No Apologies for Speaking out for Silenced Victims

On The Roth Show we discussed the cases of missing mothers Gail Nowacki Palmgren, Susan Powell and Jacque Waller for three hours. Each hour dedicated in memory and hopes someone will either finally come forward or they will be found.

• Jacque Waller, vanished from Cape Girareau, MO on June 1, 2011
• Gail Nowacki Palmgren vanished on April 30, 2011, from Signal Mountain, TN
• Susan Powell, vanished from Salt Lake City, Utah on December 6, 2009

Listen here: HOUR 1 HOUR 2 HOUR 3

After the show, Internet sites commented that I was either talking too much or just trying to sell books. Both are true!

I have been silenced for many years, kept in a corner while keeping women alive, silenced like my mother and others who were murdered. When I began my work in 1990, there was no Internet, and other options for victims of intimate partner violence and stalking were slim to none. As it relates to police officers who murder their wives, I was considered a thorn in the side of law enforcement across the country until more casualties continued to happen.

Selling books, absolutely! The book specifically, “Time’s Up,” along with the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is about saving lives. So, if it saves just one life it is worth it, wouldn't you agree? In fact, it has kept many women out of the national missing persons data bases. It has given more women another chance at tucking in their children every night. It has kept these women alive!

At the moment, these 3 women above, had they had the book, would have been able to preserve their words from where ever they are, saving law enforcement manpower, resources from missing persons groups, and a prosecutor who has more to work with than “hearsay.”

My role is to report on these cases, something that before my own mother was murdered, simply did not happen. Information provided, coming directly from places and sources on these cases, does not always fit into a neat package. It does not always fit into a timeline sketched by those who want to capture information on websites for discussion and dissection. I only owe these families a platform to keep their loved one's cases alive until there is a resolution, and I gain nothing by it personally.

Until you are able to walk in the shoes of a child standing witness, helplessly, watching your entire world turn upside down; until you see the destruction, first hand, and all you can do is stand in silence; until someone from your family member goes missing; until you are threatened that if you do not go away and be quiet you will wind up like that person;
until your worst fears come true and you have to stand before a grave site, you should not be critical of another's methods.

I offer as a suggestion that people take the time to read an article that goes back to 1993, titled "Life Saver."

If you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!



The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available onAmazon.com, or you can purchase via e-book. 

Justice Interrupted Investigates "The Rape of a Child"

Tonight on Justice Interrupted at 10:00 PM Central Time a very special woman shares her story of silence within her own home. And the demons that remain her contstant companion.

"My name is Tivona. I’m not a famous author, model, or actor. I’m not Super Girl trying to save the world or a Super Villain trying to destroy it. I’m not anyone special except to my family. I’m just an ordinary, fun loving, moody teenager. I’m just trying to grow up and live an average life like everyone else. I’m 14 and looking forward to high school.

Yet, there are days that I wake up and feel like I can’t relate to anyone else in the world. I want to be a ghost and disappear…There are days I wish I weren’t here. During the day, I maintain A’s in school, I sing, draw in my journal, hang out online with my friends, play the saxophone, am an avid hunter and am a half back on my soccer team. Yet at night, when I crawl into my warm bed – surrounded by my soft blankets, my cats and more stuffed animals than you can count, I feel so alone. So isolated. Like no one else in the world knows how I’m feeling. It’s at this time, that I have to deal with my own private monsters and demons.

In the dark, I feel like no one could understand me. I’m not worried about the typical teenage stuff because my life over the last 4 years hasn’t been really ordinary. It’s been conventional on the outside while pain and guilt raged on the inside. Quietly, I’ve suffered. How could I tell anyone that I was a victim of sexual assault? Who could I tell and who would believe me?
As the daughter of someone in law enforcement and the niece of an attorney, I have always been told, and led to believe, that if you do something wrong – you are punished. There are consequences for your behavior. Today, as I write you my story of sexual abuse at the hands of a loved one, my abuser is free to roam the streets of our town because the Prosecuting Attorney refuses to follow up on my claims of abuse. I know it is hard to listen to these accusations. I know it is hard to comprehend that “this” person can do “these” things but there is a “silent epidemic” occurring in this country and it is harming those of us you have “sworn” to protect! Please take a minute to listen to our “cries for help”. They are not false or “made up”. They are very real. In some of our lives, there are truly monsters who hide “under our beds” and “in our closets” at night just waiting for the darkness so they can “attack”. We rely on you to help and we need you NOW more than ever!

