ABC's Show "Private Practice" Sends Dangerous Message to Victims of Intimate Partner Violence

A long running television show on the ABC network "Private Practice" aired what I considered a dangerous episode for victims of intimate partner violence and homicide.  A woman married to a dangerous offender sustains serious injuries after being beaten by her husband.  In the hospital the victim talks about killing him.   One of the main characters in the show who plays a doctor brings the patient home with her because she has safety concerns for the woman.  The doctor in conversation with the victim tells her she has the power to leave basically without using violence.

The husband learns his wife is at the doctors home, storms in the front door, assaults the doctor knocking her out cold.  When the doctor comes too you see the victim over the husband, covered in blood, stabbing him repeatedly.

I realize it's "only" a television show, but clearly it sends the wrong message. The scene's of the abuse were incredibly scripted and played out as if they were actually happening.  The delivery was powerful.

I did not agree with the message "Private Practice" conveyed to viewers that it is okay to take matters into your own hands when you are married to a violent and dangerous psychopath.

Earlier today on the Show Time's Up, Tracey Murphy's real life was no different than the woman portraying the abuse victim on ABC's"Private Practice".  Her life was a living hell sustaining injuries that included broken bones, surgery and threats to her life if she ever left.  Ending the abuse was not easy, it took work, but Tracey got out, without committing murder.

Maybe if the shows writer and producers had consulted me I would have directed them to the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and video found on the site Document The Abuse.com  or the book Time's Up.

Below is the podcast from today's Time's Up show.  I encourage anyone involved in a rocky and potentially lethal relationship to take a few minutes, download and listen when you have time.  Before you say out loud to anyone you relationship is over, you better have a plan.

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Document The Abuse contains vital information on how the EAA can support each case of abuse from the perspective of the first responders and advocates, to an appearance in court.  It explains the legal benefits to the abuse victim, whether they are able to testify or not, how their words are forever documented and hold up in court, much like a Living Will.

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.

 A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writes providing commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime.

Dying to Check a Box

I can't keep up on the volume of cases where the ending of a marriage or relationship is resulting in murder. The cases of intimate partner homicide are not random acts. They are well thought out and carefully executed crimes. The victims never quite believe the person with whom they are involved or legally married will take the abuse to a level of murder.

Shelby Wilkie, 38  Henderson, North Carolina

While Shelby Wilkie of Hendersonville, NC was alive, she knew enough to check a box on paperwork for a court order of protection in October of 2010, writing, " believed she was in danger of serious and immediate injury." The court order Shelby obtained, is dropped a few weeks later. Perhaps at the time the reasoning in forgiving him is because they were married just days prior to her obtaining the court order. I can hear the violins of the abuser orchestra playing "I'm so sorry baby, I'll never touch you again, I swear. " They reconnect, she gives him another chance.

This is how many victims of abuse handle the violence, if they are lucky enough to still be breathing. The victim forgives and forgets about the threats and fear to her own personal safety, until the next time it happens. Or, they are what I call the "veteran victims." The women, time and time again forgive the person with whom they took an oath to love, honor and cherish until the day they die, to be with this person through thick and thin. To not fully understand the words "till death do us part" to a habitual abuser often translates into a missing person or murder case.

My own mother was a veteran victim. My father a serial abuser who also happened to have a badge and a gun. I use my parents as a prime example of what continues to erase the lives of families. My mother, throughout my childhood, continued to forgive my father. She told us kids growing up that when we were grown and safely on our own she would leave him. A song which is often sung, off-key, by veteran victims. My mother did eventually leave and attempt to move on with her life free of the violence, but it didn't last very long. My father was furious about not being able to control her. In his mind, he would make her pay for leaving him. This landed her in a new home; the cemetery located in Arlington Heights, Illinois. 

I want to believe victims of abuse are paying attention. I do not want anyone to have to live by the seat of their pants in fear for their lives, or their children's, not knowing if they will see another new day.

Any clue what that is like? It is sheer hell! Why, if you are in an abusive relationship would you continue to put yourself in harms way? And, why are you doing it to your children!

