Kathy Brados: Hijacking Lives and Intimate Partner Violence

Over the weekend in Lake George, New York, Kathy Brados, 47 was gunned down as she prepared to take her personal items from the former marital residence with her estranged husband. The couple had recently divorced.

The most dangerous time in an intimate partner violence relationship is when those words are finally spoken out loud "it is over." The power and control by an abusive person be it a woman or a man begins to boil over time, like a volcano until it erupts.

The revolving door a victim enters for services is often no match for anyone determined to kill an individual for ending or leaving the relationship. Prosecutors, law enforcement and social service providers must now think outside the box of traditional services that are no longer effective. Across the country victims are multiplying and dying everyday.

Thinking outside the service box for all victims of intimate partner violence and stalking is now required. When you do what you have always done, the results and outcome will be the same.

We need to change up the landscape of specific steps towards safety and addresses critical issues that a person who is in fear of their lives may not think of as they end a relationship. It is time to change with the time's as it relates to safety plans and being 10 steps ahead of potential threats of injury and homicide. The safety plan initially created many years ago is outdated. We have learned so much in 30 years and it is time to implement safety strategies that are effective in saving lives.

After my mother was murdered in 1989, by my father a Chicago violent crimes detective, I looked at what worked and what did not as it related to violence in the home. Spending 18 years on a perpetual crime scene allowed me to cultivate strategies and techniques that worked to keep victims alive. Through the years more victims of intimate partner violence simply went missing. Cleverly erased by a boyfriend or husband who played a masterful game with law enforcement and prosecutors of "catch me if you can." Between the murders and those who go missing not much in the way of assistance for victims was in place. Until, now.

Created because of women like my mother Roberta Murphy, or Stacy Peterson who went missing on October 28, 2007, without a trace is the book, or the safety "prescription" as it is called Time's Up: Guide on How to Leave Abusive and Stalking Relationships"

The guide is a life raft providing structure in the midst of chaos and it has kept many victims of intimate partner violence, to date, alive.

Among the tools and forms, is the procedure of an “Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit”, a sworn statement detailing the facts of an individual’s victimization, preserving the specifics so they are not lost even if the victim is reported missing. It is difficult to think about speaking from the grave, but no different than any life insurance policy obtained in consideration for those left behind.

An “Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" and video has the additional psychological benefit of being forced to face reality and admit that the potential for the ultimate kind of violence exists…and that if it occurs the perpetrator will be held accountable.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit: A Victim’s Voice(c)
Domestic violence or intimate partner victims now are able to provide information, in their own words, about the fears, dangers, experiences they have had at the hands of their abuser. The" Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" or "EAA" records victim's stories, histories, and experiences which are preserved and stored on their behalf. These videos will provide answers to the many questions, allegations, and fears that arise when a person has disappeared, gone missing, or been found dead.

Recent cases, such as missing mother Susan Powell of Utah, Kelly Rothwell of Florida, and women like Stacy Peterson, where the victim’s police officer husband is the person of interest, is the classic example of the benefits of this type of evidence. If Stacy Peterson, or any woman found murdered or is missing, had done an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, ON TAPE, from following the information in the “Time’s Up" book on a flash drive, they would be able to describe:

- threats made against her life or wellbeing, including details of how the perpetrator would carry out the threat
- incidents of past abuse that the victim has endured
- admissions or comments made to her about other victims or people abused
- where evidence or weapons would or could be located
- possible alibis that the perpetrator would make up in his defense (including identification of people who could be co-defendant’s or co-suspects)
- portray visible injuries or marks

Just think if we incorporate an effective plan and have it available for every prosecutor, law enforcement, church, family law office and social service agency across the country, lives would be saved. And I wouldn't be writing about women similar to Kathy Brados, killed by a man hell bent on power and control.

http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2011/07/house-on-highland-street-crime-scene.html

http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2011/07/keeper-of-silent-secrets.html

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

Tags: Domestic Violence, Violence Against Women, Kathleen Brados, Douglas D. Cunningham, Kate Hogan, Lake George, Murder-suicide, Murder, Rachel Gartner, Domestic Violence Project, Warren County, U.s. Department Of Justice, Warren County Sheriff,

Stalking Dangers "Time's Up"

What is Stalking?

A person commits stalking when he/she knowingly and without lawful justification

engages in at least two separate instances of:

1. Following another person (that means you) or

2. Placing another person under surveillance or

3. A combination of following and surveillance and transmits a threat to that

person (that means you) of immediate/future, bodily harm/sexual

assault/confinement / restraint or engages in conduct which places another

person in reasonable apprehension of receiving bodily harm/sexual

assault/confinement/restraint.

Stalking is a pattern of behavior.

Unwanted communication including, but not limited to:

• Voice messages
• Texting
• Emails,
• Letter writing
• Sending flowers or gifts
• Psychological terrorism

Stalking is a crime. When there are two or more incidents and you have documented the stalking behavior, make a police report. Seek a court order of protection.

Violent Stage

When all attempts fail to “win” you back into their life, they could become more hostile, frustrated, angry and ultimately explosive. Violent behavior may include the following:

• Kidnapping
• Robbery
• Rape
• Assault
• Hurting family and friends
• Murder/suicide

Anyone is capable of stalking someone. Often, after a relationship has ended, stalking will begin or escalate. This is a very important time to pay attention to your surroundings. For a few months when driving, check your rear view mirror frequently to make sure you’re not being followed. Carry both home and car your keys in your hands, instead of your purse or pocket. If you have a roommate, call ahead and have him or her watch for you until you are safely in the door. It is also important not to date anyone, as this often enrages the abuser. He is already upset, depressed and potentially dangerous.

And seeing you out in public with someone new will likely set him off. Besides, you are in no emotional position to begin dating. This is no time to prove anything.

I suggest you consider going to a therapist and to spend some quality time in self care and healing.

It is common for a stalker to call you day and night. Consider changing your phone number. Phone service companies for both home and cell are pleasant and helpful when you explain you are receiving harassing and or threatening calls. If you have children, speak with them about not answering your cell phone. The same applies to your home phone: allow calls to go to voice mail.

Keep your children informed. You are no longer dating this person. For example, perhaps you are at work, when your kids are walking home from school. The kids are told you have been in an accident or he unexpectedly picks them up on the way home from school for ice-cream.

A divorced mother of two broke off a relationship with a man the children liked and trusted. Kay did not say much to the kids except that he would no longer be around. She felt the kids did not need to know the man she was dating was controlling, obsessive and downright scary. When Kay came home, Rob was in the kitchen making dinner with the kids. He had been harassing her and following every move, since their break-up. She remained calm. Kay excused herself to change out of her work clothes. Using her cell phone, she texted a friend for help. Twenty minutes later, police arrived and arrested Rob for stalking. Kay documented other evidence saving voice mails and text messages. It was enough to obtain a court order of protection. Always be prepared for anything.

Do not panic and remember to think on your feet. And pick up a copy of the book "Time's Up" either from Amazon.com or buy it in E-book here on this site and prepare the Evidentiary Abuse Affavit along with the example you can follow for the video below.

The person stalking you may have a weapon, be on drugs or in a suicidal depression.

He is obsessed with you, believes he cannot live without you, and, at the beginning, may attempt to be sweet by sending cards, flowers gifts, sweet text or email messages.

When that fails and you continue to ignore him, he may step up his efforts and begin stalking you aggressively by showing up at your workplace, waiting for you when you arrive at home, leaving notes on your car, or by stalking you, and committing acts of violence against you or your children. Keep a journal with dates and times, document all threatening incidents.

What is Cyber Stalking?

Black's Law Dictionary defines cyber stalking as “the act of threatening, harassing, or annoying someone through multiple email messages, as through the Internet, esp. with the intent of placing the recipient in fear that an illegal act or an injury will be inflicted on the recipient or a member of the recipient's family or household.”
Certain Internet capabilities facilitate cyber stalking by increasing the capacity to contact potential victims. These include chat rooms, bulletin boards, newsgroups, instant messaging, and other web communication devices. Also, the Internet provides a quick, inexpensive, and efficient means to collect and disseminate information to a large public audience. It can be used from anywhere in the world where there is Internet access to:
1. disseminate intimidating and threatening messages, including pictures, video, and audio;
2. transmit large volumes of junk mail or viruses in an attempt to damage data;
3. impersonate people and engage in inappropriate conduct in their name;
4. gather information for harassment purposes;
5. post false information about, and monitor and spy on, people;
6. encourage other people to track and harass people; and
7. engage in other harassing and intimidating behavior.

If you are in a relationship that has a history of violence and stalking simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!


The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available on Amazon.com, or you can purchase via e-book or on a CD. If you have questions, the email address is: timesupforjustice@gmail.com


Before you decide that you have had enough and are ending the relationship, create the "Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" and video (shown below).

If you do nothing else, please take one important step that if something does happen to you, if you do vanish like Stacy Peterson, Vensus Stewart, Rachel Anderson, Susan Powell, Lisa Stebic,Kelly Rothwell or are found murdered like Monica Beresford-Redmond, Franki Jacobson, Renee Pagel,Summer Inman, and others where the person responsible has gotten away with murder, that your voice and record of the abuse will be captured and recorded. Do it for you friends, family and loved ones. Do it for your children. Do it for you!

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talk http://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

The National Center for Victims of Crime works to make sure all crime victims get the assistance and information they need. Contact them for help, information about your options, and referrals to local services anywhere in the country. You can:

• Monday - Friday, 8:30 am - 8:30 pm EST at
1-800-FYI-CALL (1-800-394-2255)
or for the hearing impaired TTY line Call (1-800-211-7996)

Fear Factor

One of the major reasons women stay in abusive relationships is fear. They are afraid of what will happen to them and their children if they leave. Sadly, their fears are often justified; statistics show that a woman is at the greatest risk for injury when she announces her plans or leaves an abusive relationship.

To illustrate the danger, let's consider the case of Utah's Susan Powell, a wife and mother who has not been seen or heard from since December 6, 2009 Hers is a familiar scenario, one that occurs in the majority of abused women cases across the country. If one takes a close look at the evidence, in my opinion, the most logical conclusion is that Susan Powell was murdered.

Susan Powell was a stockbroker with two young sons, a devoted mother and likely the person in the marriage with a larger paycheck than her husband, Josh. Over time, the marriage reportedly turned controlling, with Josh insisting on knowing what Susan was doing when not under his radar. We've all seen the news reports, including that he demanded she tell him how much she spent on herself and for household goods and services. In this type of case, the fights build up from yelling to shoving. A bedroom door is slammed with greater frequency, and the couple drifts apart.

Many abused women hope that having children will change the behavior of an abusive mate. They hope the abuser will turn his/her life around for the sake of the children and that the result will finally be a happy home life. In the Powell case, that didn't happen. Pregnant with her second child, perhaps under circumstances beyond her control (she could have been forced as some are in the marriage), Susan brings another life into a world three years later where anger and violent outbursts become commonplace. During this time Susan likely announces, the marriage is over. Perhaps making statements such as, "we need to divorce" or "this is not fair to the children and I can no longer go on living this way."

There is a point for many abused women when they verbally announce the steps to end the abuse that lays the foundation for an abuser to begin thinking about a course of action. Around this time an abused woman begins confiding in co-workers or close friends. As we later learned from authorities, that is exactly what Susan did.

For the alleged offender, I will use Josh Powell as an example. Now he is formulating a plan no different from the plans of other violent persons: one born of anger and desperation. Anger because the person is leaving and ending the relationship. Desperation over what he (the abuser) will be forced to carry out if the person with whom he is in a relationship cannot be persuaded to stay.

This plan remains in the abuser's mind, of course, until he see signs of movement. In this case, perhaps Susan was whispering on the phone to someone, and when Josh walked into the room she quickly changed her tone or ended the phone call. Or he learned that Susan set up a bank account and believed she was hiding money so she and the kids could leave.

The signs of movement spark Josh or any potential abuser to think of the next level. They think to themselves, Okay, she is going to leave me. I will not let that happen. He acts as though nothing is wrong but, when she goes to sleep, Josh rummages through her car looking for evidence of her plan, a bank receipt or an unusual transaction or charge. Maybe in her purse he checks the cell phone for any unusual numbers he does not recognize. Or goes through the computer and checks the browser to see her activity.

He finds something and his anger is elevated, his heart is racing, but he remains calm and says nothing to Susan. A smile comes to his face because he "caught her," and he figures she will pay one way or the other at a later date.

Around this time Susan begins sending e-mails about the abuse and threats she has endured by Josh to a trusted circle of friends. Maybe she keeps a detailed log with dates and times of the incidents.

Now Josh does what I label the "smell change." Susan is acting strange and, like cologne,
Josh can literally (as with most abusers) sense when their environment has shifted. Perhaps Susan is verbalizing her unhappiness with greater frequency. Maybe she stands up for herself during a fight where months before Susan would have backed down and gone to her room without incident.

It is very difficult for any abused women to hide that spark of empowerment from a clever abuser. They (the abuser) smell it as sure as a fox entering a coop filled with chickens.

It's now that most abusers decide to implement their plans. He has thought about it from the moment it entered his mind. The children are sleeping and the couple gets into a heated argument. At this point possible scenarios vary. Here is one example: Josh in his rage could have knocked her unconscious and carried her out to the car. Then, one at a time, he lifts his sleeping boys into the back seat. The family drives to the desert. Susan wakes up and gets out of the car. Josh and she are arguing and he hits or pushes her off an embankment and into a ravine. Josh drives back with the boys to the house where he is questioned by authorities.

In many ways, the case of Susan Powell appears no different from the millions of cases of violence we never hear about, until women go missing and their bodies are found. Abuse victims often have no official documentation of the abuse because they were too afraid to contact police or obtain a court order of protection. Why? Because better than anyone they (the victims) know it would do them no good. It would only escalate the level of danger.

The one thing an abuse victim knows for certain is the fear that has been planted in them over time by an abuser and the likelihood of imminent danger if it is discovered they plan to leave. I believe this is what happened in Susan Powell’s case; she had only one opportunity to leave and somehow Josh Powell found out.

Susan Powell was last seen at her home, 6254 W. Sarah Circle. She is 5 feet 4 inches tall and weighs about 130 pounds, with brown hair and blue eyes. Anyone with information on her whereabouts is asked to call the West Valley Police Department at 801-840-4000.

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and SurviveAbusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Rothhttp://www.therothshow.com/