I truly believe that society has the resources to put an end to this epidemic. At the very least, we can drastically reduce it. Why don’t we? Are we too afraid it can happen in our own homes and that’s scarier to acknowledge than believing it is the “horrible monster we see on Law and Order” that is causing this destruction? Perhaps you misread the statistics?
Talking about sexual abuse of children is crossing into frightening, unfamiliar territory for many people. We live in a very confusing society with hypocritical views on sex and sexuality. We are uncomfortable talking about sex, but we are willing to have it sold to us through songs, magazines, TV and advertisements.

I know that healing is a process, a journey. I know I will never forget the assaults and abuse but I hope to grow from this experience and I want to help others “escape” and grow too. PLEASE JOIN ME AND USE YOUR VOICE TO HELP STOP THIS CYCLE OF VIOLENCE IN OUR COUNTRY.

Child sexual assault is the world’s deepest, darkest, best kept secret. How many are out there, I guess we will truly never know. I am asking, pleading with you to take a stand. Remind all those who choose to seek out the children, that their behavior will not be tolerated no matter who they are. I believe I did the right thing by finally “telling”. I truly hope that my openness can save other children. I told the police. I was open and honest, even though it was extremely embarrassing to retell my story to one stranger after another. I believed in the process of the justice system. All I am asking is that the justice system “believes in me too!”

Here’s my story, it began in 1994:
People talk about “Princesses”. Royalty really isn’t my thing – I enjoy the “supernatural” – vampires really. Nevertheless, for years, I was truly a “Princess” in my family. The “first born” for both sides of extended family, I entered this world in grand fashion (an emergency C-section because I had stopped breathing). For my loved ones, I truly was a miracle and blessing. I grew and thrived from the attention and you can truly say “I was rotten”. So many camera flashes have gone off in my face over the years it’s amazing I am not blind. As an avid hunter, my grandfather had me appreciating nature as soon as I could walk and follow in his footsteps. Even my name, Tivona, means a “love for the outdoors. This man was my “hero”.
My perfect, innocent “happily-ever-after-fairytale-princess” life and childhood began to crumble and ended when I was 10. That was the year my grandfather died. That was the year that my whole world began to shatter into small pieces and fall apart around me. It was at that time, my uncle would also begin to “groom” me for his own sexual pleasures and means of “control”. It began with slow rubs and touches and progressed from there.

During this time, my uncle gradually eroded our appropriate adult / child boundaries, built a wall of secrecy around us and finally established compliance through my fear. Over the next 3 years, I was repeatedly reminded that this was “our little secret” and I mustn’t say a thing. He told me that I would be to blame if anyone discovered our secret little game. He repeatedly told me that: “This would really hurt my mom if she knew” and that he would go to jail if I told. Each time he said that, a part of me died. I betrayed what I knew was the “right thing to do” because I was afraid “no one would believe me” and because I didn’t want my close knit family to fall apart. It just seemed easier to close my eyes, retreat to the darkness in my head and “go along” than upset anyone. My life became a fraud and a fiction. Do you know how much energy is consumed to keep a secret hidden from ourselves and our families?

As a family member, he had seduced us all. He had our devotion and love. He was trustworthy and “above reproach”. His popularity within our family covered behaviors that should never have been tolerated. He was a trusted friend and relative; a pillar of the community. He would never do anything “shady” or inappropriate. That is what he hoped everyone would believe if I ever told our “secret”.
By creating an untarnished image, he has convinced my beloved aunt and his children that he is innocent and that I am lying and trying to destroy his pristine image in our lives and our community. He has ‘explained away’ most of his actions with excuses. When approached with his inappropriate behaviors, he responded by being insulted and became extremely defensive. Although never acknowledging the abuse, he never once denied it either. His response to the police, and I quote, “if that’s what she said happened, then it must have happened…I just don’t remember”.

During my short time in therapy, I have learned that pedophiles are like any other predator. They stalk and hunt children as their prey. Many predators, like mine, will spend weeks, months, and even years grooming their victims. They are calculating, manipulative, and very, very patient when it comes to achieving their goal. Molesters are charming. They get along with everyone and are usually popular. They can be upstanding members of the community and tend to present a perfect image. Like my uncle, they are “great guys” and “everybody’s friend”. They are charming and intimidate other adults into believing they are above reproach. Their behavior is a controlled public image – for I know all too well about their private behaviors. My counselor says she has never met a “child molester she didn’t like.

Today, I wonder if he is capable of feeling, let alone harbors a conscience. And did he, in all those years of wonderful memories, ever really love me? Is he sorry for the destruction he has caused in all of our lives, even though he refuses to admit it? I'd like to know WHY? Why did he chose to cross the line?"

