Magic Jeannie Is Not an Option for Domestic Violence Victims

Jeanie White from Springville, Utah was found dead in a murder-suicide. Apparently the live-in couple had a history of domestic violence. What disturbs me is the fact that police are quick to point fingers at the dead woman. “Not only did she refuse help from a victim advocate, but also would not cooperate in prosecuting the suspect. “ Then in the next sentence it said “there is evidence the victim was trying to leave.”

She did not pull the trigger of the gun, he did. Furthermore, when these types of crimes reach the newspapers why isn’t there discussion on the dangers of leaving an abusive relationship? It is important to note that perhaps Jeanie White was uncertain as to what the offender would do to her once released from jail so at the time of a prior arrest she opted to live a little longer and refuse assistance at that time from a victim advocate. Pressing charges is not always the best option for a woman. She knows her offender and authories are at a disadvantage, they do not. And these cases are not as simple as they may appear.

Law Enforcement and Prosecutors are under the impression that arresting the offender is like a magic Jeannie popping out of a bottle after a crime between 2 people in a relationship that is some kind of “get out of dodge ticket to freedom for the victim.”

So while the authorities are quick to react and blame the victim they should look into directing their energies into implementing strategies that would go a long way into preventing another crime scene.

Effective methods and stratgies in keeping victims alive is what I do. Perhaps the Prosecutors in Springville, Utah can contact me and we can implement life saving initiatives. My email address is : Contact@murphymilano@gmail.com

"Can't Live Without You":Can Lead To Murder

Connie Channey, a twenty-six year old mother from Des Plaines, Illinois, filed for four seperate orders of protection against her estranged husband, thirty year old Wayne Channey, before the courts granted a two year order of protection. According to court documents Connie and her two year old son left their marital residence in Knox County, Tenessee and moved to Chicago, where her family lived.

In January of 1991 Connie filed for divorce from her cruel and abusive husband. The court denied her petition for divorce and she returned to Tenessee to file for divorce. Unfortunately Wayne was granted visitation with his son.

The abuse continued to escalate with Wayne continuing to threaten Connie's life if she didn't drop the divorce action and return to him.

On July 30, 1991, Wayne wearing a gas mask, bullet proff vest forced his way into Connie's home. He tied her up, duck taped her mouth and raped her at gunpoint. Even though Connie had an order of protection, Wayne still had visitation with his son. After the attack Wayne Channey was arrested and taken into police custody the judge set his bail at $300,000 (three-hundred thousand dollars), which meant he had to come up with $30,000 or 10% cash to be released.

Finally, Wayne Chaney was facing serious charges twelve in all were pending. In a letter attached to a court document marked "Exhibit A", filed by Connie's divorce attorney--
Wayne wrote the following:

Connie Rose? Connie Krauser? Who are you?

Connie I love you so much & Max means more to me than you would ever imagine.
He's a part of me - He's my son. Max kicking his legs in the car & his eyes were
beautiful. he loves me Connie.
You know I've written and wrote and sent a tape to try to reach you. What I've
wrote and said is for real. I mean everything every word of it. I've wrote &
wrote you nice letters - I love you. You keep my heart beating. When I say I
don't want to live without Max & you - I mean it - you see the two are my family.
I'm not starting over. Max & you are special.
I have nothing without you. You say I have everything? ... What ? I'm Alone -
Memories all over this house & town - Max's Friends - this dinner table. If you were
in my place (Alone) you would Die - This isn't Easy. You don't Realize What You Have
or Who - Till it's gone.
I think if you were smart - Which you Are--at Least The Connie I Knew. You would
try the following --
1) Return Home & seek counseliung together for a week?
2) retrun & do the same for a Shorter Time.
3) Try !

