Ignorance is the Leading Cause of Murder in Intimate Partner Violence

I receive quite a few private emails blasting me for writing the truth after a victim is found dead or murdered and the boyfriend or husband ends their lives in suicide.  People that write or leave comments appearing on the blog, often defending the actions of a killer, is out of pure ignorance of the nature of the crime.  Making excuses such as mental illness, they served in the military, grew up in an abusive household, post traumatic stress syndrome, to a drug and alcoholic problems, the list of excuses is endless.

The mindset of the general public seemingly looks everywhere around a tragedy, except the obvious.  If a man or a woman murders someone with whom they had or have a relationship, it is calculated and premeditated from a state of escalation.  But, to those who profess to know the killers of intimate partner homicide, the reactions to the crime are not realistic from my viewpoint.  Having a bad day, saying the individual was driven to do it, or there is so much chaos in that persons' life is often a justification for the criminal act by those who knew them.  When you make these types of remarks you are defending a cold blooded murderer, whether it be your friend or family member. I do not intend to demean your grief or loss, only to put the crime, and the criminal, in the proper perspective.

Calling out someone, such as myself, tearing them down personally for trying to keep victims and their families alive, is a crime in and of itself.  The pattern of conduct by my police officer father, likely from the moment I came into the world, is no different than those I write about each day.  My father's pattern of conduct was the predictor to her murder and his suicide.  Unless you live behind the walls of daily terror and the unknown, you haven't a clue what it's like to know if you will wake up the following morning.  Intimate partner homicide took away the lives of not only my parents, but my brother, kid sister and me.

Writing about those victims who did not reach out to someone such as myself in time, who did not know to read the information prescribed in the book Time's Up, or were unable to prepare the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, is my way to shout to the world that the victims mattered, even in their untimely deaths. My hope is the world will stop closing it's eyes  when innocent children like Charlie and Braden Powell die, whose mother Susan Cox is still missing, and be forced to watch that no more children are blown up out of rage from this world into the next.


I have lost everything to the epidemic of intimate partner violence. Personally, I have nothing left to lose by calling out the bloody truth.

When you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem. So, instead of chastising my writing, make it part of your life to prevent the next incident of homicide in your own backyard.


Susan Murphy Milano is a staff member of the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education as a educator and specialist with intimate partner violence prevention strategies directing prevention for high risk situations and cases.

 A national trainer to law enforcement, training officers, prosecutors, judges, legislators, social service providers, healthcare professionals, victim advocates and the faith based community and author.. In partnership with Management Resources Ltd. of New York addressing prevention and solutions within the community to the workplace. Host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show,"Time'sUp!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire. Online contributions: Forbes : Crime, She Writes providing commentary about the hottest topics on crime, justice, and law from a woman’s perspective, as well as Time's Up! a blog which searches for solutions (SOS) for victims of crime. Her new book Holding My Hand Through Hell published by Ice Cube Press will be in book stores in September.