Dangerous Love: Are you Prepared?

By Susan Murphy-Milano

At what cost to ourselves do we remain in a relationship? Likely this is not a question we ever ask ourselves. But, why not?

Could it be that in our lives we settle? Are we too embarrassed to admit when the individual we have chosen to spend our lives with is not who they were at the beginning of the relationship? The answer is yes.

The wrong kind of love includes emotional warfare. A destructive game played in a relationship when a person chips away at the very foundation of another individual. Emotional warfare is an invisible dagger to the heart. You don't see it coming when confronted. Below are some examples of :

Emotional Abuse

• Name calling: “you’re a bitch, a whore, fat, ugly, stupid, slut, trash”.
• You are constantly told that you are crazy, that you need a psychiatrist; they threaten to have you committed. They tell your children that you are crazy and make them believe that they are not safe with you. They hide personal items in an attempt to convince you or others that, “you are losing it.”
• They intentionally say things to embarrass you in front of others. They make remarks about your appearance or belittle you. They talk over you if you are engaged in conversation, or consistently contradict you in an effort to discredit you, or make you feel stupid.
• They ignore you when you have “been bad”, or do not do as you are told. They act like you are not in the room. You are made to feel that you are invisible.
• They withhold praise or affection. They make you feel that your mere presence disgusts them, that you are unattractive, and unworthy of them or anyone else.

• You are made to feel worthless, no good, and stupid. You are told you’re your opinions do not count, that you couldn’t possibly have anything to say that anyone would want to hear.
• You are made to feel that your past has no value; your childhood memories, your holiday traditions, your faith, and even your family. Regardless of your education, or your past experiences, your prior existence means nothing to them, and even the mention of it can illicit negative consequences.
• They accuse you of having affairs, lying, or conspiring against them.

Just because you are not physically hurt in your relationship does not mean you are free and clear. Emotional abuse can and does lead to intimate partner homicide. In many of the recent cases where women have gone missing and have yet to be found, they were never hit or beaten with fists. Instead, words, the same as you see above were their abusers weapons. When that no longer worked they went from words to action, silencing women and the mothers of their own children, forever.

You cannot fix or rescue these individuals. They are toxic and dangerous to any relationship.

Before you consider filing for a divorce or moving out, you better have a plan. He (the abuser) has one if you leave. And the last time I checked designer body bags were not considered a fashion statement.

Time's Up!

You cannot plead with an abuser and walk away from potentially life threatening situations if you are unable to learn the steps necessary to protect yourself.  Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships will allow anyone to orchestrate what is needed to be safe.

"If you are a sophisticated, aware woman, you will find things you didn’t know to help yourself and others.  If you are a stay-at-home-mom who has been controlled since a teenager and doesn’t know the first thing about leading an independent life, you’ll find all the details you need to escort you through the risk-filled and often baffling transition ahead .  Time's Up by Susan Murphy Milano:  is the best companion an abused woman can have  Kathryn Casey, True-Crime Author

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit document preparation and video example in English

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit document preparation and video example in Spanish

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit document preparation and video example for Men who are being abused

Available on Amazon or Kindle

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and
 specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.

 A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals,  victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writes providing commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime .

A Mother's Sunday Morning Slaughter

Over the weekend, in an apartment building complex located in Fresno-CA, a young mother by the name of Aide Mendez, 23 decided to smoke some crack, she captured herself getting stoned by recording it on her iPad a couple of hours before she began a killing spree.

Afterwards, Mendez started shooting, killing not only her boyfriend's cousin, Paul Medina, 27, but this sick individual then shot her two kids, 17- month old girl Aliyah Echeverria (she dies at the hospital) and her son Isaiah, age 3, who was pronounced dead at the scene.  She then shot and stabbed the father of her children, Eduardo Lopez 33, who managed to escape and run out of the apartment, just as police arrive.

As officers prepared to enter the apartment, another shot was fired.  The mother, Aide Mendez, was found dead of a self-inflicted gun shot wound.

Is human life of so little value anymore that a mother slaughters her entire family?

Just before the Christmas holidays, a mother in Emington, Illinois also murderered her entire family before taking her own life.

Violence and the slaughter of innocent lives has become a common theme in households across the county.

Intimate partner violence and homicide is as deadly and common as getting in your car and driving drunk.

I cannot find the words in describing any parent who in cold blood kills their own children.

Peter Hyatt Statement Analysis Expert also wrote about the tragedy.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy MilanoShow, "Time's Up!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.  And the creator of the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit www.documenttheabuse.com

If you would like to schedule Susan Murphy Milano for training and interviews, please contact:ImaginePublicity PO BOX 14946 Surfside Beach, SC 29587 Phone: 843.808.0859 email- contact@imaginepublicity.com

Pastor Neil Schori and Gayle Crabtree: The Role of the Church and Clergy in Prevention of Intimate Partner Violence

The Susan Murphy Milano Show,

“Time’s Up!”

Thursday, October 13, 2pm ET

Listen LIVE at: Here Women Talk

A pastor and a pastor’s wife join forces to discuss the role of the church in the prevention and assistance to victims of intimate partner violence. Do clergy have enough training, and the appropriate training, to aid victims of violence properly? We will find out what innovative methods and training are available to churches all across the country, how churches can join hands with citizens and organizations to present unity for the victims.

Neil Schori serves as lead pastor of Naperville Christian Church. Neil has a Master of Arts in counseling from Lincoln Christian Seminary.

Over the past 10 years, Neil has served full-time in several pastoral roles ranging from family care and counseling to community groups and assimilation.

Neil is also an advocate for victims of domestic violence.

Neil lives in the Chicago suburbs with wife, Brandi, and three daughters, Hannah, Mia & Ava. You can learn more about Neil on his blog.

Gayle D’Ambrosio-Crabtree is a nationally recognized speaker and author. She is the founder ofHope for Healing.Org, a 501c3 nonprofit that serves victims of sexual and domestic violence. From her East Tennessee home Gayle maintains an active speaking and consulting schedule. As a survivor of sexual assault, her motivational speaking is an encouragement to others. The message of hope is “if I can, you can” and she does indeed help others to find their way to healing.

In 2002, Gayle D’Ambrosio-Crabtree was named a National Daily Point of Light. She received recognition from 2 US Presidents and from other officials. Gayle has appeared on national, regional and local television and has been written about in local newspapers and international publications. In 2007, she was named a “A Woman Worth Watching” in the international publication The Flier by the Commission on the Status and Role of Women of the United Methodist Church.

Gayle D’Ambrosio-Crabtree is a founding member of the Holston Conference Domestic Violence Task Force of the United Methodist Church. She is an in demand speaker and trainer who equips clergy to better respond to victims of domestic violence within their congregations.

Drawing on a decade and a half of experience in the field, she helps pastors understand the unique challenges faced by Christian victims. In her workshops pastor learn to recognize the symptoms of domestic violence and understand the cycle. She teaches pastors how to create a safety plan with a victim of domestic violence and helps pastors understand about what to expect when making a referral to a local domestic violence program.

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Rhilee Collier: Rest in Peace Baby Girl!

On Sunday, as gunfire erupted from inside a home in EL Cajon, California, an innocent child was forever silenced.

Rhilee Collier, 14 months old, would be discovered in the aftermath of an officer shot, the bullet to his neck caught on film while exchanging gunfire with the child's father from inside the family home. The angry man then shot and killed his mother-in-law and after hours of gunfire, set the home ablaze before he died.

Officers found the child in back of his truck. Her mother, Alyssa, happened to be someplace else at the time of the rampage.

Alyssa filed for divorce on August 17, 2011, just 4 days prior to the shootings. In a text message Alyssa sent to a friend prior she says " I have never been so scared in my life."

The husband, Kevin Collier, had a prior history of violence and angry outbursts, beginning with restraining orders filed in 2003, by his own father and brother.

In court documents Alyssa asked for sole custody and child support. After she filed papers Kevin hacked into her facebook account and made changes to her information and profile.

I would like you to stop for a moment and take your eyes back up to Rhilee's photo. Her silence is the siren we need to change how cases of intimate partner violence that lead to homicide are handled in a court system that is ill equipped to properly address and assist these types of cases in every state across the country.

By the grace of God, Alyssa is alive. What she will endure in the days, months and years ahead, if she survives, will be nothing short of a miracle. The aftermath of the murders or as I call them the "intruder or now permanent guest of darkness" of her thoughts will consume her 24-hours a day. In one day her only child and mother are murdered. As time passes, the wounds to her heart and soul will not likely ever heal. At any age a trauma of this magnitude is far from recoverable and Alyssa will always be known, as though it were etched like a tattoo, as the mother married to the monster that took her entire world. If she remains in the same area, people will whisper when she ventures out in public. Silently pointing fingers, recognizing that it's her or sending texts to friends saying "guess who I just saw?" instead of asking how she is doing and offering words of prayer or encouragement. We are not a society that empathizes well with victims of violent crime and I hope people will cover her like a warm blanket with support and offer hope months, and even years, down the road. She will need it!

Rhilee's short life should be the "siren" in a legal system where divorce, child custody, post decree matters, intimate partner violence and mediation matters are handled with respect to safety issues now surrounding the majority of these cases because a victim wants to end the relationship with a clever, yet extremely dangerous psychopath.

Rhilee Collier's life, for God sake, should hold more importance to the world. Think about it, before she learned but a handful of words, the world let her down. We must not allow her abrupt silence to prevail in cases of intimate partner homicide.

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Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is a specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies and high risk cases and available for personal consultations through the Institute. She is also part of the team at Management Resources Limited of New York.

Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.

If you would like to schedule Susan Murphy Milano for interviews, please contact: ImaginePublicity PO BOX 14946 Surfside Beach, SC 29587 Phone: 843.808.0859 email- contact@imaginepublicity.com