Connie I'll pick you up - just try it. I hop you decide The Right Move.
It's not so bad of an idea it wouldn't Hurt. OH ENVIRONMENT THATS A
good one. Connie if you talking about this 1/2 a street in this Beautiful
country your stupid. If you saw it here you would Be in Shock. New Neighbors & Cleaner.
You know this Home is Just a Start I'm still a Stranger Here - 2 years Down the
Road I'm Eligible to Buy a Home. Look at it That way. You Haven't, Don't Test
me Connie..- Be Smart think & Act on your own.......When I came This Last date
I did Have a design Job in Arlington Heights - Still Do But When I called your
House Chrissy Hung up in me for the Last Time. My lawyer told me to think & Try
to Change my mind on seeing Max - I couldn't do the job because of no stock at
nursery.
So I called ---There's No Reason For That Piece of Shit Sister To Do That.
I was only trying to Reach Max.
Her doing that was a mistake & her Actions in the past you will Remember.
I Don't Forget & you Know That.
I'm trying to start a living & A new Life Down here & Have a Lot of Pressure
on My Shoulders with ALL This Crap. I don't need it from Your Your Sister.
Please Do The Right Thing I Have Nothing to Loose I Feel I've Lost It
Already So Be Smart - Listen
Look, Walk & Think About What & Where Your At. Max needs us & He Needs A
Good Home Where He Can Be Safe & Comfortable Playing - He Needs
A Father As Well As A Family.
I Know in your Heart You Feel at Least A % of Love & Family with US.
I KNow Your Family id There - Right? So
is mine and so is your perfect Brother.
So What - we're Not Over SEA's. I Hope You Decide REALLY SOON.

I Love You
guys.

P.S. I'm not a BAD GUY - I WAS - I COULD BE.
Don't Make Me Famous. (he puts a smiley face ) This IS IT CONNIE ROSE. Think!

Within 2 weeks, Connie Channey was gunned down at the bank where she worked. Her estranged husband was killed ten days later in a heated exchange with police.

I was not shown the letter until about a month after her death. Wayne Channey wrote his wife many letters. I always believed had I been made aware he was writing and stalking Connie I could have provided the resources to keep her alive. Instead, this case among others have been the catalyst to save lives.

When a husband or a former love interest hints of death or writes words specific to you that you feel are threatening, take immediation safety precautions. If you are going through a divorce make sure your attorney is aware of any threatening communication. If you cannot obtain a criminal order of protection because there is not enough evidence then seek a civil order of protection.

The road to leaving is often not easy. You are riddled with fear and guilt with each step you take because you have been pre-programed by the abuser to think and feel less than the person you have become due to the abuse in the relationship.

Or contact me at : contact@movingoutmovingon.com

Contact the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence for services available in your area. The number is 1-800-799-SAFE.

"Mommy, Please Wake Up"

He had a pattern of violence, including six arrests for disorderly conduct and three for battery. Five of the incidents were domestic disturbances. He was arrested for disorderly conduct and domestic violence and the bastard had serious bipolar and depression problems. He was dangerous.

Erica Ostenson, 24-years old single mother of 5 year-old Damon briefly dated this violent man whom I am not naming in this post.

Eric told “him” the relationship was over. He was angry and violent and Erica knew it was not healthy and more importantly safe for either she or her son, Damon. “If you don’t give me another chance at us, I’m going to do something you will regret.” Erica responded by telling “him” it’s best if they move on. She had already starting dating someone knew. “He” blew up and stated making serious threats against the lives of her son, the new relationship and her. “My life does not work unless you are with me. Accept my marriage proposal, you’ll see, things will be great.”
“No, Erica, said. It’s over, please leave.” He continued to text Erica “one more chance, please me” said one text message. Another text message read “don’t do anything you are gonna regret.”

He circled the area where Erica lived with Damon. “He” would get out of his car go up to the front door and demand to be let in to her home to talk.

Wednesday morning Damon didn’t have school. He was on the couch watching his favorite cartoon. There was a loud knock at the door.

“He” entered the home, Erica screamed for him to leave. “He” pulled out a gun, with Damon in the corner of the living room watching. “He” fired his weapon emptying it into Erica’s body and fled the scene into his car and drove away. Leaving behind a 5 year -old child to sit in the blood soaked carpet trying to wake up Mommy.”

