Toxic Relationships: On The Susan Murphy Milano Show: Monday December 27, 2010 at 10:00 AM Eastern Time

According to Sandra Brown, M.A. our guest on Today's show:


We live in an age where ‘Positive Psychology’ has engrained a mantra into society’s psyche–that if you think it (the psychopath needs to change his behavior), then you can make it happen (our relationship will be successful when he changes). That may be true when you begin with a person who has normal psychology. But it’s a long way from being true for those who have pathology.


For many years people have thought that if they focused hard enough, loved long enough, tolerated more, and carried a positive attitude that their partner would somehow become uneffected by the personality disorder, form of pathology, or even psychopathy they bore. There is a danger in applying pop psychology principles to something as aberant as pathology. Trying to ‘attract’ positivity to the relationship so the pathology is transformed leaves people ignoring the traits of pathology that can seriously harm them.


The truth is, nothing impacts non-pathological people as much as being in a relationship with someone who is pathological. Add to that not understanding how pathology manifests in relationships and the often manipulative behavior of those with pathology and you have partners, families, and children who are devasted almost as much by the lack of information as by the destruction that often happens at the hands of the pathological. Without the education of ‘what‘ the disorder is, ‘how‘ it came to be, ‘whom‘ it effects, ‘why‘ it harms others, partners, family and children live in the shadows of unspoken confusion and pain.


Many who have found The Institute’s programs and products have said, “This is the first time anyone has ever explained this to me in a way I could understand.” I have seen when people finally found information that described their partner’s pathology, awareness often gave way to crying and then anger…that the information they sought was out there all along but not easy to find, or sometimes not easy to understand in laymen’s terms.


I think that the mental health field has to bear part of the responsibility for so little public education about the pervasiveness of personality disorders, pathology, and psychopathy and the often devastating results to relational health. The mental health field has done little to train the public what pathology is, the limitations of wellness it implies, and what it looks and acts like in relationships. The efforts of The Institute is to bridge the gap in public pathology education by providing the best and most up to date research about personality disorders, pathology, and psychopathy for the lay reader in easy to understand wording and concepts and to provide the best prevention training regarding recognizing pathological love relationships. Additionally, The Institute works towards training other therapists in our Model of Care protocol so that therapy for the survivors and public education about pathology is more readily available through our mental health professionals.


Time: 10:00 AM


Date: December 28, 2010


Guest: Sandra Brown, M.A., Psychotherapist

Show Link:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano/2010/12/27/the-susan-murphy-milano-show-holiday-special-copin

Call-in Number: (347) 326-9337

www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com 

Safe Relationships Magazine

Keep the Turkey on the Table

by Susan Murphy-Milano (www.safereltionshipsmagazine.com)

It is the Christmas holidays and you were sure that your relationship would last until the end of time, but it did not sustain. However, those emotions still tied to the person remain, and you are teetering after that warm and fuzzy holiday text message or phone call you just received. You have all but wiped away the memory of the last time you were together. Perhaps you were blamed or hurt by a circumstance or a situation that you were made to feel was your fault. Finally, you had enough and began moving forward with your life. You worked hard to untie those emotional strings and the memories you once shared.

Holiday or nor not, how many more times are you going to allow a person with whom you were in a relationship to make excuses for their outbursts? Either through yelling at you because the boss got on their back, or there is not enough money through the end of the month to buy groceries and somehow your partner is blaming you? The house is in shambles, the kids have been up all night with the flu and you are whacked across the face by your “loving partner” because things are not the way ” THEY” expect them. Your partner informs you, similar to placing you on notice, that you have had this conversation before.

On the phone that warm and fuzzy feeling returns as he speaks to you so tenderly and warm. Your knees buckle a bit as the familiar scent of a toxic tune plays in their voice. He reminds you of all the other holidays you shared and the importance of family, knowing what will pull you back into him with his toxic sweet talk. He says “can’t we try again for the sake of what we had or the kids?” And then he adds a pinch of “baby it’s the holidays,” and your response should be yes it is, “happy holidays to you” thank you for calling.

The Christmas turkey you prepare should be the only one in attendance this year at your holiday table, and not sitting in the chair next to you.

Remember don’t invite the pathological live turkey to show up at your door for the holidays.

The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction provides survivor services, products and research on issues related to dangerous and pathological love relationships. For more information click HERE.

[Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold.

Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth http://www.therothshow.com/ ]

The Susan Murphy Milano Show: Guest Dr. Lillian Glass, Decemeber 1, 2010 at 4:00 PM EST

The Susan Murphy Milano Show

"Time's Up!"

"The body doesn't lie!" "Neither does one's voice or speech patterns."

Known as"The First Lady of Communciation" Dr. Lillian Glass is a world renown Communication and Body Language Expert, Media Personality, and author of several best selling books including "Toxic People" and "I Know What You're Thinking".

Dr. Glass is a well respected and sought after Media Personality. She is the Body Language Expert for Dancing With the Stars, Entertainment Tonight, and the Insider. She is also a Regular Commentator on The Nancy Grace Show, the ‘resident therapist” on The Chelsea Lately Show and often appears on MSNBC, Showbiz Tonight, Headline News, and Dr. Phil. Dr. Glass also has a regular monthly body language column in Cosmopolitan Magazine called ‘The Real Story.’ Her comments are frequently seen in magazines and newspapers throughout the world including US Weekly, OK, In Touch Weekly, Globe, First for Women, and Life and Style as well as numerous electronic media outlets.

Be sure to check out her newest book, "Toxic Men."

Join Dr. Lillian Glass on The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!"

Wednesday, December 1 at 4pm ET on Here Women Talk broadcast by the Zeus Radio Network

Known as the “Jane Wayne of Justice,” Susan Murphy Milano always stands up as a voice for those who are silenced in a world of intimidation and violence within their homes and in courtrooms across the country.

Wednesdays at 4pm Eastern

The Susan Murphy Milano Show.

Live from:

Hear Women Talk Network on Zeus Radio!

If you missed the show, you can listen to the archive or download the podcast here:

Here Women Talk is a fresh, new spot for women to socialize, inspire and learn from each other. I know you will want to join in the interactive social network as well as listen to the radio broadcast each week. Join us in the chat room, socialize and ask questions!

http://herewomentalk.com

http://herewometalksocial.com


Music on The Susan Murphy Milano Show is "Gone" performed and provided by Ava Aston 

[Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visit http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/  She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold.  Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/ and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Roth  http://www.therothshow.com/ ]

Alcohol and Protecting Those We Love

When alcohol affects your relationship, marriage and family, over time, very slowly, it begins to destroy everything around you. Yes, it is a disease. But, those who live with the disease are also affected by the sickness.

Continuing to believe broken promises, crying, threatening to leave if they don't stop drinking. Now your in a constant depression, filled with anxiety and guilt. Is that what you want out of life?

How? The word enable comes to mind. When you cover up for someone's behavior like calling the boss and making excuses when they can't make it out of bed and into the office. Or when they make a promise to your child to do something together and the next day have no memory of what was planned. So your left with telling your child something that isn't true because they won't understand.

Maybe you are constantly apologizing to others for their outbursts or inappropriate behaviors. Or, if you have a business and decisions are being made that have or will have an adverse affect on your finances.You worked long and hard to build a business, together. And somehow you believe , as you have always done in the past can fix things and make them better. More likely then not, they are a wonderful person, you know they love you so much, with every fiber of their being, they are your entire world, you can't live without them, your literally joined at the hip. Until you start to pay attention to little things in the beginning like passing out while eating dinner and you had to help them into bed. Or maybe they have been getting behind the wheel of a car and driving home when they were near or close enough to not be driving, period. You excuse the behavior, say nothing, fix them something to eat and off to be they go until the next morning when you act as though everything is fine. Because you are also in denial.

This begins a pattern, a habit, now out of control. The drinking has become so common that you continue to enable and go with the flow of the daily routine. This person who you love with all you heart, may be to the point where their system has no down time from the alcohol. The bottom line. they are in a constant state of having alcohol in their system, around the clock twenty-four hours a day. Their disease is now affecting you and your health, not to mention your marriage. What do you do? Do you remain silent? Talk to a friend or family member? Talk to the person with the problem and insist they go get help or you will leave?

The responsibility of a person who chooses to drink belongs to that individual. Be it a man or a woman. They own it! They live it, they breathe it, they even bathe in it. And with all their might, in a very subtle, manipulative way that make you own their disease and take responsibility for their drinking and actions. You need a plan. I have provided a link that I believe will assist you. Please take a moment and visit the site: http://www.al-anon.org/