Friday, May 22, 2009
Abusive Relationships Are Dangerous
I can discuss and list for you all the dynamics in a dangerous abusive relationship until the cows come home. That is not going to help you in your present situation. If you are to be a “success survivor,” obtaining the tools and knowledge required will only take place when you have decided your life, too, important.
Do you want to continue worrying if you will wake up to another new day all in one piece? Have you had enough of living like a prisoner in your own home? Do you wonder who will take care of your kids when you are no longer around because you have been injured or seriously hurt by this person/ your abuser? Remember all those women that you read about on the internet, or saw on a news cast, who feared for their own lives? They went missing or were killed by the same type of person you are with now. Do you get that lump in your throat, terrified, at the very thought of what might happen to you the next time?
Those women you read about, along with a thousand others, at this very second are bathing, living, breathing and fearing everything you are, right now. Everyone knows this abuser; he is loved by so many. He has friends in high places. Maybe he is a lawyer or a police officer, serves on the military, or he might be the quiet, helpful mechanic on any neighborhood street. Regardless of what your abusive partner does for a living, they know your every fear, playing on your every weakness, because you let them…
Over time you have learned the hard way when you step out of line, not having done exactly as you are told. Maybe you offered your opinion during a discussion at a public gathering or in private. He did not like it. You paid for it when you returned home. What about the days you do not feel like being touched by this person, withdrawing from their very touch? When you say “no” or “I am tired,” what price do you pay? How many times have you been told you are worthless? If you think about it for a moment, you cannot be that bad. If you were, then why is he with you? Did you ever ask yourself the question? Right now, as long as you are living with the abuse, you are not taking seriously the value of who you are as a person. If you have children, as long as you are still with their father, you are not taking care of them. Living in this environment is making your children very sick. Your wellness is their wellness.
While there are many similarities and many things that abused women share in common my experience as a child from such a violent environment and working with those overwhelmed with the violence in their lives also tells me that, like our own individual fingerprints, no two cases or violent relationships are ever the same.
The danger and circumstances you are facing are as specific as your abusive partner’s own DNA and the dangers are real. Life up to now is no different than a soldier remaining in combat. You are tired of fighting the daily war, the tears and the bloodshed. You have been told by your mate that they would change and things would be different, or that they were sorry and begged to be forgiven, one, more, time. Did you ever stop and ask yourself, “Why do they need more time?” Does your abusive partner need more time to continue manipulating and making excuses for his explosive violent outbursts?
Does he need more time to stalk and follow you to plan out their next move, which could cost you your life? It is time for you to take charge. You have no more time. You have only one option: to get out safely, going as far away as you can.
Both books are available at your local library or you can go order them at Amazon.com. I suggest if you are in a relationship that is dangerous knowing the steps you have to take is the begining to your journey.
And for more information and safety strategies listen each week to the Susan Murphy Milano show that also plays automatically on this sote when you have your volume on your computer turned on.