It is important to document every text message, phone call , stalking incident and make a police police. In this town where Erica lost her life, police could have done more to intervene. They could have had training on domestic violence in this town of 59,729 residents. It is not the reason Erica lost her life. But, it is factor for many women like Erica who do not know their options for pressing new charges or insisting police make a report on every single incident.

There are so many of these tragedies, it no longer matter's where they lived or the name of the person who stole their lives. What is important is that we stop acting as though this crisis doesn't exist. Reaching a level I had hoped, I would never witness in my own lifetime.

Information and importanr safety strategies for anyone involved in an abusive or stalking relationship have been created to save lives. Sadly, created because women such as my mother were murdered because their cries for help fell on deaf ears.

Go to the library or visit my site and get a copy of my books, "Moving Out, Moving On" and "Defending Our Lives, getting away from domestic violence & staying safe. Turn up the volume on your computer and listen to this weeks radio show on Religion and domestic violence. Share this important resource with others in your community. You will save lives. This information can be used to relationships including women married to abusive police officer or person's in the military.

Playing Lets Make A Deal in Melissa Lightsey's Murder

After he murdered his wife in November, Benjamin Lightsey made up a cover story about her disappearing off Vilano Beach after a midnight swim.

Earlier this week, the time for deception was over when the tearful 31-year-old father of two pleaded guilty to beating and strangling Melissa L. Lightsey, 36. He was sentenced to an agreed-upon 25 years in prison for second-degree murder.Lawyers said the deal came together last week after Benjamin Lightsey gave police a nearly five-hour sworn statement and Melissa Lightsey’s family consented to the plea bargain. Both the family and prosecutors said he appeared genuinely remorseful.“At least this phase is over,” said Melinda Bryan, the victim’s mother.Benjamin Lightsey said little in court but told police Friday that he snapped after the couple arrived home from a Nov. 8 wedding reception, where they had argued, said Assistant State Attorney Robert Mathis.

Lightsey hit his wife, then choked her, and when he realized what he had done, took her to the beach and left her body in the water, Mathis said.“It was a combination of temper and alcohol,” the prosecutor said. “I think it preyed on his mind. You could actually see relief cover his face when he told us what happened.”Mathis said a transcript of the statement hasn’t been completed.

Lightsey told Circuit Judge Wendy Berger on Tuesday, “I’m still married.” He said he wanted to meet his victim’s family privately, but they declined.They didn’t rule out a future meeting, however.“I can’t forgive him. Not now,” Bryan said.Melissa Lightsey’s body was found by a boater Nov. 9, about 15 hours after her husband told police he last saw her. Initially, her injuries appeared consistent with being struck by a boat propeller, but an autopsy cast doubt on Benjamin Lightsey’s story. He was arrested 10 days later.

Defense attorney Patrick Canan said Lightsey was in shock after the murder and initially spoke of fleeing before being talked out of it by his father, Glenn, a former deputy and candidate for St. Johns County sheriff. Canan said Benjamin Lightsey admitted quickly to him that he was responsible, and plea negotiations began with prosecutors in December."I’ve been in this business many years, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen ... such remorse and contrition,” Canan said. “In his heart, he’ll suffer forever for what occurred.”Lightsey had been charged with first-degree premeditated murder, which carries a possible death sentence, but Mathis said no one connected to the case sincerely believed the killing was premeditated.

Berger told Lightsey he should have sought help for his temper before it was too late. She said his actions hurt two families and orphaned his own children.“I don’t know you, but I know your family,” she said. “You come from a good family, and you have disgraced their name.”A search warrant was issued in November for a truck belonging to Glenn Lightsey, who authorities were told was called by his son to help search for his wife. His father now works as a private investigator. Mathis said after court Tuesday he couldn’t say definitively whether Glenn Lightsey was involved in the cover- up.
http://www.news4jax.com/video/18686023/index.html

Turning Tragedy Into Triumph

After my mother was killed by my father, I felt completely helpless and absolutely furious. I knew my mothers murder could have been, and should have been, prevented.