A few weeks ago we launched the site Document The Abuse.com. If you are involved in a potentially abusive relationship, or you're really not sure how your partner will react to the news the relationship is ending, completing the information on the site is one of the steps you need before you announce, it is over.

You can either take my advice and work towards ending the relationship with your life in one piece, or, you can not listen and possibly end up like Shelby Wilkie  found murdered at the hands of her husband last week leaving a newborn behind. And guess what else? I can include you in the hundreds of murdered victims of intimate partner homicide, I write about or feature on my radio programs each and every week!

If you need personal assistance I can be contacted through www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com. 
or by email at murphymilano@gmail.com

 Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.
 A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writesproviding commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime.

The New Year: Week in Review Intimate Partner Homicides

Tragically, since the New Year there have been far too many murders involving those ending their marriage or relationship.  All of those listed below will only be remembered on a news link, followed by a headstone. Not one of these women who lost their lives understood the dangers enough to have a solid plan in place.

There is a new site called "Document The Abuse"  and included on the site is a "lethality Checklist."  We must all learn from those lives abruptly silenced.  The victims lost their lives in a war of intimate partner homicide.  Going into a battlefield without being prepared will get you killed.

Woman Killed, Man Shot in East Side Tacoma Shooting

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Tacoma, WA:  A 22-year-old man suspected of fatally shooting his ex-girlfriend and injuring another man late Sunday in Tacoma was later found dead. Officers found the man at Larchmont Elementary School about 4:45 a.m. today, Tacoma police spokesman Mark Fulghum said. He had died from what appeared to be a self-inflicted gunshot wound.  » more at The News Tribune

Man in Custody After Three Shot, Two Killed in Lauderhill

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Lauderhill, FL:  Police early Monday said a man was taken into custody in connection with the shooting that killed his wife and her daughter and wounded his grandmother during a domestic dispute.  According to information released about 4:30 a.m., Eric Montgomery, 28, was taken into custody without incident at his mother's home along the 2500 block of Northwest 14th Street in Fort Lauderdale.  » more at Orlando Sun-Sentinel

Concord Police: Man Killed Wife, Self

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Concord, NC:  Concord police say it appears as if a man shot and killed his estranged wife, wounded another man, and then killed himself Sunday evening at a house in the southwest side of the city. Killed in the incident were Isidra Ramos Sarabio, 30, and her estranged husband, Eladio Hernandez-Pelaez, 54. Wounded was Fredy Guzman, 33.  » more at Charlotte Observer

Byng Woman Shot To Death, Husband Accused

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Byng, OK:  A Pontotoc County woman found shot to death this weekend, the suspect -- her own husband. He went before a Pontotoc County judge today and our Cameras were there.  Police arrested 39-year-old Johnny Quinn Campbell Sunday night, in connection with the death of his wife 33-year-old Jennifer Louise Campbell.  Residents in the quiet town of Byng, Oklahoma, just few miles north of Ada, said they were shocked late Sunday night when they realized authorities were searching for a suspected killer.  » more at KXII TV

80-Year-Old Man, Girlfriend Dead in Apparent Murder-Suicide

Monday, January 2, 2012

Uvalde, TX:  Two people are dead in Uvalde in what appears to be a murder-suicide.  Police were called to the residence of 80-year-old Elias Varela on Monday after receiving a call saying there was going to be a murder-suicide.  Within just a few minutes SWAT teams responded to the scene where they heard a single shot fired.  » more at KENS 5

Glastonbury Woman Charged In Newington Motel Homicide

Monday, January 2, 2012

Newington, CT:  A 35-year-old woman has been charged in the fatal shooting of a man at the Carrier Motor Lodge late Monday, police said.  Alanna R. Carey, of Glastonbury, is being held with bail set at $1 million pending her arraignment Wednesday at Superior Court in New Britain.  » more at Hartford Courant

Man, 32, Arrested in Girlfriend's Death

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

St. John's County, FL:  Detectives with the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office have arrested a 32-year-old man on a charge of second-degree murder in connection with the death of his girlfriend early Tuesday.  Terrell Lee Jordan II is charged in the death of Kristi Lynn Dennis, 29.  » more at News4jax.com

