Domestic Violence Awareness

The Legacy of Susan Murphy Milano lives on through Document The Abuse and the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA)

In November of 2011 The Roth Show featured Susan Murphy Milano, Attorney Holly Hughes and the developer of the iEAA Apple App, Chet Hosmer, on the show to explain the details of how the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) should be used. Not only has it been used in several high risk domestic violence cases, but those who created their personalized EAA are still alive to tell about it.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is a revolutionary new tool described and detailed in the book, Time’s Up: A Guide on How to Safely Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship by Susan MurphyMilano.  Since the release of the book on April 12, 2010, thousands have become aware of a new standard of safety which goes well beyond current planning measures for abuse victims. Used by hundreds of advocates and victims, they are the living testament to the success of the EAA.

The world knows the passion and brilliance of the late Susan Murphy Milano's work in the field, the thousands of lives she was able to save, and the sense of urgency she had about the EAA and documenting the abuse of victims in a way that is beneficial to them, strengthening a possible prosecution, and not, in her words, just "lip service."

Through her partnerships with Sandra L. Brown of The Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Neil Schori of Naperville Christian Church, Susan and her work were instrumental in the creation of Document the Abuse.Com where information about the EAA is explained, resources are listed and those qualified to assist are certified.  Several individuals are skilled in assisting victims, including Tracey Murphy on the west coast and Michelle Harkey on the east coast, who have had positive results.

This nugget of gold broadcast explains in detail the legal and forensic benefits of the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and how it is the first step a victim should take, before ever announcing she's leaving or suing for divorce. It insures her testimony should anything negative happen to her, it records the history of abuse towards the victim or the children who are often used as ammunition in the battle to hurt each other in a contentious breakup.

In this podcast listeners will learn:

• The challenges of prosecutors to get around the hearsay of witnesses after the fact
• The forensic advantages for law enforcement built into the iEAA Apple App
• How the EAA circumvents Crawford v Washington and the right of a defendant to confront the accuser
• Explanation of the "forfeiture clause"
• How a technology company stepped up to help create the iEAA Apple App

Important Books by Susan Murphy Milano for Victims of Abuse:

Time's Up, A Guide on How to Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship (Kindle)
  Time's Up: How to Escape Abusive and Stalking Relationships Guide [Paperback]
  Moving Out, Moving On: When a Relationship Goes Wrong Workbook [Paperback]
  Holding My Hand Through Hell: A Real Life Journey of Hope, Survival, Murder, and Abuse [Kindle Edition]
  Holding My Hand Through Hell [Paperback]

Forget The Magic and Move On, but #LeaveSafely

Ken and Angie met at work. Because they lived in a small town in Iowa, running into one another at the grocery store, church, or neighborhood bar was common. Out of the blue, it just happened that they began dating.

Within a year Angie and Ken married. Within weeks after their marriage Ken felt the need to question his bride's every move when she was "out of range." If she took longer than usually to return home after work ended or took too long at the grocery store he would be in her face and demand to know where she was or who Angie was with, "why wasn't she home sooner" he demanded.

After a few months Ken did not like his bride's responses and began beating Angie. One night she had to be taken to the hospital because he broke her nose.


She went to her mothers house for a few days to think things over. Angie asked her mother to remove all the mirrors in the house during her stay, she didn't want to pass a mirror and see what Ken had done to her face.

Ken sent flowers and notes of love to her daily. Angie loved Ken very much and was willing to forgive him. She returned to give Ken another chance.

Believing, as most women do, that all the violence ends just because the person apologizes, like waving a magic wand  over a hat. Sounding like a line from some cheesy movie script Ken claims he's sorry, vowing never to never hit her again.

Two weeks later Ken began beating Angie once again. This time Ken broke her arm.  The following morning Angie went to court and obtained a court order of protection. Shortly after, she moved out and in with a girlfriend on the other side of town. A fews months passed and she hired an attorney and filed for divorce.

From the time Angie moved out of the apartment Ken found ways to send notes and letters to her. Her court order prohibited Ken from communication which also included letters and phone calls. That didn't stop him, he found ways to have notes left on her car windshield in the downstairs mailbox where she lived. In his letters he told her that if she knew what was good for her, she would come back to him, and how God joined them together in holy marriage and they would be together until death.

Dear Angie,

I really do love you with all my heart and soul. I know it seems as if all I do is upset you, that is not my intention. I am really hurting, as I am back and back to stay. I am also trying to make all the changes you want of me, and love, I will make them! I just need to know you want me. I wish they could happen overnight but I know that will take time. Honey, I am really trying my best, and giving my all to you, us and our marriage. That is what means the WORLD TO Me!!! I am just really frustrated that you have not yet tried to put forth an effort to me, us and OUR MARRIAGE. O don't know, I can't read your mind! Choosing your independence, acting single, friends, relatives etc, etc,over me us, OUR Marriage, BABE that hurts, that hurts a lot! I want to give me all and do my best. Now and forever to you,to US, and OUR MARRIAGE. Don't you understand, don't you care? Honey I am trying harder than I ever tried anything before in my life.

Over the period of 11 months Ken sent Angie one or two letters every day. All of his letters were each signed "Love always forever and ever, your husband," and he usually added a P.S. like this:

I know i Fuc---up our marriage, but NOTHING that LOVE, understanding and all effort cannot correct! We both made mistakes together, so please, lets start correcting those mistakes together, and together make the marriage GREAT. Now and forever if you really love me, and your love is true. YOU will find it in your heart to forgive me and start over one last time (no more will ever be needed) TOGETHER WITH ME NOW.

Ken's letters to Angie show desperation to gain control of her. That's all most abusers want to do is regain their power over those they "profess to love." He claimed he was willing to do anything for just one more chance.

Be forewarned!

No one alters their violent outbursts and behaviors by simply waving a magic wand. They will not change, ever. It does not matter what they do for a living be it a car mechanic, doctor, police officer, lawyer, truck driver, accountant, teacher or professional.

Warning Signs to watch out for:

• Extreme jealously and possessiveness; (this applies to dating and marriage and after a break-up)
• They have a need to control others in their environment; (that includes you)
• Name-calling and use of derogatory remarks or constant put-downs;
• Screams and yells then explains why they are speaking to you this way;
• (they may even apologize a day or two later and ask you to understand why they said or had that so called first time reaction-they may make the excuse of being "so" in love with you and ask for another chance-rarely will they apologize)
• Poor communication skill and coping skills (this seems to apply only to you during the relationship. If they had such poor skills how could they be in professions where coping and skills matter and are related to their jobs? )
• Tendency to blame others for their faults/mistakes; ("you know baby I didn't meant it. I had so much going on and am under a lot of pressure, I just blew.") If they do it once it is a pattern in their conduct they have always repeated. This is likely the first time you are aware or have seen it.
• A self-righteous attitude;
• Addiction to not only drugs or booze, but power;

You can't rescue or fix these individuals. They are toxic and dangerous to any relationship.

For more information visit Document The Abuse. com

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" fromCourage Network on Vimeo.