Do You Know If You Are In Danger?

For some reason we all step outside of ourselves when something breaks down in our lives, especially when we are in a dangerous, toxic and potentially letal relationship. Oh yes, we read all stories about women like Stacy Peterson, Lisa Stebic, Theresa Parker, Barbara Vanaman, Rosa Lisowski, Renee Pernice and so many others and think I don't have it so bad. I am not in danger. Or he would never go that far and kill me? But when we are in the thick of the abuse, we get numb to what has become common. The yelling, screaming an ocassional argument that from time to time gets abusive.

Fact is if you are in an abusive relationship, you are wearing so many layers of shame, guilt, anger, frustration and hopelessness it is a daily routine no different then dressing each day. Do you want to continue to wear unheathly and toxic clothing?

Or do you want to do something about your situation? Look at the questions below. If you answer yes to one of them, you are in a toxic and potentially letal environment.

Is the person you are in a relationship with upset you have other friends?

Are they displeased at your accomplishments and ambitions?

Does the person shut down when you start a conversation?

Do the person refuse to talk and listen when they are upset you?

Is your husband or partner unable to express affection except when they want, or during intimate moments?

Does the person put down your relatives or friends?

When they are angry, do they break or throw things?

Do they bring up other men in your past life and imply you still love that person?

During a converation are you allowed to form an opinion?

When you do something they do not like and you are hit or verbally abused, do you accept it and make excuses for their bad behavior?

Are you constantly questioned about where you where and with whom when you are at work or out of the home?

Are you expected to have dinner on the table at a certain time, or else?

Are you called names like dumb, fat, lazy, ugly or worthless?

Are there some qualities you especially like about yourself that they disapprove of or ridicules?

Do they ridicule or insult your religion, race, heritage, or class?

Have they withheld approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment?

Are you humiliated in private or public by this person?

Does this person refuse to interact with you in public?

If you have children how are they treated by the person? Do they love and cherish the kids or do they insult, degrade and use punishment that is abusive?

At home or in poublic does the person tell vular jokes that aere embarassing and humilating about the opposite sex?

Does he tell anti-woman jokes or make demeaning remarks about women?

Have you ever rehearsed what you will say so they don't blow up, get anrgy or use you as a punching bag because they did not like what you said or did and they want to teach you a lesson?

At the snap of a finger does the person go from loving and wonderful to anger and range without warning and for no reason?

Are you blamed for eveything that goes wrong from the car breaking down to the kids getting sick to the basement flooding.

Now what do you do? Where do you go? How do you begin?

Do you fear the person with you whom you are with for your safety or life?

Recognize that if abuse happens once, it happens again. So, know it and get away from it. Someone will be on the other side to help you. But most importantly, learn to love yourself.

“Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock. Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain."

One way is to begin is to turn up your computer volume and listen to this weeks radio show right here on abuse and post traumatic stress syndrome that lives in the homes of violent relationships. After, go over to my site at http://www.susanmurphymilano.com/ and use the resources. we have provided and created to leave and moive on to a healthy and safe environment.

"Hell of a Nice Guy", says Neighbor. Please!

This tragedy is disturbing on many levels. First, they have yet to print the cowards name in the newspaper. One would think after taking an axe and murdering your estranged wife who was a correctional officer, at the very least his name would be mentioned in the context of the media articles.

The cowardly man without a name also took an axe to his step-daughter. She lived for several hours. And later died.

Numerous signs point to difficulties between the two--from a neighbor who gives an account that the husband was having a difficult time after they seperated. To the slain woman filing for divorce in January. And the sheriff's office confirms "the woman had a restraining order against her husband. He wasn't supposed to be on the property, and right now no one knows why he was."

To the haunting messages scrawled with red spray paint on the house and an outbuilding show clear signs of desperation. "Staying in a hotel...running out of money," reads one. "Could not find help...no where to go," reads another hand painted sprayed message.

And then we have then neighbors could not believe the news. "Couldn't be doing something without him wanting to help, he's just a hell of a nice guy you would have never thought would do this, says Joe Kaszycki, a neighbor.

This "guy" is not different than all the hundred's of thousands of others who decide ending a relationship equals murder.

You can have all the mental experts in the world form their opinions and the outcome will be the same. There is no magic "solution" in curing anyone who solves their anger issues with murder. You can blame their childhood. You can point to the fact that this man snapped because the loss was too difficult. But it will not bring this woman or any murder victims back.

Instead of sugar coating this epidemic. Handle these tragedies no diffently than covering the war over in Iraq. A war not easily won in American homes across the country. Where placing a band aid on a boo boo to stop the bleeding will do nothing.

We must be bolder in the messages sent to women right now, who are still alive. Living with abuse. Afraid to leave for fear they will be killed.

If we want to save lives, we must remove the false white picket fences that surround these homes. Perhaps gather a large collection of crime scene photo's and video tapes of the bloody home, the victim and then at the morgue similar to presentations on aftermath of drunk driving prevention . Taking the video and photo's into the community so they are able to see first hand what really goes on in their perfect neighborhoods.

And just maybe, we will save a few million lives!

Justice Interrupted Radio: Tuesday,March 3, 2009 @ 10:00 PM CST

Tune In: 8:00 pm Pacific--10:00 pm Central--11:00 Eastern

Tonight's Guests: Sheryl McCollum, Instructor, Bauder College, Director of Cold Case Investigative Research Institute; McCollum has more than 25 years experience in criminal justice and police work. She currently serves as an International Law Enforcement Trainer for the Department of State and is part of the Pine Lake Police Department Cold Case Squad in Pine Lake, Ga. Her experience includes serving as the 1996 Olympic Crisis Response Team Coordinator, captain for the Fulton County Sherriff’s Office and as 9-11 Pentagon team leader in Georgia.

James Renner, Reporter and author of The Serial Killer's Apprentice And 12 Other True Stories of Cleveland's Most Intriguing Unsolved Crimes.Thirteen true stories about the most notorious unsolved crimes in the last half century of Northeast Ohio. Investigative reporter James Renner recaps the cold cases and attempts to crack open dark secrets that have baffled Clevelanders for years.

Diane Rosenfeld is a Lecturer at Harvard Law School and former Senior Counsel for the Violence Against Women Office (now Office on Violence Against Women) at the US Department of Justice. She is involved in the national effort to promote the use of GPS monitoring of high-risk domestic violence offenders.

To listen live go to: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/justiceinterrupted and click on the "Click to Listen" icon. You might want to refresh your page because the icon will not show until the show begins. Call in live at: 914-338-0663 to participate in the show

To comment on the shows Click Here!

Join Hosts: Prosecutor and Author Robin Sax, Police Officer and Author Stacy Dittrich, Advocate and Author Susan Murphy-Milano each week as they provide justice for those whose lives have been interrupted by rape, murder, child sexual predators, strange and unexplained disappearances, domestic violence, and cold cases yet to be solved....

Dana Pretzer and Justice Interrupted

Tuesday November 18, 2008

8:00 PM Central Standard Time / 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time

Join Dana Pretzer host of Scaredmonkeysradio.com with his special guests when he takes his listeners right from the reported crime to the punishment and beyond.

Joining Dana will be a Victim of horrific domestic violence , the Victims Mother, a Police Officer (Stacy Dittrich), a DA (Robin Sax), and a Victims Advocate and violence expert (Susan Murphy Milano) http://www.justiceinterrupted.blogspot.com/

We will take the listener from the moment the crime occurred, to the investigation, to the court and just how the system is working or failing.

One Woman's Fight For Justice

Finally, Safe, begining her new life, a woman's right to live her life without the threat of violence makes the front page of the Chicago Tribune. On November 17, 2008, In a Will County Illinois Courthouse, this courageous woman will step foot in the courtroom, for justice. Below is the prepared for the judge, prior to the sentencing of her ex-husband John Samolis. A convicted felon for violating a court order of protection after his release from Stateville Illinois Correctional facility.

My name is Regan Martin Samolis:

For years we were abused and battered by John Samolis. I didn't know how to get away and be able to protect my children. Then he raped me and beat me so severely the law put him away. That allowed me and my children to get help. It wasn't easy but it was much better than the abuse we had suffered. We've been in therapy ever since.

My children and I suffer from nightmares and anxiety. He had made us feel like we were nothing. He continues to threaten us. He's taken a huge part of our lives and terrorized us and tortured us. He took away our hope for a future.

Therapy has helped us immensely. But I will always look over my shoulder and fear him. I know he wanted to kill me. He has told me so many times.

He has an explosive temper and as the children grew he beat them, more and more. I've sat in therapy and listened to my son's tell about how they hid for hours under the dirty laundry to escape a beating from their father. They told the therapist how they were beat with video cables. His anger increased and escalated as the boys grew.

John was not just abusive he was also neglectful. A few weeks before my youngest son turned 3 he fell 3 stories while under my husbands care. Chase ruptured his spleen, kidney and had severe internal injuries. He almost died.

John Samolis was severely beaten as a child. I don't want my children to grow up to be like him. I could see the effect his abuse had on them. I wanted to leave but was afraid. I am still afraid of him, so are my children.

We lost our home, we had to relocate and had to file bankruptcy. Attorney fees have cost me thousands for the divorce and transport permission. Therapy has been very costly, though worth every cent. I am the sole support of my children. We live with my mother and stepfather who help me care for them.

It's been very difficult losing everything and moving. But with the help of family and therapy we are much better off and looking forward to the future. Nothing was as bad as the abuse.

Please help us, by making John Samolis accountable for his actions. Don't let him keep on ignoring the law. He has broken every OP. He thinks he can manipulate the system.

Please give us time to heal and grow as a loving family. Help me to protect my children, their safety is my highest priority. I want my children's voices heard. They deserve equality and freedom from abuse. Please look at the drawings they did for their therapist, please read the therapists letter. Please read my Victim’s Impact Statement and look at the Timeline of abuse.

I am proud of my children for having the courage to tell the therapist about the abuse they suffered. It is not their fault their father beat them and me. It's not my fault he raped and beat me and continues to stalk and harass me. You have the power to help stop this from happening again, please protect my children and me.