Police: Missing Woman’s Body Found, Husband Arrested

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Fort Smith, AR:  A woman’s body has been found in rural Crawford County and her husband has been arrested in connection with her death, police say.  Sgt. Daniel Grubbs with the Fort Smith Police Department said the body of Cassie Leigh Cotta was found Tuesday afternoon in rural Crawford County.  » more at The Times Record

Lebanon Man Charged in Death of Girlfriend

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Lebanon, PA:  A 25-year-old man has been arrested and charged in the strangulation death of his girlfriend, police said.  Nathan Patrick, of the 200 block of South 9th Street, has been arrested on charges of criminal homicide and aggravated assault in the death of Jennie Cassel. » more at pennlive.com

Deputies Investigating Apparent Murder-Suicide

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Hartwell, GA:  The Hart County Sheriff's office and the Georgia Bureau of Investigation are looking into what appears to be a murder-suicide, according to deputies.  According to Cleveland, the bodies of 66-year-old Linda J. Whitfield and 65-year-old Carey T. Whitfield were discovered in their home Tuesday morning around 8 a.m. by one of their two adult daughters.  » more at WYFF 4

More Details Emerge in Libby Murder-Suicide

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Libby, MT:  On Tuesday morning, a Libby man with a legal history with Lincoln County law enforcement called 911 saying he killed his wife, and that he would turn the gun on himself.  "We received a phonecall at about 6:28 hours, from a male caller, at 1217 main avenue, that he had shot his wife and he was going to kill himself," said Lincoln County Sheriff Roby Bowe. » more at KTVQ TV

Couple Found Tuesday in Murder-Suicide Were in the Midst of Divorce, Friends and Authorities Said

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Corpus Christi, TX:  A couple found fatally shot Tuesday at a home off Ocean Drive were separated and in the midst of a divorce, friends and police said.  The bodies of Pamela Frances Stanley and Richard Anderson Stanley, both 71, were discovered about 5:30 p.m. by a friend at a two-story home in the 200 block of Aberdeen Avenue, Corpus Christi police said.  » more at Corpus Christi Caller-Times

Man Kills Wife at Hemet Courthouse, Turns Gun on Himself

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Hemet, CA:  Authorities say a man fatally shot his estranged wife at the Hemet Courthouse Wednesday, then turned the gun on himself in his car a few miles away.  Police received a call around 8 a.m. Wednesday about a woman being shot at the courthouse, located in the 800 block of North State Street.  » more at KTLA TV

Husband Charged In Death Of Dayana Bados

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Milwaukee, WI:  Charges have been filed against the estranged husband of a woman found dead in their home Wednesday.  The Milwaukee County District Attorney's Office has filed charges of first-degree intentional homicide against Jose Luis Discua-Bados in the death of his wife, Dayana.  » more at WISN TV

Man Accused of Killing Woman in Fort Mill Shooting

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Fort Mill, SC:  Fort Mill police said they've arrested a man accused of shooting and killing a woman at an apartment complex in Fort Mill on Thursday.  Jackie Lashon Craine, 34, was killed and her 16-year-old son sustained non-life threatening injuries after Enrico Diago, 38, shot them in their vehicle at the Avery Lake apartments on Lestina Drive.  » more at WCNC TV

2 Dead in Shooting at FPL Food in Augusta

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Augusta, GA:  Two are dead after a murder-suicide Thursday afternoon involving a husband and wife at FPL Food, 1301 New Savannah Road.  According to Richmond County sheriff’s Sgt. Dan Carrier, an FPL Foods employee, identified as Emanuel Jordan, 21, fired several shots at the property around 1:15 p.m.  According to Chief Deputy Coroner Mark Bowen, he killed his wife, Tia Jordan, 40.  » more at The Augusta Chronicle

Divorcing Couple Found Dead in Overland Park

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Overland Park, KS:  An Overland Park couple who had recently filed for divorce were found dead Thursday in an apparent murder-suicide.  Debra Beaver, 56, was found with a gunshot wound to the neck inside a car in a southern Overland Park subdivision near 143rd Street and Nall Avenue. Barry Beaver, 58, whom police had been looking for since the shooting, was found dead near 139th Street and Lamar Avenue.  » more at kansascity.com

