years of marriage. Earlier last month police changed her case from a missing person case and has now classified her disappearance as a homicide.

When I see these cases, the hair on the back of my neck goes stands up straight. The courage it takes for any woman to leave someone who is threatening, both verbally and physically, is, in my book, a hero. Debbie Heriford joins the silent heroes who finally say "enough!" as they attempt to move forward with their lives. But to a controlling partner, unwilling to share ten cents accumulated during the marriage, their lives are cut short for standing their ground. 

The moment a child, at any age, realizes something terrible has happened, their world is forever changed. Unless you are raised in these types of homes it is often difficult to articulate to those in the community how your own father could allegedly be responsible for the taking of a life that gave you life. So many years after my own mother's murder at the hands of my father, I still silently question why he just could not allow her to move forward with her life. Every one of these victims of intimate partner violence have strong family, religious and community roots. And they live for their children and grandkids.

According to court documents, several weeks after their mother vanished, Debbie's daughters have filed a restraining order against their father.  Sarah Heriford filed the restraining order against her father, Harold Heriford, saying she fears for her safety. She also claims he has been trying to get his hands on items from the house.

The other daughter filed a similar restraining order. She says her dad threatened her in a text message saying, "If you don't give me what I want we are going to have issues."

This case has not received very much media attention. Investigators are, however, working this case. Just last week they impounded the vehicle of the husband's girlfriend. Harold Heriford retired from the Peterson Air Force Base as the chief of Military Police back in 1996. He and Debbie separated in July of 2010, he filed for divorce in October, and in February of 2011 a judge ordered that he make payments in the amount of $2,500 a month to her pending the finalization in May.

The base should be searched with a fine tooth comb. An individual always hides, buries and kills in places in which they are familiar, and, in many of these tragedies, believe no one will look. There is a lot of new construction on the base and hopefully investigators are using trained search dogs. 

The family should also consider registering the case with the CUE Center for Missing Persons to assist they and law enforcement with finding her. The Website is www.ncmissingpersons.org and the number to call is 910-343-1131.

Anyone with any information is asked to call Colorado Springs Police at 719-444-7000.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs. http://pamelachapmanl.biz

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.
Susan can be reached at by email at murphymilano@gmail.com

Shannon Paolini is Fighting For Her Life

As I write this a young mother is fighting for her life. Shannon Paolini, 27 was shot 5 times as she ran out of her home. The offender, her boyfriend and father of their 2-year old child continued firing at her and then ran back into the home. A stand-off with the Fountain, Colorado, police and swat team lasted over six hours. The outcome, devastating.

Inside police found the two year old son dead from his father's own hand --a gunshot wound to the head. The offender committed suicide. According to reports and the news there was so much poured gasoline in the house it took an additional 3 plus hours before investigators would re-enter the home. Police also found a note of sorts detailing his disturbing thoughts about his relationship that lead up to the shootings. He planned every detail down to the gas container he purchased at Wal-Mart.

Shannon is employed with the El Paso County Sheriff's Office. The Sheriff released a heart felt statement I don't often see in cases of intimate partner violence and homicide that includes starting a fund to assist she and her family.

The El Paso County Sheriff’s Office would like to send out some information regarding our friend and co-worker, Shannon Paolini. She has been employed with us since August 2007, and is a Financial Services Specialist. She is in critical condition at a local hospital and is fighting for her life. She is surrounded by friends and family.

Shannon is an amazing lady. She is never seen at work without a smile. Shannon’s greatest joy is her son and her family. She enjoys physical fitness, dancing, and spending time with family and friends. The El Paso County Sheriff’s Office is providing any and all assistance we can to Shannon and her family. In the near future we will be working to start a fund in Shannon’s name to assist her family with the financial struggles they will be facing in the future. We appreciate the kind words, thoughts and prayers from our community. Sheriff Terry Maketa said, “Our thoughts and prayers are with Shannon, and all friends and family affected by these senseless and tragic events. We also recognize the loss felt by the family of the suspect and the loss of an innocent child.”

Once you are threatened, hit, stalked, questioned in a controlling way, a second chance to save your life, is no longer an option.

“If you are reading this and find yourself in a similar situation, know that there are measures you must take before announcing the end of your relationship. These safety precautions can be found in the book, "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship" by Susan Murphy Milano. Don't take things into your own hands without expert guidance.” (Mothers Are Vanishing)

I cannot stress enough, if you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!

One of the major reasons women stay in abusive relationships is fear. They are afraid of what will happen to them and their children if they leave. Sadly, their fears are often justified; statistics show that a woman is at the greatest risk for injury when sheannounces her plans or leaves an abusive relationship.

The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription, if you will, that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available onAmazon.com, or you can purchase via e-book or on a cd. If you have questions, the email address is: timesupforjustice@gmail.com

Before you decide that you have had enough and are ending the relationship create for yourself the "Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" and video (shown below).

If you do nothing else, please take one important step that if something does happen to you, if you do vanish like Stacy Peterson, Vensus Stewart, Rachel Anderson, Susan Powell, Lisa Stebic,Kelly Rothwell or arefound murdered like Monica Beresford-Redmond, Franki Jacobson, Renee Pagel, Summer Inman, and others where the person responsible has gotten away with murder that your voice and record of the abuse will be captured and recorded. Do it for you friends, family and loved ones. Do it for your children. Do it for you!

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs. http://pamelachapmanl.biz

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

Charlie Sheen: New Poster Boy for Domestic Violence?

Hanes brands has ended their relationship and advertising campaign featuring Charlie Sheen because of domestic violence charges filed against the actor.

"The seriousness of the allegations against the 44-year-old actor made the decision necessary" the statement from Hanes goes now to say:

"It's a pretty standard, straightforward call when somebody who's in your commercials is arrested on suspicion of something of this magnitude."

Now there is a concept, understanding the seriousness of domestic violence and consequences for a person's actions.

Charlie Sheen been accused of abusing three women in a row, all of whom had their own financial resources. How many more does this bozo need to abuse before fans of his 2 ½ Men stop excusing this behavior?

The 911 call heard around the world released after the Christmas holidays provides even more fuel to the inferno of controversy surrounding Sheen’s marriage and what really happened on Christmas. Sheen’s representative's have tried attempted to downplay the incident and sources as reported by the Internet site RadarOnline.com they asked Sheen's wife Brooke Mueller to recant and that money had been discussed.

Fortunately the 911 call leaves little doubt that the couple’s relationship exploded and in one particularly dramatic moment Brooke Mueller, apparently crying, can be heard telling someone in the background, “No, he’s got me scared.”


The children for now will remain in the custody of their mother until prosecutor's decide how to proceed on this case.


Society still has a long way to go in treating domestic violence in the home as a serious criminal matter. Perhaps the state of Colorado would consider using Charles Sheen's image in a state-wide campaign" Domestic Violence is a Crime: if you threaten your girlfriend or wife, you will be prosecuted, regardless of how many zero's you have on your bank statement. "

A campaign would not only get the public's attention it will save lives of those women and children murdered by those whom profess to love them.