Riding and Surviving The Merry-Go-Around

In the aftermath of bloodshed, we often do not see nor hear what happens to those whom survive, abruptly alone to live in a world, forever changed. When those we love are erased from our lives due to rage and violence as a result of killing in the home, the odds of survival in the war of intimate partner are better left for chance at a Las Vegas crap table.

In a double murder-suicide in Oakdale, MN, on Thursday an expert is quoted in news article " The couple's children will live with memory of bloody crime scenes, all their lives."

Upon returning home from school the 6-year old girl came out of the home screaming "mommy dead, daddy dead" on the residential street, her hands covered in her mothers blood. She discovered the bodies. Inside, left unharmed was the 3 year-old boy. He had been in the home the entire time and likely heard and witnessed the rampage. The third child all of 8 years-old was walking towards home after school when he saw his sister.

We are ill equipped in this country to adequately deal with returning veterans from war so how in the heck are we suppose to assist and embrace the children in the war of intimate partner homicide? For God sake's we do not recognize this as a crime.

When your daily existence is on a perpetual crime scene, it is a toxic merry-go-around. Your hope is based on gripping as tightly as you can to the metal pole during the ride. Once the ride stops, you are thrown off, the decent into hell begins. At least during the ride you remained hopeful each day your mother remained alive. Someday's you even thought of ways to momentarily disarm the battle securing yet another day of hope.

Eyes open or closed the children will not be able to stop the viewing of the horror movie playing in their heads 24/7. Add to the unimaginable trauma of being placed in foster care because you are now orphaned. If the State of Minnesota separates the children after all of this, they will each internalize the action as a punishment.

After years on the merry-go-round myself, until I was thrown off in 1989, when my father a Chicago police detective murdered my mother before taking his own life, every day has been a battle. Their crime scene in my childhood home and its bloody mess, is a permanent tattoo. I would like to believe based on my life's work as a violence expert and author, that I am the exception. But I am not. Years ago, striving on a daily basis to prove the experts whom said I would not survive the war, wrong. Turning the path of "it is not possible" into "yes I will show you," minus the drugs they insisted would be required as a key to my quality of life.

To build the strong foundation required for survivors of war is vital to their success in life. The prescription does not include text book therapies from "experts" who think an injury on someone else's hand requires a bandage when they have cut open a major artery.

Anyone wishing to offer help for the victims' families can send money in care of the Apostolic Church of the Faith in Jesus Christ, 1534 E. 24th St., Minneapolis, MN 55404.

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is a specialist with intimate partner violence cases and prevention strategies and high risk cases and available for personal consultations through the Institute. She is also part of the team at Management Resources Limited of New York.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.

If you would like to schedule Susan Murphy Milano for interviews, please contact: ImaginePublicity PO BOX 14946 Surfside Beach, SC 29587 Phone: 843.808.0859 email- contact@imaginepublicity.com

Crystal Ragin: Intimate Partner War Behind Enemy Lines

As active military assigned to the Fort Eustis Army base in Virginia, Crystal Ragin, age 32, and mother of 4 children, would not be prepared for special combat duty on Friday. Crystal, along with three of her four children:

Sierra, age 15

Rasheed, age 10

Lakwan, age 4

All murdered behind enemy territory by Crystal's second husband. After he stabbed to death the mother and children, he set the house on fire and took the couple's 5 year- old son and headed to South Carolina. According to sources, the past few months John Ragin's rages escalated. Crystal Ragin was in fear and in the process of making plans to end the marriage.

She and her children were no match for his anger. Over the weekend, he was taken into custody arrested in South Carolina where he is expected to be taken back to VA and charged with 4 counts of murder.

There has to be more then merely a funeral followed by headstones for these innocent lives now added to the national casualties list in the war as it directly relates to intimate partner violence that leads to homicides.

In the months ahead we hope to provide a more direct solution in hopes of stopping the daily slaughter of those whose cries for help in decades past have fallen on deaf years.

The trumpets from heaven for Crystal, Sierra, Rasheed and Lakwan will sound loudly as they enter the gates of God's kingdom and here on earth their voices will ultimately, be victorious!

May they each rest in peace!

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This book doesn't merely discuss when you should leave or why you should leave, it tells you HOW you should leave. The book has step-by-step instructions how to covertly make a plan, set-up a safe escape, deal with financial issues, and the paperwork. Susan even takes you line-by-line through the process, the forms, the legal issues...she takes you by the hand, and, believe me, when you are being terrorized and you are an basket case, you don't need vague ideas, you need specific instructions. TIME'S UP can save your life and your sanity. If you need to get out, get this book before you make a mistake that could be fatal. It is money well spent.

If you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available onAmazon.com, or you can purchase via e-book or on a CD. If you have questions, the email address is: timesupforjustice@gmail.com

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

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Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is a specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies and high risk cases and available for personal consultations through the Institute. She is also part of the team at Management Resources Limited of New York.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.

If you would like to schedule Susan Murphy Milano for interviews, please contact: ImaginePublicity PO BOX 14946 Surfside Beach, SC 29587 Phone: 843.808.0859 email- contact@imaginepublicity.com

Police Officer Looses Life in Family Violence War

As I write this, Police Officer Caran Renee Coward, Livingston, Texas, is being laid to rest.

The story is a yet another tragedy, of a 39- year old woman, mother of three small children in the midst of a divorce. While on duty she received a call from her estranged husband. Caran was killed with a shotgun. The husband then took his own life. Leaving behind three children, in the home at the time of the murder/suicide.

This tragedy goes beyond the murder, affecting the children in ways beyond imagination. Their young lives abruptly halted in time on the night of April 26, 2008. The children for many years to come, will recall every detail in the last moments of their parents lives, up to the very second when the shotgun fired off it's deadly blast.

Their roads in life will not be easy as they too must carry the burden. How do children from these types of tragedies survive? On day at time. At first, they will be numb. With each new day is the realization they are gone. They will try to go to school and continue a normal routinue. But, they will have daily obstacles in their paths.

I still have difficulty with these cases. It often brings back feelings and thoughts I want to believe are buried back to a place and time I would soon rather forget.

For these children, they have lost their country. A place taken away by family war. A place they can never physically return too, because it no longer exists.

This is not like the flu or a bad cold that in time will cure itself. Their lives will be filled with years of hurt, anger, depression and questions unanswered.

It will take a team of family and professionals to assist them as they brave this new world, alone.

Link to the story:

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/5733685.html