Chicagoland Missing Mothers

From Mothers Are Vanishing

There is more than one missing mother in the Chicagoland area and probably more than the ones pictured here. We will not forget them and will continue to carry their messages until they are found.

Over a year has passed since Stacy Cales Peterson whispered to her sister Cassandra Cales that if she disappeared it was not an accident that "He killed her", over a year since she went missing without a trace leaving behind her babies, her home, her family, her friends, and almost a year since the body of Kathleen Savio was exhumed and her once called accidental death declared a homicide. These women, one now a victim of homicide who left behind a haunting plea for help to the state begging for help before he killed her, and one who begged her sister to find her if she disappeared because she feared for her life, as different as their cases are today -do have common ground. Both women were married to Drew Peterson, both women feared for their lives, both women tried to get help and get away, and both women were too late.

We, who gathered together to remember these women, who heard their voices only after they were gone, have vowed to make sure they are never forgotten, and that their names and stories live on. We are determined to see justice served.

Both of these mothers cried for help to a combination of their communities; family, friends, clergy, the police, the state, complete strangers, and in the end there was no one who could, or would protect them. The only voice they have been given is the media who has made them headline news. And so they have become the faces and the stories of thousands of women the media has passed over, a reminder that this can happen to any of us, or someone we know.

Domestic violence is unacceptable in our society, a plague which haunts behind closed doors, sunglasses and long sleeve shirts, often a well known dirty secret that no one talks about. We are determined to let victims know that there are options, there are ways to get out safely, there is help. But we have to reach them before it's too late.

Had someone helped Kathleen Savio or Stacy Peterson, had they heard their cries for help instead of turning their heads and pretending not to see- had someone listened and believed- taken the time to find out what could be done, or to change what could be done- we might not ever have known their names. They would be here today and four beautiful children would still have their moms.

These children deserve the truth, they deserve justice and the knowledge and comfort of knowing their mothers loved them very much and would be here with them if they could be. These children deserve to hear their mother's voice. They deserve the truth. They deserve our help. They deserve your help.

Speak out for those who can no longer speak for themselves!

Please take the time to become involved in your community. Contact your elected officials, make your voice heard, make your vote count on election day. Find out what you can do to help these women and others like them. Find out what you can do to prevent these crimes. Find out what you can do to demand justice. Take action.

But most importantly find out what your politicians and officials are doing to protect you and your loved ones, and to seek justice for these women. Make sure your voice is one they cannot ignore, it could happen to you or someone you love.


Stacy Peterson
Lisa Stebic
Jeri Lynn Duvall
Peggy Dianovsky

Self-Defense on Privacy: The Susan Murphy Milano Show-Wednesday 3:00PM CST

On the Susan Murphy Milano show we will have Detective Mike from Opt Out Detectives discuss Identity theft as it pertains to your children, in a divorce or custody situation and if you are in fear for your safety, how do you protect yourself? How do you keep your personal information safe?

We will also take your questions live on the show. I suggest you have your questions ready as you spend the hour learning how to be safe.

PROTECT YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION FROM THOSE WHO WOULD DO YOU HARM!

Date : 7/29/2009

Time: 4:00 PM EST 3:00 PM CST 1:00 PM PST

Call-in Number: (347) 326-9337

Show Link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

_______________________________________________

Join us Tonight on Juror 13's show Hosted By Denny Griffin join Anny Jacoby and Susan Murphy Milano as we discuss verbal self defense strategies and how to be safe in any environment.

Time: 9:00 PM Eastern 8:00 PM Central 7:00 PM PST

Denny Griffin- and Jurorthirteen.com on Blog talk Radio
Show Link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dennisngriffin

Call in with your questions or comments at 646 478-0982
Check out his BLOGS! http://dennisngriffin.wordpress.com/
To check on upcoming shows or comment on Denny's show... Click Here!

"Death in Their Eyes"

Mary is a 51 year- old mother of 3 who will be officially divorced this week after 22 years of marriage.

Her road to life without abuse similar to millions of others in her situation will continue to be difficult. This morning as she was moving into her new home, Mary felt uneasy about her safety. "He's not done with me. I know he will kill me or make it look like an accident. I am terrified." While waiting for the alarm company installer to arrive Mary and I went over safety issues to implement and watch for in her new home.

We walked around the outside of the house with a handyman she hired to secure the windows by placing hinges on the inside removing all the screens replacing then with storm windows. We marked all the doors to be replaced with deadbolts not only on each door but included the screen storm doors, and side door of the garage. Once the alarm company arrived we strategically discussed the placement of the wireless system. In Mary's situation because her husband is angry and violent and has thtretened to take her life the alarm company also wired the garage and extra windows leading into the basement. It cost several hundred dollars extra but it was well worth it.

The alarm company installer suggested that the entire landscape of bushes, or large plants near any of the widows be either cut very low or removed entirely. So that no one could hide. Then Mary and I went to Menards and bought motions lights for the outside of the home and various timers for lights inside the house.

Her husband was scheduled to pick up their son for dinner after I left. I received a text message from Mary, "when he got here he came after me and I had to call the police-they refused to arrest him and I insisted a report be made-Susan he had the look of death in his eyes and he told me I'll never make it to court alive on thursday-he said if I drop divorce he'll forgive me and we can stay married. "

The safety strategies I have implemented for Mary are specific to her abuser and how handy he is at breaking and entering into places always without anyone seeing him. His anger is at a very dangerous level and Mary has a 50/50 chance at staying alive if she remains calm and on guard at all times. And it is a lot of work, but it is possible.

Often a woman is killed because she was not prepared to defend herself. Or the courts refuse to issue an order of protection or police do not feel they have enough to make an arrest. Regardless, a woman fights for the system to do its' job and to basically while continuing to fight the abuser when no one is looking , then fight for her kids and her life. I think about women like Kathleen Savio, the third wife of Drew Peterson. Was there an alarm in the home? If yes why wasn't it activated? Drew Peterson is not only a trained police officer but a skilled locksmith. Did he sneak in while she was sleeping? Did Peterson catch Kathleen off guard at a time of night when it was least expected? Did he sneak into the house and pull a gun on her? Did Kathleen and Drew Peterson struggle? In my opinion like criminal profilers, these are cases that I study in hopes of keeping other women alive.

