Thursday, October 11, 2012

Holding Her Hand Towards Heaven

On Monday, October 1, Susan made the decision to suspend her treatment and let nature take its course with the cancer.

I knew that once her decision was made there was no turning back this time, and although angry at first, I accept and honor her decision as I know her friends and followers will as well.  Susan  tried to write this post herself, but her energy levels are declining and I hope that I can honorably speak for her.

Anyone who has been around cancer knows the toll it takes on the body, mind, and spirit. Susan tried hard, often rallying and giving us all hope that she would stay in the fight, but the abusive cancer attacked her too strongly, and she felt that there was no more hope that she could diffuse the outcome.

She is quickly declining without the daily care of Dr. Akoury and the treatments she was getting and it's obvious now just how well the treatments were working, and how without them she is falling prey to the disease.

Susan has a wonderful team of Hospice caretakers who come in to help her, along with Dr. Akoury and myself, we've welcomed the visits of her closest friends. Through the tears and anguish we all realize that she has made peace within herself and accepted the outcome, but ask ourselves can we find that peace as well?

The only thing missing is Susan's family.

I have to speak to Susan's son and her sister: Although you've made very angry and ugly remarks to her publicly and privately, she always has a deep love for you. The same blood that runs through your body runs through hers and you can never change that fact. There comes a time when forgiveness must take place and for whatever wrongs you feel she has done to you, I assure you they are nothing in comparison to the pain she's experiencing knowing she will never be able to touch you, hug you, or hear your voices again.

I may not be able to change your hearts or your minds, but my wish is that you find a way to soften your bitterness and contact her before it's too late. If you would like to do that, please leave a comment here and I'll make it happen. I know you read the blogs often. Please reach out to her, no mother should have to die thinking her only child hates her.

She leaves you only a legacy of hope. Hope that you will grow into the man she envisioned, strong yet compassionate, not angry and bitter, with the capacity to love as she has loved you. Her new book, Holding My Hand Through Hell was written with you in mind, so that you would know the truth from her perspective, and that you would see what made your mother who she is and why she did the things she did.

I will hold her hand until she enters heaven because God placed that responsibility on me, at great cost to my own family and the families of her friends. This experience is one I never, ever thought I would have to do, not prepared for, nor do I want to, and I only hope I have the courage to carry through.

Susan wants everyone to know how much she appreciates the cards, letters, gifts and donations that will help defray the costs of both her medical bills already incurred and her end of life expenses, and especially the LOVE that has poured all over her from you.

Her wish is that donations will continue so that those who helped her will be paid what they are owed. She also hopes that everyone will do all they can to make Holding My Hand Through Hell a huge success, so the world will know that although life can be hell, with the hand of God we can all make it a better place for somebody.

We don't know the day or the hour that Susan will be taken from us, but she's comfortably waiting in the arms of angels who I'm sure will hold her hand as she enters heaven.



Anonymous said...

Please know that your work has helped me and so many others. Thank you Susan. I wish you comfort and peace during this time.

Statement Analysis Blog said...

Our love is with you.

Your faith will see you across that final river. All that you've stood for will speak for you for many, many years.

Susan, we look forward to our face to face meeting with you, that we know is coming.

He of Whom your trust has always been in, shall preserve and keep you.

You've run the course and fought the good fight, Susan.

Love always and forever,

Peter and Heather Hyatt

Anonymous said...

This is a sad farewell for Susan to exit alone, but often that is the world as it is.

In the course of surviving many trials and facing the enemy of her youth I would hope those she helped would in turn help her. Where are these people?

Perhaps the son will come around and make amends. Perhaps not as her battle was the sort he could not relate to or have any idea what it would have been like for his mother.

Domestic abuse is powerful and often changes the family forever.
I haven't seen it in years. Perhaps by choice. No matter the many advocates, changing an abuser would be an impossible task.

I recall a young college girl complaining about a man hassling her whenever he came in the place where she worked years ago. He had done the same to me though twice her age. The only thing I asked was: How big is the trunk of your car?

He yelled, "Wolf, wolf!"

No one came

kitgyrl said...

Wow...I don't know what to say. I had some personal contact with Susan over a missing girl's case she was working with in my town. She was smart and passionate, two things I admire very much. I don't know what has happened in her personal life where her son is concerned, but if he is reading this, I am praying you will find it in your heart to make peace with your mom before it is too late. If you can't do it for her, do it for yourself. One of the only things worse than dying a slow death from cancer is the slow death of unforgiveness. God will not forgive you if you cannot forgive your mother. I don't know who you are, Delilah, but God bless you. I pray the Holy Spirit remains close to you and especially to Susan as she waits for her sweet release to true freedom. In Jesus' name.

Anonymous said...

I saw Susan at the Indiana Coroner's Conference. What a strong and strong-willed woman she appeared to be. It was devastating to learn toward the end of her talk that she was fighting cancer. Now it appears that, barring a miracle, her fight in this life will soon be over. Since I am a Christian, I pray daily for Susan!

Ellin Beltz said...

Dear Ms. Milano: We never met. I've never written on your blogs before. I started reading them perhaps this time last year, following a link from Seamus "Statement Analysis Blog." I thought to myself "What a marvelous woman - so dedicated, so beautiful."
I confess I am not a regular blog reader, so I followed this link to your page, many days after the entry was written. I just wanted to say to you what a marvelous person you are. To let you know that even people who do not know you love and admire you. Thank you for all your hard work, your years of sacrifice on behalf of those who may no longer been able to speak for themselves, and the the thousands who will be able to put their fears on film or paper knowing that it can be used against their abuser. Thank you so much.

Undercover Chihuahuas said...

Susan we love you so so much dear lady, more than words can say. Tears are falling yet in between the sadness I rejoice for I know we shall all see you again one day and you are going home...Love awaits you there...a most wonderful place ♥ ♥

Unknown said...

Bless you for this post, I can feel your pain :| My continued prayers for Susan and family. I've been following her work for years and am heartbroken at this sad news.. I hope her 'family' *really* HEARS you.

Stephanie said...


I was informed of your illness and declining state by my dad, Bruce. I don't know how to contact you, so I must apologize for posting something very intimate onto a public blog.

I'm so sorry to read that your family is not around you for your last days. The days prior to losing my mother were difficult, but precious to me. My wish for you is that you are surrounded by friends who can offer you all of love and compassion that you need at this time.You've spent so much of your life in conflict, and so I pray that you are now able to find peace.

We only get one shot at this life. I don't think anyone on this Earth could admit to never having hurt someone because of a decision or choice that they made. We are all human, and just like anyone on this Earth, you will find forgiveness.

You spent so much of your life helping women who were in danger and in need of a voice, and for that many are grateful.

Peace be with you,

Stephanie Barnes

Wanda said...

How is my dear friend Susan! Please let her know that I LOVE her deeply. Through tears I accept her decision and the outcome that only God can determine. Please embrace her for me. Let her know I am with her. Love you guys. Thank you so much for taking care of my friend. My deepest prayer is that her son contacts her ASAP!!! She loves him dearly.
Prayerfully submitted,

Unknown said...

I'm sure Susan is welcoming 20 children into Heaven right now with the enormous love she had to share with all. <3

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