Today twenty years later, not much has changed, except, women are dying at the hands of those who profess to love them at epidemic proportions. And, sadly, the deaths have included, the children.

In murders within the past 24 months, the majority of these women were in the process of leaving. Some were filing for divorce, Some filed court orders of protection. Some were moving to an apartment . While were moving in with family and friends. In my opinion, the victims , those killed, were not provided the proper tools to stay safe.

I know I cannot bring my Mother, back. But, I have learned important ways and created tools for those involved in a violent realtionship to either leave safely and or provide documentation so the person responsible does not walk free in society and literally get away with murder.

Whether, the person is in law enforcement, the military or he's Bob the mechanic. If you are reading this and you work with someone or are related to a person in a violent relationship, do something take action by arming yourself with knowledge and safety strategies that work in conjuction with seeking courts orders of protection and divorce.

It is dangerous when you don't have a strategic plan of action. At home or in the workplace. I lecture and teach all over the country. As a published Author,I welcome invitations from human resource professionals, nurses association, health care facilities, mental health professionals, corporations, places of worship, community groups, universities, law schools in educating and providing important tools that saves lives. Together, we can change lives!

I can be reached by email at contact@movingoutmovingon.com or by inquiry at:

2205 S. Wolf Road

#196

Hillside, Il 60162

Colleen Dwyer Will Be Greatly Missed

In Colorado a couple weeks ago, Colleen Dwyer was gunned down in her home. Her two kids both under the age of six, were in the home when their father murdered Colleen.

The man who took her life, husband, Russ. If you take a look at the memorial lawn sign you see his name boldly printed out on the handmade sign with personal remarks like a badge of honor. With hand written words "You are loved Russ," "you will be missed Russ", You were a great man, Russ". Pleezze...... How shameful to all who participated in that sign!

Paying tribute to a murderer is all it really says to me. In this neighborhood where a woman was gunned down like a wild animal neighbors and friends are making excuses for what Russ Dwyer did.

People who knew this "Coward" attribute his behavior and actions to serving in the military, as if that was the reason for murder. When are people going to understand that being in the military or any job for that matter, has no bearing on who they are or why they pull a trigger and kill those in their lives.

Any person man or woman who intentionally takes another life does so with careful thought and planning. They are angry and frustrated at the loss of control.

Colleen was also directed to the Domestic Violence Enhanced Response Team. Which by the way without serious hands on training and true understanding can often be no more than lip service to a deadly situation victims face. And because of the nature of the threat, the most Russ Dwyer who have been charged with is a misdemeanor. Placing a band-aid on a volcano like injury is ineffective in my opinion. A growing epidemic for which I would gladly lend my war battle experience in redeveloping.

Of all the comments regarding this murder-suicide the only one that I feel sums up this tragedy is written on a comment site by Colleen McLuckie, Chicago she wrote:

"I am saddened by the fact that our legal system so pathetically failed to serve and to protect Mrs. Dwyer, and disgusted by the show of solidity made to a man who had a history of domestic violence. That his service to his country is now being used to explain away his crimes is a slap in the face of every American war veteran, male and female, who has returned home from serving his/her duty and continued to live a productive and honorable life without, as one neighbor stated, believing it to be "okay to take it out on their wives". No man who shoots a mother point-blank within shouting distance of her children, then, in the ultimate act of cowardice, turns the weapon upon himself, should ever be classified as "a very great man".

To read more here's the story link:http://www.kxrm.com/news/news_story.aspx?id=111659

I understand when I place resources, many people who visit the blog comment and say "what's the point". If services and assistance can help just one person, that is all that matters. Victim services are available twenty-four hours a day seven days a week. They provide direction to housing, legal and counseling in a safe environment. Please if you or someone you know is in this type of situation, contact 1-800-799-SAFE or visit them online at http://www.ncadv.org/

Or if you prefer, you can contact me directly at http://www.movingoutmovingon.com/