Tina Adovasio: Missing Mother of Intimate Partner Violence-Bronx New York

Edwin Coello, an ex NYPD officer, claims, "he doesn't know where she is." He is referring to his estranged wife, and mother of his 5 year old daughter, Tina Adovasio, who has been missing from Bronx, NY since Friday, March 11, 2011.

According to the NY Daily News, Edwin Coello has a long history of domestic violence charges, and was fired from the police force in 2000 for violence against his first wife. As usual, history in violent homes repeats itself, and his marriage to Tina Adovasio was no exception. Records show that Coello was charged several times with violence against her, and just last month Tina filed for divorce, obviously without a secure plan in place for her safety.

Tina Adovasio, a 40 year old nurse, is the mother of four children, who her own mother, Adrienne Susco, is quoted as saying, "He lied and told the cops she had run off before and left the kids," Susco said. "Never, ever would she leave her children." As in just about all other cases where a mother goes missing, a family member makes this statement.

Coello has been questioned by authorities, but denies any involvement with Tina's vanishing; he has retained a lawyer, spurring investigators to take out a search warrant for his car which he refused to allow them to search voluntarily.

Coello admits to having an argument with Tina the night she disappeared, but says that she stormed out of their apartment, leaving everything behind, including her children. The most incriminating piece of information has been a blurry tape of Coello dragging a large duffel bag from the home, reportedly "large enough to contain a body."

The ingredients are all there, once again, for the stew that many missing mothers find themselves in. A past history of domestic violence, so bad that they interfered with his job as a police officer, a wife that had had enough and boldly made plans to end the relationship, and the fact that he was the last person to see her, all adds up to a presumption of guilt. Although not yet charged, nor convicted, and ultimately presumed innocent, Edwin Coello joins the ranks of Scott Peterson, Mark Hacking, Drew Peterson, Shon Pernice, and recently convicted murderer, Doug Stewart, as another man who thinks his wife just "ran off."

Another family is devastated by the not knowing where their loved one is, along with four children who deserve to know what has happened to their mother. Of course, hope is always there that she is found alive, perhaps safely escaping the anger and wrath of a man who's repeatedly beaten and abused her.


Tina Adovasio is described as 5-foot-5 and 135 pounds with a slim build. She was last seen wearing a black jacket, blue jeans and Ugg boots.
Anyone with information is urged to call Crime Stoppers at 1 800 577 TIPS (8477). The public can also submit their tips by logging onto the Crime Stoppers website.

If you are reading this and find yourself in a similar situation, know that there are measures you must take before announcing the end of your relationship. These safety precautions can be found in the book, "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationship" by Susan Murphy Milano. Don't take things into your own hands without expert guidance.

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

“Questioning the questionnaire?”

It seems the University of Oklahoma has come with a screening tool to aid law enforcement and first responders when assisting victims of intimate partner violence. It is a step in the right direction when you take the initial call, but in my opinion, a roll of toilet paper has more value.

The screening tool has 11 questions -- designed to recognize potentially lethal situations and take action? News flash! This will do nothing but kick the safety of an individual to the curb!

According to the news article from a press conference: The tool is a screening questionnaire designed for use at domestic violence calls to help police officers, advocates and health care providers assist victims at risk of even further violence. Whenever possible, responders immediately meet the victim and take him or her to a safe place where they ask the questions. The process takes about 60 seconds and works as sort of a triage tool in domestic violence cases.“This assessment will help first responders recognize a potentially lethal situation and take action,” said Janet Wilson with the University of Oklahoma College of Nursing

After reading the article it made my blood boil. I said to myself “they do not get it.” All I continue to see is more of the same dollars directed at research instead of a prescription that saves lives. A prescription, if you will, that I brought to Oklahoma in the fall of 2010. I was there to assist attorney Jaye Mendros representing the families from the www.justiceforthedead.com site. I was invited by family members to examine the cases of the Garvin County Three (each unsolved intimate partner homicides)  that also resulted in unseating a Sheriff during the November election. My trip to Oklahoma was, first and foremost, about domestic violence and a prescription for victims during National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Taking action does not include gathering information to see if the number of injuries will be reduced because a first responder circled or checked a box on a questionnaire developed in a study. Studies are little more than data gathered and collected and then entered into a hard wired computer. I have nothing against those who have worked to create this tool. My question for the “researchers” is what do you really know about intimate partner violence harm reduction and response? Have you ever been in the field during a call for assistance? Have you ever been on a crime scene before, during or after a tragedy? Have you ever spoken to a woman directly over the phone and directed her to safety? Do you have an understanding of the inner workings of an abusive and toxic individual? Do you understand the criminal element and Internet as it relates to a potentially violent offender? Has your method worked to keep victims alive?

I am going to take a guess, likely no different than the complied questions and answer, no!

In the majority of murders we are reading about in the news, the danger continues despite the victim’s attempts to get help from traditional sources, or when she informs the abuser she is leaving the relationship or marriage and filing for divorce, it is costing women the lives of women (and men) who do not “qualify” for traditional services their lives. Whatever steps a person takes to leave it often fails because the victim is ill equipped, facing numerous obstacles that require far more then a 11 page questionnaire if she is to get out with her life.

