Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Many forms of abuse are obviously cruel. Emotional abuse is more subtle. Quite often such abuse goes unseen, as even the victim does not recognize that she is being abused. Although emotional abuse does not leave black eyes or visible bruises, it is often more seriously damaging to your self-esteem. Emotional abuse is cruel and scars your soul. Physical or sexual abuse is always accompanied and often follows emotional abuse, for example, emotional battering is used to wear the victim down - often over a long period of time - to undermine her self-concept until she is willing to take responsibility for her abuser's actions and behavior towards her or simply accept it.
There are many categories of emotional/psychological abuse। They include a variety of behaviors that will be easily recognizable by those experiencing them, and often remain completely unnoticed by others। They include: Isolation The abuser will control whom the victim sees, where she goes, whom she speaks to and what she does। This can take the form of simply not allowing her to use the phone, have her friends round or visit her family, or ensuring it simply isn't worth it by being in a bad mood because she left some housework undone, making her feel guilty that she was out enjoying herself while he worked, or even encouraging her - theoretically - to make friends, and then discounting them or complaining that she cares more for her friends/family/hobby than she does him or is neglecting him. Some abusers may move home frequently to prevent their victim from building a social support network or slowly chip away with their existing relationships with family and friends. Many abusers justify their control over their victim by stating that it is proof of their love, or that they worry about their safety when out, etc. In reality however, the abuser needs to isolate his victim to feel secure themselves, they feel as though any relationship, be it family, friend or colleague, will undermine their authority over and take their partner away from them, i.e. poses a threat. The effect of this isolation is that the victim feels very alone in her struggle, doesn't have anyone with whom to do a 'reality check', and is ultimately more dependant on the abuser for all her social needs. Forms of Isolation include: Checking up on you when your out running simple errands; Accusing you of sleeping around;Moving to an isolated away from friends and family ; Making sure you only have one car or no telephone service where you are living ;Making your friends or family feel uncomfortable when they call or visit and they slowing stop contacting you; Punishing you for being 10 minutes late home from work by complaining, bad moods, criticism or physical abuse; Not allowing you to leave the house on your own, they always have to be with you; Demanding a report on your actions and conversations on a daily basis; Preventing you from leaving the home and working any kind of job; Not allowing any activity which no not include them; Finding fault with your friends/family; If you are allowed to work-insisting on taking you to and picking you from work; In extreme cases the victim may be reduced to episodes of literally becoming a prisoner, being locked in a room and denied basic necessities, such as warmth, food, toilet or washing facilities.
Abuse When thinking of abuse : we tend to see the abuser yelling out insulting names at the victim, and while this does happen, there are many more forms than name-calling.
The abuser may use critical, insulting or humiliating remarks (for example,। you've got a mind like a porch step; you're stupid; etc.), he may withhold conversation and refuse to discuss issues, or he may keep you up all night insisting on talking when you need sleep. Verbal abuse undermines your sense of worth, your self-concept (perhaps who you think you are) by discounting your ideals, opinions or beliefs. Verbal abuse can include: Yelling or shouting at you; Making threats; Insulting you or your family; Being sarcastic about or criticizing your interests, opinions or beliefs ;Humiliating you either in private or in public; Sneering, growling, name-calling; Withholding approval, appreciation, or conversation; Refusing to discuss issues which are important to you; Laughing or making fun of you inappropriately; Leaving nasty messages on your cell phone or at home; Accusing you of unfaithfulness, not trying hard enough or purposely doing something to annoy you;Blaming you for his failures or other forms of abuse; All of these abusive behaviors prohibit normal, healthy interaction between two adults as well as a lack of respect for individual thoughts, feelings, and opinions. A healthy, mutual interaction and conversation between two persons respects and promotes the right of each partner to their own individual thoughts, perceptions and values.
If you feel you are not ready to leave your situation and you would like someone to talk with about your options, Please consider contacting the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence their services are free and confidential। They will provide referrals in your area। All it costs you is your time. The number is 18000-799-SAFE. Or visit them on the web at
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The reality is that both forms of abuse are awful. Emotional abuse is virtually un-prosecutable which is unfortunate. Abuse of all types should be condemmed. These people need to be put in jail and then once in jail get help for their problem. A lot of people tell me that we shouldn't help them but the reality is, they will be back on the street agian... so even though it seems disgusting to help them, we need to do it so they don't strike agian. Some people tell me that would cost an arm and a leg for tax payers. When the reality is, it would be a drop in the bucket. If we can spend trillions to keep America safe overseas, we can spend a little more to keep America safe here at home.
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