How to Leave a Dangerous Man: Managing Abuse and Leaving with Your Life: The Susan Murphy Milano Show 2:00 PM Eastern Thursday 1/12/2012

Thursday, January 12, 2pm ET

Listen LIVE at: Here Women Talk

Sandra L. Brown, M. A. from The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Ed..., and Susan Murphy Milano welcome a special guest to the show who will walk the listeners through the measures taken to keep herself safe and alive.

For a year, she studied the book, “Time’s Up,” line by line, and followed the information contained to the letter, completing the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, and leaving her abuser safely.  She offered to come to the show to take the opportunity to explain to listeners the benefits to doing the work involved to live an abuse free life.

If you’re living in an abusive hell, this is a show you will want to make a point to listen to.  BEFORE you announce to your abuser that it’s over, you are leaving, or you are filing for divorce, there are specific steps you must take to manage your safety. Do not walk out with out it!

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (E.A.A.)© is the mastermind process of violence expert Susan Murphy Milano that combines videotaping of an abuse victims’ actual words attesting to abuse, with witnessed and notarized legal documents that successfully satisfy legal hurdles often faced in intimate partner violence and stalking cases.

Document the Abuse.Com contains vital information on how the EAA can support each case of abuse from the perspective of the first responders and advocates, to an appearance in court.  It explains the legal benefits to the abuse victim, whether they are able to testify or not, how their words are forever documented and hold up in court, much like a Living Will.

www.documenttheabuse.com

I'm excited for this empowering show and like you say, keeping yourself 10 steps ahead is the key. i know i speak for others as well, we all pray for a successful survival and you Susan, have given us the tools to do so.

Completing an EAA educates how to stay safe along with taking all necessary steps to properly Document The Abuse. In addition, along with an emotional sense of security, if anything were to happen, the EAA will be in the hands of the appropriate agency for the appropriate actions and justice can be served because all steps to protect your safety and Document The Abuse have been taken. Thank you Susan for dedicating your life to educating and saving women's lives. forever grateful- comment from a survivor.

Surviving in War

Trained in One Battle, Losing Another : PFC Ashley Cecelia Barnes

By Susan Murphy Milano

Private First Class Ashley Cecelia Barnes, 18, was a soldier in the United States Army. She entered the Army in September 2008 and deployed to Afghanistan in December 2008. Ashley was an automated logistical specialist assigned to the 7th Squadron, 17th Cavalry Regiment, 159th Aviation Brigade, 101st Airborne Division.

Prior to becoming a soldier, she got married. She finished boot camp and returned home for a brief leave before being deployed. Things were not going well for the new bride and her abusive groom.

Only a short time after Ashley married him, she realized he was violent and dangerous. On November 30, 2008, according to a police reports, the groom Khaleffa Lambert punched and choked her unconscious, and Ashley just knew that "he was not what she wanted in her life." She aspired to have a career in the military minus being a victim of criminal intimate partner violence.

During her tour of duty the new husband and she continued to do battle with finances and words; she decided to get a divorce. Ashley made arrangements to leave her unit, return to the States, obtain a lawyer, file for divorce and then go back to Afghanistan.

On March 7, 2009, the husband stalked Ashley, kidnapping her from a Tennessee Microtel Inn hotel room where she had been staying. He stabbed her numerous times then put her in his SUV and drove off. He was arrested by State Police on the highway because of how he was driving. Police saw Ashley's body in the back seat, and made an arrest. The husband admitted the crime to the officer.

Now, the husband is awaiting trial for the murder of PFC Ashely Cecelia Barnes. He is represented by a defense attorney who filed a motion in court this week to have the history of domestic excluded in the upcoming murder trial. This is ridiculous! The pattern of conduct in this case is very basic in terms of the actual events leading up to her murder. The couple's documented history is a factor. I also question why I did not see any charges regarding felony stalking.

He is caught and arrested with the body. The Prosecutor offers him a deal and he refuses. His defense attorney is arguing the State boxed his client into a corner. I expect my defense attorney friends will be contacting me for this remark. I realize I am not a lawyer, but how cut and dry is this case where they have to remove important facts that resulted in this woman's murder? By the way, do not forget, he murdered a United States Soldier, wife or not.

Even with the evidence and the facts, justice seems to being short changed as it pertains to the life of Ashley Cecelia Barnes. And costing unnecessary tax payer dollars over a case of premeditated murder. Yes, everyone has a right to a trial by jury, but where are Ashley's rights, who has been silenced in the prime of her life? She has no one speaking up for her.

All of Ashley's military training did nothing to prepare her for her own war with a man who was hell bent on killing her. Why? Because she was ending the violence in a peaceful way, and in these relationships of intimate partner violence, without proper training, the victims never win.

A lot could have changed for Ashley if she had completed the "boot camp" instructions in the book "TIME'S UP: A GUIDE ON HOW TO LEAVE AND SURVIVE ABUSIVE AND STALKING RELATIONSHIPS."