Source:  www.domesticviolencecrimewatch.com

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.
 A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writesproviding commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime

'Tis the Season to be Safe in Your Home'

Every year my mother made a big deal about Christmas from planning out what color to make the eyes on the gingerbread cookies, to the day she, my brother, and myself would go downtown to Marshall Field’s department store for our annual Santa visit and photo. The bright lights and holiday decorations lining downtown store windows and street lamps always made me forget, if only for a moment, our lives were anything but bright and hopeful.

I have to give my mother credit, as difficult as our daily fight for survival she created happy memories for us. Sometimes, the holiday did not turn out as planned and we ended up on Christmas morning in the emergency room as she received medical attention from injuries caused by my father. My little brother and I viewed stuffing every pocket in our coat and pants with candy canes while at the hospital as a cool thing. Instead of opening presents, we went back to the house with a cup of hot chocolate and whip cream prepared with love.

Hope was always a magical illusion it did not matter if it was Christmas or not. The days and months always felt as if they were continuous in a never ending road of unpredictable behavior by a man authorized  to carry a gun and a badge to protect the streets of Chicago, while hiding behind the closed door of our home like a coward, terrorizing his own family. In our house you told time by the changing of seasons and what you needed to wear before heading out the door. During the holidays it was the one time of year that I didn't wish anything from the Sears catalog that would arrive sometime after Thanksgiving. If Santa was real, perhaps he would find us a nice safe place like I remembered watching in the movie Miracle on 34th Street, where we could hang our stockings behind a tree tacked to the wall and live happily, far away from my father, forever.

Growing up, my brother and I never really counted on much.  Making plans for anything was wishful thinking. More than fifty years later, I have no closure, just an acceptance of the violent events that would eventually hijack my mother’s life. The last memory of her is 10 feet away from the oven where we baked Christmas cookies, throughout the kitchen her blood spilled over onto the once bright yellow pattern on the floor tiles where my brother and I once sat anxiously waiting for the Christmas cookies to finish baking. In the bedroom; a couple hundred feet away, dead from a self inflicted gunshot, my father.  Although not visible to the human eye, there is a tattoo etched deep inside as it is for all those whom survive homicide; a permanent scar from a battle I would rather erase from my memory.

The effects of the violence would follow me into my own world as an adult, a secret I kept hidden from friends, colleagues and relationships. Suddenly, my secret was out, unwillingly I was a victim and a survivor of a life I did not ask for nor chose as my life's journey. In 1988, my parents divorced and the holidays were around the corner. My mother and I spent the Christmas holidays together, the first without my father and the last one with my mother.

Abruptly, in 1989, after their deaths, I left a successful business career for a world that provided little, if any, hope or assistance to abuse victims and their children.

I did not realize when I began working with victims of intimate partner abuse my world would be an important life raft for safety in keeping others alive. Over a decade of running a national agency and providing direct services, I began to incorporate strategies like no other in the country, as social service agencies were not familiar with the battleground I knew intimately.

Service providers and agencies layered by politics and paperwork with government forms and numbers instead of thinking outside the box; a box that never belonged there in the first place if lives were to be saved.

This rigid box of "rules and restrictions" is what often kicks the safety and services of a victim to the streets and back to the violence. Yes, a woman returns to the abuser numerous times before she leaves but it’s also because the family courts and services are either limited or dysfunctional.

Far too often services are based on income either too much, too little or there is not enough funding available for what is required. Ironically, the funding issues in my world were never an obstacle in keeping victims alive. With little or no resources, each person I assisted did not die. Instead, they moved forward with their lives, most went back to school to obtain degrees others found paying jobs as the sole support of the household turning their lives around minus the threat of violence. I think it was because I took the time with them, something I noticed from the  onset that was not happening when a victim reached out for help.

I learned from being in the trenches and providing hands on services combined with making time to explain to victims-- meant the difference between life and death. I would go beyond the sterile basic information and red tape of guide lines set by funders and various government agencies, people who were and continue to do so today, more concerned with tabulating stats of human lives that amounted to nothing more then entering useless garbage into a data base that had nothing to do with safety or leaving and never returning to the abuse or the system for help. One cannot effectively assist a victim of intimate partner by sitting behind a desk when they have never left the comfort of their offices, when they have never been inside the real world of sheer terror and violence that victims endure daily. Often placing victims in something labeled a shelter, government funded that does not in many ways meet the needs of victims. As I have always said like our own DNA no two cases of abuse are alike.

The days of placing a bandage on intimate partner violence, as though it were a boo-boo, are over. When a system does what it has always done, the results will be the same. It did not work out for women like my mother, unable to speak today, because they were silenced in the prime of their lives, murdered in cold blood.

As we enter the year 2012, know that the death toll across the country for those who lose their lives because of intimate partner violence does not have to be a predictable outcome in some hardwired data base, ultimately marked by a cemetery headstone as in years past. A child no longer has to acompany their mother to the emergency room on Christmas morning filling their pockets with candy canes in a cold waiting room as medical staff stitch their mothers head or set a broken limb and sent back out into uncertainty and fear that the next time they might not be so lucky.

In the New Year I would like everyone who reads this to join me in ending the abuse. How, you ask? Each time a news story about a victim who was killed comes across your facebook page or you read about a case in the Huffington post, AOL News, Google, News vine, USA Today, the Examiner, Forbes, The Washington Post, New York Times or see it on Nancy Grace, Fox News, Good Morning America, MSNBC, the Oprah Show, Dr. Phil, NPR Radio or any number of news programs send them a brief paragraph about the book Time's Up and that these cases no longer have to be tragic. That women such as Susan Powell, Stacy Peterson, Jacque Waller, Michelle Parker, Venus Stewart, Angel Downs, Renee' Pernice, Kathleen Savio and others if killed their words will speak from the grave in a court a court of law. The person responsible will be arrested.

The upside is that this book saves lives. The mothers, sisters, girlfriends and children currently living in fear who live in harm’s way each and every day need this book the most. It is up to us to see that the information and knowledge is in their hands.

And to ensure every domestic violence agency, court building, library, church, community center, hospital, business and school has a copy of the book Time's Up: A Guide on How to leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships. And for a domestic violence provider, social worker, first responder, government agency, school, business or individual who says that cannot afford it? You cannot afford not too!

Time's UP !!!

www.documenttheabuse.com

• Other Stories on the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit:
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  http://courtwatchbrevard.org/drupal/?q=node/176  (example of site using EAA)
  
  
  http://www.forbes.com/sites/crime/2011/10/30/new-technology-for-domestic-violence-and-stalking-victims/
  
  
  http://www2.scnow.com/news/grand-strand/2011/nov/15/cell-phone-app-help-domestic-violence-victims-spea-ar-2692274/  (media Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit) 
  
  
  http://www.wgntv.com/news/coverstory/wgntv-evidentiary-abuse-affidavit-new-tool-gives-abused-women-a-voice-in-courtroom-20111109,0,2614298.story (Media on EAA)
  
  
  http://www.okcfox.com/newsroom/top_stories/videos/kokh_vid_4220.shtml (Media)

****

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.


A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writesproviding commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime

www.imaginepublicity.com

TIME'S UP! "Protect This Woman" Gift Offer

The holidays can bring added stress to an already stressful world, and a family experiencing violence in the home look for protective angels to surround them, to get them through, and to keep them safe.

Two ImaginePublicity angels have come together

with a gift offer for 12 women.

Susan Murphy Milano and Donna Gore "LadyJustice"

have created a special promotion:

12 gifts for 12 special women for

12 days ONLY

The gift special is limited to only the first 12 responses, so it's important to order quickly:

• Order the book, Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship by Susan Murphy Milano on CD. $15
• Receive a FREE "Protect This Woman" necklace, along with a hand written, personalized note from the author, Susan Murphy Milano.

Buy it for yourself, if needed, or buy it for someone you love, either way you are receiving or giving a gift of life and protection. The Time's Up CD ($20 value) contains everything in the book. The CD can be taken to a safe computer and all blank forms can be printed to use when preparing the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit© included in Chapter 4. The Time's Up book is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and all online and local book retailers, or can be ordered in EBook format at www.susanmurphymilano.com.

The "Protect This Woman" necklace ($40 value) is a prayer to wear. A hammered sterling silver disc is engraved with "Protect This Woman" and knotted on a black leather cord. A tiny freshwater pearl is a sweet touch. Cord with sterling clasp adjusts 17"-19". If you wish to order the necklace for others on your gift list, they can be ordered from: Signals

Ordering instructions:

• Fill out the form with complete information. All gift purchases will be sent out on Friday, December 16, 2011 in order to reach their destination before Christmas.
• All orders must be paid through PayPal (You do not have to have a PayPal account in order to pay by credit card or debit card) You will be asked to give your information one more time, this insures we have everything correct.
• If you are giving this gift to someone you know in a violent relationship, we recommend you give it to her privately, not with the family present, and be discreet to insure her maximum safety.

$15 for CD copy of Time's Up and "Protect This Woman" necklace.

www.imaginepublicity.com

Communications Technology: Corporate Responsibility in and Outside of the Workplace

Last week at the residence of Jennifer Rutledge located in Lakeland, Florida she nearly lost her life, literally at the hands of Robert Rutledge her husband.

Apparently, Robert is employed by Verizon as a repair technician/cable splicer. After illegally listening in on his wife's phone conversation with an unknown man, he disconnects their conversation. In a fit of rage he storms into the marital residence confronting his wife. Throwing her on the kitchen floor with a rope in hand he strangles her, unconscious. According to police reports when she comes too, he grabs her again and she breaks out of his grip and runs to a neighbors contacting police. Polk County Sheriff's arrested Rutledge charging him with Obstruction of Justice, attempted murder, interception by communication, domestic battery by strangulation (wife has some rope burn marks around her neck) and obstruction of justice.

She is fortunate to be alive. Instead of omitting remarks about Robert and "what a good guy he is" and his behavior is "out of character" they are inappropriately incorporated into the story. Good people with whom we work, attend church, are our neighbors or with whom we are related are "in character" where you cannot see them. Behind the front door of their homes an abuser threatens, beats and controls the victim. To the world they, the cowardly abuser are amazing individuals.

Robert Rutledge used the tools of his trade to track his wife. His tracking and stalking of her goes beyond merely intercepting her calls, he also followed her every move via a Verizon cell phone (part of a perk to employees and their families) and GPS tracking, including her computer.

What the article misses is tools that can and should be incorporated both for customers and those receiving perks as a family member of one of the nation's largest communication corporation, Verizon. The communications giant has in place an amazing program and foundation for victims of abuse and stalking. But, this is the perfect example of a corporation missing the mark as it relates to employee assistance services and safety among its' own "family." No doubt there are others just like the Rutledge's right under the companies nose.

Rutledge had the tools as many offenders do at their disposal. It really didn't matter where he worked, technology plays a major part in intimate partner violence and homicides. The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and video is the new prescription for victims across the county. More information on the technology is provided in the news story below.

Solution

Domestic violence and stalking is a crime. Yet, it is still treated as a 'private family matter' within communities and major corporations across the country. A person faces automatic arrest, no questions asked when they get behind the wheel and drive drunk. Because it is against the law. Also against the law is domestic violence. It is a crime to threaten bodily harm or beat a person. The offender too cowardly to start a random act of violence in public, gets away with controlling abusive behaviors behind closed doors because there is no real consequences to actions, unless they kill.

Attitudes must change from Corporate America on down to rural small town populations, domestic violence is a crime. It is against the law. In America, at least eight women are murdered everyday. With budget cuts law enforcement can only do so much. Communities must take a more active role in their communities, including the church. The need to stop the bloodshed is overwhelming, but not impossible.

Holidays will also trigger events that will no doubt bring forth more tragedies as estranged parents decide who will have the kids on what day and for how long. The courts both civil and criminal will be a revolving door for court orders of protection, child support, and financial matters fueling emotions of anger and resentment surely adding to the epidemic of intimate partner homicide.