As a society we have a long way to go before we treat domestic violence in the home as a crime. And then just maybe in high school classrooms we can replace how to correctly use a condom with how to know the signs of an abuser and how to stay safe and what to do if you are in an abusive relationship.

If you have ended a relationship, change those locks, immediately! And do a walk around your home. Remove any ladders, make sure the garage is locked, put away any tools. And yes, even rearrange your living space.What about your windows and sliding glass doors? Get yourself over to the hardware store and find the best cost effective method to bars and locks for these areas.

What about a Do? Don't have a dog? Go ahead and buy or make a Dog Beware sign and put it in your windows.Another great tip is to record the sound of a barking dog. If you don't have a dog, take a recorder and head to the nearest dog shelter and tape the barking sounds. Go ahead and even record your phone voice and message right there on the spot, at the dog shelter. Say something like" Okay Sparky, I'm on the phone, that's enough, be quiet, sorry can't come to the phone please leave a message .Then head home and play it into your phone message system. Then strangers and others you are trying to keep away will think you have dogs and that may deter them. You can also play a recoding each time you answer your telephone with just the sounds of a barking dog. What about a basic home security system? This goes hand in hand with the other security solutions above. To learn more about systems here is an alarm link:http://www.homeimprovementmag.com/Articles/2006/06May_safe_@_home.html If you keep a spare key outside someplace-stop it now! Never leave a key anywhere outside your home.If you are not expecting anyone or anything to arrive at your door, do not open the door. If the bell continues to ring waiting for you to answer the door and you do not know who it is, call 911.And never, ever leave any type of note on your door or mail box for anyone. Either text message them, send an email or do it the old fashioned way and call them.

If you would like to email me please know that everything sent is read only by me and is kept in strict confidence. Again, the email address is contact@movingoutmovingon.com

Tonight On The Levi Page Show with criminal profiler and author Pat Brown, Investigator and Author Vito Colucci, Jr., and myself we will discuss the Kathleen Savio murder.

The Levi Page Show airs Sunday night at 10 PM EST / 9 CST / 8 MST / 7 PST on BlogTalkRadio at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/levipage The "Levi Page Show" is a listener interactive, call-in, true crime and justice show, for those interested in the hot true crime cases in the headlines and the crime victims often ignored by the mainstream media.

Boxers Anyone?

Making a good choice about you own personal safety is important in any relationship.

And frankly, it is not a priority in our lives. We are too busy looking at the outside of the package.

Does your man look so hot in a pair of briefs he melts your heart? Or is his body hot and rock solid? Did you ever stop to think what has drawn you to this type of man? Or is it not an issue given the fact that you love him? Regardless each of see's what we want to see in a mate or partner.

Often over looking issues that we tag as macho but are really angry or violent can be down right dangerous. Predicting just how dangerous your partner could become once you have decided to end the relationship is far from easy. We make calculations about risk all the time: when to cross the street, what foods to eat, when to pass or not to pass a car on the highway and so forth. Now if you are in an abusive relationship you need to make calculations about the dangers that person could pose to you and the kids. Unfortunately, a miscalculation can be deadly. Dangerousness is really a combination of two concepts: the chances your partner will be abusive and, secondly, the severity of the abuse.

Dangerous people and dangerous patterns :

Predicting the behavior of another person is very difficult, especially if the person has promised not to become abusive again. Often it is our hope that things will get better that makes the assessment of risk even more difficult. There are several factors in assessing dangerousness. These factors suggest a greater risk of continued and/or severe violence. If you can see any of these in your abuser, seriously consider and understand that the abuse will not go away, that it may very well get worst, and that you will never be able to control the situation well enough to ensure your own protection. If you see the first factor AND any of the others, then you should know the risk that you may be severely injured or killed increases greatly.

Partner has a prior history of domestic violence (that is, partner has been violent with you previously, or has been violent in other relationships this includes family members).

Partner is extremely possessive and jealous :

The person has “possessive beliefs” – that is, strong feelings of ownership about their victim – the risk of fatality doubles. An “insanely jealous” partner may be extremely dangerous – especially if he/she comes to believe that you are not “faithful” or that you are intending to leave.

Partner threatens to kill you or others in your life if you ever leave the relationship:

This is the third most powerful predictor of fatality. While not everyone who threatens to kill their partners follows through with the threat, most of those who do kill have threatened to do so. Take any and all threats seriously. This is not a game. I do not care if the person said it while they were drunk or high-it still counts as a serious threat.

Partner believes you his wife or girlfriend has betrayed him (or her).

If the person abusing you views you as having rejected him or her in preference for another partner or for independence, you are at greater risk.

Partner knows you are attempting to leave.

If you are in the process of leaving be very careful. The risk of leaving without a concrete safety plan in place increases your chances of remaining alive.

This factor represents the dangerousness inherent among some individuals who have a longstanding pattern of criminal behavior. Watch out for partners who have a history of criminal charges against people (like battery, assault). Be extremely careful when partners appear to have no conscience and no remorse for causing pain to others.

If any of these factors are present, there is an increased risk of violence:

· Social services has become involved in your family.

· Your partner believes that you have more status or power than he/she does.

· Your partner has lost a job.

· The legal system is involved in your partner’s life.

· You are pregnant or there has been a recent birth of a child.

· Your partner has access to weapon.

· You are preparing to leave.

· Your children are about to be removed.

· Your partner is actively seeking information regarding your location.

