"YOU DON'T OWN ME"

Over 46 years ago Leslie Gore released the smash hit "You Don't Own Me." Back then I am not sure if the young artist understand that her words would have such a profound meaning in 2010, but they do! The song was recorded again for the movie the first wives club released in 1996. The lyrics are important " Don't tell me what to do and don't tell me what to say" and more importanly "you don't own me." For young women dating this is the message that needs to be placed in their heads, sent in emails, and in daily text messaging formats and instant twitter communications: "you don't own me."

Maybe we might save a few in the future from headlines of their own on the news because they were killed by an abusive husband or boyfriend. See, they never got the message. Or they listened and believed the lyrics in a song by a girl your daughters age, idolized by millions, whom came close herself in February of 09 to being carried off in a designer body bag.

Today, your teenagers many are without your knowledge in harmful dating relationships listening to songs like the one Rihanna recently recorded with famed abuser and rap artist eminem the song titled "Love The Way You Lie." They (your teenagers) believe that violence is accceptable, maybe even enjoyable because a woman by the name of Rihanna a victim herself, beaten and bloodied by singer Chris Brown for all the world see, is basically saying come on its not so bad to live in fear or be beaten. What is the worst that can happen? Hey like in their video you will be burned to death by a man who claims he loves you. That is the message the song is sending to your kids. Go ahead, try it. You have nothing to lose but your life.

The lyrics in the song are deadly ..."just gonna stand there and watch me burn- stand there and hear me cry that’s alright because I love the way you lie” then the rap artist abuser chimes in and sings "I love you too much to walk away I apolioze if she every tries to f...cking leave again I am going to tie her to the bed and watch her burn." Their video you will just have to go to youtube and watch, I refuse to put a link to it.

(Susan Murphy Milano, is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction & Public Psychopathy Education for more information visit http://www.saferelationships.com/ and is the author of the new book "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and where ever books are sold.)

Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.

Put A Tiger In Your Tank?

The news stories of Tiger Woods and the daily developments regarding his sexual behavior reported by the media do not appear to be slowing down. Even Nancy Grace is covering the story on her daily crime show. In fact, we can expect more women to surface claiming to have had a tiger in their personal tanks in the New Year.

Women, some paid, some not, were involved with the mega sports icon for long periods of time while currently married. His squeeky clean image, gone. Woods is now a popular skit segment on Saturday Night Live and he even made David Letterman's top ten list.

And a new facebook fan page titled, "I have slept with Tiger Woods" has also surfaced with over 36,000 members (of which I joined) and growing.

But what I do not understand is the urgency in which "these dozen or more women" are willing to "tell all" as they profess their love and "special relationship with Woods.

Most of those I have heard and seen in the media are attractive and should have no problem in the real world of dating someone other than a married man. Instead, similar to an epsiode

of the "Bachleor"these women are now standing in line with high heels waiting to be crowned the "next Ms. Tiger."

Rihanna Should Consider Being a Spokeswoman For Domestic Violence!

The article below is from an interview I gave on Rihanna and the release of the photo showing injuries she sustained from the beating she received at the hands of singer Chris Brown. In my opinion, the singer should go to every high school across the country and speak to young women regarding domestic violence. If it can happen to Rihanna, it can happen to anyone in an abusive relationship.

By ANTHONY McCARTNEY AP Entertainment Writer
LOS ANGELES (AP) - As police probe whether one of their own leaked a picture of a bruised and beaten woman that appears to be Rihanna, the image is sparking a discussion of the impact it could have on the issue of domestic violence. The celebrity Web site TMZ, which posted the photo Thursday night, did not explain its origin. The site wrote only that it was taken after an altercation between platinum-selling singer and her boyfriend, fellow pop star Chris Brown.
Los Angeles Police Chief William Bratton acknowledged Friday afternoon that the photo could prove embarrassing to the woman pictured, a view shared by some advocates for abused women. But in the welts and marks on the face of the woman in the photo, some also saw a teaching moment.

"If it could happen to Rihanna, it could happen to anyone," said Kim Gandy, president of the National Organization for Women. There are an estimated 4.8 million domestic violence attacks on women and another 2.9 million attacks on men each year, according to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control.

"Maybe it is a good idea if it's her, if young girls see this," said Susan Murphy-Milano, a Chicago author and advocate for battered women. She said she hopes it makes them think, "Is the next picture going to be of her in a morgue?"

Both women expected the image, which even Bratton wouldn't go so far as to confirm was Rihanna, could spark a new awareness about domestic violence.
"The reality that domestic violence can happen to anyone, even someone with fame and celebrity, ought to bring home the point that this is a problem for our entire society," Gandy said. "We can't avoid or ignore it."

Bratton told reporters that along with launching an internal investigation into whether the photo is police evidence, he is also looking into how TMZ obtained the picture. He said the department may pursue a felony conspiracy case against TMZ and whomever might have helped them get the image.

Bratton said he suspected someone within the department leaked the photo, but did not elaborate or go so far as to confirm that it came from police evidence files.
"We are not treating this lightly," Bratton said. "It's an embarrassment to this department if in fact evidence was leaked.

"It's going to be a very painful experience for any personnel from this department and possibly those who they may have engaged in a conspiracy with to violate the laws of California."
TMZ did not say how it obtained the image and a publicist for the site did not return a phone or e-mail message seeking comment Friday.
Brown, 19, was arrested Feb. 8 on suspicion of making felony criminal threats, but police have not publicly identified his alleged victim. The woman was Rihanna, according to a person familiar with the situation, who was not authorized to speak publicly on the matter and requested anonymity.

A spokesman for Brown said the singer had no further comment beyond a statement released Sunday in which he said he was "sorry and saddened" about the incident. His attorney has not returned calls seeking comment.

Rihanna broke her silence on Friday, her 21st birthday, by releasing a statement through Rubenstein Associates.
"At the request of the authorities, Rihanna is not commenting about the incident involving Chris Brown," the statement read. "She wants to assure her fans that she remains strong, is doing well, and deeply appreciates the outpouring of support she has received during this difficult time."

The singer canceled a planned birthday bash in New York and postponed concerts overseas in the days following the incident.

Prosecutors are still waiting for police to present more evidence against Brown. Bratton said Friday that detectives are working quickly to finish that investigation, and the inquiries into the leak.

Both Gandy and Murphy-Milano said one of the reasons the photo's release is so shocking is because domestic violence isn't in the spotlight except for when it involves high-profile couples.
"Such a graphic image may give people pause and make them think about what we're doing for the women who don't have resources to escape and take care of themselves," Gandy said. She said the country's economic problems will translate into more domestic violence cases as families suffer financial strain.

And from a painful image, Murphy-Milano hoped a new advocate for battered women might have been made.

"I think she could be a very important voice and a tool for other people," she said of Rihanna. "She could turn this around," Murphy-Milano said, and tell others, "'Don't be me.'"