Join Hosts: Robin Sax Prosecutor and Author, Author Stacy Dittrich, Violence Expert and Author Susan Murphy-Milano as they provide justice for those whose lives have been interrupted by rape, murder, child sexual predators, strange and unexplained disappearances.........To listen live go to: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/justiceinterrupted and click on the "Click To Listen" icon.You might want to refresh your page because the icon will not show until the show starts.Call in live at: 914-338-0663 to participate in the show.

Judge Tells Offender To Be A Good Boy and He Won't Be Convicted

A man who repeatedly punched his wife for several minutes has escaped conviction after the judge ordered him to write an essay on domestic violence. Wow! Making excuses is what we see in each of these cases. For a Judge to have an abuser write a letter instead of jail time and counseling indicates pure ignorance on the part of the legal system to protect victims in relationships with violent offenders. A slap on the wrist from the legal system, is a knock out punch for victims. Judge Bruce Davidson should be removed from presiding over future domestic violence cases. Traffic court sounds less dangerous for this rope a dope of a judge. Or maybe not, apparently his track record is still haunting him.

But the 42-year-old who has been let off three domestic violence charges previously did not apologise in his essay to his wife or their 12-year-old son, who reported the bashing to police.
Instead, he blamed his upbringing.

"I have learnt now that I was a by-product of my father with my angry outbursts and getting frustrated to the point where I would physically and verbally hurt my wife," the Wellington dad of three wrote in his three-page piece `Why domestic violence is wrong'.
"I never thought I would become like my father because I remember telling myself as a young teenager that I would not be violent and abusive like my dad."

The man was discharged without conviction by Judge Bruce Davidson late last year after meeting earlier conditions to stay out of trouble for nine months, pay a fine, and write the essay.
Judge Davidson also granted him permanent name suppression,
Sunday News obtained the essay from Wellington District Court last week despite objections from his lawyer.

The 42-year-old was charged with assaulting his wife in April 2007. He pleaded guilty to the charge.
According to the police summary of facts, the man got into a "heated argument" with his wife. Then while she was lying down, attacked her.
"He punched the victim with a closed fists repeatedly to the body over a period of five to 10 minutes," the summary read.
At Wellington District Court in January last year, Judge Davidson agreed to delay sentencing, but said he would not necessarily grant the discharge because it would be "ground-breaking" if he escaped conviction a fourth time.
In October last year however after receiving the essay Judge Davidson granted the discharge.
He said he was now a changed man and did not react with his fists.

"I have learnt that I am now responsible for my actions and controlling my anger in a non-physical or abusive manner that I have the power to choose and decide not to be violent in any way, shape or form," he wrote.
"I can now walk away if an argument starts to get heated and cool down."
The man cited his upbringing as a reason for his violence and described watching his mother "being victimised by my drunken father".
He said he would lose his job if he was convicted of assaulting his wife, his family was under financial stress and he pleaded with the judge to discharge him without conviction.
"I am hanging by a thin thread and know I have been let off several times now of being convicted. If I was to offend again I deserve to be punished severely. I ask that you do not cut the thread just yet, your honour. And please give me another chance and allow me to continue my course of overcoming and breaking the cycle of violence."
And he pleaded for name suppression because of the humiliation earlier media reports of the incident had caused his family.
"It really upset my wife and children most of all. They were made to feel like victims themselves by the people who know us.'
When Sunday News contacted the man yesterday he reluctantly admitted he was lucky to escape conviction for assaulting his wife.
"Oh yeah, I guess so."
He said he had "definitely changed", and that he had apologised to his wife several times.
The man's wife told Sunday News her husband's court case was an "extremely sensitive issue" and that she regretted the fact police had become involved.
"I can tell you right now I would never, never, never ... If (my husband) ever hit me again I would never, never report it to the police," she said.
"My children will never ring the police because of what has happened.
"My son, I thought he'd done the right thing. I certainly thought I'd done the right thing. It's hard enough emotionally without it being bought into the media.
"I want women to report this stuff but I don't want them to have to go through what I went through. That's why I'll never do it (get police involved) again."
She said her family's home life was now more settled and they were getting on with their lives.
"We had a hell of a year because of this. A terrible, terrible year. I nearly had a breakdown with it all. We nearly lost our house."

The lawyer who unsuccessfully challenged Sunday News' request to view his client's essay, submitted it should not be "viewed and published (even in part) by any newspaper". But he also said the essay was "so honest and so descriptive of domestic violence" it could be "a focal point in any campaign to control domestic violence".