What does this all mean? It means that all violent partners do not come in some neat package with a warning label attached to their shirt collar. It means that hunk of a man with deep gazing green eyes who makes your knees weak can be a dangerous partner in a relationship and breaking from that spell of lust/love is a difficult undertaking. Given that we can often under-estimate the level of danger to ourselves, it is time you take seriously the personal safety for you and your children. Go to the library and pick up a copy of Defending Our Lives or Moving Out Moving On and begin formulating a plan. Listen each Wednesday at 3:00 PM Central Time to The Susan Murphy Milano Show where we not only discuss relationships but provide information that will be useful to you in your daily life.

Go to the library and ask if there are tapes on self defense that you can watch in a private room in the library.

Over the weekend please join me on Crime & Mystery with hosts Kim and Kjel on Friday, July 24, 2009 at 8:00PM Central Time. The link is http://www.blogtalkradio.com/kimnkjel The number to call in is 718-508-9754.

Safety and Personal Protection

It is rare when we see a hostage situation conclude without the loss of lives. Last week Nancy Tyler was taken at gunpoint from her place of employment. Her estranged husband ordered her to drive to the couple's former home with a gun pointed at her from the back seat.

Nancy Tyler had filed for divorce and her violent, controlling husband was not going to allow her to end the divorce with her life. There is a lot to be learned from what Nancy Tyler did that day for 12 hours.

First, she remained calm. She followed his orders. She didn't raise her voice or try and argue with him. What she did do was continue talking about anything and everything. Police and the swat team were outside and he was also speaking with a news reporter by telephone demanding police stay away from the home.

During those 12 terrifying hours, he handcuffed Nancy Tyler to an eyebolt in a basement wall; told her the house was rigged to explode, and repeatedly held a gun to her head while he recited countdowns to what was to be her death. Nancy took the split second when he was distracted and ran out a small door down in the basement to safety.

Nancy Tyler's quick thinking during the entire ordeal and many prayers to God is what saved her from being killed. In many cases where were read news stories of tragedies it is difficult for victims to remain calm. A technique not often taught or used in one's self defense of their lives.

Thinking like the offender, abuser, and criminal is often an important technique that either buys time or as in Nancy Tyler case saves lives.

Recently, I had the opportunity to listen to several 911 tapes of abuse victims who ultimately lost their lives. In those calls while the phone was on as the woman was running for her life you could hear the chaos and fear just before shots were fired. In a few of the calls perhaps if they had been calmer or been able to divert the shooter the outcome might have been different. I am not suggesting one method or another would have changed the tragedies. I am asking that we look at applying self defense training and strategies using words as an additional way to remain alive.
In cases where you are going through a divorce and the children is in the home what safety techniques have you considered practicing? Maybe the person has threatened to kill you and believe he won't hurt me with his kids in the house. Think Again!

A person who has threatened your life for ending the relationship or marriage has no problem taking everyone out with them.

Hostage negotiators are often successful at getting people to surrender because they have been trained. And in my 20 years as a trainer I implement various techniques that have kept a woman and her children alive. If you are in an abusive relationship it is time that you begin to implement and practice strategies to keep you safe. Listen weekly to the Susan Murphy Milano Show or send in suggestions on what you would like to know and we will feature you and or the information on the show. Email address is contact@movingoutmovingon.com

And as my colleague Anny Jacoby teaches: PERSONAL SAFETY/SELF-DEFENSE IS NOT USED TO FIGHT........IT'S USED TO DEFENDNo excuses, Time's UP!

"Time's Up" Taking Charge of a Bad Situation Wednesday July 22, 2009 The Susan Murphy Milano Show

Are you exhaused because you are living in fear?

Are you trying to figure out how to leave your relationship?

Are you in the midst of a divorce?

Are you in a heated custody battle?

Are you a mother who lost custody of her children?

Are you stuck not knowing what steps to take?

Are you someone who has decided to live with your situation?

Are you confused why the courts are allowing your former partner to continue to harass, threaten and stalk you long after the relationship has ended?

Are you worried the person could get angry enough and possibly kill you?

If you answered yes to just one of the above questions, then "Time's Up" you must educate yourself on ways to take charge of a bad situation.

On Wednesday, July 22, 2009, on the Susan Murphy Milano show, our guests include Claudine Dombrowski and Sharon from Nebraska both women have answered yes and lived through each of the questions above. Join us as we learn their strategies and answer your questions live at 3:00 PM Central Standard Time.

CALL IN LIVE: 347-326-9337

The Link to the show is www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

If you are a non-custodial mother or a mother facing custodial issues before, after or during a divorce or custody battle please consider joining Non-Custodial Moms Breaking The Silence:http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NonCustodialMoms_BreakingTheSilence/To subscribe:NonCustodialMoms_BreakingTheSilence-
http://peace4missing.ning.com/group/domesticeviolence
Other Sources:Kansans For Judicial Accountability
Maternal Deprivation Inflicted on Battered Women and Abused Children -
Kansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence - Google NewsNew Campaign
My NotebookEleven Hundred Torches News and Updates
Justice For Mothers
Protective Mothers Alliance
Moving Out Moving On

Disturbing Defense of a Killer

On September 19, 2008, 26 year- old Amy Yager was buried. She had been shot by her husband Jeff David Yager. I posted a story on her brief, tragic life HERE. On July 12, 2009, a person who claims to be related to the shooter- posted a disturbing comment below:

brother of jeff david yager "allen micheal bolton" said...
Everyone thinks they knew Amy? Well i lived with her for 3months and you people say David was the controlling one. Hes my big brother but im not gonna make excuses or tell the whole truth because you dumb ass people only believe he is the bad person anyway when you dont know shit. Then people want to blame his family and friends and thats stupid because yall dont know any of us and thats the only reason yall talkin shit. And yall think she was so damn perfect when she was further away from that than anyone I know. She was controlling and cried about every little thing that wasnt the way she wanted it to be. David let her do whatever she wanted no matter how stupid it was and she always got her way. I would not have put up with half the shit he put up with but thats just the kind of person he is. Really I just want to say everyone needs to shut the fuck up and close their dick suckers and if you got a problem with that 3916HWY17 South Millen G.A 30442. 478-982-7791. Ill be waiting.
July 12, 2009 6:30 PM

Obviously, the relative is angry because someone he cared about is in prison awaiting trial for the murder of his wife. A person does not have to display bad behavior in public as we have seen in numerous cases to commit criminal acts. The characteristics of abusers is to be sweet like sugar on the outside and sour the grapes when no one is looking. And friends or relatives are usually the last to acknowledge their loved one is capable of these types of crimes and almost always manufacture an excuse for "what drove this individual" to commit a crime.