The "boot camp" if you will, is for anyone going through a divorce or violent, stalking type of relationship break-up. It is also for attorney's practicing family law. Immediately, before filing for divorce in court, lawyers have the individual complete the paperwork (similar to a last will and testament), the law office witnesses and notarizes the documents, and copies are made. Then the individual reads what was just prepared in the law office before a video camera. Afterwards, the individual follows the rest of the "boot camp manual training" so they are able to stay alive.

In this case, the importance in Ashley completing just the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit in this section of the manual would have preserved the facts as to the violence and her fear of being killed. I say this because, in my opinion, had she completed the Time's Up manual, her chances of survival would have been greater. Then the lawyer who filed her divorce would have turned over evidence in Ashley's own words and the prosecutor's case would already be over. So far, those who have followed the "Time's Up" "boot camp manual" are still alive.

There is a reason soldiers go into battle properly trained to fight the enemy and stay alive. Ashely Cecelia Barnes was well prepared when she went to fight for our country. Shouldn't the same training have applied to her war in the battle of intimate partner homicide?

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is also in partnership with Pamela Chapman and iAscend Programs. http://pamelachapmanl.biz Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and SurviveAbusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth

The Susan Murphy Milano Show, “Time’s Up!” Diane Dimond, Barry Goldstein and a New Jersey Officers Wife Fight the Code of The Brotherhood of the Badge

Thursdays from 2pm to 4pm Eastern

The Susan Murphy Milano Show

“Time’s Up!”

Thursday, February 10

2pm-3pm:

Diane Dimond

Diane Dimond is a modern day journalist who defies a category. She’s been called “A renaissance broadcaster” for her versatility on-air and “A reporter’s reporter” for her consistently high-quality investigative storytelling. Dimond’s greatest talent may be her ability to communicate complicated stories in an understandable, common-sense way.

Diane Dimond may be best known for first exposing then explaining to the world the child molestation charges against Michael Jackson.

Be Careful Who You Love: Inside the Michael Jackson Case

Diane’s latest book Cirque Du Salahi – Be Careful Who You Trust , delves into the shoddy journalism that catapulted the erroneous “White House Gate Crashers” into the public square.

http://dianedimond.net

3pm-4pm ET

Susan welcomes Barry Goldstein, a domestic violence writer, speaker, advocate and consultant. Along with Dr. Maureen Hannah, Barry edited the new book ,DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, ABUSE and CHILD CUSTODY. After serving as an attorney for 30 years, frequently defending the rights of victims of domestic violence, the NY Court System retaliated against him for exposing an abusive judge and suspended his license. Barry Goldstein works tirelessly to establish fairness within the courts in custody issues, especially for battered mothers. Barry is also the author of SCARED TO LEAVE AFRAID TO STAY.

http://barrygoldstein.net

Along with Barry Goldstein, we will be joined by a woman who is currently making her way through the maze of safety. Clara Colon is the wife of a police officer. Wives of officers and military personnel have a unique set of circumstances and they have less options of safety available to them because of whom they are married to. Clara will be with us to discuss the measures she is taking to keep herself and her children safe, her experience with the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and the information set forth for her unique situation.

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Known as the “Jane Wayne of Justice,” Susan Murphy Milano always stands up as a voice for those who are silenced in a world of intimidation and violence within their homes and in courtrooms across the country.

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Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and SurviveAbusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth

Safe Relationships Magazine

Keep the Turkey on the Table

by Susan Murphy-Milano (www.safereltionshipsmagazine.com)

It is the Christmas holidays and you were sure that your relationship would last until the end of time, but it did not sustain. However, those emotions still tied to the person remain, and you are teetering after that warm and fuzzy holiday text message or phone call you just received. You have all but wiped away the memory of the last time you were together. Perhaps you were blamed or hurt by a circumstance or a situation that you were made to feel was your fault. Finally, you had enough and began moving forward with your life. You worked hard to untie those emotional strings and the memories you once shared.

Holiday or nor not, how many more times are you going to allow a person with whom you were in a relationship to make excuses for their outbursts? Either through yelling at you because the boss got on their back, or there is not enough money through the end of the month to buy groceries and somehow your partner is blaming you? The house is in shambles, the kids have been up all night with the flu and you are whacked across the face by your “loving partner” because things are not the way ” THEY” expect them. Your partner informs you, similar to placing you on notice, that you have had this conversation before.

On the phone that warm and fuzzy feeling returns as he speaks to you so tenderly and warm. Your knees buckle a bit as the familiar scent of a toxic tune plays in their voice. He reminds you of all the other holidays you shared and the importance of family, knowing what will pull you back into him with his toxic sweet talk. He says “can’t we try again for the sake of what we had or the kids?” And then he adds a pinch of “baby it’s the holidays,” and your response should be yes it is, “happy holidays to you” thank you for calling.

The Christmas turkey you prepare should be the only one in attendance this year at your holiday table, and not sitting in the chair next to you.

Remember don’t invite the pathological live turkey to show up at your door for the holidays.

The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction provides survivor services, products and research on issues related to dangerous and pathological love relationships. For more information click HERE.

[Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold.

Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth http://www.therothshow.com/ ]