Thanksgiving and Dads

By Diane Fanning

It's difficult to think about Thanksgiving without thinking about your dad. I can still see him standing at the end of the loaded dining room table, hovering over a golden turkey, a large knife and piercing fork poised in the air. He'd pause as he calculated just the right angle and the perfect place to sink the blade.

He'd slice the breast in consistently thin pieces--I still don't know how he managed that. Then, he'd masterfully separate one drumstick and then the other, passing one to my brother and placing the second leg on his plate.

I also remember the sad Thanksgiving. The one where we had hot dogs and baked beans. My Dad worked at the Baltimore Fisher Body plant of General Motors. Every year in August, he'd be laid off for two or three weeks while they turned over the machines to accommodate that year's new models. During that particular year, his union went on strike the same day he was supposed to return to work. On Thanksgiving, he still was without work, without pay and with three kids to feed. We were lucky to get the hot dogs. It made all of us appreciate the turkey even more when the next Thanksgiving rolled around.

Now, all I have of my Dad are memories. He passed away in 2005. At first, my father-in-law filled in the Dad gap. Then last year, he died, too. Both men suffered through years of progressively worsening dementia. They inspired my fourth Lucinda Pierce mystery, Twisted Reason.

It appears that their inspiration led me in the right direction. Publishers Weekly wrote: "Edgar-finalist Fanning skillfully illuminates the heartbreaking challenges facing Alzheimer’s victims and their families in her fourth mystery featuring Virginia homicide detective Lucinda Pierce."

In Kirkus Reviews: "As usual, Fanning poses Lucinda a quirky mystery, this time providing a thoughtful look at the stress of those caring for loved ones with dementia."

In this week of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the encouragement and inspiration dads give their daughters, and for the special insight that I received from two terrific Dads: Leon Butcher and Bill Fanning.

(Diane Fanning is also the author of numerous true crime books.  Her site is http://www.dianefanning.com/ and if you go to the reading room located on her site you can pick a chapter from any of her books to read. She is also a colleague, a contributor at women and crime ink and one hell of a talented author)

"Multiplying Evil"

The body of missing Orgeon mother Heather Mallory was found last week in a forest. She had not been seen since her husband Brian Cole claimed she simply vanished.

Another angry controlling abusive husband decided when Heather announced the marriage was over and she was seeking a divorce he would in my opinion, take her very life.

On Friday July 3, 2010, Portland, OR., police said that 37-year-old Brian Cole was arrested for her murder in Sagle, Idaho, and is awaiting extradition.

At the time Heather vanished the husband told authorities "his wife drove away angry and never returned." How often have we read that wives and mothers in abusive marriages or relationships somehow just picked up and left? This case reeked as do most we read about when a victim of abuse decides to move on with their lives minus the abuser.

Notice how the abuser begins weaving their web of lies. If you recall Josh Powell ( wife Susan Powell)of Utah; Craig Stebic (wife Lisa Stebic) of Illinois; Drew Peterson (Stacy Peterson) of Illinois; Shon Pernice (wife Renee Pernice) Kansas City or George Parker (wife Theresa Parker)Atlanta, GA, all have the same similar stories about what happend to their wives.

With the exception of Theresa Parker the women missing all had kids. And do not believe for a minute they would ever leave their children behind. These missing women and mothers were each married to contolling abusive husbands.

I realize that when Martin Luther King spoke or wrote about violence he did not intend to apply his words of wisdom to victims who have lost their lives to controlling, angry men hell bend on their own justice. The abuser who preys and kills their loved ones is summarized below in words written over 45 years ago.

"The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. ... Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

Alec Baldwin: "The New Poster Boy "

Alec Baldwin will be appearing on Good Morning America on 9/24/2008, to discuss his new parenting book released today, by St. Martin's press titled - "A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey through Fatherhood and Divorce.

You may recall the voice mail messsage Alec Baldwin left for his eleven- year old daughter using less than favorable language. It was the call heard across the country.

In one of the reviews it says "don't judge him" ..." Baldwin makes a powerful case for re-exaiming divorce and child custody issue's".

It is obvious Alec Baldwin is the poster boy for "poor parental hostility." I do not agree that this particular book makes a powerful case. Baldwin's phone message did that all by itself. It takes two to conceive a baby. There was a time when Baldwin and his now ex-wife loved one another very much. For whatever reason when the two divorced it became extremely ugly.

The person most effected by the "action and reaction" behavior was their daughter. But, this does not excuse Baldwin's actions, allowing him to conveniently turn the situation around like a wounded warrior. We all heard the voice message, and that cannot be changed.

If Baldwin had written the book discussing divorce and custody issues that plague both mothers and fathers in court houses throughout the country because he had experienced first hand how the courts are unfair in their lack of understanding in these matters, I would appauld his efforts.

Writing this book is like placing butane fluid on an already burning fire.

I will put out a cordial invitation for Alec Baldwin to come on my radio show and discuss his book.

The one "he didn't want to write". But, I highly doubt he will accept.

You can let ABC know your thoughts about Alec Baldwin and PAS, an abuser's favorite legal defense, by posting a comment at http://www.abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/comments?type=story&id=5832850