Amanda and George were engaged to be married this summer, when Amanda father became critically ill. Amanda's parents were divorced and she was the only child born into the marriage.
Amanda put her life on her to take care of her father, postponing the wedding.
Amanda, an executive with a major financial institution, said that George was romantic, sensitive and attentive during their 4-year courtship. Without having a reason, he would send her flowers at work and he was always there for her.
Three weeks ago Amanda's father died, she was devastated. Even George could not console her. In an effort to comfort Amanda, George insisted they get married right away. When Amanda did not respond the way George expected, he screamed at her. Later apologizing for his outburst.
Several days past and Amanda had yet to set a firm date. George snapped. The couple had a loud, ugly screaming match. George grabbed Amanda by the shoulders and violently shook her. With her head pinned up against the wall, George thrust Amanda's head into the sharp corner of the livingroom wall. The pounding into the wall caused Amanda's head top open and bleed. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Please lets get into the car and go to the emergency room," said George.
Amanda said she was too stunned to do anything other then comply with George and go to the hospital. He insisted on going into the treatment room with Amanda. But a nurse intervened
and said because George was not a blood relative, he had to be seated in the waiting room.
The nurse took pictures of Amanda's injuries before the doctor came in to stitch her up.
An hour later 2 police officers came into the treatment room to take her statement. The nurse at the hosptial had contacted the police. George was placed under arrest when he would be held until the next morning for a bond hearing before a judge.
When Amanda and I met we discussed George's background. Had she married him, the violence would have no doubt escalated. Amanda did not connect George's violent childhood.
He grew up in a home where violence was common. His own mother was treated as though she did not matter. This set the stage for George to follow in his own father's footsteps.
Amanda wisely decided to end the relationship the first time George became violent.
Far too often when victims allow men to talk them into overlooking "one little act of violence", whether it is an argument, or you have been punched or slapped, just once. You may not get a second chance.
There are no "little"acts of abuse. Each time their is an outburst or a threat of bodily harm, it could lead to serious injury, or death.
You may not see yourself in danger. You may read stories of women murdered and think to
yourself, "I have everything under control. That will never happen to me."
Think again! Please before you decide to leave your relationship seek the services of a mental heath professional. Contact the National Coaltion Against Domestic Violence at
1-800-799-SAFE, asking for a referal to a counselor. Read up on the subject . See yourself in these situations. Go to the library and pick up a copy of "defending Our Lives, getting away from domestic violence & staying safe. Go to http://www.peace4themissing/ and join the abuse support group. Join me every Wednesday at 3:00PM Central Time and listen for suggestions on how to leave.
But do something about changing the control and abuse you surround yourself with like a dangerous toxic drug. I assure, someone will be on the other side waiting to find a way out.
If my mother were here, she would tell you , no one deserves to live in fear. But my mother is not here. She lost her life to domestic violence.
The Book Time's Up will be available at Amazon and in bookstores, July of 2009.
This book is a guide to survival for anyone considering leaving an abusive relationship with life saving strategies including current technology abusers use to track their victims. It gives anyone in an abusive relationship the tools to leave with your life. It provides detailed, step-by-step information and describes what steps need to be taken before a victim announces they are leaving or filing for divorce in order to ensure a safe departure from the abuser (the book lays out how to survive, how to get police to respond, legal options, creating important changes in your life to be safe, creditors, daycare, technology strategies). It also describes the importance of creating an evidentiary abuse affidavit and your own safety video.