Profile of an Abuser
The abuser can be a male or female. The abuser can be sweet, handsome and unassuming to everyone, but you.
An abuser knows exactly how to manipulate all types of situations.
An abuser is the most generous and helpful person to the neighbor, your family, and friends. If you tell anyone you are being abused it is not likely you will be believed. When you are or were dating you thought it was “special” that this person was jealous of anyone who approached. Thinking how lucky you were until you moved in with them or married and the jealously turned into anger and rage, chances are you love this guy with all your heart and yet they still accuse you of having “secret affairs” or relationships with everyone else but, them.
The abuser is very insecure.
The abuser constantly questions your loyalty to them, the children and having a future together.
The abuser hurts or destroys family pets.
Jekyll and Hyde personality, they can be sweet one day and angry and violent the next.
The abuser is clever at showing sincere intentions, but often has other motives.
If you are pregnant, the abuser can become upset with you and angry and may attempt to make you miscarry. Once the child is born you may not be allowed to run and comfort your baby. An abuser expects the same attention and or sexual intimacy prior to the pregnancy.
An abuser may be unusually rough or use measures of discipline far too extreme on your child.
An abuser does not have the ability to love another person, is very critical of others.
An abuser blames you for everything that goes wrong in their lives; their job, outside pressures, whatever it is, you are blamed. Regardless of the situation; it is always your fault.
An abuser denies hurting you, almost acting like it never even happened.
The abuser will make excuses for why they become angry or physically violent.
The abuser blames their drug and alcohol abuse on you or their parents.
The abuser believes in maintaining control over every aspect of their lives to the point of obsession, including monitoring activities of you and or the children.
The Teeter Totter Abuser – remember when you were a child playing at the park? An Abuser rises you up and brings you down the same way as a teeter totter. One day they are driving you out of their lives saying things like “I have had it”, you are “worthless”
“I am leaving” to this is all “your fault” and beating you to “make you behave”.The next they are rising you up high by apologizing, sending you flowers, a card. They may actually cry or beg you not to leave them. They say things like: "I am sorry"; “It will never happen again"; “Don't you understand how much I love you?" They bring you gifts, or suggest a romantic weekend away. Suddenly they act as if they worship the ground you walk on. And acting as if they worship the very ground you walk.
Tarzan Abuser- their attitude and behavior is no different than “Me, Tarzan” (as they beat their chest) meaning they are superior to you, they are the “provider.”To “You, Jane” follow my lead, do as I say, be their slave, wait on their every desire, you are the invisible less important person in the relationship.
An abuser has an important career in the public, people depend on them for answers, and the abusive person brings this attitude home with them.
I cannot stress enough, if you are in a relationship that has a history of violence, simply mustering up the courage to confront the person and say it is over, without the proper tools, can cost you, your life!
One of the major reasons women stay in abusive relationships is fear. They are afraid of what will happen to them and their children if they leave. Sadly, their fears are often justified; statistics show that a woman is at the greatest risk for injury when she announces her plans or leaves an abusive relationship.The book "Time's Up A Guide on How To Survive and Abusive and Stalking Relationship" is the prescription, if you will, that every person must obtain before they announce they are leaving. Below is an example from Chapter 4, one of many unique tools provided in the book. It is available onAmazon.com, or you can purchase via e-book or on a cd. If you have questions, the email address is: timesupforjustice@gmail.com
Before you decide that you have had enough and are ending the relationship create for yourself the "Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" and video (shown below).
If you do nothing else, please take one important step that if something does happen to you, if you do vanish like Stacy Peterson, Vensus Stewart, Rachel Anderson, Susan Powell, Lisa Stebic, or arefound murdered like Monica Beresford-Redmond, Franki Jacobson, Renee Pagel, Summer Inman, Kelly Rothwell and others where the person responsible has gotten away with murder that your voice and record of the abuse will be captured and recorded. Do it for you friends, family and loved ones. Do it for your children. Do it for you!
Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit by Susan Murphy Milano from the Book "Time's Up" from Courage Network on Vimeo.
If you have questions, the email address is: timesupforjustice@gmail.com
This book doesn't merely discuss when you should leave or why you should leave, it tells you HOW you should leave. The book has step-by-step instructions how to covertly make a plan, set-up a safe escape, deal with financial issues, and the paperwork. Susan even takes you line-by-line through the process, the forms, the legal issues...she takes you by the hand, and, believe me, when you are being terrorized and you are an basket case, you don't need vague ideas, you need specific instructions. TIME'S UPcan save your life and your sanity. If you need to get out, get this book before you make a mistake that could be fatal. It is money well spent.
Susan is the author of "Time's Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships,"Moving out, Moving on, and Defending Out Lives. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" . She is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated "The Roth Show" with Dr Laurie Roth and a co-host on Crime Wire.
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