The Answer and the Prescription is the book "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships. Included in the book is also the "EAA" as described below:

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and Will: A Victim’s Voice
Domestic violence or intimate partner victims now are able to provide information, in their own words, about the fears, dangers, experiences they have had at the hands of their abuser. With the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and Will, victims stories, histories, and experiences are preserved and stored on their behalf. These videos will provide answers to the many questions, allegations, and fears that arise when a person has disappeared, gone missing, or been found dead. Recent cases, such as missing mother Susan Powell of Utah and women like Stacey Peterson where the victim’s police officer husband is the person of interest is the classic example of the benefits of this type of evidence. If Stacey Peterson or any woman found murdered or is missing had done an Evidentiary Will, These women ON TAPE, from following the information in the “Time’s Up Guide book on a flash drive would be able to describe:

- threats made against her life or wellbeing, including details of how the perpetrator would carry out the threat
- incidents of past abuse that the victim has endured
- admissions or comments made to her about other victims or people abused
- where evidence or weapons would or could be located
- possible alibis that the perpetrator would make up in his defense (including identification of people who could be co-defendant’s or co-suspects)
- portray visible injuries or marks

Researched and Developed

Example: After the disappearance of Stacy Peterson missing mother and wife of former Bolingbrook Sergeant Drew Peterson in Bolingbrook, IL, and others who had gone missing or be killed by a boyfriend or spouse, these cases now required an effective legal strategy that would allow their voice to be heard. Example of recent case Synopsis: “Dwayne Giles, who shot and killed his ex-girlfriend in Los Angeles, asked the Supreme Court on in June of 2010 to overturn his murder conviction because he was denied the right to "confront" her in court. (Crawford vs. Washington)"He never had a chance to cross-examine" the victim, said Marilyn G. Burkardt, a Los Angeles lawyer representing Giles. Burkardt called the prosecution's use of his ex's reports of his threats "highly prejudicial." Though it sounds far-fetched, Giles' claim could have prevailed in the high court .

The Supreme Court took up of the case of Giles vs. California to test the outer limits of the so-called confrontation right in the 6th Amendment ( a.k.a. Crawford vs Washington). It says, "In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right... to be confronted with the witnesses against him." Until 2004, judges usually allowed jurors to hear "reliable" secondhand accounts of what witnesses said if the witness was not available. For example, a police officer could report on what a missing witness had said. But in a case that year ,Justice Anton Scalia insisted this "hearsay" violated the defendant's rights under the 6th Amendment. "Where testimonial statements are at issue, the only [test] of reliability... is the one the Constitution actually prescribes: confrontation," Scalia said at the time in Crawford vs. Washington.

Hearsay is an out of court statement "offered for the truth of the matter asserted" and not subject to cross-examination, typically because the person or speaker is unavailable. Such statements are deemed unreliable because of the obvious fact that they can easily be fabricated and cannot be tested through cross examination in a court. But, when a victim in fear that her partner will kill her she prepares the “EAA” document, has is witnessed, then notarized, she will read her document in a video she creates from her computer, cell phone etc so if something does happen to her, the video and document are provided to authorities and the person is arrested. If Stacy Peterson had completed this “will statement document” the person responsible would have been arrested.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit and video provides solid admissible legal documentation and answers, for victims such as those murdered in any State and all unsolved intimate partner violence and homicide across cases the county. Allegations and fears that arise when a person has disappeared when they announce the relationship is ending, gone or have been found dead.

In the name of saving lives, I will gladly email a pdf copy of the book "Time's Up" to the University of Oklahoma in hopes you will use a method that has kept victims safe and more importantly, alive. Please email me at murphymilano@gmail.com

JFK once said, "Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom, not a guide by which to live." Violence is one of those tragedies. You either gain wisdom enough to leave, or you continue to live with it and risk your life."

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.


Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/ She is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and SurviveAbusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr. Laurie Rothhttp://www.therothshow.com/

Thinking Divorce or Ending Your Relationshp? Do You Know Your Options?

When a ending a relationship the first thought that enters one's mind is hiring a laywer and that can be very costly. Other options can be less expensive, yet effective as in a mediator to legally end your marriage.

What is a mediator? It is a neutral person. They do not take sides and they are not there to be your marriage therapist. Their goal is to assist you by removing the drama and tension often associated with a long drawn out court battle. In fact, they are not even allowed to give you legal advice. The mediator begins, by meeting each party separately. You fill out questions and provide financial information. In addition, you list concerns over custody and parenting issues.
After the initial meeting, you will then meet with the mediator together and work out issues so that you can come up with an agreement that serves you both. That agreement is then submitted to the courts for final review usually by a judge. (States vary on this, so please check your local statues.)

The goal of mediation is to not place any blame in the marriage, but rather promote and plan for a healthy future for you, your spouse, and your children. You create the divorce agreement between the two of you with the assistance of the mediator not the courts.