I remember the night I found my parents bodies and my father's police detective partner was on the crime scene. The first words out of his mouth were "your mother drove him to this." I looked at the veteran detective who was obviously hurt his best friend and partner was gone and I responded "no one drives anyone to pull a trigger."

I could attack this ignorant person for posting such comments and using inappropriate language, but that is not important. What is important is that this person believes as many close to a killer that the actions of their loved one was somehow justified . That the person murdered in this case Amy Yager deserved what she got, death.

No one deserves to lose their life, no one!

At the end of his commentary the person leave's their information on where to contact him and closes by saying "I'll be waiting." My hope is that he the poster does not go out and hurt someone and receives the help he needs. I think we would all agree, that is certainly where this troubled and disturbed person is headed.

Thinking Divorce or Ending Your Relationshp? Do You Know Your Options?

When a ending a relationship the first thought that enters one's mind is hiring a laywer and that can be very costly. Other options can be less expensive, yet effective as in a mediator to legally end your marriage.

What is a mediator? It is a neutral person. They do not take sides and they are not there to be your marriage therapist. Their goal is to assist you by removing the drama and tension often associated with a long drawn out court battle. In fact, they are not even allowed to give you legal advice. The mediator begins, by meeting each party separately. You fill out questions and provide financial information. In addition, you list concerns over custody and parenting issues.
After the initial meeting, you will then meet with the mediator together and work out issues so that you can come up with an agreement that serves you both. That agreement is then submitted to the courts for final review usually by a judge. (States vary on this, so please check your local statues.)

The goal of mediation is to not place any blame in the marriage, but rather promote and plan for a healthy future for you, your spouse, and your children. You create the divorce agreement between the two of you with the assistance of the mediator not the courts.

Before you say, “I am not interested in doing that, I want to hire a lawyer,” you should seek consultation with a lawyer to understand your options. A lawyer can review the documents drawn up by a mediator and make changes and suggestions before it is submitted to the courts.
Have you ever sat in on a divorce trial? The answer most likely is no. Before you make that all important-life changing decision, why don’t you go your local courthouse to family court or domestic relations (whatever it may be called in your area) and sit through a morning or afternoon of court calls and/or hearings of others going through a divorce. It is not a pretty site, especially if there is a lot of tension between the divorcing parties, the lawyers, and the judge. As you view the court process, try and picture yourself sitting there with your lawyer and your spouse sitting with their lawyer. Observe the fact that these two intelligent people have hired complete strangers to argue what can become “unimportant stuff” and a court reporter is taking down every word said for the court that will then become public record. Do you really want to participate in ending your marriage that way? Some of those people in court have been there a years or more and still are not divorced. Why? Because they could not resolve their own issues during their marriage. They are stubborn, angry, or want revenge. In the end, it is the judge-another-stranger-who will decide the final outcome of who gets what and when you and your former spouse may see the children. You ultimately DO Not get to decide.

Many lawyers now offer Divorce Mediation as part of their services. They, however, are not allowed to give legal advice. They are bound by the same rules as a mediator, and must remain neutral in the process.

No matter what, it is best to consult with a lawyer before an agreement is finalized to have that person review and make any changes before an agreement is finalized.

Understanding the Benefits of Mediation in Divorce:
A mediator does not represent either party. Rather, a mediator creates a cooperative environment when both you and your spouse can work together to reach an agreement on the terms of your divorce. Both you and your spouse have the right to also consult individually with an attorney during this process. Once the agreement is reached, the mediator will write up the agreement into a document where both you and your spouse will then be able to file the documentwith additional court papers to obtain a divorce.

This process only works if both you and your spouse are willing to make a full financial disclosure, and if you both are willing to make a good faith effort to reach an agreement.

The benefits of mediation are:
 Lower cost because this process is less time consuming. The amount of time involved to reach an agreement varies based on the level of conflict, the number of issues and the complexity of both your finances. A typical mediation where both you and your spouse agree typically takes approximately 10 hours.
 Less painful for you children because you avoid the long court process and litigation involved with ending your marriage.
 Mediated settlements can be prepared by a lawyer or a certified divorce mediator.
 The benefit to a mediator is when you and your spouse have reached an agreement on all issues, and you simply are looking for the most inexpensive and yet professional completing the necessary paperwork to finalize your divorce.
Hiring a Qualified Mediator:
• Call your local County Clerks Office and ask for a list of mediators in your area.
• Check the yellow pages under “Divorce Mediation”
• Make sure whomever you choose has been mediating for at least 3 years.
• Ask for a list of references.
• Ask for a fee agreement in writing once you have selected someone.
• Consult with a lawyer before an agreement is finalized to have them review and make any changes to the document.

Ending a Relationship is not an easy road to travel. It is survivable if you are wiling to do the work necessary to move on with your life. You will make it.
The book "Moving Out Moving On, when a relationship goes wrong is available at Amazon.com or visit my website at http://www.susanmurphymilano.com/ and download the E-Book. And as always listen to The Susan Murphy Milano Show each Wednesday afternoon at 3:00PM central time. or tuen up the volume on your computer and the show will automtically pla.

DISCLAIMER: The article is strictly for educational or entertainment purposes only and should not be used in any way, implemented or applied without consultation from a legal professional.

Where Is The Asylum For American Women?

Apparently, our government is seriously considering granting asylum for battered women from other countries. Now there is a concept! Curious, I contacted a church that helps those granted asylum and learned when our government provides assistance, the person is given housing, placed on public aide amounting to approximately $2,000 a month and in many cases a second hand vehicle so they can get around. And other perks depending on the individual’s needs. We cannot take care of victims of abuse in our own country. Why are we extending a hand to foreigners? Is the abuse different or more life threatening from the women in our own country?

