The holiday season presents additional dangers to victims of intimate partner violence and stalking. As an example: you are married with two children the relationship has been verbally abusive for as long as you can remember. You can't breathe in your own home. As a couple you have or are in counseling. You have tried talking, crying, pleading for things to be different. Everything you attempt, fails. Last resort is a divorce. You talk with a few trusted people, do some research on the Internet and you decide to hire an attorney and begin divorce proceedings. It is not as "simple" as it sounds.
Go to your bathroom mirror. Take a good look at yourself, that is while you still can. Yes, this was not in your life plan. All you ever wanted was to love and be loved. It didn't work out the way you envisioned your life. Now you are telling someone whom you once deeply loved with all your heart, it's over. But, they do not hear you. Instead your partner interprets your words as "I am leaving you to find someone better." I know it is not what you said, but your partner is not listening. They also hear and feel rejected by you. With rejection creates anger and it begins to brew inside of them similar to an overheated radiator on an engine. From the moment you actually say out loud "we are done" there is no more trust on any level. Trust that if you have children, your partner will remain in their lives. Trust that you will not change passwords on accounts preventing assets. Trust that you will not bleed the financial assets bone dry.
All bets are off! The person whom you believe you know like a pair of comfortable shoes, forget, it! Now, it's you against him. Your partner holds an emotional grudge ready to explode when you least expect.
So, before you make a move, obtain a copy of the book "Time's Up A Guide on how to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships." Available on line at Amazon.com, Kindle or in E-book at www.susanmurphymilano.com This is not about "selling you a damn book. It is about keeping you safe and alive. Something my own mother lost on January 19, 1989. She was just like you. My mother believed my father who also happened to be a Chicago police detective would never follow through on his promise, if she ever left to kill her. My mother was tricked into meeting my father who had told her she needed to sign papers in order to have the house sold. That was not true as she signed a quit claim deed in divorce court. But my mother was so overjoyed to be finally free she didn't pay attention. Too busy being happy for the first time in 28 years, finally free of the violence. It got her killed.
The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (available in the Time's Up book)
See example of video affidavit
An “Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" and video has the additional psychological benefit of being forced to face reality and admit that the potential for the ultimate kind of violence exists…and that if it occurs the perpetrator will be held accountable.
Domestic violence or intimate partner victims now are able to provide information, in their own words, about the fears, dangers, experiences they have had at the hands of their abuser. The" Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" or "EAA" records victim's stories, histories, and experiences which are preserved and stored on their behalf. These videos will provide answers to the many questions, allegations, and fears that arise when a person has disappeared, gone missing, or been found dead.
Recent cases, such as missing mother Susan Powell of Utah, Renee Pernice of Kansas, Kelly Rothwell of Florida, Jacque Waller of Missouri and women like Stacy Peterson, where the victim’s police officer husband is the person of interest, is the classic example of the benefits of this type of evidence. If Stacy Peterson, or any woman found murdered or is missing, had done an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, ON TAPE, from following the information in the “Time’s Up" book ,they would be able to describe:
- threats made against her life or wellbeing, including details of how the perpetrator would carry out the threat
- incidents of past abuse that the victim has endured
- admissions or comments made to her about other victims or people abused
- where evidence or weapons would or could be located
- possible alibis that the perpetrator would make up in his defense (including identification of people who could be co-defendant’s or co-suspects)
- portray visible injuries or marks
Below are 12 women since Monday of this week who were murdered. Each believed they would not be killed. (source: www.domesticviolencecrimewatch.com)
Harrisburg Teacher Killed In Domestic Dispute-Thursday, December 15, 2011
Harrisburg, PA: A Harrisburg School District teacher is dead after being shot and stabbed by her estranged husband. Tarina Price was found lying in the street just after 3 a.m. Thursday. The shooting happened in the 1600 block of Sycamore Street. Harrisburg police said Price's estranged husband, Donnell Price, shot and stabbed her during a domestic dispute.
Man Accused Of Shooting Ex-Girlfriend, Killing Her Cousin -Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Gifford, FL: A man accused of shooting his ex-girlfriend and killing her cousin was arrested Thursday morning and booked at the Indian River County Jail. "Sorry" was the only word LaShannon Shelly said as he was being placed in the back of an Indian River County Sheriff's Office cruiser. Shelly, 26, turned himself in after being named a suspect in the shooting of ex-girlfriend Brittany Jackson, 18, and her 19-year-old cousin, Shanice Smith
Tulsa Shooting Turns Fatal; Suspect Also Sought In Glenpool Shooting-Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tulsa, OK: A woman was fatally wounded when she was shot at a Tulsa apartment complex Wednesday, and police think the shooter — thought to be her estranged husband — might have also shot someone in Glenpool and then carjacked someone near McAlester later in the day. Victoria Turcios, 43, was found critically injured behind the apartments in the 1200 block of East 63rd Street about 3:30 p.m., officials said. She died at St. Francis Hospital about 9 p.m., Sgt. Dave Walker said.
Two Found Dead In Murder-Suicide, Police Say-Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Huntington Beach, CA: A man and woman were found dead Wednesday morning in a Huntington Beach home, the result of what police suspect to be a murder-suicide, authorities said. The man and woman were found in a residence in the 8800 block of Jarrett Circle just before 5:30 a.m. and were pronounced dead at the scene, according to the Orange County Coroner's Office.