Before you say, “I am not interested in doing that, I want to hire a lawyer,” you should seek consultation with a lawyer to understand your options. A lawyer can review the documents drawn up by a mediator and make changes and suggestions before it is submitted to the courts.
Have you ever sat in on a divorce trial? The answer most likely is no. Before you make that all important-life changing decision, why don’t you go your local courthouse to family court or domestic relations (whatever it may be called in your area) and sit through a morning or afternoon of court calls and/or hearings of others going through a divorce. It is not a pretty site, especially if there is a lot of tension between the divorcing parties, the lawyers, and the judge. As you view the court process, try and picture yourself sitting there with your lawyer and your spouse sitting with their lawyer. Observe the fact that these two intelligent people have hired complete strangers to argue what can become “unimportant stuff” and a court reporter is taking down every word said for the court that will then become public record. Do you really want to participate in ending your marriage that way? Some of those people in court have been there a years or more and still are not divorced. Why? Because they could not resolve their own issues during their marriage. They are stubborn, angry, or want revenge. In the end, it is the judge-another-stranger-who will decide the final outcome of who gets what and when you and your former spouse may see the children. You ultimately DO Not get to decide.

Many lawyers now offer Divorce Mediation as part of their services. They, however, are not allowed to give legal advice. They are bound by the same rules as a mediator, and must remain neutral in the process.

No matter what, it is best to consult with a lawyer before an agreement is finalized to have that person review and make any changes before an agreement is finalized.

Understanding the Benefits of Mediation in Divorce:
A mediator does not represent either party. Rather, a mediator creates a cooperative environment when both you and your spouse can work together to reach an agreement on the terms of your divorce. Both you and your spouse have the right to also consult individually with an attorney during this process. Once the agreement is reached, the mediator will write up the agreement into a document where both you and your spouse will then be able to file the documentwith additional court papers to obtain a divorce.

This process only works if both you and your spouse are willing to make a full financial disclosure, and if you both are willing to make a good faith effort to reach an agreement.

The benefits of mediation are:
 Lower cost because this process is less time consuming. The amount of time involved to reach an agreement varies based on the level of conflict, the number of issues and the complexity of both your finances. A typical mediation where both you and your spouse agree typically takes approximately 10 hours.
 Less painful for you children because you avoid the long court process and litigation involved with ending your marriage.
 Mediated settlements can be prepared by a lawyer or a certified divorce mediator.
 The benefit to a mediator is when you and your spouse have reached an agreement on all issues, and you simply are looking for the most inexpensive and yet professional completing the necessary paperwork to finalize your divorce.
Hiring a Qualified Mediator:
• Call your local County Clerks Office and ask for a list of mediators in your area.
• Check the yellow pages under “Divorce Mediation”
• Make sure whomever you choose has been mediating for at least 3 years.
• Ask for a list of references.
• Ask for a fee agreement in writing once you have selected someone.
• Consult with a lawyer before an agreement is finalized to have them review and make any changes to the document.

Ending a Relationship is not an easy road to travel. It is survivable if you are wiling to do the work necessary to move on with your life. You will make it.
The book "Moving Out Moving On, when a relationship goes wrong is available at Amazon.com or visit my website at http://www.susanmurphymilano.com/ and download the E-Book. And as always listen to The Susan Murphy Milano Show each Wednesday afternoon at 3:00PM central time. or tuen up the volume on your computer and the show will automtically pla.

DISCLAIMER: The article is strictly for educational or entertainment purposes only and should not be used in any way, implemented or applied without consultation from a legal professional.

"All But My Soul" Abuse Beyond Control

If you are a battered woman entangled in, or recovering from, divorce proceedings with an abuser, this book is a must read! Order it now at Amazon.com Or go to your local library. http://www.partners-in-prevention.org
http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com

It could save you-your life, your children, your job, savings and your home. ...And if you've experienced any of these losses, it WILL help you heal!

You wake up and find yourself reaching out for society’s aid to help you protect yourself and your children. And in many cases, they show up before you realize that you invited them.

Your emotions are mixed, your day-to-day reality clear and your future fuzzy. You want to believe your attorney is working for your "best interest," but this belief can't be supported by the proceedings, especially when his/her fees are funded by the marital estate which your controlling spouse controls.

The financial social politics are crystal clear, but you cling to the ideal of "social justice" and human decency, until you hear your counsel and the court throw a deaf ear to your child’s self-mutilating in the face of being forced to live with someone who abuses him (sometimes before and WITHOUT a custody trial).

And you may even find yourself desperately struggling to have contact with your children after they are denied access to you...for days, weeks, months and for some protective parents for years.

You recognize that life, as you once knew it, is vanishing ...your children, your home, your savings, your career and, for many domestic abuse survivors, your health.

Far too often, domestic abuse survivors go from the "frying pan" to the "fire" on their way out of an abusive relationship. And they wonder how this can happen. While it doesn’t always happen, it’s more common than most people realize.

If you are a living domestic abuse, either on the inside of the relationship or on your way out of it, being informed about systemic abuse is essential to your survival.

Victims of domestic abuse can avoid being mothers without custody by recognizing, and not falling prey to, systemic abuse before it spirals out of control.