Women whom are born in United States are living in the same conditions as those the government has offered to help with little to no options for safety and proper services to escape their abusers. I personally know several hundred women whom are beaten, raped, kept like prisoners in their own homes and forced to deal with their abusers one way or the other or else they will be killed, identical life threatening situations as the women in the New York Times article. Where is the asylum for American women?

If our government can come up with a way to house, educate and find jobs for battered women from other countries in this economy, we should first have a system in place for American women before we start offering a safe haven to immigrants.

Do not misunderstand. I am about helping battered women, but let us help those where we have the greatest need, and the highest mortality rate, right here in the good old United States.

A Woman's Self Worth-Fight For it Damn It! Live 3:00 PM CST On The Susan Murphy Milano Show

The Susan Murphy Milano Show

Date : 7/15/2009

Time: 4:00 PM EST 3:00 PM CST 1:00 PM PST

Call-in Number: (347) 326-9337

Show Link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano

Our amazing line-up for today's show includes Anny Jacoby, Owner/President of The Realistic Female Self-Defense Company, Gail Lakritz from Wings of Change and Michelle a police officers wife and you the listeners.

Susan Murphy-Milano violence expert and author of "Defending Our Lives, getting away from domestic violence & staying safe and Moving Out, Moving On when a relationship goes wrong. And her new book out in 2010,"Time’s Up, how to leave and survive a dangerous relationship ,offers detailed practical information. Like your own guardian angel giving listeners guidance on what to do when you are in an abusive relationship, attempting to leave to creating a road map to safety every step of the way. As a former executive director of a high risk national domestic violence organization, violent expert and author she speakers from experience. Her voice has been featured on Oprah, 20/20, The Justice Files, US News & World Report, USA Today, Family circle magazine, CNN, NBC’s Sunday Today and she comments regularly on headlines making the news. Susan can be heard co-hosting the popular weekly radio show, “Justice Interrupted,” , every Tuesday at 10:00 PM CST, with police officer, Stacy Dittrich, and prosecutor, Robin Sax, highlighting cases that have not received the media attention they deserve.

Visit Susan’s website at http://www.susanmurphymilano.com/

Safety is an Illusion

As a nation we would receive a failing grade in the war against violence in the home. Twenty years ago I had tremendous hope that violence would be a battle won when I signed on to change the world and the stop bloodshed. I was wrong. The magnitude of murder, rape, parental alienation, fear, power and control is an epidemic consuming the lives of families.

Over the weekend an article appeared saying “domestic violence laws need review.” How ridiculous I thought to myself, to review what has never been effective, waste more time and in the process more women will continue to die in their own homes. All the studies are a waste of valuable time that many as I write this simply do not have. An order of protection if you are lucky enough to get one means little without the police, prosecutors and a no tolerance community enforcement of that piece of paper. Granted a court order has saved lives, but in my opinion not enough to fill a gymnasium. I can give a long list of those who did not make it and died because we do not have answers. Instead services are like a patch-work quilt poorly sewn together because there is a lack of commitment and most importantly funding for those in the trenches who are fighting to keep women and children alive, barely, one at a time.

You have women gathered on the internet desperately seeking direction, support advice or help for a lawyer to represent them like human beings or to keep their abuser away from the kids. How about the mom who stayed home to raise her children and cannot even scrape together gas money or car fare to attend a hearing for a court order or a divorce hearing where if she does not show up she defaults like at a spots game losing her home, kids and any financial ability to move forward. If it is a divorce she is the one who must pay child support and continue going to court for issues that are nothing more than a game of clear abuse. With ill skilled court personal playing a game that as of late in leading to death.

Then yet another article appeared “the war at home: domestic violence takes a shocking toll”. What rock has everyone been living under? Where are the articles following the woman pleading in a court of law for an order of protection when she is denied? Where are the reporters asking the important questions to the prosecuting attorney’s , judge's and so called mental health "experts" whom are not doing their jobs? Where is the follow-up after the murders of Jack and Duncan Connelly? Why aren’t the people who investigate and bring us our nightly dose of news demanding answers in a dangerous legal system instead of following live coverage of 30-minute car chases?

Cases such as Drew Peterson have generated lots of dollars for networks and advertising sponsors and will continue to do so when his trial begins sometime this year. Why not gear up and send reporters out to the war torn court houses of America and report accurately on the conditions in which women alive and dead are fighting for their lives.

It is upsetting to see troops rally in the form of doctors and public officials when the media reports the onset of reported flu outbreaks in a few states usually amounting to about 20 people causing folks to take action. And yet we have hundreds of thousands of women murdered or terrorized in their homes and they can not even get carfare to save their lives!

Hands of Friendship and Thoughts of Abuse

by:  Tigress Pen

As I sit here thinking of how friendship is special, I think of how it isn’t set on a time limit or penciled scheduling; it’s constant, vigilant and caring. I think of how it’s there any given time speaking words of encouragement, listening and understanding, that it’s not setting terms. I think of how it’s the hand held out in time of need, a hand saying I am here to help you shoulder your troubles, just let them go.

I sit here thinking of abuse and how I wonder if I’ll ever close the bedroom door again, if the fear someone could come up to it unseen will ever allow me to close it. And I think of that hand. I wonder if I’ll ever sleep with my back turned to the door again. I wonder if the need to have it wide open is so I can see down the dark corridor of the hallway. I wonder if the need to know, to see what and who is there will ever stop and peace will fill my nights again.

And while thinking I find a nervousness inside me begin to churn and that I need that hand of friendship to talk with. I think of how I must constantly move, not knowing true restfulness; of how I suddenly find myself awake and sitting in the middle of the bed or sitting with my feet on the floor, ready for a quick exit. I think of how the smallest of unrecognized sound brings my head up, my ears and eyes alert. I think of the need to shelter myself; I think of that need to self-protect emotionally by internalizing the actions of another. I think of the mind-set of an abuser, wondering why they can’t reach out their hands in love and caring and not resentfulness, anger or violence. I wonder if it’s something inside them that creates a spur of the moment action or if it’s been there all along and suddenly rages.

I wonder about the anger that stems from the abusers’ health, and how ones physical health causes personality changes. I wonder if a way exists to really understand what goes on in another’s mind; the ones who appear born without conscience and only know how to live with an urge to cause hurt to animals or their fellow human beings. I think about the ‘I’m in it for the long haul’ effect, that ‘till death us do part’ line. And I know I must be there for the long haul but also need help with that hand of friendship beside me.

While I sit in the middle of the floor with space around me, I wonder why I need that space; if the need to know there’s an escape is a persistent factor in back of my mind. Why small spaces are not an option. And, I think of the hand of friendship, that one friend, who with patience waited for me to talk, giving me time to speak between the tears that I was shedding. Who with so much caring held out a hand and said, let me help shoulder your troubles; don’t you remember the faith you often spoke of in the past, of how you leaned on that faith? Let the hand of faith reach you tonight, take that hand held out to you. Take my hand of friendship as it was His and let the light of His love fill your heart; know you have the strength to endure, you will persevere, you will become a stronger person. You will overcome the obstacles you feel are binding you.

I think of all the Advocates out there, those Hands held out like the hand of Susan Murphy Milano, Anny Jacoby and Delilah; I think of all the other advocates and how they daily reach out and help. I think of how, by being the shoulder for abused ones’ tears, they are true Hands. I think of the hand of friendship that reached out to me, of the shows I have heard, the tears I’ve shed for victims, the joy I’ve felt knowing an abused person has found just the right Hand.

And so, I sit here tonight and think of how friendship is mostly the hand of God at work, always waiting for me to take His hand and put all the worries on His shoulders.

But still, I wonder about that escape.

Sending an S.O.S. Via Twitter to The White House

The story below is about a woman whose life is literally hanging by a thread. This war is not on foreign soil in some third world country. It is on American Soil, in an American home. This is another tragedy waiting to make yet another news item in a mid-size newspaper or topix Internet site with neighbors who once knew the lovely couple and their children, and a by-line that is sure to read "they were a lovely quiet couple," as they are being carried out in body bags on stretchers, one by one.

I believe there is a way to prevent these tragedies, but it will take a higher power of intervention. So as my cell phone was transmitting tweet message's I thought what the heck, maybe there is away to tweet a staff person at the white house. Or perhaps in writing this post, since I don't have direct access someone reading this, could pass on a message to David Axelrod or Valerie Jarrett on my behalf to President Obama. Afterall, he did take the time to sign a note for a child who missed school. And he and others on his staff are from my hometown, Chicago.

I must keep in mind Twitters brief code like transmission capacity.

"Woman develops F.E.A.R. technology" is what I would say in my tweet, hoping to get a reponse that would result in saving lives across the county. If I were ever to speak with someone of such importance I would begin the brief conversation with the murder of my own mother and how 20 years later, I have created something that will keep women and their children from being murdered in their own homes. All I need is a 14 minute meeting by telephone. I can be reached at www.twitter.com/murphymilano

This is the life of a typical victim of domestic violence:

In 2005, police arrested my husband for beating me. The judge did not send him to jail, instead he was ordered to pay $825 in fines, weekly counseling sessions for 90 days and 50 hours of community service.

A year later like magic my husband knew someone and his violent criminal record was wiped clean. I was warned if I ever call the cops again I can forget about seeing my kids alive.

In March of this year my husband kicked me so hard with his steel toed boots he broke my ribs
at the hospital in fear for my kids lives I lied saying I fell. I was beaten again the following week
and gathered the courage knowing his threats to my kids and called the police and he was arrested. I received a Restraining order and the judge had a GPS monitoring device placed on my husbands ankle through the duration of my court order.

As you can guess it only angered him. He hired some thug to teach me a lesson, paying the person to set me and my home on fire. Detectives cannot prove it was him, they have no evidence and no one is willing to come forward with the truth. While I was in the hospital my husband served me with divorce papers. . The divorce is final, but he keeps filing motions about things he "forgot" in the divorce.

The police have also dropped the most recent beating charges because someone lost the photos, my evidence that is required to proceed with my criminal case in court. Guess what else? He has family and friends who are police officers and the GPS device has also been removed.

Now he's calling my kids (I sent them to different relatives in a different state to be safe) saying he's not mad at them, he just wants to ask questions about me. He's called my mom, and he has called me. He says he killed our family pets, he's going to find and kill my kids and then think about killing me. He says he'd rather keep me alive, knowing it would hurt me more to live knowing he killed my kids.

Will I ever feel safe? Will I ever stop dreading each phone call, each court date? How can I keep myself and my kids safe if the cops won't charge him, or do anything? And the local DV shelter refused to let me stay when I got out of the hospital after being burned - I required too much home medical care and they were not staffed to take care of people who can't take care of themselves. I'm moving out of state, but I wonder what will be enough? He knows my name, social security number, kids, family, everything. I'm afraid it will not be over until he decides he's done with me.

The Susan Murphy Milano Show: Family Court Crisis

Wednesday, July 8th at 3:00 PM CST- LIVE

The number to call is 347-326-9337

Silently in court houses across America battered women seeking to leave their violent world with their children are encountering the silent world of the legal system. A legal system designed to protect is arming abusers with the tools for violent fathers to use their children to punish and control those mothers fleeing in hopes of a safer environment. And all too often, the women along with the children are killed.

We say to a woman in danger “leave, go to a shelter, seek an order of protection, keep your children safe” only to be slammed and knocked to on her feet by a legal system that rewards dangerous fathers sole custody of the children. The legal system is ill equipped to handle and decide matters that often involve life and death.

Join us live on Live at 3:00 PM Central Standard Time on The Susan Murphy Milano show as we continue our discussion on “Mother’s Without Custody.” On the show is co-founder of Protective Mothers Alliance Janet Levinson and a mother who has been fighting the system like thousands of others for over 10 years.

If you are a non-custodial mother or a mother facing custodial issues before, after or during a divorce or custody battle please consider joining Non-Custodial Moms Breaking The Silence:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NonCustodialMoms_BreakingTheSilence/
To subscribe:
NonCustodialMoms_BreakingTheSilence-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

http://peace4missing.ning.com/group/domesticeviolence

Other Sources:

Kansans For Judicial Accountability
Maternal Deprivation Inflicted on Battered Women and Abused Children -

Kansas Coalition Against Domestic Violence - Google News
New Campaign Aims To Curb Domestic Violence In Kansas - WIBW - *New Campaign Aims To Curb Domestic Violence In Kansas* *WIBW* The Governor's *Domestic Violence* Fatality Review Board teamed up with the *Kansas Coalitio...

AngelFury - Personal Channel on Mefeedia
[NC] Ex Police Chief Bradley - firearms violator or wife-killer? - From : YouTube :: Videos by cloudwriter ON MYSPACE: IN MEMORY& JUSTICE 4 PATSY TINSLEY BRADLEY http://www.myspace.com/ptb1964 04/09/09 North Carolina Woodf...

My Notebook
Eleven Hundred Torches News and Updates -

Mefeedia Playlist : ks4judicialaccountability
The Unknown Child - OPBSI Nu Chapter DV Banquet PSA - From : YouTube :: Videos by swtviciousmami There are many faces of violence against women. Many stories. From victims. From survivors.

The Unsolved Murder of Brittany Phillips

Brutally raped and murdered, Brittany Phillips will never get the chance to experience her mother's warm embrace again. While away at Tulsa Community College, Brittany and her mother, Margaret Zingman, regularly talked every Monday and Thursday. These weekly phone calls would soon end the night a police officer knocked onDr. Margaret Zingman's door, to inform her that her daughter had been raped and murdered.

For Brittany's mother, such violence against her daughter is all too familiar. "All my work did not prepare me for the events of Sept. 30, 2004"

As a psychologist at Mabel Basset Correctional Center, and a trauma therapist for 17 years, Dr.Margaret Zingman could never imagine her personal experiences and work with other victims would run parallel with the death of her daughter. The stories she hears on a daily basis from the women she works with is now a harsh reality for her. Join us as we hear from a remarkable mother caravanning across the county to create awareness and “catch a killer.”

On Tuesday, July 7, 2009 at 11:00 pm EST on Justice Interrupted are guests also include Author and Journalist Cathy Scott and Best-Selling Author Diane Fanning.

Join Hosts: Robin Sax Prosecutor and Author, Author Stacy Dittrich, Advocate and Author Susan Murphy-Milano as they provide justice for those whose lives have been interrupted by rape, murder, child sexual predators, strange and unexplained disappearances.........To listen live go to: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/justiceinterrupted and click on the "Click To Listen" icon.You might want to refresh your page because the icon will not show until the show starts.





Call in live at: 914-338-0663 to participate in the show

The Dangerous Custody Game of Show and Tell

Janet filed for divorce about year ago, from her abusive and controlling husband. He would always attack Janet usually with his fists while the kids were asleep.

In her case because he was in law enforcement, Janet felt strongly that obtaining an order of protection was not an option. She had a false hope and sense of joy and relief once she moved out with her kids. Similar to many women leaving their abusers, feeling as though once the legal tie is cut and they leave with their lives like an empty suitcase, magically everything will be wonderful.

Janet did not consider the children and the potential battle ahead with visitation, safety and custody. Her former husband did not have much interaction with the children, until now, when the game of show and tell is important for the court appointed mental health evaluator and the children’s guardian ad litem to see the loving yet, dangerous father.

Now her husband views himself as an excellent father per the number of support letters sent in to the mental health evaluator by his employer, friends and relatives. Janet scratches her head in disbelief asking why strangers, most of whom she or the children has never met. are sending letters on behalf of her husband’s parenting skills. Letters from people who have only seen a photo of the boys on a desk in a squad room or as it accidently fell out of his wallet at a bar while reaching for cash. “Suddenly this dangerous man whom I am trying to break away from desires and is fighting,” says Janet, for 50/50 custody including being involved in every decision from after school activities to driving the kids to sleepovers. Janet, like so many other women, is discovering this is not a good thing for she or the kids.

Silently, when only she can hear, he leans into her neck and whispers "remember, tell death do us part baby, wise up or the only visits you will receive is the flowers on your tombstone."

Instead of the freedom she anticipated, Janet finds herself still shackled to her abuser permanently. Her abuser is now monitoring and controlling her life through her children with the assistance of professional paid strangers. (This is an example of the 1,500 emails we received from our show on June 24, 2009 to listen just turn up the volume on your computer and it will automatically play on this site)

On Wednesday, July 8, 2009, at 3:00PM Central Standard Time, join us as we discuss the dynamics of Mother’s Abused by Abusers with a helping hand from the legal community with Janice Levinson from Mothers Protective Alliance and Taylor's mother who has been fighting the system as thousands of other mothers for her children.

Email address: Contact@movingoutmovingon.com

Triggers are Signs from Heaven

by: Debra Roberts, Your Full Potential.org

I have made some connections through Facebook lately that have stirred some emotions within me and wanted to write about them. The subject matter is abuse, domestic violence to be specific and getting help. While listening to a radio program by Susan Murphy Milano I became very emotional and began crying. She was discussing domestic violence situations where wives and mothers were being murdered, their children taken away from them and how the ex husband controlled and dominated the women. It triggered something deep within me that I must have buried to survive. Our minds bury or block things because too much trauma at once is debilit ating. It is a coping mechanism for survival. That is what I did and as I heard the show today it brought up memories that need to be reprocessed and dealt with. I recently asked the person who did this if they would go to counseling with me and surprisingly they said they would. I have believed or perhaps needed to believe that the past has been buried, there is complete forgivenss and moving on was the answer and I was finally O.K. That is obviously not the case because triggers brought up the past as though it happened yesterday, which tells me it needs to be truly dealt with.