Franklin County Couple Killed In Murder-Suicide-Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Louisburg, NC: A Franklin County man killed his ex-girlfriend and then himself in a murder-suicide at a Louisburg apartment complex Wednesday morning, police said. Chief Rick Lassiter said Gregory Hicks, 29, fatally shot Rosemary Guzman and then himself in the Franklin Court apartments, at 119-A Second St., around 8 a.m
Tahlequah Man Slain; Wife Jailed-Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Tahlequah, OK: An apparent domestic dispute has left a man dead and his wife in jail, Tahlequah police said. Police found George Whitehorn, 47, stabbed at least once Tuesday night in a house in the 1300 block of Nola Street. A police public information officer, Brad Robertson, said Whitehorn’s wife, Cynthia Whitehorn, greeted police from the porch of the house.
Police: Children Hear Fatal Shooting Of Mother-Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Ahwatukee, AZ: The man who police say confessed to shooting his wife while one of his children was on the phone to a 911 operator Tuesday night is a detention officer for the state Department of Corrections. Police said 26-year-old Anthony Philip Rinaldi was booked into jail on a charge of second-degree murder in the shooting death of his wife, 28-year-old Amanda Blaies-Rinaldi.
Police: Suffolk Man Killed Wife, Then Himself At Home-Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Suffolk, VA: Police have ruled the two deaths at Bennetts Creek Landing on Tuesday a murder-suicide, city spokesperson Debbie George said today. George said physical and medical evidence indicated that Stephen Laine, 50, stabbed and killed his wife, 47-year-old Kathryn Laine, before killing himself with carbon monoxide in the couple's home.
Couple Identified In Murder-Suicide Investigation-Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Sarasota, FL: Sheriff’s detectives are investigating the gunshot deaths of a man and woman found in their home near Bee Ridge Road as an apparent murder and suicide.
On Wednesday, investigators notified next of kin and identified the couple as Ronald Eldredge, 69, and Beverly Eldredge, 67, of the 4200 block of Carriage Drive
Sources: Two Dead In Apparent Chelsea Murder-Suicide-Monday, December 12, 2011
Manhattan, NY: Two men were killed Monday after an apparent murder-suicide inside a Manhattan apartment building. It happened just before 11 a.m. inside the Robert Fulton Houses located at 413 West 16th Street in Chelsea.
Sources say it began when Jamie Cruz and her cousin, Brandon Romero, 20, went to the apartment of Cruz's ex-boyfriend, Kenneth Waldron, 29, to pick up her things.
Corpus Christi Police: Woman Shot To Death Monday, Alice Police Officer Arrested-Monday, December 12, 2011
Corpus Christi, TX: A 31-year-old woman was found shot to death Monday morning at a Corpus Christi home and police arrested an Alice police officer they believe to be the shooter. Police were called to a shooting about 7:30 a.m. in the 100 block of Highwood Street. The woman, identified by Alice police as Leslie Morin, and her mother were hiding in a closet, when the man broke open the door, grabbed his common-law wife and shot her multiple times, Ric Ortiz, chief investigator with Nueces County medical examiner's office, said.
Cops Probe Glen Head Couple’s Murder-Suicide-Monday, December 12, 2011
Glen Head, NY: Nassau County police are investigating an apparent murder-suicide in Glen Head early Monday morning.
Officers made the discovery after checking the couple’s Cedar Swamp Road home after a concerned friend reporting being unable to get in touch with them, police said
f you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life! One of the major reasons women stay in abusive relationships is fear. They are afraid of what will happen to them and their children if they leave. Sadly, their fears are often justified; statistics show that a woman is at the greatest risk for injury when she announces her plans or leaves an abusiverelationship. The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship"is the prescription, if you will, that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving.
Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available onAmazon.com, or you can purchase via e-book or on a cd. If you have questions, the email address is: email@example.com Before you decide that you have had enough and are ending therelationship, create for yourself the "Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" and video (shown below). If you do nothing else, please take one important step that if something does happen to you, if you do vanish like Stacy Peterson, Vensus Stewart, Rachel Anderson, Susan Powell, Lisa Stebic, or arefoundmurdered like Monica Beresford-Redmond, Franki Jacobson, Renee Pagel, Summer Inman,Kelly Rothwell and others where the person responsible has gotten away with murder that your voice and record of the abuse will be captured and recorded. Do it for you friends, family and loved ones. Do it for your children. Do it for you!
Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up"from Courage Networkon Vimeo.
If you have questions, the email address is: firstname.lastname@example.org
This book doesn't merely discuss when you should leave or why you should leave, it tells you HOW you should leave. The book has step-by-step instructions how to covertly make a plan, set-up a safe escape, deal with financial issues, and the paperwork. Susan even takes you line-by-line through the process, the forms, the legal issues...she takes you by the hand, and, believe me, when you are being terrorized and you are an basket case, you don't need vague ideas, you need specific instructions. TIME'S UP can save your life and your sanity. If you need to get out, get this book before you make a mistake that could be fatal. It is money well spent.
Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.
A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writesproviding commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime