Rebecca Murray Stahl: Teaching Her Students an Important Lesson

To the sixth grade class at Derry Middle school who lost their beloved math teacher Rebecca Murray Stahl, 37 last week, she will forever be remembered by each of you.  She made a significant impact on all of her students.

Today, Rebecca is teaching us another lesson, if we dare to pay attention.  The lesson that love does not mathematically add up and equal violence.  It's an unsolved problem since the beginning of time.  Her death is the answer to an international epidemic of intimate partner violence.

Rebecca's life can't been labeled as an "isolated" or “single incident” or, a “one time only” act of violence. We must not blame Rebecca for being involved in a violent relationship, she didn't cause her death, the person who promised to love honor and cherish, took her away and erased her life as is she were trash on a curb. But we must understand that the world in which these "victims" live, is often no different then captured and tortured prisoners of war. The vanished, the missing, the murdered all were calculated and planned out by an abusive, angry and controlling individual. In this case her violent and angry husband, David. 

The term “DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” is a continuing pattern of behavior which can include 

repeated harassment,

stalking or surveillance of the victim,' threats and intimidation,

bodily harm,

sexual assault,

child abduction

or the constant threat , that can escalate, in some cases to murder .

In most abuse cases, the danger continues despite the victim’s attempts to get help from traditional sources.

In memory of this brave and gifted teacher, let's start teaching dating violence and prevention in middle schools. We teach safe sex and how to beware of sexual predators, but not safety in relationships. Now there's a math problem we can solve!  Let's get busy. 

To those involved  in a violent relationship you are unsure as to how to safely end the relationship b low is the podcast from last month's Time's Up show.  I encourage anyone involved in a rocky and potentially lethal relationship to take a few minutes, download and listen when you have time.  Before you say out loud to anyone you relationship is over, you better have a plan.

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00:29

59:11

• SMM 1-19-2012

Download Podcast - SMM 1-19-2012 

Then if you would go and read Document The Abuse it contains vital information on how the "EAA"can support each case of abuse from the perspective of the first responder's and advocates, to an appearance in court.  It explains the legal benefits to the abuse victim, whether they are able to testify or not, how their words are forever documented and hold up in court, much like a Living Will.

Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.

 A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host onCrime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writes providing commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime.