Deadly Silence and Intimate Partner Relationships

There are far too many cases when a woman suddenly vanishes without trace because of intimate partner violence in their marriage or relationship. The husband or boyfriend in the current or former relationship is angry it is ending. A victim prepares to leave is filing or already has filed for a divorce. The woman often tells a close friend or family members "if something happens to me" tell the authorities it was "him."

That is called hearsay and it will not hold up should a person "suddenly vanish"as anything other than repeating something second hand. Those possibly responsible quickly become silent and uncooperative with authorities. In many cases they quickly lawyer up. Stopping the epidemic is the key to holding accountable one of our nation's most deadly crimes: Intimate Partner Violence and Stalking that leads to homicide.

Before anyone says they are ending the relationship; they must complete the abuse affidavit and video as exampled below:

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit: A Victim’s Voice(c)
Domestic violence or intimate partner victims now are able to provide information, in their own words, about the fears, dangers, experiences they have had at the hands of their abuser. The" Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" or "EAA" records victim's stories, histories, and experiences which are preserved and stored on their behalf. These videos will provide answers to the many questions, allegations, and fears that arise when a person has disappeared, gone missing, or been found dead.

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Numerous cases, such as missing mother Susan Powell of Utah, Kelly Rothwell of Florida, and women like Stacy Peterson, where the victim’s police officer husband is the person of interest, is the classic example of the benefits of this type of evidence. If Stacy Peterson, or any woman found murdered or is missing, had done an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, ON TAPE, from following the information in the “Time’s Up" book on a flash drive, they would be able to describe:

- threats made against her life or wellbeing, including details of how the perpetrator would carry out the threat
- incidents of past abuse that the victim has endured
- admissions or comments made to her about other victims or people abused
- where evidence or weapons would or could be located
- possible alibis that the perpetrator would make up in his defense (including identification of people who could be co-defendant’s or co-suspects)
- portray visible injuries or marks

If you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!

The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available onAmazon.com, or you can purchase via e-book or on a CD. If you have questions, the email address is: timesupforjustice@gmail.com

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs. http://pamelachapmanl.biz

John Spira a Victim of Intimate Partner Homicide?

It is disturbing to see DuPage County Sheriff's department slam its’ doors shut on a family member of a missing person when they seek answers. That appears to be exactly what is happening in the John Spira case.

Prior to his "sudden" vanishing act from the planet, John Spira was a local businessman and blues musician, last seen on the evening of February 23, 2007. His truck remained in the parking lot so he didn’t drive off. It is important to note that 7 months after he was reported missing, the cable construction business in which he was co-owner for more than a decade, burned to the ground. A few days prior a huge missing person’s billboard was erected directly across from the company building. The billboard was intentionally removed. So the family replaced it, but it too, was torn down quickly by someone.

I have a couple of questions: Who would do such a thing? And what would be their motive? Did key evidence also go up in flames with the building?

Ladies and Gentlemen, lets follow the money which almost always leads to the motive.

After speaking with his sister Stephanie, who now lives in Arizona, it was no surprise to learn that John Spira and his estranged wife were going through a nasty divorce. She initially filed then changed her mind. John had enough of being victimized, living in a nightmare of a relationship, according to sources, and he was ending the marriage. That very morning the financial terms of their divorce were agreed upon by the parties and a tentative date was to be set up to finalize the divorce. But guess what happens next? By the end of the day, John Spira is never seen or heard from again. There are also financial issues within the cable construction business and strains on the partnership.

The fact that DuPage County has slammed its door on the family is unusual. Law Enforcement is very open with families regardless of the “status” of a case. That is, of course, when they are actually working the case. In my opinion, and according to direct sources within the sheriff's office, DuPage County is not actively working the case. It is sitting in the file jacket waiting for the dust and possibly spider webs to be removed and actually opened. And, they are not thrilled, per a communication I received, about an article written about the case by reporter Joseph Hosey on Friday. In addition, the family sought outside assistance from Tad DiBiase, a former federal prosecutor and an expert in "no body" prosecutions, especially as they relate to intimate partner homicides. DuPage County refused to grant access to Tad DiBiase.

In my opinion, after digging and spending the Easter holiday disrupting folks family time, this case is an intimate partner homicide. The explanation of intimate partner is:

An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship, and the term is sometimes used euphemistically for a sexual relationship. The characteristics of an intimate relationship include an enduring behavioral interdependence, repeated interactions, emotional attachment and need fulfillment. Intimate relationships include friendships, dating relationships, and marital relationships and there are individual differences in both the quality and quantity of these relationships.

I am hoping to appeal to DuPage County State's Attorney Robert Berlin and DuPage County Board Commissioner Dan Cronin assist the family by asking that a new investigator be placed on the case and that the family be kept updated on the investigation. There is a lot of important details and information in this case likely never reviewed or investigated. The pattern of conduct also has relevance.

No one, including me is interested in embarrassing anyone or outing certain information via radio shows, blogs and other media.

John Spira's case deserves to be properly investigated. Is that is too much to ask for, is it?

Missing Since: 02/23/07
Missing from: West Chicago, Illinois
Classification: Missing
Age at diappearance: 45
Height: 5’8″
Weight: 165 lbs.
Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: Brown
Race: White
Gender: Male
Distinguishing Characteristics: May have a moustache, beard,
or goatee.
Clothing: Blue jeans, black turtleneck sweater, olive green
aviator jacket, black shoes.
Nickname: “Chicago Johnny”

Details of Disappearance
Spira was last seen by co-workers at his business, Universal Cable, in West Chicago, around 7:00 PM on February 23, 2007. At 7:09 he made a cell phone call to confirm a dinner date with a friend in Oak Brook, Illinois. Spira was expected to meet his friend in Oak Brook at 8:30. He never arrived, and although his cell phone continued to ‘ping’ until 11:00 PM, no further communication from Spira was received.
John is the lead guitarist in a band. He missed his first gig in four years as a member on February 24. Friends and family have searched the forested area behind his business without results. Police have searched his office and home and reported no indications of foul play.

If you have any information on this case please contact CUE Center For Missing Persons using the contact form below or contact Cue Center at (910) 343-1131 24 hour tipline (910) 232-1687.

St. Charles Police Department
(630) 377-4435
OR
DuPage County Sheriff’s Office
(630) 407-2321

America’s Most Wanted

Website dedicated to John Spira’s disappearance

It is my hope one day the legal system will embrace the messenger utilizing proven strategies and implement the prescription for change that will enforce the laws while at the same time reducing the number of murders without anyone's ego getting bruised. As always, and in confidence, I can be contacted via email at murphymilano@gmail.com

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs. http://pamelachapmanl.biz

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.