Below is an important solution currently available on Amazon in the book "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships. Staying many steps ahead of an abusive individual can mean the difference between life and death. Don't wait. Time's Up!

I am hoping Verizon will reach out to me to discuss ways in which to combat this epidemic. I can be reached at murphymilano@gmail.com

By: AMY VITRANO

MYRTLE BEACH, SC --

A study out by the FBI in October said South Carolina ranks number one in the nation for violent crimes. One type of crime that's on the rise in this state is domestic violence.

According to the South Carolina State Attorney General's website, an average of 33 women are killed each year in South Carolina as a result of domestic violence. Most of the time, they occur behind closed doors.

But Susan Murphy-Milano hopes to give victims everywhere a chance to be 10 steps ahead of their abuser. She never wanted to be a domestic violence advocate. She had a great life as an investment banker until it all came crashing down one night in 1989.

"My mom was a long time victim of abuse,” Milano explained. “My father was a Chicago violent crimes detective. He murdered her and then took his own life. I vowed to change the world."

Milano has taken baby steps to do so over the last 20 years, working with women one on one to get out of volatile relationships. She's even written book on the subject.

Milano plans to take her knowledge mainstream with a new phone application for an evidentiary abuse affidavit (EAA).

"We have something called Crawford vs. Washington across the country and all these cases, when a woman goes missing, you don't know what she said,” said Milano. “You don't know about the offender. So in a case like that, had she prepared an affidavit, which is almost like a will: it talks about the incidences, gives her date of birth, her social security number, gives his information... So for the first time you have in the victim's words what's going on. It's not hear-say."

"I don't think in any way what happens inhibits me from having a normal life, a happy life. I try to learn from there mistakes so I make sure I don't get into a situation like my mom did," said Tina Abassi, who lost her mother at 15 to domestic violence.

Farah Abassi was killed by her father, Asghar Abassi Eliderani, at the family's convenient store in Socastee in 2008. It was the end of a childhood that Abassi says seemed normal.

"I don't remember growing up and thinking anything was wrong cause it's all I knew,” said Abassi. So if you grow up thinking that your parents fighting and not sleeping in the same bed, arguing and having your dad hurt your mom is normal, you don't think you're growing up wrong. You just think, 'Oh they're just fighting.’"

"We don't look at domestic violence as anything other than a private matter,” Milano said. “How many private matters are they going to continue to scream in silence?"

Milano created a new app that will allow a victim to record a video and fill out documents. They can explain the abuse and can include photos and information police could use in case if something happens. Milano hopes it will also give prosecutors evidence for conviction.

"So in her words, it shows that when somebody does this, it's premeditated,” she said. “So a lot of these cases individual offenders who go to trial and say, 'I was unhinged. It was a crime of passion.' Pardon me, but bullshit it wasn't. It's not a crime of passion; it's premeditated and they think they can get away with it."

Asghar Abassi Eliaderani was convicted of involuntary manslaughter in 2010, and received five years in prison as a sentence for killing his wife; a sentence that will be up within a year because Eliaderani is in a work release program.

"If she [Farah Abassi] had the EAA, it could have been something discreet that she could have filmed, that she could have said to know that incase anything ever happened, her voice would be heard,” said Abassi. “That would have given her peace of mind because she was so stressed out."

"You've got budget cuts across the country,” said Milano. “So to have this technology means that you're going to reduce the burden of the State for prosecutors or district attorneys in going in and doing this. If she does this, half their job's over with. If she winds up missing, it’s an easy arrest. You've effective a case that you wouldn't have had."

The new phone application is set to débuted on December 25^th, but the information is available to all victims in a book written by Susan Murphy-Milano titled Time’s Up. Click here to Milano’s website, where the book can be purchased.

If you are in a dangerous relationship and would like help getting out, the South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault can help. Contact them at 1-800-260-9293. You can also contact Milano directly through her email, murphymilano@gmail.com.

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.

A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writesproviding commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime.

http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2011/11/new-tool-provides-victims-of-domestic.html

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