The fear that I am allowing to control my thoughts right now is the fact that this person will return to the raging person he used to be once in counseling. He says he is not the man he used to be and his actions appear to prove this is the truth, however I am still not sure. This person went through a serious reocurring illness that had a profound impact on them. It was a terminal illness and by the Grace of God they did not die. I believed and still believe that this illness was a gift from God which got the persons attention and was used to change them. However, as I relive some of the trauma in my mind, I truly wonder if it was not buried just like I buried mine? Did the illness become the focus and the abuse get forgotten? Was it ever really dealt with? These are the questions that I need answers to. I know my calling and my purpose is to help educate and empower people who have endured abuse and once I begin speaking out in reference to this, my prayer is that I am free to do this with no retaliation from the person who committed domestic violence against me.

I am still trying to reach my full potential, remember it is a life long process! Today, I became frozen in my tracks as I remembered what I had truly lived through and what I endured. I think I forgot or wanted to forget because it was too painful to remember. It wasn't time to remember it. However, God has chosen this time in my life to deal with this issue so I can help others more effectively. I heard Joyce Meyer once say, "What is buried Alive Never Dies". Obviously the rotting corpse began to stink today to the point that I was forced to look inside and see what was causing the stench. It is time to dig it up and give it a proper burial. With God guiding me and me relying on his Strength, I know I can edure whatever road is before me. I can and will Reach my Full Potential with God. I believe the triggers that caused me to weep today were signs sent from heaven. The signs are meant to slap me in the face so I would wake up and see clearly that it was time to properly deal with it and Truly be Set Free. Jesus came to set us Free and free indeed is what I will be as I depend on God to help me Reach My Full Potential.



"I have learned the secret of being content in any
and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether
living in plenty or in want.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Phil 4:12-13)


The Susan Murphy Milano Show will be addressing the issue of "Mothers Without Custody" with Janice Levinson from Protective Mothers Alliance due to an overwhelming response from listeners. Please join us Wednesday July 8, 4PM EST, 3PM CST on BlogTalk Radio.

Follow the link HERE

Alice Doesn't Live There Anymore

The murder of Alice Morrin, wife mother and former fox news assignment editor was one of the most viewed tragedies of the day. She died on Sunday evening as she was texting a friend for help.

You could feel the fear as Alice says to the friend she is texting, where her children are in the home while she is attempting to escape upstairs as her husband has both a knife and a shotgun in his possession, shouting in anger his intentions to kill her. Alice’s mind no doubt races to thoughts of her 2 daughters hiding, hoping they are safe in the house. We do not know what Alice was thinking, but we do know she was pleading for her life.

We will never know what a woman counting moments like the ticking of a second hand on a watch about to be killed is thinking. Or the days, hours and years building up to a life of fear resulting in an unimaginable tragedy.

This is not a story but a human being who fought for her life literally with her last breath. This is a tragedy most would rather not read or gloss over and pretend they understand what it is like to live and wear fear like a garment of clothing that is virtually impossible to remove. Or criticize and perhaps points fingers in blame thinking “Alice was smart enough” or Alice should have had the sense to get out sooner” or if only Alice had told someone she might still be alive.” If only, if only, if only-are words that have no meaning to a victim of domestic violence often forced into a powerless life. Alice Morrin was in the middle of a divorce, she could no longer live her life in fear. Many women are not prepared as they end the relationship, often dropping their guard down because they feel a false sense of empowerment or security in knowing freedom is around the corner.

Seeking a divorce is dangerous unless a self defense strategy to remain alive is included prior to seeking the services of an attorney or filing the paperwork yourself to end the relationship.

Alice Morrin will never fix another meal for her daughters. Alice will never help her daughter's with their homework assignments. Alice will not be available in person to celebrate her daughters birthdays.

Alice has a new address, permanent residency in a cemetary.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you need a plan, not a cemetary plot!

Moving out, Moving on will guide you through the necessary steps of ending a relationship safely.

You may purchase your copy HERE

Private Matter is A Pubic Epidemic

This past week 2 more families were torn apart by bloodshed. One family in Virginia a father and husband fatally shot his wife Bonnie Carter, their 29-year old son William Ronald carter Jr. and another son 22-year old Timothy Carter shot twice but he is expected to survive. Then William Senior set the house on fire before committing suicide. I should also mention the father had called his son home who was attending college. Police say they are investigating a motive as if they need to write something other than intentional homicide in their jacket file before the case is closed. For the son who remains behind, the haunting moments will play in his mind like a needle stuck on a record player, as he walked down the basement steps lured by his father just before he was shot. This nightmare will be more than he can bare as he embarks into a world of his own without family or a place to call home.

On Sunday evening in Connecticut a father and husband James Morrin shot and killed 43-year old Alice Morrin who just happened to be an assignment editor at local FOX affiliate FOX 61 and had recently been promoted to executive assistant to Hartford Courant publisher and FOX 61 general manager. The two children in the home during the shooting were found safe and unharmed.

The children whom grow up in violent households do not know what it means to live their lives free of fear. To dream about their future or the family they will themselves have someday. For these children raised in a war zone it is not part of their reality.

Both Bonnie Carter and Alice Morrin kept the secrets of their war a private family matter. Women, mothers and girlfriends are not trained in life saving strategies nor are the given tools that could very well save their lives. Family violence is not perceived as a crime, until we actually have a crime scene. And then of course police as in each case have to investigate the motives behind killings. Reports and law enforcement speak to neighbors who always make the same statements about “what a quiet couple” or this has never happened in our neighborhood before.”

Now Vice-President Biden has appointed a domestic violence Czar. Perhaps the new Czar will keep an accurate body count. Who knows, we might actually see real dollars going towards those who need it most, the victims!